“Huh. Weird.” Consciously blocking others was supposedly a very difficult skill to acquire. It was also the next thing I would be learning.
I went into my bedroom, changing out of my swimsuit and sweaty clothes while Owen ordered the pizza. Resisting the urge to put on sweatpants and a giant T-shirt, I opted for shorts and a tight cotton V-neck shirt—casual, but sexy.
“Pizza will be here in thirty minutes,” he said when I came out.
“Sounds great.” I settled in next to him on the couch and used the remote to pull up Netflix. “What do you want to watch?”
“You,” he said, staring into my eyes. Despite the fact that I couldn’t read him, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know what he had in mind.
My body leaned in toward him, but my mind screamed against it. We both stiffened. “Sorry,” I said, knowing he must have heard my thoughts. “We can’t move this quickly if you’re not ready to tell me your secrets.” I looked at him, hoping my next words wouldn’t hurt him. “I can’t trust you right now.” I’m apparently hell-bent on ruining this date, I thought, not intending for him to hear.
He took my hand. “No. You’re not. And I respect you for it.”
We started watching the first Harry Potter movie, ate the pizza, and then snuggled close after we finished it. Because it was still early when the movie was over, we started The Chamber of Secrets, and went for a double feature. It was only 9:30 when that ended, so we decided to go for a triple play. But I drifted off toward the end of The Prisoner of Azkaban.
I woke up, and the clock on the cable box blinked 4:02. Owen had his arm draped over me, leaning back against the arm of the couch. He was breathing heavily. I knew he was dead asleep, just like I’d been moments before.
“Owen.” My voice was thick with sleep.
“Mmm.” He stirred, but he didn’t wake up.
“Owen, it’s four am. Do you think you should go?”
His eyes came open. “Do you want me to?”
“Well, no, but I didn’t know if there were any rules about staying out all night.”
He smiled and pulled me closer. “I’m a big boy. They won’t miss me after one night.”
I snuggled into his chest, breathing in his clean scent. “I’m not so sure about that.”
The next time I woke up, the clock showed 7:00—earlier than I normally liked to get up, but I was sore from sleeping in such an awkward position for so long. Still, I didn’t want to move. Owen had his arm draped over me, and I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Strong and steady.
I hadn’t planned for Owen to spend the night, and all I had for breakfast was cereal. Slowly, I tried to get up without disturbing him, but he stirred and grabbed me, holding me to him tightly.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked without opening his eyes.
“To see if I can find something other than Froot Loops to eat for breakfast.”
“What?” he said, jostling me. “You have Froot Loops? I haven’t had those in forever. Is there enough for both of us?”
“Uh, sure.” Despite the fact that Froot Loops was one of my favorite cereals, I decided to tease him a little for his enthusiasm. “What, you can’t have delicious sugary cereals at home?” I asked.
It felt funny calling it home, but in truth, that was what it was—for Owen, at least. If I couldn’t have my cereal there, it sure as heck wouldn’t ever be my home.
“It’s not that we can’t. It’s that no one else likes them, so they go stale before I can finish a box. I hate to waste it, you know?” He stood behind me while I poured him a bowl. He looked like a little kid at Christmas, hardly able to contain his excitement.
“I judge you a little for not being able to finish a box of cereal on your own.”
He threw up his hands in surrender. “Don’t judge! I like it, but I’m not exactly a cereal fiend.”
We sat on the couch, enjoying our cereal. “What’s the plan for today?” I asked.
“No plan. Although, I should get back to help with the Sunday chores.”
“Sunday chores?”
“Just dumb stuff. Laundry and cleaning and whatnot.”
“Oh, I suppose I should do that too. And apparently go to the grocery store, since all I have to offer my guests is Froot Loops.”
He laughed. “Whatever. This is the best breakfast I’ve had in a while.”
I shrugged, pouring myself another bowl. “Whatever twists your Twizzler, man.”
When we were finished and we’d cleared the dishes, it seemed like a natural time to part ways, but we were both reluctant. He lingered in the doorway while I picked at the paint on the frame.
“Well, thanks for a great date.” I paused for a minute. “My first one.”
“What? No, it wasn’t. That guy Mitchell chased off, that was a date.”
“Not my first date, you goofball. My first great date.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Eventually, he shrugged. “Well, you’re welcome. I had a pretty awesome time too.”
“Oh, good.” Apparently, I was out of snappy comebacks for the moment.
“All right, well…” He trailed off.
“Well.” I paused, waiting to see if he’d fill in the gap. He didn’t. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“See you tomorrow.” He turned to go, but he thought better of it. Sweeping me in his arms, he leaned in for a soft, warm, turn-your-legs-to-Jell-O kiss. When he set me back down, I wasn’t sure my body would support its own weight.
I cleared my throat and made a feeble attempt at smoothing my hair. “See you.”
An impish grin spread across his face as he walked away.
I spent the rest of the day talking to Maddie on the phone, doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, and alternating between my keyboard and guitar. Maddie fully approved of the details of our date, demanding to know when she would get to meet Owen. The thought filled me with both excitement and dread. Just imagining the two of them in a battle of the wits was enough to give me an anxiety attack. I put her off for the moment, urging her to cool off since I was too busy with training to get away, plus Owen and I had only been on one date. She was disappointed, but she let it go.
That night, I lay in bed thinking of how different my life was from this time two weeks ago. Despite the fact that I wasn’t following the path I’d laid out for myself, I felt like I was in the right place. Owen didn’t hurt that feeling. But Tracy’s voice still nagged at me, reminding me that there was so much I didn’t know. Tracy. David. Owen. Mitchell. They were all keeping something from me, and I felt like it was something big. I rolled over and took a deep breath. The only way to uncover the truth was to keep training, show them I was loyal and trustworthy, and let the pieces fall where they may. I just hoped I wouldn’t be in the way of any of them when they came crashing down.
16.
Monday morning, Tracy didn’t waste any time. “As you know, we’re going to concentrate on blocking this week. There are two stages to blocking. The first, you know how to do. You’ve done it before.”
“I have.” It was an unsure statement, not a question.
“You have. When you focus in on one voice, you block all others out. All you need to do this time is block out that last voice.”
I chuckled uneasily. “Sounds like a breeze.”
“It’s not. Most people take months to get it down. But I know a few people are hoping you’ll catch on more quickly.”
I think they’re tired of listening to your incessant questions, she thought.
Yes, well I’m tired of them too. Maybe if someone around here would give me some answers, they’d get some relief.
She didn’t flinch. Or maybe if you worked a little harder, we wouldn’t have to worry about it. Do you plan on getting to work at some point today?
Oh. We already started? Of course, we started. Like you would have small talk with me.
No, I don’t do small talk. She didn’t crack a
smile, but I would have believed her anyway. And I certainly don’t have small talk when I should be working.
Despite her harsh exterior, I was really starting to like Tracy. She was rough around the edges, and maybe in between too, but she was honest. Although she hadn’t said what she meant when she called me a “deadly asset,” she hadn’t lied about it either.
We went back and forth all morning with no luck. Owen met me in the gym, as usual.
I couldn’t help but notice there weren’t as many people in the kitchen as there normally were. “Where’s Mitchell? And Camden?”
Owen set his plate down on the table and sat next to me. “They had to go do some work.”
“Like off-site?”
“Yeah. On assignment.”
“Will I have to do that kind of thing?”
“Probably.”
I wondered what exactly that meant. Would I be following people around, recording their thoughts? Stealing secrets? I frowned, hoping it wasn’t anything that sinister.
By the time I returned to Tracy, I was almost in a tailspin with my musings.
Tracy insisted I concentrate and get to work. I sighed. I guess I’ll have to puzzle it out later.
Yes, please.
I tried to block her out for the rest of the afternoon, but without another voice to concentrate on, I floundered.
As usual, a group of us watched a movie together that night, and I noticed just how many of the core group was missing. Seemed like at least five people were gone. I wondered again about where they were, what they were doing. Top-secret mind reading business, no doubt. But what exactly was top-secret mind reading business? Were they getting information for someone? Was the benefactor someone with a lot of enemies who he kept in line using our abilities? Were they doing something illegal? Or perhaps they were working for the government?
I couldn’t help feeling discouraged as I tried to fall asleep that night. I hadn’t made any progress on blocking, and I didn’t know what my future held at this mystery company I was technically “working” for.
A thought struck me so suddenly that I sat up in bed. I couldn’t block Tracy because there were no other voices to focus on. No other voices, except my own.
I wonder…
Glancing at the clock, I cursed the late hour. I wanted to test my theory out right away, but it would have to wait.
In the morning, I was more ready to work than ever. I had trouble paying much attention to Owen when he greeted me out front, not wanting to waste any time.
“What’s your deal today?” he asked me.
“Nothing. I just want to get started.”
“You’ve got plenty of time, Mac.”
“I didn’t do very well yesterday, and I want to devote as much time as I can to doing better.”
“Seriously, you put too much pressure on yourself. Tracy told you it takes most people at least a month to get blocking. It was no surprise to anyone but you that you couldn’t do it on your first day.”
I didn’t answer. What could I say? Maybe he was right. But as far as I could tell, there was no reason for it to take people that long.
He left me in the gym, as always, and wished me good luck. I nodded, and he laughed.
“Seriously, Mac, lighten up a little bit. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
I gave him a small smile, but it was fake. From the look on his face, he knew it. “I’ll see you for lunch,” I said, giving up and going to meet Tracy.
We got right to work. She started in with her usual tactics, telling me how I needed to work harder.
At first, it was hard not to hear her. Hers was the only other voice in the room. But I concentrated on my breathing, and listened to my own thoughts, which had of course gone blank for the moment. I purposefully thought about stupid things—the color of the walls in the training room, how uncomfortable the chair was, just how much time I’d had to spend in that uncomfortable chair lately.
Suddenly, I realized I couldn’t hear her. Afraid to ruin it, I didn’t search for her voice. I just kept concentrating on my own thoughts. She let me go on like that for quite some time—the whole morning, in fact.
“I think we should get some lunch. When we come back, there will be more people here.”
“Oh, okay. How come?”
“Surprisingly, you did it. You successfully blocked me out. Now, you have to practice with a large group.”
I smiled to myself.
“Don’t get cocky,” she said. “It’s very difficult to block out a large group. It can be overwhelming.”
I thought of the handful of times I’d been caught without my iLs, and a shiver spread through my body. “I’m familiar with the concept.”
She nodded. “Eat a good lunch. When we come back, the real work begins.”
Great, I thought. What the hell does that mean?
“So, you did it?” Owen asked me over lunch.
“I did.”
“After one day.” He phrased it like a statement, not a question.
“After one day,” I repeated.
He was dumbfounded.
“You seem to have forgotten what a valuable asset I am,” I said, munching on some chips.
“Apparently,” he said, his mouth still hanging open a little.
“Don’t you believe me?”
“Of course, I believe you. I mean, it’s not like you can lie to me and get away with it for long.” He nudged me with his elbow. “It’s just so—” he paused, searching for the right word, “—astounding.”
“Good?”
“Great, Mac! It’s great! I wonder if David knows yet. I bet he’ll be antsy to get you to work.” I could tell he immediately regretted saying it. He stuffed his mouth full of food to avoid continuing the thought.
Feeling merciful, I decided to let it go. I’d find out what the work was soon, and in the light of day, that was enough for me.
Tracy made good on her promise, and when I came back, there were five people milling around the gym, all people I didn’t know that well, since Mitchell and the others were still not on base.
“Okay, let’s get started,” she announced. Seated in a circle, they bombarded me with their thoughts. Each voice was individual, unique, and blaringly loud. I decided Tracy had told them to do that on purpose to make it hard for me.
I won’t lie—it wasn’t easy. But I focused on my breathing and my own voice, resisting the urge to find out more about each of these new people by listening to them, and tuned them out. Slowly, the voices became softer, less individualized, and more like white noise. Eventually, they faded away completely and I was left alone in my head, so to speak.
One of the guys laughed out loud.
“Don’t break her concentration,” Tracy said.
“I’m sorry. It’s very impressive,” he said. “She hasn’t even been here two weeks and she’s doing things some of us are still learning how to do.”
“Wait, who’s still learning?” I asked. “I thought I was low man on the totem pole.”
“You are,” Tracy said, not willing to let me forget it. “And you need to focus on yourself without worrying where others are in their training. Worry about where you are with your training.”
Typical Tracy answer. “It’s a bit early to break for the day, so we might start on stage two today. Thank you all for your help. You’re dismissed.”
They got up in unison, no one daring to ignore Tracy. She got up and went into the training room, and I followed automatically.
“It seems you’re already ready for stage two,” she said, closing the door while I took a seat.
“What’s stage two?”
“Stage one is learning to block other people’s thoughts, which may or may not be directed at you.”
“Right…” I trailed off, not sure where she was going with this.
“Stage two is pushing out someone who’s inside your mind. Another reader who you don’t want there.”
“Inside my mind? Like how?”
<
br /> “Readers can take many forms. They can be obvious, or they can hide in the shadows of your mind, stealing your thoughts. It’s imperative for you to learn to guard yourself against other readers.”
“Steal my thoughts? Why? Who would want them? All I think about is Owen and doing well at training.”
She frowned in disapproval. “Yes, well, eventually you may expand your horizons. In which case, you could be a very interesting target indeed. Someone might want insight into how you’re going through the training process this quickly, so they can duplicate your method and rapidly create some kind of army.”
“That sounds like something you would do.”
“Indeed.” She nodded. “So you can see why it’s important to learn to guard your mind.”
“I suppose. I guess I’m not as distrustful as you are, though. I don’t really think anyone would want to see inside my mind. You know how messy it is in there.”
“The day may come when you’ve had reason to become as distrustful as I am. And if it does, it’s best to be ready.”
I frowned, a little disturbed. Why did everyone here have such a dismal worldview? I preferred to think the best of most people until they proved me wrong, which usually didn’t take very long given my abilities as a reader. Seeing people’s innermost thoughts told you right away what kind of person they truly were. To be honest, most people were selfish but good-natured. I supposed you couldn’t ask for much more than that. So, despite the fact that I didn’t understand how necessary this last step was, I pushed forward anyway.
“What do I do?”
First, you must learn to feel others in your mind, she thought.
I had never pictured myself in someone else’s mind. For me, it had always been more like overhearing someone who was talking too loud, not an intentional invasion of privacy. The guide popped into my head. That hadn’t been overhearing. I had deliberately searched his brain for information.
“You did what?” Tracy demanded.
“What?”
“You searched someone’s mind for information?”
“Technically, I suppose I did.” Feeling like I was in trouble, I tried to keep it vague, although I wasn’t sure to what end. If she wanted to know exactly what had happened, it was all there, plain as day.
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