“I can drive you home,” Joni tells me as the ferry docks. The marketplace is packed up for the day, with a few workers still cleaning away the mess. Seagulls squawk and argue over forgotten scraps.
“That’s okay,” Kyle says, his hand resting on my hip. “I’ve got it.”
Joni shrugs and leaves to join his friends.
“Did you want to go back to my place? Or do you want me to drive you straight home?”
I rest my hand on his arm, his biceps hard beneath my palm. “I’d love to go back to your apartment, but I need to study.” I know if I go there, I’ll have a hard time leaving and won’t get any studying done tonight. “How about Monday?”
“How about tomorrow?”
“I’m spending the day with my grandmother, and I promised Joni I’d see a movie with him later on.” A promise I made Joni two weeks ago when he started teaching me Finnish.
Kyle grunts. “You know he’s trying to get into your pants, right?”
I feel my eyebrows jump up my forehead. “You mean like you?” The only difference is Kyle’s been there. Joni hasn’t and won’t be.
“That’s not how it is, Soph.”
Close enough. “Hey, don’t worry about it. It is what it is.” Too bad a part of me wishes it isn’t ‘what it is.’ Too bad what I’m beginning to feel for him has nothing to do with the benefits.
Once we’re off the ferry, we say goodbye to everyone and head to Kyle’s car. He drives me home but is quiet the entire way. It’s a comfortable silence, so I don’t make small talk or play our True or False game. He parks the car in the empty part of the parking lot, away from the main entrance.
My body instantly wishes I had gone back to his apartment for a while. It doesn’t care about my certification exam. It only wants to feel Kyle’s hands on it. It only wants to feel him in me.
Which is why I practically attack him when I kiss him goodbye. He returns my kisses with the same hunger burning in me. If the steering wheel wasn’t in the way, I’d climb onto his lap and straddle him to get even closer.
I moan and my body begs me to take him right here. Only then does an irritating voice in the back of my head point out I need to stop kissing him before it’s too late.
Reluctantly, I pull away. “I had fun today. Thanks.” This time I give his cheek a light kiss. Before I can ravish him again, I escape the car and practically run to the building.
Muumu is watching TV when I enter the apartment. She asks me how my day was. She already knew where I spent it and who I spent it with. I don’t mention Joni, but I don’t need to. He’s in some of the photos I took today.
She peers into the LCD viewfinder and sees him in the picture taken in front of a rusty old canon. He’s not alone. He’s with the twins. If Muumu recognizes the girls, she doesn’t give any indication.
She does, though, smile at the pictures of me and Kyle that Maija took. “Komea.” Handsome.
I nod. “Muy komea.”
After I finish showing them to her, I grab my textbook and notes, and go onto the balcony. Shouts and laughter from the playground below greet me, but since I can’t understand what the kids are saying, it all becomes white noise while I study.
By the time my brain decides it’s had enough studying and calls a revolt, I’ve been working for four hours. It’s still light out, but not enough to study by. Muumu has already gone to bed. I turn on the TV and flip through the channels until I find a show that looks interesting.
A few minutes later I realize it’s not what I thought it was. It’s soft porn. I’ve never watched porn of any sort before, but this one is mesmerizing. It wasn’t created to get men off. It was written for females.
My phone pings and I read the text from Kyle. What are you doing?
My fingers hover over the keyboard as I contemplate what to tell him. Watching soft porn.
Seconds pass then my phone plays music. Kyle. Chuckling to myself, I answer it. What guy can resist porn, even if he isn’t here to watch it?
“Was that autocorrect playing with my mind,” he asks.
“Nope. I really am watching soft porn.” The girl who is supposed to be a young fairy godmother moans in agreement as Prince Charming goes down on her. Not quite how I remember the fairy tale.
Her erotic sounds make the girlie part between my legs sit up and take notice. Instead of changing the channel, I say, “I wish I were with you.” Except it comes out all breathy.
Several seconds tick by before Kyle says, “Me too.”
More seconds and more moans from the fairy godmother. His previous jokes about having phone sex with me sneak into my memory.
“If…” My mouth suddenly feels dry and the word comes out as a croak. I swallow hard. This shouldn’t be so tough. “If I were with you, where would you touch me?”
I can’t believe I said that.
“Is this you saying you want to have phone sex with me, Sofia?” he asks, the level of huskiness in his voice making me weak all over.
“Yes,” I squeak. Inwardly I groan. How am I going to do this if I can barely say a word?
I turn off the TV and move from the couch to the bed. With my lip trapped between my teeth, I close my eyes and imagine it’s Kyle’s fingers stroking the bare skin on my stomach.
“Are your clothes still on?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“Remove your tank top and bra for me.” His voice is low, preventing his roommate from overhearing him. At least I hope Nik can’t hear him.
“Only if you remove your t-shirt.” The squeak has changed into something sounding a little more seductive. I can do this…I think.
I place the phone on the bed and remove my top and bra. “Okay.” Now what?
I pick up the phone and Kyle talks me through how he would touch me if we were together. I do the same to him as my fingertips lightly trace down my neck and my chest. They tease my breasts and my nipples. They continue south and explore every surface, every swell, every dip of my body. His deep voice guides me closer to the edge. It’s his words and voice that do this to me.
“Oh, God, Kyle,” I groan, straining to keep my voice down. From somewhere next to my hip, Kyle’s cry of ecstasy meets my own.
Once the post-bliss aftershocks fade away, I lie still for a few moments, dazed and completely spent. It’s not until Kyle says my name that I realize I dropped the phone at some point during my orgasm.
I scramble to pick it up. “Hello?”
“I thought I’d lost you for a second.”
A languid smile stretches on my face. “No, I’m good…And thank you. I needed that.” And not just for the orgasm, which was pretty damn good. Thanks to what we did, I can add another notch in the confidence belt.
“I can’t wait to do that to you in person next time.”
“Me neither. I’ll see you Monday.” My voice sounds drowsy and I fight to keep my eyes open.
“You know if you cancel on Joni, you can see me tomorrow.”
I give up on the battle to keep my eyes open. “Goodnight, Kyle,” I murmur and turn off the phone.
I’m tired, but not tired enough to miss the void in me at the absence of Kyle’s arms holding me close as I fall asleep.
Nor am I too tired to notice the longing in me. The longing to find myself in his arms come morning.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Sofia
The following weekend, Kyle and I wait by his car for Muumu to join us. It’s early Saturday morning and we have a four-hour drive to Joensuu, located east of the Russian border.
“Are you sure ’bout this?” he asks
“Positive,” I say. “Joni told them you were coming and they’re fine with it.” Muumu and Joni’s grandmother, Aino, decided it wouldn’t hurt to have him come along. He would be a great addition to our mushroom picking expedition.
I wrap my arms around his waist. “Is your leg gonna be okay?” That’s the only thing I’m worried about. We’ll be doing a lot of crouching and standing. As it is,
it will be tough for Muumu and Aino. That’s part reason they agreed to have Kyle join us. They have no idea about his injury.
He kisses me briefly on the lips. “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”
Muumu and Aino come down a few minutes later with Joni. He’s carrying his grandmother’s overnight bag. Mine and Muumu’s are in the trunk of Kyle’s car, along with the camping gear. Muumu and Aino are staying with Joni’s great aunt. Joni, Kyle, and I are camping in the backyard.
Joni gives Kyle last minute directions, in case we get separated on the way. I catch Joni scowling at Kyle as my friend climbs into the driver seat of the rental vehicle. Muumu and Aino might be fine with the extra body to help out, but Joni clearly would’ve preferred if they had said no.
“True or false,” I say as Kyle and I drive along the highway. “Your high school sweetheart was a fairy.”
Kyle’s mouth curls up to one side. We’ve long since tired of the boring first-date questions, and have progressed to the more bizarre ones. “I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”
“That means you have to take a dare.”
“A dare it is then.”
Except, what the hell do I dare him to do while he’s driving that won’t end in an accident? A shudder goes through me, and I steer my thoughts away from where they’re headed. “I dare you to…I dare you to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”
He throws me a that’s-the-best-you-can-do? look. I shrug.
I’ve never heard him sing before, but the moment he sings the first few lines, my mouth flops open. His deep, rich voice sinks into every cell in my body, warming me like a fleece blanket on a chilling morning.
“I didn’t know you could sing. Instead of the physics club, you should have been in the glee club.”
Now it’s his turn to shrug. “Singing never did anything for me. Not like learning how different hockey uniforms can affect your skating speed due their variation in aerodynamics. Or that skate blades are sharpened so only a small fraction of it touches the ice, which means less friction and faster skating speeds.”
I pull my feet up on the seat. “I’ve mentioned how much your sexy physics talk turns me on, right?”
Kyle laughs. “But not my singing?”
“Oh, your singing definitely turned me on. But since we’re spending the next forty-eight plus hours being on our best behavior”—and that includes at night, when Kyle and I will be sleeping in separate tents—“the last thing you should be doing is turning me on.”
He chuckles. The sound of it warms me like his singing. “And maybe trying to turn you on, when we can’t do anything, will make mushroom picking more interesting.”
I pout. “Tease.”
That only makes him laugh harder.
Four hours later, we arrive at our destination, a forested area near Joensuu. Kyle parks behind Joni on the side of the road, where a few other cars are parked, and we hike a short distance into the trees. Each of us carries a large basket. Muumu and Aino lead the way, trucking along with their wooden walking sticks. For once, they’re uncharacteristically quiet, scanning the ground for their desired treasures.
A welcomed peace embraces us as we weave through the forest of birch and pine and along the worn dirt path. Leaves rustle in the warm breeze. Birds chat and sing their enticing song. I breathe in a lung-full of pine-scented air—and I feel like I’m home.
I glance over my shoulder to see how Kyle’s doing. The narrow dirt path prevents us from walking together. Joni is in front of me, ever ready to assist his grandmother if she needs help.
We’re not walking fast, but even at this speed Kyle is limping slightly. Not enough for the others to notice, but enough for me to know that his leg is bothering him.
I stop and turn around. “Are you okay? You’re limping.” I say it quietly so the others can’t hear me.
“I’m a little stiff from the drive. It’ll be okay once I’ve walked it out a bit.” He indicates for me to keep walking, end of discussion.
We walk another fifteen or so minutes before Muumu calls out and points to the ground. Littering the area are mushrooms that look like yellow golfing tees but with slightly larger caps.
“Chanterelles,” Joni explains.
Muumu hands me and Kyle each a paring knife, then she and Aino continue a few yards ahead of us. Joni finds his own patch of mushrooms to harvest not far from where Kyle and I are working.
“Only pick the chanterelles,” Joni says, busying himself with the ones by his knees. “Finland has two thousand varieties of mushrooms. Many are poisonous. You wouldn’t want to eat the wrong ones. You might end up with only a stomachache…or you might end up with something worse.”
His glance flicks to Kyle and back to me.
“Why do I get the feeling he wouldn’t mind if the latter happens to me?” Kyle mutters.
I let out a heavy sigh. “He just doesn’t know you. It’s not like you guys have tried to be friends.”
“It’s hard to want to be friends with someone who’s interested in the same girl you are. We’re dealing with a pretty strong conflict of interest here.”
Kyle’s words startle me. What kind of conflict of interest is his talking about when he and I are just friends with an added bonus? Not that Joni knows this. It didn’t exactly come up when he and I went to see the movie earlier this week. If anything, he avoided the topic of Kyle.
“I don’t think that’s the issue. He thinks you and I are dating for real now.”
Kyle snorts. “Trust me. It doesn’t make a difference. If he likes you, he can’t just turn off his feelings like that.”
What Kyle doesn’t say, but I can hear it in his voice, is that you can’t just turn off your feelings for someone you love, even when she’s gone. He might never be over his wife. He might never have room for me in his heart.
A dull ache fills my chest. I brush it away. What the heck am I thinking? This summer wasn’t about finding love and a long-term boyfriend. It was about escaping the pain and betrayal back home. It was about becoming a new and improved me. It was about me having fun again, and that’s what I’m having with Kyle. For now.
“So, Kyle,” Joni says loud enough for us to hear, “Sofia said you’re in Finland coaching hockey. What is it you do in Minneapolis?”
Kyle’s knife slices through a mushroom. He places the chanterelle in his basket. “I’m currently looking for a job there. My old agent mentioned a few opportunities he’d heard about, and I’ve been looking into them.” He avoids eye contact with me when he says it.
“Are they all in Minneapolis?” Joni glances at me for a second before returning to his task.
“No,” Kyle says, “They’re all out of state.”
The ache in my chest becomes heavier, like a broken-down bus has parked inside the space.
I glance away, not wanting either guy to see the pain in my eyes. And that’s when I realize the truth I’ve been ignoring for the past few weeks. What I feel for Kyle has nothing to do with our friends-with-benefits arrangement. Bit by bit, ever since the day at the amusement park, I’ve been falling for him. I’ve known from the beginning that what we have between us might not go beyond our time here. But hearing that Kyle might be leaving Minnesota only confirms it.
Blinking back the tears, I grab another mushroom. A sharp pain slices across my index finger. “Ouch!”
“Fuck!” Kyle says as blood appears along the thin wound and drips to the ground. “I’m sorry, Sofia. I didn’t see your finger there.”
“It’s okay. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Let me see it.” Joni kneels next to me and removes his backpack. He drops it on the ground and examines my finger. “It doesn’t look too bad.” But despite that diagnosis, he glares briefly at Kyle, then rifles in his bag and pulls out a small first aid kit.
He opens it, then proceeds to clean the wound with an antiseptic pad, and covers the cut with a bandage.
A small laugh bubbles inside of me and bursts free. “I gues
s I’m not going to die after all.”
“Hopefully there was nothing on the knife that could cause an infection.” Joni checks the contents of Kyle’s basket. “You only cut these mushrooms, right? You didn’t cut anything else?”
Kyle nods. “Yeah, just these.”
Joni visibly relaxes at Kyle’s answer. “Just to be safe,” he says to me, “you should work on those mushrooms over there with me.” So your boyfriend can’t hurt you worse than he’s already done. He glares at Kyle one more time.
A shriek fills the air, startling us and a crow in a nearby tree. It takes flight, cawing. I don’t see where it goes. All I see is Aino hunched over Muumu’s body on the ground.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Kyle
At the sound of Aino shrieking, we all look over to see what happened. No one dares to move for the briefest of moments as we piece it all together. Sofia’s grandmother is lying on the ground, clutching her chest.
Sofia is the first to come alive. She scrambles up and races to her grandmother’s side. Joni and I are right behind her.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, voice shaky.
Aino speaks. “She’s having a heart attack,” Joni translates.
A sob breaks free from Sofia. “We have to do something. Please, Joni, do something.”
He crouches next to Tuuli and speaks to the woman in a soothing tone. I join Sofia on the ground. My leg isn’t impressed with all this up and down stress placed on it. I push past the pain and rest my hand on Sofia’s lower back, letting her know I’m here for her.
Joni pulls his phone out and inspects it. “Vittu!”
“What?” Sofia asks, voice splintering. “What’s wrong?”
Joni rips his hand through his hair. “There’s no reception here.”
“Mikä hätänä?” Aino strokes the side of Tuuli’s face, attempting to comfort her. Joni talks to her, and the tears she was holding back break free.
“We’ll have to drive her to the hospital,” I say. “Do you know where it is?” I ask him.
“No, but my grandmother does. She can direct me.”
Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One Page 18
