My heart was pounding as he continued to speak.
“Instead, my parents were druggies. My father died of an overdose.”
“Oh, my god. I’m so sorry,” I whispered, hardly able to comprehend what he was telling me. I always assumed he knew nothing about his parents.
“Nothing to be sorry for.” Jason smiled at me and took a sip of his seltzer. “Our family was homeless when he died. My parents had done a pretty good job of hiding that from the authorities up until his death. That’s when the façade started to crumble.”
“Is that when you got put in foster care?” I asked.
“Surprisingly, no. A caseworker attempted to help my mom. I felt so sorry for the woman. She had no idea what she was in for. Trina was her name. It was her first year on the job as a social worker, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was her last.”
I nodded and listened.
“Trina got us set up at a women’s shelter. We’d been living in a car. She managed to get my mom in treatment. Everything looked fine from the outside, like my mom was following the rules. But I knew she was sneaking out at night. We’d only been at the shelter for two weeks when my mom’s drug test came back positive again. Everyone who was there had to be clean, attend meetings and so forth. My mom ran with me before they could take me away. It had been determined that my mom couldn’t provide me with the basic necessities so the court ruled that I was to go into foster care. I was actually relieved, but we left before they could ever find us.”
His story sent chills through me while I listened intently. He’d always led me to believe that he was too young to remember anything about his family.
“Living with my mom was a nightmare. It was bad enough when my dad was alive and they’d get high together, but at least he tried to hide it. Once my dad was gone, all bets were off. I remember one time walking into the bathroom, and my mom was in the tub with a needle sticking out of her arm. I thought she was dead.”
“Jesus. I’m so sorry. Was that here in Tennessee?”
“This probably sounds weird, but I don’t even know where that happened. She always kept us on the move so that no one would wonder why her kid wasn’t in school. Counting when my father was alive, we’d been in three or four different states. Once he passed away, she seemed to move between Tennessee, Kentucky, and Missouri. So one of those. I was too small to remember.”
Jason stopped to take a bite of the chicken. I followed his lead and ate some of the mac and cheese. When he looked back up at me, his eyes were haunted with memories.
“We were in some dive motel when that happened to my mom. I panicked and called for help. That’s when I got taken away and put in foster care. She was so angry with me. Blamed me for everything, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“You don’t hear that too often,” I murmured. “So Tennessee brought you back for...”
“Tennessee is where my sister lives or lived.”
“So you found her?” I asked, feeling a little bit of hope for Jason.
“I did.”
“And your mom?” I asked.
“She overdosed years ago.”
“So the aunt in Texas was your mother’s sister?” I questioned.
He nodded. “Yeah. She wasn’t much help, and I don’t blame her. They didn’t end on terrific terms. Before I was even born, I guess my mom stole a lot of money from my grandparents and my aunt. Lots of bad blood between them all. She probably thinks I followed in my mother’s footsteps.”
“Well, she’d be very wrong.”
Jason smiled at me. “Thank you.”
“They shouldn’t take it out on the kids, though,” I said. “Are your grandparents still alive?”
He shook his head. “They died before I was born as well. My aunt blamed my mom for their deaths, stress and all.”
“I doubt that’s what happened. But regardless, you shouldn’t be penalized.”
Jason’s eyes connected with mine. “Things don’t always have a happy ending, Gabby.”
“I know…”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”
“I didn’t think you did.” I smiled. “So all the calls?”
“I’ve been trying to find my sister. She apparently lives the same lifestyle that my mom did.”
“Oh, no. So you’ve met her?”
It killed me to think that Jason was going through all of this alone.
“Actually, no. I hired a PI, and he helped me get into contact with her over the phone. She was living on the streets.” Jason looked away, and I caught the muscle in his neck tense. “She’s actually my half-sister. I didn’t even know she existed. My mom had her long after I was in foster care.”
“Once I found out about her, I set her up in an apartment. I’ve been paying her rent for the last few months.”
“The holidays?” I asked, a lump forming in my throat.
“Yeah. That was about when I found out and got her set up,” he acknowledged.
I felt horrible thinking back to all the possibilities that had run through my mind during the last few months. Never did I imagine this. The kindness that the man sitting in front of me showed blew me away. I hoped someday I could learn to be half as kind as he was.
“All the bank trips,” I said, allowing the truth to settle over me.
“Yeah… All the bank trips,” Jason echoed. “At first, I sent money for groceries, but then I realized she wasn’t buying groceries. I’ve since hired someone who does shopping for her and attends to the necessities, or so I thought.”
The more he spoke, the more the truths of the last few months organized themselves in my mind. Each new revelation kicked out the horrible worry I’d had and replaced it with things that only made me fall in love with Jason even more.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“That person went to restock the groceries and the apartment was completely vacant. My sister sold all the furniture, everything. The guy doesn’t think she’s been back to the apartment for at least a week.”
“I don’t understand. If she has a place to stay why…” my voice broke off.
“Addiction’s an ugly disease. This is the side of life I was talking about. You may see things that will forever change who you are.”
I took a deep breath in and nodded. “I understand, and as long as you’re by my side, I’m ready for it. So do you think she’s still in Tennessee?”
Jason nodded. “I want to try to help her. But first I have to find her again.”
It felt as if an elephant was sitting on my chest. I reached for my water and took a swig. It seemed like I was never able to quench my thirst.
There was a comfortable silence that fell between us as I thought about what to say, what to ask. I wanted to be there for him. I wished I’d been allowed to be there for him this whole time.
“Why? Why couldn’t you have told me this?” I asked.
“When I was younger seeing someone spiral out of control over addiction was consuming. It’s impossible not to get wrapped up in their mess. I didn’t want you to have to see that.” He shook his head. “I guess there was some part of me that thought I could handle everything without you ever having to hear about it. In a perfect world, I would’ve done all this, got her in rehab, and had a happy family reunion this summer.”
“Things don’t have to be perfect,” I whispered. “Life isn’t always pretty. But it’s a lot more bearable if we lean on one another. I thought we kind of already learned that lesson.”
Jason laughed. “Some of us are slow learners.”
“I don’t want you to go through this alone.” I slid my hand to his.
“I didn’t want you to ever see this side of life,” Jason said, quietly. “It’s messy, disgusting, and filled with sadness. I wanted to shield you.”
“I fell in love with you, Jason…all of you. You’re the person you are today because of the things you went through yesterday. I wish you didn’t ever have to go through any of it
, but it’s never our choice. And the man who is sitting in front of me is nearly perfect in every way, and it’s partly because of what you’ve seen and experienced. The compassion you have is because of what you’ve been through. I can’t fault your past for building who you are.”
“The life you‘ve come from is so different than the one you’re about to see,” Jason sighed.
“Is that what you’ve been afraid of this whole time?” I asked.
“I think it’s a big part of it. Going down memory lane hasn’t been easy on me, and I can’t imagine putting someone I love through that.”
“You’ve gotta push that idea out of your head, Jason. If we’re lucky enough to have a lifetime together, this is only the tip of the iceberg, no matter what we think.”
He nodded.
“We can’t let fear draw the boundaries of our lives. It’s no way to live. I can’t believe I’m the one saying this, but you can’t control everything, and you certainly can’t control what others will or won’t do,” I said, running my hands along my legs in a nervous reaction.
“I wanted to shield you from my family,” he laughed. “I guess it’s even ridiculous to call them family.”
I shrugged. “That will all sort itself out. Our family was there over the weekend. They didn’t run when you started acting up in Vegas.” I grinned. “They stuck it out. They want to see this work out for all of us. Aaron’s got your back no matter what.” I paused and thought about my brother. “Did he know all of this?”
Jason shook his head and laughed. “Not much. Believe me, I knew if I wanted to keep a secret from you, I shouldn’t tell him a thing.”
“That’s my boy,” I laughed. “Glad to hear I trained my brother so quickly.”
Jason grinned and a familiar glint of mischief flashed through his eyes.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said. “But please promise me no matter what, you won’t keep things from me. We need to carry one another’s burden to lighten the load. Or you’ll turn into an old man before you know it, and I’m not ready to date an old man.”
“Is that so?” Jason laughed.
I smiled and leaned back into the booth, grateful that Jason finally started to confide in me. I’d somehow managed to sneak in enough bites of my food to make my plate empty. The server brought our bill and Jason exchanged it for a credit card.
“What if we can’t find her?” I asked.
“I won’t stop until we do,” Jason said.
Jason signed the ticket, and we both walked through the restaurant. I came into the restaurant with trepidation and was leaving with determination. There was something to having a good meal to lighten the load. I guess that was the baker in me.
I took a deep breath. “She’s lucky to have you as a brother.”
Jason hugged me, and I felt like our future existed once more.
“I love you, Gabby,” Jason whispered, his breath tickling my scalp as we walked in the cool evening air.
“I love you. Now tell me…”
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Does opening a shop in Vegas seem like the best idea?”
“I backed out with the leasing agent this morning.” Jason smiled. “Managing two shops would be insane. Besides people fly in to Seattle to see my shop. I’m just that good.” He laughed and I rolled my eyes.
“I would support you no matter what, you know.”
“I know you would.”
We walked down the sidewalk and sat on a bench outside the closed florist.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I told Jason.
“What’s that?”
I dug the card out of my wallet and handed it to Jason. “I ran into this guy back at the bakery. He was actually on his way to our house, looking for you.”
Jason’s eyes ran over the print on the card. “Did he say what it was about?”
I shook my head and a shiver ran through me. “He wouldn’t tell me. I told him you were out of town, and he said he’d be in touch at the end of the week.”
My heart plummeted as I watched the color drain from Jason’s face. Not the reaction I’d hoped for. It obviously told him something it didn’t tell me.
“So what’s our plan?” I asked, trying to not to let fear guide me as attempted to take my own advice.
It was eight o’clock in the morning and the sun was shining. We had left the curtains open to let the light wake us up naturally. Even with a night full of hard revelations, I slept soundly in Jason’s embrace. It felt like that first night again where I’d given him my heart and soul. This time, however, he’d given me all of him, and there was a difference. Our relationship was only getting stronger.
Jason had no idea why anyone with the Child Protective Services in Washington would be reaching out to him. He promised me he had no love children, and we shared a slight chuckle. The truth of the matter was that we were both concerned as to why the agency would be reaching out to Jason. Neither of us could come up with any reasons, and the speculation wore us both out.
Regardless of what good-old Stanley had said, Jason planned on calling him this morning. Neither of us wanted to wait for that man’s call. With the time difference, Jason planned on reaching out around ten o’clock our time.
A knock at the door made me groan as Jason threw the covers off and reached for a robe. It was hard not to admire his physique. He fell asleep in only a pair of boxers and he looked sensational, but he always did. He tied the belt around his waist and caught me looking.
“Breakfast is served,” Jason said, walking to the door.
I pulled the covers up to my chin and heard the rattle and clank of the food service cart being rolled into the hotel room. Normally, I would’ve hidden in the bathroom until the person left, but I was honestly too tired for that. I think I needed to start taking vitamins.
Jason signed the tab, while the server began removing the silver domes. He gave us a quick wave and left the room.
“Let’s see, we have one order of eggs benedict, an order of pancakes, a cinnamon roll, a fried egg, and oatmeal,” Jason said.
“So what are you having?” I asked, pushing the comforter down.
“The rye toast looks good,” Jason laughed. “I’ll let you be with your food.”
“You do that.” I slogged to the table and sat on the couch, hoping the coffee would energize me for the day. Yawning nonstop, I wasn’t sure that was possible.
“I thought we could drive about forty minutes south of here,” Jason said.
“Is that where the apartment is?” I asked.
“Yeah. I’m hoping she’s still around there.”
“I hope so, for your sake,” I said, ripping off some of the cinnamon roll and popping it in my mouth.
Jason scooted a chair over and took a few bites of the oatmeal and glanced at his phone. “I’m hoping to meet with Pete at the apartment.”
“That’s the guy who did the shopping and stuff?” I confirmed.
“Yeah. That’s the guy.” Jason flipped on the television and turned to CNN.
I picked at the eggs benedict and took a sip of the orange juice.
“I’ll go hop in the shower,” Jason said. I nodded and watched him walk toward the bathroom.
I listened to the news and polished off the cinnamon roll and half of the eggs benedict. The sound of the shower in the bathroom was soothing. Being here with Jason was calming. This was where I belonged. I reached for my phone and texted Emily to find out how things were going. I tossed my phone on the couch and rolled the table back a ways.
I caught Jason’s reflection in the bathroom mirror, and my heart fluttered as my eyes trailed down his body. The towel hanging on the rack was in my way and I chuckled. I had to get a hold of myself. I shouldn’t be sneaking peeks at Jason. There were far more important things to be concerned with, but damn his body.
The water turned off, and I watched as Jason climbed out of the shower. He dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist
as I made my way to the bathroom.
“You’re ridiculous,” I muttered, sliding past him.
“I’m ridiculous? What did I do?” Jason smirked.
“You know what you did.” I turned on the shower and watched him walk out of the bathroom with the towel sliding even lower.
“Men.” I climbed in and let the hot water work its magic as the spray pounded against my skin. I soaped up the washcloth and thought about how quickly things changed the moment I demanded a place at the table. It was like that was all he was waiting for, and I should’ve known. I now understood where he was coming from. How do you ask someone to be part of something that causes sorrow? He didn’t feel it was fair to do that, and I didn’t feel it was fair to be shut out.
I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and turned off the water. Jason walked into the bathroom carrying a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. “It’s cold in the room. I thought you might like to get dressed in here.” He put the clothes on the counter and turned around to kiss me as I stepped out of the shower. My hand instinctively went to my scar and his eyes connected with mine.
“You know better than that,” he whispered, bringing his lips to the tip of my scar, kissing it gently.
I felt the coolness of his mouth against my skin, and my body trembled with his touch.
“Thank you,” I whispered, feeling his lips leave my chest. He gave me a soft kiss on my cheeks.
“No. Thank you. I’ll be able to remember this all day.” He smiled, and I literally melted in place. Jason knew how to make me feel like the most beautiful woman ever with just one glance, just one sentence.
I lifted up the jeans and sweatshirt in search of a bra or panties. “I haven’t started going commando.”
“I thought today might be the day to try it,” Jason joked, bringing in a pair of pink boy shorts and a matching bra. “Sorry. I forgot.”
“I see how you operate,” I laughed. His eyes swept over my body as I fastened my bra, and my belly clenched as his eyes filled with desire. “Out.”
I pushed him out of the bathroom, and it was one of the hardest things I had to do. The thought of spending the day with him locked in a hotel sounded divine, but definitely not a possibility with everything going on. I had to stay on track.
Beyond Intent Page 7
