Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Epilogue
The End
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Renegade Soul
Copyright © 2019 – Lissa Lynn Thomas
Edited by Tyffani Clark Kemp
Cover Design by © Abigail Davies of Pink Elephant Designs
Interior Typesetting and Design by © Abigail Davies of Pink Elephant Designs
All rights reserved as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior permission of the Author, with the exception brief quotations may be used for review purposes. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the publisher.
Created and printed in the United States of America
First edition
ISBN-13: 9781793252333
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locals, or persons living or dead is coincidental.
The author acknowledges the copyrighted or trademarked status and trademark owners of the word marks mentioned in this work.
For KJ who had to say goodbye before the book was finished, and who I miss dearly every single day.
Chapter 1
Chloe
"Why did it have to be an outdoor wedding?" I grumble to no one in particular as I wipe sweat from my brow. My face is damp once more in a matter of seconds, and so I return to my attempts to tie the perfect little pink tulle bows to the backs of the white folding chairs assembled in the town square.
The bride, of course, is too busy being made to look perfect by her mother and her hairdresser. Apparently, it doesn't matter if the maid of honor has time to make herself presentable. I glance down at my dusty cutoff denim shorts and white tank top and wonder if Pippa—the bride—will murder me if I show up to the ceremony looking like this. I sigh as sweat trickles down my back, and then jump when I hear the low chuckle of my best friend, Raif.
"You look to be melting, Chloe Jane." Raif's deep voice skitters over my skin and I hold in a shiver.
I blow a stray strand of my heavy dark hair out of my eyes and find him standing close, his tall build shimmering in its sunshine outline. I blink to bring him into focus and grin despite my irritation at his bride to be. He looks good, even in his basketball shorts and white wife beater tank. I can tell he just rolled out of bed and ambled over to check out the square before there were people here.
"Good morning, cupcake. Yeah, I'm not built for this season. Bring me October weather and football, and I'll be a happy girl again."
His rich laugh rolls over me again, and I smile wider at him, genuinely happy to see him.
"Well, I'm pretty sure the summer will fly by," he cajoles. "You'll be back in your ten layers of clothes, hollering at us boys to follow your directions so we can win before you know it."
I sigh heavily. "Work your magic on mother nature, Raif. I can't take this heat and Pippa forgot to tell me last night these damn bows had to be on the back of every chair."
That same lock of hair falls into my eyes and before I can do more than growl at it, Raif's strong, cool fingers are on my skin. I'm pretty sure I stop breathing as his fingers work my hair out of my eyes. I feel his hand move slowly through the heavy tresses and then he's tucking the wayward strands behind my ear. When his touch tickles over the shell of my ear, I feel my pulse jump. My knees go jello-like at the same time and I clamp my bottom lip between my teeth to hold in an embarrassing, needy sound.
"There you go." He says, his voice soft, his large solid form much nearer now. I swallow down a groan and meet his bright blue-green eyes.
"Thank you," I murmur, and then straighten away from him when the urge to lean up and press my lips to his becomes too powerful. Kissing him would be bad. He smiles his small, sweet smile down at me and brushes his knuckles over my cheekbone gently, making my stomach flop around.
"You're welcome." His voice is quiet in the little space there is between us. I swallow, trying to bring moisture into my suddenly dry mouth.
There is no air anywhere. None. He's standing too close and I can't breathe. I might pass out. That would not be helpful. What was I doing? Why am I out here wilting in the summer sun? Bows! I'm hanging bows. For his wedding. Lord, Chloe, get it together.
I hold up one of the dastardly pink things and take a shaky step backwards, away from him. "I have about a zillion more of these to hang. You should be getting ready. If you don't mind, though, you can send Vi to help me if she's got the time?" I sound strangled, but luckily, he simply holds my eyes for a beat longer and then nods, as though he's coming out of a fog.
He squares his shoulders and gives me his barely-there grin, making my heart flutter a bit harder inside my chest. "Alright, alright. I suppose you're right. I'll send Mom right out, she's been ready for ages."
I grin at him. "Thank you!" I sound way too happy.
This is what happens when you fall in love with your best friend and don't have a shot. You spend your whole life trying to act like he doesn't make your insides squirm. I watch him walk away from me and swallow down the longing that's clawing its way up my throat. I close my eyes, beating back the tears that are suddenly prickling behind them. I know better than to want more than what I have. Raif's my best friend and he loves Pippa. That's what matters.
Three hours later, the sun is even hotter, glaring down on the crowd assembled in the town square to celebrate the wedding. I woke up with a bad feeling this morning, an itch under my skin that won’t relent. It goes deeper than my personal feelings. Deeper than the fact that I spent the better part of last night and this morning making sure everything was decorated perfectly for this event.
Pippa Rogers has been my friend since she sat down next to me at lunch on the first day of third grade. We didn’t have very much in common, but she was fun, slightly wild, even back then and she drew people to her like a technicolor beacon. While she wasn’t the kindest girl in school, she was definitely one who made people pay attention to her.
I saw it happen again and again over the years. Men and women flocked to her side, caught up in her sass, her beauty and her recklessness. I tend to watch her through my fingers as though she’s a horror movie and I can’t be sure when the bad stuff will go down. Pippa is fearless, though, and she never takes anything back. Once it’s out there, she might say she’s sorry that you’re upset by whatever she’s said or done, but she never apologizes for doing it. What she likes to call living with no regrets I consider pure callousness on her part, but I’m not immune to the pull she has on people. I stand in place across from Raif and his best man, Luke, waiting for Pippa to make her appearance.
Raif looks calm. Calmer than I feel inside anyway. His blonde hair shines golden in the sunlight and is perfectly coiffed, lying flat for once, combed back from his tan
ned forehead in a sort of mohawk-pompadour hybrid. His short beard is trimmed and neat, his blue-green eyes are bright. The sight of him in his gray suit makes my chest tighten with emotion I don’t want to inspect too closely right now. He’s tall, broad shouldered, and trim. He’s perfection in my eyes. I shoot him a grin, trying to distract myself from worrying about his bride to be and the way my insides are quaking, and he smiles back at me. Longing shoots through me and I tamp it down, trying to ignore the way my body heats in reaction to him.
Luke’s eyes roam my way. His full mouth quirks up at one corner as he winks at me, the silver hoop in his nose glinting in the sun. He looks very handsome today, too. He’s taller than Raif, but just as broad. His dark hair is perfectly styled in the same pompadour look as the groom’s. His full beard is tidy, his blue eyes sparkling out of his handsome face. His suit matches Raif’s, contrasting nicely with his dark hair. The full sleeves of tattoos that adorn his arms are covered except for the mermaid tails that dance on the backs of his hands. My cheeks flush when my eyes meet his, and I look at the ground for a moment to collect myself.
If it wasn’t so damned hot outside, it would have been the perfect day for a wedding. Not only is the sun pounding down on us, but the air is thick with humidity, causing my heavy hair to frizz despite the hour I spent trying to tame it with hot rollers earlier. I would have preferred a bun to keep the heavy tresses off my neck, but the bride wouldn’t be denied. Speaking of Pippa, she should have been right behind me, but I’ve been standing up here feeling a bead of sweat trickle down between my breasts inside the pink, strapless nightmare of a dress she forced me into for at least five minutes now. Where the hell is she?
Trying not to fidget, I sneak a glance down the aisle in time to see Pippa step into sight on her father’s arm. Finally. I let out a slow breath and affix my brightest smile to my face. Please let her be in this for real, I beg silently. I can watch her marry the only man I’ve ever loved if she’ll make him happy and truly loves him. No one will ever be the wiser. I gave up hoping for him to look at me romantically long ago. I try not to hope for things I know I can never have. The hoping hurts too much when it inevitably erodes, leaving me feeling emptier than I began.
My eyes stay glued on Pippa so I won’t look at Raif. She’s stunning in a knee-length white gown and three-inch heels. Her red hair flames against her bare shoulders in curls that brush the bodice of her gown. She had vetoed a veil and is instead wearing a glittery tiara making her look like a princess from a story book.
She doesn’t look happy, though, and I swallow down a knot of unease that tries to crawl up my throat. Her dark blue eyes hold no sparkle. There is no joy in her pretty face, only trepidation. She looks like she might throw up or bolt at any moment. I sneak a covert glance back at Raif and see that he’s gone very still, as though bracing himself for a physical blow. I bite my tongue on a curse and turn my gaze back to the bride in time to see her step up beside us in front of Reverend Brownell. I take her proffered bouquet, not meeting her eyes. Pippa turns to face Raif, allowing him to take her hands as he holds himself taut as a wire, ramrod straight.
Reverend Brownell smiles benevolently at all of us and raises his arms, including the entire congregation in his gesture and intones, “Welcome everyone to this joyous occasion.” He pauses to look around, takes a breath but Pippa speaks up before he can continue.
Her eyes are glued to Raif’s face as she murmurs, “I can’t do this.” She pulls her hands from his grip and flees, running through the grass in her three-inch heels. I stand there for a moment, blinking, shocked and then look to my best friend to find he’s not even surprised. His normally mobile face is shuttered, grim.
I straighten and say, “I’ll be right back,” to him, kick off the ridiculous shoes she made me wear, and take off running after her. I try calling her name, but she doesn’t even flinch. How she’s outrunning me in those shoes, I have no idea, but I feel my irritation with her grow.
I put on a burst of speed and manage to snag her elbow in my hand, and she cries out, “No, Chloe, let me go!” I pull with all my might to try and stop her.
“Damn it, Pippa. Knock it off. Talk to me. What the hell are you doing?” I’m winded, chest heaving, dangerously close to losing this damn strapless dress.
She tries to wrench herself free of my hold.
“I just can’t do it, okay?” She’s trembling all over, but her voice is cold, and I feel my mouth gape open. “Why does it matter to you?” She snaps at me and I feel my control over my temper break.
“You proposed to him, Pippa. You insisted it had to be soon, it had to happen now. And now you’re walking away.” I shake my head at her, my disgust clear in my tone and stance. “You will lose him this time, you know that, right? You can’t keep stringing him along this way. It’s just not fair and I’m through being quiet about it, damn it. He deserves better than this!”
I knew she wouldn’t go through with this, knew she’d never actually marry Raif. Even though she’s been swearing up, down and sideways for the last six weeks that she wants to. When you come right down to it, Pippa isn’t exactly the marrying type. I never could figure out what possessed her to ask him to begin with.
Yes, you did, a little voice in the back of my head argues, she was afraid she was going to lose him for good this time and she went all in to avoid that. I look her up and down, she looks cool and haughty, even now as her mouth works soundlessly, and her eyes fill with big fake tears. I drop her elbow like she’s diseased and step back from her.
“You leave him alone from now on, you hear me? I’m done letting you hurt him.” My voice is hard and cold, brooking no argument, but her jaw tightens, and she stares me down with her big blue eyes.
“Finally ready to admit you’ve wanted him for yourself all along, Chloe?” Her voice is cold, dangerous and I raise my chin. Maybe I have wanted him, but I’ve never made a move to get in her way. I’ve never tried to keep her from him even when I thought she was bad for him. And I have to live with that now, knowing how badly this will hurt him.
“No, Pippa. Just ready to tell you what a manipulative bitch you are and protect him like I should have been doing all along. If you leave him now, don’t you dare come back.” I say, turning away without waiting to see how she reacts.
“Why would I come back?” She shouts it at my back, but I don’t turn around. There’s no point in carrying this further.
She’ll leave, she doesn’t care about Raif, about how much this will hurt him. She’s never cared about anyone but herself and I am through making excuses for her and allowing her to walk all over me, make a fool out of Raif. I walk back to the town square, to where Raif is waiting with half the town. He needs me now.
Chapter 2
Raif
I might be in shock. Pippa, who proposed to me, who begged me to marry her as soon as possible, is walking away. Well, no, she’s running actually. And Chloe is chasing her down. How the fuck did this become my life?
“Dude. You’re better off.” Luke says, pulling me from my thoughts. His blue eyes are hard on Pippa’s back as Chloe chases after her.
I should stop her. There’s no point, I know it. I’ve known it for days, maybe longer. That this just wasn’t going to happen, but I kept hoping because Pippa kept insisting she wanted this. She wanted me. I should’ve known better. Fucking fool, a voice echoes in my head. I shake my head at Luke and look out over the crowd of whispering townspeople. My mom looks murderous. She’s never liked Pippa to begin with, but the bitching will most likely not stop anytime soon now. Not this time. Mom won’t be able to stay silent. And the town will be talking for weeks.
“Fuck.” I mutter under my breath. Luke nods his dark head and says simply, “Yep. She’s done it this time. Chloe might tear her eyes out.”
I sigh at his jovial tone. I know he hates Pippa, he always has. He took one look at her and said, “Raif, she’s the devil,” in a purely conversational tone. He was nine. I should have l
istened.
We both watch the girls face off a few dozen feet away, the angry set of Chloe’s shoulders, Pippa’s cool indifference, and Luke sighs. I have no idea what to do now. Do I tell everyone to go home? Do I stand here like a chump while my best friend tries to convince my fiancé that she wants to marry me? Or can I get really drunk now and possibly forget all about this nightmare? I’d really like to just be left alone. Chloe and Luke could come, of course, but no one else. Everyone else will have half smirks on their faces, eyes full of fake pity. I’m so tired suddenly. I’m seized by the desire to simply curl up on the ground and go to sleep.
Chloe turns from Pippa then, coming back towards me, and I notice she’s barefoot, her pretty face stormy. Pippa shouts at her back, but she’s looking at me. Why would I come back she asks, and I shake my head, why indeed? I clench my jaw tight, let my gaze drop to the ground. Stupid, my head shouts at me. You knew better. You knew she wasn’t right for you. You deserve this. You deserve all of it.
Then Chloe is back in front of me, angry, not sad and she turns to the front row of spectators where Pippa’s parents are sitting looking dumbfounded. She plants her hands on her slim hips, and says, not unkindly, “She’s your mess. You can clean this up.”
She takes a moment to have a whispered conversation with my mother and younger sister, Daisy. I can’t hear what she’s saying, but my mother looks slightly less murderous. Mom nods and gets to her feet, taking Daisy’s arm. Then they’re both walking away while I watch stupidly.
Renegade Heart (Renegades Book 1) Page 1
