by Lane Hart
While I haven’t competed in the cage for more than three years, I’m starting to get excited about the prospect. As long as the blood loss stays contained and no one makes a big deal about my sexuality, it should be fun. If nothing else, pounding my fist into other guys will be a great distraction from Alyssa.
Replaying the conversation with her the night before, I wander off to my office to sulk. Slumping into my chair, I try to convince myself that not seeing her anymore is for the best. Now that I know the truth about the story in the paper, I no longer blame her; and she seemed to understand my past with Eli. So, the only thing getting in the way of us being together is…my stupid fucking fight with Patrick. The asshole deserved it at the time, but now Alyssa thinks I’m the hotheaded, horrible role model she assumed I was from the first day at the gym. Brawling with Patrick on her front lawn makes her think she was right about me, but she wasn’t. I’m not usually that guy, the one who gets into pissing contests with other men.
Hell, I even thought of walking away from Havoc, wondering if that would be enough to convince Alyssa to give us another chance, but I don’t think this place is her holdup. No, it’s the person she thinks I am on the inside, and there’s nothing I can do to change her mind about that now.
When my cell phone buzzes in the front pocket of my sweats, I know who it is without looking.
Mom.
Since Sunday I’ve been ignoring her calls, but that shit’s gone on long enough. It’s time for me to man-up and face the music.
Pulling out my phone I finally answer. “Hey, Mom.”
"We’re disappointed in you," she says right away, rather than a greeting, making me feel as awful as when I was a teenager, and she scolded me for throwing parties when she and dad went out of town. Or after the wreck…
"Yeah, I know,” I respond with a sigh. “I bet Dad nearly blew a gasket seeing all that on the front page.”
“Well, of course, he did. You could’ve been killed, Nathan! Why didn’t you tell us?”
“No, I meant the fact that now everyone thinks he has a gay son,” I clarify.
“Do you actually think that was the most important part of the article to him, to us?” she asks with a huff.
“Ah, yeah. He hates the fact that I embarrassed him by wanting someone with a dick.”
“Nathan Michael Lewis!”
Oh shit, she broke out my middle name.
“Watch your language when you’re talking to your mother!”
“Sorry, Mom,” I apologize.
“Your father and I love you, regardless of who you want.”
“Oh, really?” I ask. “Because he has a sorry way of showing it.”
“Do you have any idea how upset he was the night the police called us about the accident? We didn’t know how badly injured you were or if we might lose you…”
“And yet I was fine.”
“We didn’t know that until we got to the hospital. And then reading the article Sunday…well, it’s a miracle that you not only survived one catastrophe but now two. But more than our worry that something could’ve happened to you, we’re proud of you, Nathan, and disappointed that you hid this from us. You were crazy and reckless to risk your life, but by doing so, you saved lives. You’re as brave as ten tigers.”
“Mom,” I chastise, wanting her to stop before the moisture in my eyes overflows like a pussy.
“Fine. Now that I’ve said my peace, I’ll drop it. Just…be careful, sweetie. I don’t know what we would do if something happened to you.”
“I’m fine, Mom. Don’t worry.”
“You don’t sound fine. In fact, I’m surprised you let them write that article in the first place as humble as you are.”
“I didn’t let them write it. They talked to witnesses or whatever. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. It’s done.”
“Wasn’t it written by a woman named Alyssa, the same name as the girl you were seeing?”
My mom doesn’t miss anything.
“It was her name on it, but she said her boss wrote and published it without her knowing, and I believe her,” I explain.
“Then why do you sound like you’re sulking?” she asks.
With a deep inhale, I finally answer with the truth. I want to get it off my chest, and owning up to Linc or Jude just makes me feel shittier since they’re so freaking happy with their significant others. “We broke up.”
“Why? I thought you really seemed to like her,” my mom responds.
“Yeah, I did. I do. She broke up with me. Turns out, I’m not a good role model.”
“Like hell you’re not!” my mother exclaims, making me smile despite myself. She can’t stand a dirty mouth until you say something negative about her only son.
“I got into a fight with another man, who is in love with her. But she doesn’t feel the same way about him, and he wasn’t getting the hint.”
“Well, I’ve never approved of fighting, but it sounds like he deserved it.”
“Oh, he did,” I assure her. “Only, in proving my point to him, it cost me Alyssa. She doesn’t want her son to turn into a cocky asshole.”
“If she really knew you, then she would know you’re not a cocky asshole.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“So are you gonna just give up on her without a fight?”
“A fight is sort of what ended things,” I point out.
“You know what I mean! Show her she was wrong, that you care about her and her son.”
“And how exactly do I do that?" I ask my wise mother.
"Have you apologized to her and assured her that it won’t happen again?”
“Yes, I did that last night. She said she had made her decision and wasn’t going to let Grayson come back to Havoc either.”
"Grayson? That’s her son’s name? He sounds adorable. Did he like taking classes there?”
“Yeah. He’s a smart kid and seems shy, but I think he sort of came out of his shell with the kids in his class here.”
"Nathan, this woman is different from most. She's a single mother, so what's always gonna be the most important thing to her?" Mom asks.
"Her son, of course,” I answer. “I get that, I do.”
"Right. So the way to her heart and back into her good graces is through her son."
"Yeah, but she wouldn't let me near him before, so she’s definitely not going to now. He only knew me from the gym, not that I was dating Alyssa.”
"Well, then I guess you'll have to get creative with how to show her that you not only care about her but her son, too," she responds.
Creative, huh?
“You knew going into this that they were a package deal. So, not only do you have to be willing to date her, but some day you have to ready to be his step-father. It won’t be easy, and you could never replace his father or the husband she lost, but if you try, you might be a good fit to fill in some of the emptiness he left behind.”
Maybe I have been going about this with Alyssa the wrong way. I’ve shown her that I want to be with her, but I haven’t talked much about Grayson. I know she’s protective of him, but he’s smart and a tough little guy. Surely he could understand that Alyssa and I are dating and that it may end; but, if so, that doesn’t mean I would disappear from his life like his father.
Alyssa’s main priority was always trying to get Grayson to loosen up, have fun and be happy like a normal kid. So what sorts of things does the little professor like? What makes him happy? Alyssa's basically sheltered him away from me the few times we dated, but I try to think back to what I saw around her house. Something that would make his day since she said he rarely seems to have fun like a normal kid his age.
Suddenly, I think of just the thing, something that I loved from my own childhood.
“Thanks, Mom. You’re the best, and I love you,” I tell her. “I’m on my way over.”
“Love you too, Nathan,” she replies. “Can’t wait to see you, and if it works out, you better bring them by for dinner one night.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I agree with a smile.
I don’t want to get my hopes up; but at the same time, I won’t know what there could be with Alyssa unless I try.
Chapter Twenty
Alyssa
Tuesday afternoon, when I pick up Grayson from the Y, he’s still giving me the silent treatment. I’ve never felt worse, knowing that he’s upset with me, and there’s no way for me to explain to him my reasoning. Probably because I’m not certain of my own reasoning despite thinking about it all day.
While at first I didn’t want Grayson to be exposed to violence and fighting, I’m starting to think that the classes at Havoc may teach him a lot more than that. On the other hand, Havoc also means seeing Nate, which won’t be easy for me since I’ve missed him like crazy. But however difficult it will be for me to see Nate twice a week, it’s a sorry excuse to not let Grayson go back.
My thoughts are interrupted when I pull up in the driveway and see the side of something huge and gray sitting in our backyard.
"Holy cow!" Grayson exclaims before he's out of the car and running to see the new addition that sticks out like a sore thumb.
I turn off the car and grab my purse to follow him around back, which is when I realize exactly what the monstrosity is.
It's the Death Star from Star Wars.
In our backyard.
Kids from neighboring houses that usually don’t have anything to do with Grayson except for teasing him start making their way over to our yard, telling him how cool it is now that they see we're home.
I’m still shaking my head when I go over to take a closer look. There are actual solar panels on the outside of the sphere, and inside it’s so large I barely have to duck to enter. Apparently, it also has heat since it’s nice and toasty warm inside, and there are overhead lights, a little sofa and even a flat screen TV mounted on one of the concave walls.
This is too much. I have an idea who did it, and it's...sweet, but too much. I’m not sure if I’m flattered by his bribery to my son or insulted that he’s trying to buy him off.
When I see the small frog with a tiny gold crown sitting on the arm of the sofa, my suspicions are confirmed. That sneaky bastard.
I reach for the stuffed animal and the handwritten note underneath before Grayson notices.
Alyssa,
I’m sorry I made such a horrible, juvenile mistake, but no one’s perfect and I warned you I wasn’t prince charming. Now, I hope you’ll give me a chance to show you who I really am.
It’s not just you I want to get to know, either. If you could forgive me, I would like to also spend time with Grayson. His father is irreplaceable, there’s no debating that. All I want is a chance to be with you both, doing whatever it takes to make the two of you happy.
I hope Grayson likes his new digs, and that you’ll let him keep it. You don’t have to tell him it’s from me. Just tell him it’s an early Christmas present. Like you said, he needs a little more fun in his life. The classes at Havoc seem to make him happy too, so please consider letting him come back tonight. I think he was making some good friends, just like I have here, friends who support me and stick by me no matter what.
Sure, he’ll be exposed to us older guys who fight in the cage. But there’s a lot you don’t see, like the training, discipline and dedication it takes to be ready for a fight, not to mention the courage to step into the cage with another man, knowing his goal is to knock you out first.
Okay, so maybe that’s not the best example.
The point is, I really like spending time with you, so I hope you’ll give me a chance to prove that I can be the man you need me to be for you and Grayson.
I barely dry my face before Grayson wraps his arms around my waist.
“Thanks, mother. This is the best present ever!” he says.
Hugging him back, I consider what Nate said in his note, about not telling Grayson the truth about where it came from, but that just seems wrong.
“This isn’t from me, sweetheart,” I tell him.
“Well then who’s it from?” he asks, his little forehead wrinkled in confusion. “Grandma and Grandpa?”
“Nope. It’s from Nate.”
His brown eyes blink behind the lenses of his glasses. “Nate, like, my teacher at Havoc?”
“Yes. I haven’t been honest with you. He and I have been, um, dating each other.”
“Oh,” he says sadly. “Did you break up? Is that why I can’t go back to Havoc?”
“No, of course not. I mean, yes, we’re not seeing each other right now, but there are plenty of reasons why I don’t want you to go back. You’re so young, and there are much older boys who hurt each other for fun, which just seems wrong for you to see.”
“It’s not just for fun,” he replies. “I want to learn to fight, so I can protect myself and you. Now that father’s gone, there’s no one to take care of us.”
Oh Lord, I’m certain my heart just crumbled into a million pieces.
“Baby, you don’t have to take care of us. That’s my job.”
“You’re not very big,” he counters. “Or strong.”
“Well, sometimes it requires more than strength and muscles to take care of each other,” I tell him, even if I do miss having those things in a protector. Maybe that’s why I write romance stories about the tough alphas taking care of their women, not just because it’s sexy, but because it represents the security and trust I crave that represents safety.
“But what if someone tried to hurt you? You’re all I have left,” Grayson asks.
Nope, I was wrong. Now my heart is definitely broken.
“Is that why you wanted to take MMA classes?” I ask him, blinking to fight back the tears.
“That and it was fun. The kids in the class were nice to me and didn’t think I was a dork. Jude and Nate said I was good at it too, but I can practice and get better.”
“Fine,” I agree before pulling my phone from my purse to look at the time. “Is your homework finished?”
“Of course,” he answers.
“Then, if you can be ready in five minutes, we might be able to make it to class on time.”
“Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” he exclaims, hugging me again. “I’ll go change, but can I play in here for a little while when we get back tonight, please?”
“Maybe. We’ll see how late it is, but we can probably squeeze in a few minutes of playing.”
…
Nate
Worn out from the first two hours of conditioning with our new trainer, I try to slip out during our half-hour break to find some dinner. I wonder if Alyssa and Grayson have been home yet to see the surprise I left hours ago.
Since I’m an only child, my parents spoiled me. When I was ten, they bought me the Death Star for Christmas, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Over the years, I spent a lot of time reading and playing games inside there with friends. I even made a few upgrades to it, like heating and air and television. Once I turned fifteen and joined the wrestling team, the hangout was no longer used, but my parents didn’t want to get rid of it, even after I moved out and went to college. Instead, they stored it in the garage until earlier today when I had Patrick help me move it.
That’s right; my arch nemesis came by Havoc after his physical and couldn’t do anything until the doctor sent over his test results, so I recruited him for transport. It only took me telling him who it was for to get him to agree. And, no, we’re nowhere close to being friends. Neither of us said a word, but at least we’re not coming to blows. It’s progress.
Havoc’s parking lot is crowded because of tryouts, but I notice right away that my truck is sitting lower than usual before I’m next to it.
What the fuck!?!
If it were just one tire, I would’ve thought nothing of it, since I could’ve rolled over a nail or some shit. But, no, all four tires have been flattened with gaping slashes through the rubber. Some fucker did this shit out of spite, which has my blood pressure s
hooting through the roof.
My first thought is of course to blame Patrick.
He’s former military, the type to carry around a big ass knife, and he knows my truck. It’s also no secret that he hates me.
Turning back around, I storm into Havoc looking for him. Since the place is packed, I know I can’t just get in his face, or all hell will break loose, and we’ll cause yet another scene. Is that what he wanted? To piss me off so that I go off on him and get kicked out?
Instead of getting into another fist fight, I try to do the adult thing --- get proof. I walk up to our receptionist, Susan, who rarely leaves the front desk. She’s responsible for checking everyone in on the computer system by their member name or the number on their keychain card.
“Hey, Suse,” I say when I walk back in and lean my forearms on the counter. “Got a question for you.”
“Shoot,” she says with a friendly smile. If you had told me that she, the woman with short, graying hair and grandkids, would be the person Senn and Mace hired a year ago, I would’ve called bullshit. But they did well, and Susan’s been great.
“So you met our new fighter, Patrick Foxx, right?” I ask her.
“Yeah, big, military guy,” she replies.
“Has he stepped out into the parking lot this afternoon and then come right back in?”
She squints her eyes in thought and types out something on the computer’s keyboard before answering. “Nope. He hasn’t left since you two went out and came back at eleven-thirty.”
“And you’ve been at the desk the whole time?” I ask to make sure.
“Only stepped away for a bathroom break,” she answers. “And Jude covered for me.”
That probably wouldn’t have been enough time for him to go out there, slash the tires and get back without her noticing, but I’ll check with Jude to make sure.
“Thanks,” I tell her, heading for the cage where a line of guys are filling out paperwork and Jude and Linc are watching the two heavyweights go at it inside, each of them holding a clipboard. Looking over Jude’s shoulder, I see a list of names and beside them the words fuck no or hell yeah.
With a body slam that shakes the whole building, one of the gigantic men puts the other in a choke hold and it’s over, the coach inside refereeing calling the fight done.
