"Nonsense, it's quite simple. You've only to put a rivet here — and here — and here!"
Mary Poppins pointed to the crack and as she did so she dropped Mr. Turvy's hand.
Immediately he went spinning through the air, turning over and over like a Catherine wheel.
"Oh!" cried Mr. Turvy. "Why did you let go? Poor me, I'm off again!"
"Quick — shut the door!" cried Mary Poppins. And Jane and Michael rushed across the room and closed the door just before Mr. Turvy reached it. He banged against it and bounced away again, turning gracefully, with a very sad look on his face, through the air.
Suddenly he stopped but in a very curious position. Instead of being right-side up he was upside down and standing on his head.
"Dear, dear!" said Mr. Turvy, giving a fierce kick with his feet, "Dear, dear!"
But his feet would not go down to the floor. They remained waving gently in the air.
"Well," Mr. Turvy remarked in his melancholy voice. "I suppose I should be glad it's no worse. This is certainly better — though not much better — than hanging outside in the rain with nothing to sit on and no overcoat. You see," he looked at Jane and Michael, "I want so much to be right-side up and so — just my luck! — I'm upside down. Well, well, never mind. I ought to be used to it by now. I've had forty-five years of it. Give me the Bowl."
Michael ran and took the Bowl from Mary Poppins and put it on the floor by Mr. Turvy's head. And as he did so he felt a curious thing happening to him. The floor seemed to be pushing his feet away from it and tilting them into the air.
"Oh!" he cried. "I feel so funny. Something most extraordinary is happening to me!"
For by now he, too, was turning Catherine wheels through the air, and flying up and down the room until he landed head-first on the floor beside Mr. Turvy.
"Strike me pink!" said Mr. Turvy in a surprised voice, looking at Michael out of the corner of his eye. "I never knew it was catching. You, too? Well, of all the — Hi! Hi, I say! Steady there! You'll knock the goods off the shelves, if you're not careful, and I shall be charged for breakages. What are you doing?"
He was now addressing Jane whose feet had suddenly swept off the carpet and were turning above her head in the giddiest manner. Over and over she went — first her head and then her feet in the air — until at last she came down on the other side of Mr. Turvy and found herself standing on her head.
"You know," said Mr. Turvy staring at her solemnly. "This is all very odd. I never knew it to happen to any one else before. Upon my word, I never did. I do hope you don't mind."
Jane laughed, turning her head towards him and waving her legs in the air.
"Not a bit, thank you. I've always wanted to stand on my head and I've never been able to do it before. It's very comfortable."
"H'm," said Mr. Turvy dolefully. "I'm glad somebody likes it. I can't say I feel like that."
"I do," said Michael. "I wish I could stay like this all my life. Everything looks so nice and different."
And, indeed, everything was different. From their strange position on the floor Jane and Michael could see that the articles on the carpenter's bench were all upside down — china dogs, broken dolls, wooden stools — all standing on their heads.
"Look!" whispered Jane to Michael. He turned his head as much as he could. And there, creeping out of a hole in the wainscoting, came a small mouse. It skipped, head over heels, into the middle of the room and, turning upside down, balanced daintily on its nose in front of them.
They watched it for a moment, very surprised. Then Michael suddenly said, "Jane, look out of the window!"
She turned her head carefully for it was rather difficult and saw to her astonishment that everything outside the room, as well as everything in it, was different. Out in the street the houses were standing on their heads, their chimneys on the pavement and their door-steps in the air and out of the door-steps came little curls of smoke. In the distance a church had turned turtle and was balancing rather top-heavily on the point of its steeple. And the rain, which had always seemed to them to come down from the sky, was pouring up from the earth in a steady soaking shower.
"Oh," said Jane. "How beautifully strange it all is! It's like being in another world. I'm so glad we came to-day."
"Well," said Mr. Turvy, mournfully, "you're very kind, I must say. You do know how to make allowances. Now, what about this Bowl?"
He stretched out his hand to take it but at that moment the Bowl gave a little skip and turned upside down. And it did it so quickly and so funnily that Jane and Michael could not help laughing.
"This," said Mr. Turvy miserably, "is no laughing matter for me, I assure you. I shall have to put the rivets in wrong way up — and if they show, they show. I can't help it."
And taking his tools out of his pocket he mended the Bowl, weeping quietly as he worked.
"Humph!" said Mary Poppins, stooping to pick it up. "Well, that's done. And now we'll be going."
At that Mr. Turvy began to sob pitifully.
"That's right, leave me!" he said bitterly. "Don't stay and help me keep my mind off my misery. Don't hold out a friendly hand. I'm not worth it. I'd hoped you might all favour me by accepting some refreshment. There's a plum cake in a tin up there on the top shelf. But, there — I'd no right to expect it. You've your own lives to live and I shouldn't ask you to stay and brighten mine. This isn't my lucky day—"
He fumbled for his pocket-handkerchief.
"Well—" began Mary Poppins, pausing in the middle of buttoning her gloves.
"Oh, do stay, Mary Poppins, do!" cried Jane and Michael together, dancing eagerly on their heads.
"You could reach the cake if you stood on a chair!" said Jane, helpfully.
Mr. Turvy laughed for the first time. It was rather a melancholy sound, but still, it was a laugh.
"She'll need no chair!" he said, gloomily chuckling in his throat. "She'll get what she wants and in the way she wants it—she will."
And at that moment, before the children's astonished eyes, Mary Poppins did a curious thing. She raised herself stiffly on her toes and balanced there for a moment. Then, very slowly, and in a most dignified manner she turned seven Catherine wheels through the air. Over and over, her skirts clinging neatly about her ankles, her hat set tidily on her head, she wheeled up to the top of the shelf, took the cake and wheeled down again, landing neatly on her head in front of Mr. Turvy and the children.
"Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!" shouted Michael delightedly. But from the floor Mary Poppins gave him such a look that he rather wished he had remained quiet and said nothing.
"Thank you, Mary," said Mr. Turvy sadly, not seeming at all surprised.
"There!" snapped Mary Poppins. "That's the last thing I shall do for you to-day."
She put the cake-tin down in front of Mr. Turvy.
Immediately, with a little wobbly roll, it turned upside down. And each time Mr. Turvy turned it right-side up it turned over again.
"Ah," he said despairingly, "I might have known it! Nothing is right to-day — not even the cake-tin. We shall have to cut it open from the bottom. I'll just ask—"
Mary Poppins landed neatly on her head in front of Mr. Turvy and the children
And he stumbled on his head to the door and shouted through the crack between it and the floor.
"Miss Tartlet! Miss Tartlet! I'm so sorry to trouble you, but could you — would you — do you mind bringing a tin-opener?"
Far away downstairs Miss Tartlet's voice could be heard grimly protesting.
"Tush!" said a loud croaky voice inside the room. "Tush and nonsense! Don't bother the woman! Let Polly do it! Pretty Polly! Clever Polly!"
Turning their heads, Jane and Michael were surprised to see that the voice came from Mary Poppins' parrot-headed umbrella, which was at that moment Catherine-wheeling towards the cake. It landed head-downwards on the tin and in two seconds had cut a large hole in it with its beak.
"There!" squawked the parrot-head co
nceitedly, "Polly did it! Handsome Polly!" And a happy self-satisfied smile spread over its beak as it settled head-downwards on the floor beside Mary Poppins.
"Well, that's very kind, very kind," said Mr. Turvy in his gloomy voice, as the dark crust of the cake became visible.
He took a knife out of his pocket and cut a slice. He started violently, and peered at the cake more closely. Then he looked reproachfully at Mary Poppins.
"This is your doing, Mary! Don't deny it. That cake, when the tin was last open, was a plum cake and now—"
"Sponge is much more digestible," said Mary Poppins, primly. "Eat slowly please. You're not starving savages!" she snapped, passing a small slice each to Jane and Michael.
"That's all very well," grumbled Mr. Turvy bitterly, eating his slice in two bites. "But I do like a plum or two, I must admit. Ah, well, this is not my lucky day!" He broke off as somebody rapped loudly on the door. "Come in!" called Mr. Turvy.
Miss Tartlet, looking, if anything, rounder than ever and panting from her climb up the stairs, burst into the room.
"The tin-opener, Mr. Turvy—" she began grimly. Then she paused and stared.
"My!" she said, opening her mouth very wide and letting the tin-opener slip from her hand. "Of all the sights I ever did see this is the one I wouldn't have expected!"
She took a step forward, gazing at the four pairs of waving feet with an expression of deep disgust.
"Upside down — the lot of you — like flies on a ceiling! And you supposed to be respectable human creatures. This is no place for a lady of my standing. I shall leave the house this instant, Mr. Turvy. Please note that!"
She flounced angrily towards the door.
But even as she went her great billowing skirts blew against her round legs and lifted her from the floor.
A look of agonised astonishment spread over her face. She flung out her hands wildly.
"Mr. Turvy! Mr. Turvy, Sir! Catch me! Hold me down! Help! Help!" cried Miss Tartlet as she, too, began a sweeping Catherine wheel.
"Oh, oh, the world's turning turtle! What shall I do? Help! Help!" she shrieked, as she went over again.
But as she turned a curious change came over her. Her round face lost its peevish expression and began to shine with smiles. And Jane and Michael, with a start of surprise, saw her straight hair crinkle into a mass of little curls and ringlets as she whirled and twirled through the room. When she spoke again her gruff voice was as sweet as honeysuckle.
"What can be happening to me?" cried Miss Tartlet's new voice. "I feel like a ball! A bouncing ball! Or perhaps a balloon! Or a cherry tart!" She broke into a peal of happy laughter.
"Dear me, how cheerful I am!" she trilled, turning and circling through the air. "I never enjoyed my life before but now I feel I shall never stop. It's the loveliest sensation. I shall write home to my sister about it, to my cousins and uncles and aunts. I shall tell them that the only proper way to live is upside down, upside down, upside down—"
And, chanting happily, Miss Tartlet went whirling round and round. Jane and Michael watched her with delight and Mr. Turvy watched her with surprise, for he had never known Miss Tartlet to be anything but peevish and unfriendly.
"Very odd! Very odd!" said Mr. Turvy to himself, shaking his head as he stood on it.
Another knock sounded at the door.
"Anyone here name of Turvy?" enquired a voice, and the Post Man appeared in the doorway holding a letter. He stood staring at the sight that met his eyes.
"Holy smoke!" he remarked, pushing his cap to the back of his head. "I must-a come to the wrong place. I'm looking for a decent quiet gentleman called Turvy. I've got a letter for him. Besides, I promised my wife I'd be home early and I've broken my word and I thought—"
"Ha!" said Mr. Turvy from the floor. "A broken promise is one of the things I can't mend. Not my line. Sorry!"
The Post Man stared down at him.
"Am I dreaming or am I not?" he muttered. "It seems to me I've got into a whirling, twirling, skirling company of lunatics!"
"Give me the letter, dear Post Man! Give the letter to Topsy Tartlet and turn upside down with me. Mr. Turvy, you see, is engaged!"
Miss Tartlet, wheeling towards the Post Man, took his hand in hers. And as she touched him his feet slithered off the floor into the air. Then away they went, the Post Man and Miss Tartlet, hand in hand and over and over, like a pair of bouncing footballs. "How lovely it is!" cried Miss Tartlet happily. "Oh, Post Man dear, we're seeing life for the first time. And such a pleasant view of it! Over we go! Isn't it wonderful?"
"Yes!" shouted Jane and Michael, as they joined the wheeling dance of the Post Man and Miss Tartlet.
And presently Mr. Turvy, too, joined in, awkwardly turning and tossing through the air. Mary Poppins and her umbrella followed, going over and over evenly and neatly and with the utmost dignity. There they all were, spinning and wheeling, with the world going up and down outside and the happy cries of Miss Tartlet echoing through the room.
"The whole of the Town
Is Upside Down!"
she sang, bouncing and bounding.
And up on the shelves the cracked and broken hearts twirled and spun like tops, the shepherdess and her lion waltzed gracefully together, the grey-flannel elephant stood on his trunk in the boat and kicked his feet in the air, and the toy sailor danced a hornpipe, not on his feet but his head, which bobbed about the willow-pattern plate very gracefully.
"How happy I am!" cried Jane as she careered across the room.
"How happy I am!" cried Michael, turning somersaults in the air.
Mr. Turvy mopped his eyes with his handkerchief as he bounced off the window-pane.
Mary Poppins and her umbrella said nothing but just sailed calmly round, head-downwards.
"How happy we all are!" cried Miss Tartlet.
But the Post Man had now found his tongue and he did not agree with her.
"'Ere!" he shouted, turning again. "'Elp! 'Elp! Where am I? Who am I? What am I? I don't know at all. I'm lost! Oh, elp!"
But nobody helped him, and firmly held in Miss Tartlet's grasp he was whirled on.
"Always lived a quiet life — I have!" he moaned. "Behaved like a decent citizen, too. Oh, what'll my wife say! And 'ow shall I get 'ome? 'Elp! Fire! Thieves!"
And making a great effort, he wrenched his hand violently from Miss Tartlet's. He dropped the letter into the cake-tin and went wheeling out of the door and down the stairs, head over heels, crying loudly—
"I'll have the law on them! I'll call the Police! I'll speak to the Post Master General!"
His voice died away as he went bounding further down the stairs.
"Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping!"
The clock outside in the Square sounded six.
And at the same moment Jane's and Michael's feet came down to the floor with a thud and they stood up feeling rather giddy.
Mary Poppins gracefully turned right-side up, looking as smart and tidy as a figure in a shop window.
The Umbrella wheeled over and stood on its point.
Mr. Turvy, with a great tossing of legs, scrambled to his feet.
The hearts on the shelf stood still and steady and no movement came from the shepherdess or the lion, or the grey-flannel elephant or the toy sailor. To look at them you would never have guessed that a moment before they had all been dancing on their heads.
Only Miss Tartlet went whirling on, round and round the room, feet over head, laughing happily and singing her song.
"The whole of the Town
Is Upside down,
Upside down,
Upside down!"
she chanted joyfully.
"Miss Tartlet! Miss Tartlet!" cried Mr. Turvy, running towards her, a strange light in his eyes. He took her arm as she wheeled past and held it tightly until she stood up on her feet beside him.
"What did you say your name was?" said Mr. Turvy, panting with excitement.
Miss Tartlet actually blushed. She
looked at him shyly.
"Why, Tartlet, sir. Topsy Tartlet!"
Mr. Turvy took her hand.
"Then will you marry me, Miss Tartlet, and be Topsy Turvy? It would make up to me for so much. And you seem to have become so happy that perhaps you will be kind enough to overlook my Second Mondays."
"Overlook them, Mr. Turvy? Why, they will be my Greatest Treats," said Miss Tartlet. "I have seen the world upside down to-day and I have got a New Point of View. I assure you I shall look forward to the Second Mondays all the month!"
She laughed shyly and gave Mr. Turvy her other hand. And Mr. Turvy, Jane and Michael were glad to see, laughed too.
"It's after six o'clock, so I suppose he can be himself again!" whispered Michael to Jane.
Jane did not answer. She was watching the Mouse. It was no longer standing on its nose but hurrying away to its hole with a large crumb of cake in its mouth.
Mary Poppins picked up the Royal Doulton Bowl and proceeded to wrap it up.
"Pick up your handkerchiefs, please — and straighten your hats," she snapped.
"And now—" she took her umbrella and tucked her new bag under her arm.
"Oh, we're not going yet, are we, Mary Poppins?" said Michael.
"If you are in the habit of staying out all night, I am not," she remarked, pushing him towards the door.
"Must you go, really?" said Mr. Turvy. But he seemed to be saying it out of mere politeness. He had eyes only for Miss Tartlet.
But Miss Tartlet herself came up to them, smiling radiantly and tossing her curls.
"Come again," she said, giving a hand to each of them. "Now, do. Mr. Turvy and I—" she looked down shyly and blushed—"will be in to tea every Second Monday — won't we, Arthur?"
"Well," said Mr. Turvy, "we'll be in if we're not out — I'm sure of that!" And he laughed and Jane and Michael laughed.
And he and Miss Tartlet stood at the top of the stairs waving good-bye to Mary Poppins and the children, Miss Tartlet blushing happily and Mr. Turvy holding Miss Tartlet's hand and looking very proud and pompous….
"I didn't know it was as easy as that," said Michael to Jane as they splashed through the rain, under Mary Poppins' umbrella.
Mary Poppins Comes Back mp-2 Page 7
