“Yes, more than okay.”
“Glad to hear that. I really, really want you.” She pouted slightly, tilting her head down and putting on large doe eyes. She rubbed herself against him and watched his eyes half-close with desire as he gritted his teeth, resisting.
“I want you too.” His voice rasped between hot breaths.
“Then what are we waiting for?” She moved her hand down the center of his body. “I know you’re able. It’s whether you’re willing.”
“I am. I need you, but … but, we should wait.” His voice stuttered, full of frustration.
“Why?” She plied him with an innocent question, rolling her eyes pleadingly.
“Because.” He made no further explanation. Lifting her, he slipped from underneath her and placed his hands over his crotch to hide his condition from her.
What could be holding him back? What was he hiding? Could he be scarred even down there?
“You sure are a big tease, Larry D,” she drawled in a mock Southern accent. “Make a girl all hot and horny. What’cha hiding?”
“You’re going to be gone soon. Next week, you fly off to London.”
“So? There’s still a little less than a week to go.”
Larry pulled his shirt back on and stood. “I don’t want to be like those other guys. I’m not taking my place in line or joining a club.”
Chills showered over Jenna’s scalp. “You’re not like them, Larry. You’re different.”
“Sure, say whatever you think I want to hear.” He rubbed the back of his neck with both hands and sighed.
“What?” She twisted herself off the couch and grabbed his hips to help her stand, making sure to slide her entire face, chest, and stomach up against him as she rose to her feet.
She was a bad girl, but she sure as heck wasn’t teasing him. If he wanted her the way she thought he did, he wouldn’t hold out long.
He held her back stiffly. “I can’t have you loving me and leaving me. I’m not made that way.”
“You want me to tell you I love you first?” She stared into his warm, brown eyes, the same color as the puppy’s.
“Do you?” His deep voice croaked.
Why did he look so hopeful?
“What if I said I did?” She parried his question, while aching to feel something, to know the answer.
“I’d say you were lying,” he pronounced this with all dignity, sweeping her hair from her face. “Love that isn’t tested isn’t love at all. It’s just a fleeting emotion, not reality.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Good, then I’m not lying either.” He tapped the tip of her nose. “I want to date you first before sleeping with you. I want it to mean something more than what you’ve experienced before.”
“How do you know you’ll mean more?” Jenna bristled at his implication that she had never experienced anything worthwhile. Although truth to tell, any sex she’d had was mutual utility—a scratching of backs and an exchange of favors.
“I’ll bet my heart on it.” He kissed her gently on the lips.
“My soul.” He moved his lips to her forehead, then whispered in her ear, “and my life.”
Jenna blinked, unable to contain the surprise and joy flooding her veins. “That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.”
What had she done to deserve him? No man had ever poured his heart out for her. They hadn’t cared, for the most part, other than what they could get from her.
Was there something Larry wanted from her? It wasn’t sex, that was obvious. Bragging rights? Being seen with a fashionable woman?
But then, he didn’t seem to be the type. Hadn’t he also liked her sister, who was a shy kindergarten teacher? It wasn’t as if he wanted to be in the fashion show—not like the other firefighters, especially Chad and Jackson, who were striking poses every time she saw them at the station.
Larry wasn’t speaking. That was another thing she liked about him. He was comfortable with letting her space out, whereas she oftentimes filled in the quiet spaces with gibberish. She closed her eyes and pressed her face into his chest, hugging him tighter.
“What do you want from me?” she finally verbalized. “What do you see in me that’s worth all this?”
He slid his hands into hers and pulled her back down onto the couch, putting her in his lap sideways. “I don’t want to want you. That’s the truth. As for what I see in you? A brave, courageous woman who’s a go-getter. You’ll get whatever you want and you have so much energy it tires me.”
That didn’t seem exactly like a great endorsement. He didn’t want to want her? Did it mean he wanted her or not?
“Why me? Why not someone else? You liked my sister and I’m nothing like her. Connor told me to leave you alone, that he’d kill me if I hurt you. Being with me is complicated—my life is one giant complication after another, and I’ve already hurt you. I have so much to apologize for, from accusing you of touching me improperly that first night I came to your place, to pretending you were only my bodyguard. I don’t know if I’m the best sort of woman for you. My sister would have been better. She’s kind and sweet and everything considerate.”
“She and I weren’t meant to be.” Larry patted Jenna’s cheek. “And in case you’re wondering if all I want is your beauty, you’re wrong. Beautiful women are a pain in the neck, back, posterior, and everything in between. Your type gets away with murder. You can’t help it because everyone forgives you or lets you walk over them.”
“Is that how you see me?” Spikes of adrenaline jolted through Jenna’s veins. “Am I arrogant and careless?”
“Not on purpose.” His sideways grin was more self-deprecating than usual. “I know, because I used to be that way. You might have forgotten, but I was a football star and the fireman voted as the most desirable bachelor in town. In the Big Before.”
“You still are.” Jenna pressed herself against him. “I’m sure lots of women want you. You’re a hero. A real one, not just a sports star. You saved those children’s lives. You matter.”
Instead of agreeing or looking proud, Larry turned his face away and pursed his lips. “They never told you, did they?”
“What about?” Jenna moved to reassure him, cradling his head to her chest. “You’re the best, Larry, no one can disagree.”
“Except for the mother of that kid I left behind,” he muttered. “The one I couldn’t save.”
# # #
Larry recoiled from Jenna’s gasp, cringing at what he’d admitted to her. He wasn’t much of a hero, was he? He might as well set Jenna straight. If the woman was hero-worshipping, she’d soon see what a farce he was.
“What happened?” She palmed his face between both her hands. “I’m sure you did all you could.”
“It wasn’t enough. I dragged five out, but they had a little cousin staying over who wouldn’t come out of his bedroom. The stairs were gone, so I jumped onto a wall and hoisted myself onto the roof. Connor kept calling me to come back. But I left him. I left my partner.” Larry’s voice was a monotone, and numbness chilled him as he watched himself, replaying the horrendous scene. He could barely feel Jenna’s fingers, those magical fingers that curled around his neck and raked through his hair. Why was she still listening?
Tiny kisses rained over him, along his neck, jaw, and cheek. Her soft cheek nuzzled against his scarred and pitted skin. He’d lost the tips of his nerves over the more damaged parts, so he’d feel her, then lose contact, then feel her again—like a radio signal coming in and out surrounded by static.
“You almost lost your life,” Jenna said. “You did the best you could do. No one blames you. I’m sure not even the kid’s family blames you.”
“They say they love me. They visited me often when I was in the burn ward, but they’ll never forget that little one. But the mother … I could tell. She was more reserved.”
“She was grieving. In so much pain, but she doesn’t blame you. I’m sure she knows you did your best. You have
to stop blaming yourself. And stop accepting second best.”
Pow. Jenna’s words punched him deep in the gut. He was aware he blamed himself, but second best? Was that what he was doing? Accepting second best? Punishing himself?
In the months following his recovery, he’d turned down opportunities—motivational speaking, raising money for burn victims, even coaching high school football. Instead, he’d taken the custodian job at the school Melisa taught at, knowing no one would ask him to make public appearances. As for the kids, they accepted him because they knew no different. He was the burned fireman who saved children. It was a cozy little world, and the entire school loved him, especially around Halloween.
“You deserve more.” Jenna held him tight. “Because you’re the best. I’m not good enough for you, but I still want you.”
“You do? Why?” He pushed back to study her face. How could this perfectly beautiful woman want him when she could have anyone she wanted?
“You’re true blue, Larry. Everything I see is what I get. You’re kind, generous, caring, and honest. You’re always there to help, and you don’t have a selfish bone in your body. I know you don’t really want to do the fashion show, but you’re being a good sport about it because you’re Connor’s buddy and he asked you to do it.”
“I’m doing it for you, if you don’t think I’d hurt the show.”
“Hurt the show? Oh, no, no, no.” She shook her head vehemently. “You’re the one I saved for myself. I’ve already got everyone assigned and choreographed, when they’ll come onto the runway and with who.”
“I’m not getting one of your supermodels?” He quirked his lip, pretending to be disappointed, but secretly jumping up and down with glee.
“Sorry, unless it’s Harley. You can carry him in one arm and give me your other. Won’t we make an interesting trio?”
His heart burst with joy and a weird falling sensation overtook him as he held Jenna close and claimed her lips.
If this was love, then he didn’t mind being burned, not when the falling felt so great.
Chapter 13
“What are you doing with Larry?” Jenna’s mother asked the next evening as she passed the potatoes at the dinner table.
Her eldest sister, Cait, and her youngest brother, Dale, stopped cutting their steaks and waited for her answer.
At the head of the table, her father also laid his fork and knife down, tugged at his napkin and cleared his throat.
At least Connor wasn’t home, but with the entire fire station buzzing about Jenna and Larry, it was no surprise her family was on the warpath—likely one hundred percent on Larry’s side.
“We like each other,” she said, passing the potatoes without taking a scoop. “Please pass the salad?”
“You need some meat on those bones,” her mother said. “You can’t live on salad.”
“I have to until Valentine’s Day.” The Valentine’s Dinner was two days after the the fashion show, and she wanted to stun the crowd with a new and daring design.
“It’s always one show after the other,” her mother said. “You’re not a model, why do you have to walk the runway?”
“I will while I still can.” Jenna placed three lettuce leaves and a cherry tomato onto her plate. Her stomach grumbled at the scent of flatiron steak with a whiskey cream sauce everyone else was gobbling down.
“You’re letting her change the subject,” Cait cut in, shaking her fork. “I want to know what’s going on with Jenna and Larry. That’s the big surprise here.”
Her father grunted from the end of the table and went back to his food, but Jenna could tell he was listening intently.
“You two dating?” Mother asked point blank.
“Not really. We’re kind of hanging out,” Jenna admitted. After all, once Melisa filled them in on her desperate dash across traffic to catch Larry, they’d think she was obsessed or something. Not that she wasn’t, but it would definitely add to her long list of faults.
“You guys Netflix and chill?” Dale, who was still in college, grinned and waggled his eyebrows, knowing their mother had no clue that it meant having sex on the couch, not that she hadn’t tried, but in her Catholic household, he should know better than to bring such things up.
“No.” Jenna pursed her lips and kicked him under the table. “We’re good friends.”
“He’s a good man,” Dad said gruffly. “Don’t hurt him.”
Jenna dropped her hands to her lap. “Why does everyone think I’m going to hurt him?”
“Because you’re flirty and you never make up your mind about men,” Cait said. “Too many options.”
“I am not.” Jenna’s hands formed fists under the table. “I happen to like Larry.”
“Well, you be careful of his feelings,” Mother said. “That man’s been through a lot, especially when Shelly left him.”
“Who’s Shelly?” Now Jenna was interested.
“If he hasn’t told you, I’m not saying a word.” Mom folded her hands primly and gave Cait a warning glare.
“Oh, me either,” Cait agreed, always the kiss-up to the parents. Being the eldest meant she often thought of herself as above the rest of the kids.
“I heard she dumped him and kept the ring.” Dale winked at Jenna. “Now’s your chance to grab the rebound.”
“Dale, stop gossiping,” her mother snapped, but her father kept his eyes on the table.
“So, basically, you guys think I’m going to dump Larry and stomp on him?” Jenna looked from Mom to Dad to Cait. “What about me? What if he hurts me? None of you are at all concerned about me.”
“We quit harping about any of your men long ago,” Dad said, fixing her with an “I know about you” stare.
Heat burned through Jenna’s face. They basically thought her a slut. So she hadn’t made the right choices. It wasn’t easy when guys threw themselves at her night and day. Larry was right. Women like her were a pain.
Jenna shoved herself from the table. “I’m not hungry anyway.”
“You need to eat,” her mother said, but no one followed her as she jogged up the stairs toward her childhood room.
She might not deserve a decent guy like Larry, but shouldn’t her family wish her happiness? Why were they acting as if she were the bad one?
Twenty minutes later, while she was pinning a piece of chiffon onto the gown on the mannequin, Cait snuck into her room.
She shut the door and sat on the bunk bed. “Hey, you want to talk about it?”
Jenna pulled a pin from her mouth. “Not really. You’ll just inform the parents.”
“Promise I won’t,” Cait said, but without conviction.
Jenna knew better. Cait was a stool pigeon and not to be trusted. More than likely, her parents had sent her to do recon—all for the purpose of protecting Larry.
“You have Brian,” Jenna said. “He’s a decent regular sort of guy. Don’t you think I should have one too?”
“But you hate boring. Come on, we all know you thrive on drama. You’re an artistic type.”
“I don’t think Larry’s boring.”
“That’s what you say now, when everything’s new and glittery. The guy’s a school custodian. What’s there to talk about? Vomit in the cafeteria? Plugged toilets?”
“You think all we do is talk?” Jenna zinged a sly look at Cait. Oh, sure, she’ll catch fire later, but the virginity train had left the station long ago. Her mother could ask her to do penance, light candles, go to confession, but she wasn’t going to be guilted into letting Larry go because she was a “fallen woman” and not good enough for him.
Spirals of worry twirled in her starving stomach. She might cause Larry some pain and heartache, but he didn’t seem to mind. He’d forgiven her easily about acting like he was the hired bodyguard. Larry understood what a slime someone like Gustave could be, and that it was better to avoid a confrontation than be mired into a long and expensive lawsuit.
“So.” Cait stretched herself comfortably o
n the bed. “Tell me about your other men. Are they going to silently walk away now that you’re occupying your time with Larry?”
“They don’t care. They’re friends.”
“With benefits.”
“One less benefit. I’ll help them with their careers, introduce them to people I know, give them tips on who’s hot and who’s not, but I’m not sleeping with them anymore.”
Cait shook her head and snickered. “You won’t be able to help it. One day, someone will come offering you the chance of a lifetime. A runway show in Paris or an exclusive catalog for a princess. Then what?”
“I won’t do it. I won’t compromise myself and hurt Larry.”
“He doesn’t have to know.” Cait twirled her red brown hair around her finger.
Jenna was smarter than to fall into Cait’s trap. That woman could be the devil for all she knew.
“I would know and it would be wrong. I want to try something new with Larry. Something real.” Jenna finished tucking the chiffon into the pleat and stitched it in place.
“You’d give up your jet set lifestyle to be wife of a janitor?” Cait rolled her eyes, always the instigator. “What a story that would make.”
“I don’t have to give up anything. Larry accepts me the way I am.” Jenna hoped her voice wasn’t shaky.
She’d been mulling over her future, and she knew full well the world of fashion depended too much on favors, and that one of the favors was one she no longer was willing to bargain with. Maybe she could teach at a local design institute, or start a trendy online business. She had to think outside the box, and success at this solo show where every piece belonged to her was crucial.
“Larry’s a good man,” Cait said what everyone had been saying. Which only went to emphasize that Jenna definitely wasn’t a good woman.
“I’m going to be good for him,” Jenna said.
“My little sister is growing up,” Cait teased in a sing-song voice. “Is this true love? Jenna and Larry sitting in a tree …”
For a married woman, Cait was certainly childish. Jenna picked out a piece of black lace from her scrap bin. Maybe she ought to concentrate on her own marriage. If everything was so good in Wonderland, being that her husband’s last name was Wonder, then why was she perennially hanging out at her parents’ home?
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