“Now what?” Just then, a snowplow appeared out of the darkness. I tried to run from it, but it was surprisingly agile. Oddly, it didn’t dismember me as I’d expected it would when it literally plowed into me. I landed softly in the front shovel and was pushed back out onto the battlefield, just on the other side of the barbed wire.
I opened my eyes to find her grinning at me. “Now we move on.”
“Why did that snowplow work on me? I knew it wasn’t real.” I paused for a moment. “Actually, that isn’t true. It came at me so fast, and my immediate impression was that it was going to kill me. When it didn’t, I was so relieved that I let it carry me wherever.” I laughed at myself. “You have to teach me some of those added defenses. Apparently, the element of surprise is invaluable.”
“Of course. We will start with that tomorrow. Those are things you can constantly change and evolve as you see fit. They’re not as important as making sure you keep your wall strong. But they help serve as distractions. Plus, you already know how to effectively push someone out, you know. You did it to me.”
“That seems like a long time ago,” I said as I sank back into my chair.
“Yes, well, tomorrow we will have some fun. Then the real work starts.”
I hate it when she says that, I thought as I made my way to the door.
That night, Owen grilled me on the day’s training while the three of us ate dinner. “How did it go?”
I wasn’t sure how much detail to give them. Tracy had only requested I not say anything about her; she hadn’t asked me to keep quiet about how far I’d progressed with my training. But how could I tell them I’d gotten all the way into her mind without divulging what I’d seen there?
Taking a breath to try and calm my internal war, I tried to relax, not sure why I felt so unsettled about the hurdle I jumped. “It went really well.” I knew he wouldn’t leave it at that, but I hesitated anyway, still searching for the right words.
“Great! And?”
“And, I got all the way into Tracy’s mind.” I hadn’t exactly planned to tell him—at least not yet—but I’d never been too fond of lying.
“You what?” he shouted at me. I glanced around, smiling at the others at the table, trying to encourage them to go back to their own conversations. Mitchell smiled almost approvingly, but he refrained from commenting and shoveled another bite of his salad into his mouth.
Owen leaned in closer and whispered, “You what?”
“You heard me.” I stabbed at my noodles instead of making eye contact, suddenly feeling coy. Why should he be so surprised? Hadn’t I shown him I could accomplish anything I, well, put my mind to?
“How?” he said, leaning in so close that I could feel his hot breath on my hand as I twirled my spaghetti around my fork.
“That’s something even Tracy is struggling to understand. She wants to learn, though—probably so she can teach the rest of you to do it.”
He sat back in his chair and nodded, his jealousy—or whatever that had been—passing just as quickly as it had flared up. A smile made itself at home on his face, making my heart leap. It felt good to have that sensation again. “My girl, the prodigy. The only one to hack into Tracy’s mind.” He nudged Mitchell with his elbow, and our friend nodded at me, raising his glass in a silent toast.
The desire to beam at his compliment was outweighed by my desire to not get flayed by Tracy. “Pipe down, will you?” I snapped.
Lucky for me, all the people around us were still absorbed in their own conversations.
His smile didn’t break. “So, now what? Control?”
“She pushed me out of her mind with a freaking snowplow, so I asked her to teach me how to build some extra defenses. I think I need one of those machines in my head.”
Mitchell chuckled, and I went on. “Then she said after that, the ‘real work’ starts.”
Owen laughed out loud. “She’s right. Control is hard to master. It was a strange task for me. It didn’t feel right, controlling someone else.” He shrugged, keeping his tone lighthearted. “But it saved my skin more than a few times, so I’m glad I learned it.”
Finally, Mitchell chimed in. “Control can be a slippery slope. Make sure you keep your footing.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, so I decided not to dwell on it. “Well, that’ll be for another day. Tomorrow, I beef up my defenses.”
“You can do better than a snowplow,” Mitchell said without looking up from his plate.
“Like what, Mitch?” I asked.
“Anything you want. Use your imagination.” He said it so matter-of-factly and didn’t elaborate on my options.
“What’s yours like?”
Mitchell smiled out of one side of his mouth. “You’ll never have to find out if you know what’s good for you.”
Owen laughed. “We all know better than to go traipsing through your cobwebs, Mitch. I already feel sorry for the poor sap that tries to get into your head, Mac.”
I looked up at him and smiled; he’d already gotten into my head, and without having to scale a fence or deal with death by puppy. Despite the way I’d basically ignored him since Maddie, I couldn’t imagine having to go through any of this without him. Maddie’s death had ended the burning infatuation that had kept him at the forefront of my mind constantly, but it hadn’t snuffed the flame out completely. Instead, it had left slow, burning hot coals that kept me warm at night.
Reaching across the table to grab his hand, I simply said, “Indeed.”
The next morning, Tracy started teaching me about building up my defenses, adding traps, and pushing people out. “I don’t usually spend special lessons on this, since most people just adapt things they’ve seen other people do, but I thought we might have fun experimenting with it.”
I nodded, and she went on. “Your defenses are only limited by your imagination. Mine have a military feel because that’s how I was trained. It’s what I respond to best, and where I feel most at home. Yours don’t have to look like that.”
“Is there anything special I should keep in mind?”
She shrugged. “Your defenses must serve one purpose: keeping intruders out. It doesn’t matter how. Fear of harm, confusion, and the feeling of sheer defeat are all capable of repelling your enemies.”
The word confusion caught my ear. I didn’t care to have some terror-riddled landscape in my head, so the idea intrigued me. My haze could add to the confusion. Despite the fact that I didn’t want to keep it around forever, I might as well get good use out of it while it was there.
“But, if I confuse someone badly enough for them to get lost in my head, wouldn’t they just remain there indefinitely?”
Tracy nodded. “Assuming you didn’t know they were there. But the main point of your defenses is to arm yourself against unknown attacks. You already know how to push someone out. If you confuse them long enough to find them, you should be able to get them out yourself.”
“Assuming you know to look for them.”
She nodded, and we were quiet for a few moments.
“How are you feeling?” Tracy asked me, changing gears rather abruptly.
“Fine, why?”
“As I told you the other day, I hesitate to enter a grieving mind.”
“Why would you have to?”
“To test your new defenses, of course.” She thought for a moment. “I’m going to get a third party observer in here. Someone who can talk us through a rescue if needed.”
A rescue? I didn’t want to hurt her. “Tracy, we don’t—” However, she’d already walked out of the room. My mouth dried as I considered all the things that could possibly go wrong that would require a third person to step in and help. The original excitement I felt over this “fun” training day turned to dread as I waited for her to come back.
David came into the room and I swallowed, but my mouth was already so dry, nothing went down. I tried to cough out a greeting, but it came out more like a squawk.
He smil
ed and sat in the extra chair on Tracy’s side of the table as she followed him into the room. “This will be fun, I think. Thank you for inviting me.”
I cleared my throat. “I can’t believe you have time for something like this.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“This… dumb,” I filled in.
Tracy took the chair beside David, but he didn’t turn to look at her—his gaze was fixed on me, his expression serious. “Training is never dumb, Mackenzie. I’m proud to help you, both as part of the Unseen, and as your father.”
The word felt foreign, and he didn’t use it much because of that. The fact that he was also my boss added another element of strain to our father-daughter dynamic. The word hung awkwardly in the air, and I wondered how long it would take for us to get over that.
Tracy interjected, easing the tension. “Let’s get started.”
“Tracy, if this is dangerous for you, I don’t want to do it,” I said. “Seriously. This was supposed to be something fun, not intense and stressful.”
“Who’s making it intense and stressful?” she asked, sitting up completely straight in her chair, taking on her normal rigid appearance. “David, are you stressed?”
He shook his head no, and I rolled my eyes, resigned to the fact that neither of them was about to listen to me.
“What do I do?” I finally asked.
“Prepare your defenses and try to keep me out.”
“I’ll follow Tracy. I will alert you of any problems and let you know if you need to ease up,” David filled in.
“Okay, just give me a few minutes,” I said, shifting in my chair, still uneasy about this whole venture. Prepare my defenses. I pictured the caves Owen had taken me to see. They were so lovely, like nothing I’d ever seen before, let alone in the swamps of Florida. I wondered about the acoustics in the caves, imagining how enchanting and confusing a complex concerto would sound in such an echoey space.
Taking a deep breath, I knew I wasn’t going to get any more ready than I was in that moment. I looked at Tracy. “Are you sure we should be doing this?” I asked, giving her one last chance to change her mind. But she didn’t answer me. Her eyes were closed, and she’d clearly already gotten to work. David gave me a short nod of reassurance, but then he closed his eyes, apparently following her into my mind.
It was odd to be on the other side of mind reading, to watch them both sit stock-still, knowing they were trying hard to violate my mind as I’d done with Tracy’s.
Too soon, I noticed a strained expression on Tracy’s face. Beads of sweat were forming on her forehead, and she gripped the arms of her chair much too tightly.
Before I could alert either of them to her physical distress, David opened his eyes. “Mackenzie, push her out. She’s floundering.”
“How can she be floundering? She’s only been poking around for a few seconds.”
“Time has no meaning in the space of your mind.”
My voice, a high and strained version of itself, mirrored the panic I felt. “But I don’t know where she is!”
His eyes were cold and demanding. “Then find her.”
The open spaces of my mind were vast, and I wasn’t sure where to start my search. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and began, fanning out my thoughts to search for anything that didn’t belong. I tried to send out a signal to give her something familiar to grasp on to.
“Tracy?” I called out, but my voice echoed oddly inside my own head. She didn’t reply, and I had no way of knowing if she could hear me.
The memory of David’s words echoed in my mind. She’s floundering. I shuddered as I picked up the pace, scouring my mind for her.
She’s here somewhere. As long as I find her, she’ll be okay, right? None of my defenses could really hurt her, could they? Of course they could. That was what they were designed to do. The thought gave me an even greater sense of urgency.
The problem with delving into a person’s mind was that the space inside was both finite—in that it was contained within your skull—and infinite—in that it went on for as far as your imagination allowed. It could take me years to find her if she got herself lost enough.
“Tracy, if you can hear me, stay where you are.” If she keeps wandering, I may never find her. She could die with me seventy years from now. The thought was horrible enough that I started running, searching desperately for her.
Finally, I felt an unfamiliar presence on the outskirts of my mind and smiled with relief. She hadn’t gotten very far after all.
I didn’t try to use a snowplow. My method for throwing her out was more like blowing up a balloon. It started small, until it filled my whole mind, leaving no space for anything that didn’t belong.
Resisting the urge to enjoy the peace of having my mind to myself again, I opened my eyes and turned to look at Tracy. She was bent forward, holding her head in her hands.
“Thank you,” she said, but I wasn’t sure who she was addressing.
“Tracy, I am so—”
“An apology isn’t necessary,” she said from behind her hands. She peeked out at me warily, looking haggard. My horror must have been obvious, because she gave me a weak smile. “Those are some impressive defenses. Combined with your grief, it makes one hell of a maze. I almost pity the Potestas who decide to try you. Almost.”
“What was it like?” I ventured, not sure how much she’d be willing to talk about it at the moment.
She sat back while David held a bottle of water out to her. Smiling at him gratefully, she took a long swallow before she began to speak again. “It was lovely at first. There were these rock formations, almost like I was in a cave. Then the music started playing, giving it the perfect atmosphere. I even sat down for a moment so I could enjoy your lovely creation. But when I started trying to find my way out of there, the music got louder, so loud that it echoed off the cave walls, disorienting me. Then the music turned dark. My feet became heavy with the sadness of it. I lost my will to keep walking. When you found me, I was debating sitting down right there—” she paused, “—forever.”
“Holy…” I trailed off, not finishing my exclamation. A myriad of emotions bombarded me in that moment. Fear of what I was, horror at what I’d done… but also pride in what I could do.
“David,” she said, turning her gaze to him. “You know this isn’t the first time I haven’t made it past someone’s defenses. It doesn’t happen very often, but it does happen. I am human after all.” He nodded, and I wasn’t sure where she was going with her assertion. Tracy was human, yes, but she was the best of the best at what she did. “But it is the first time I haven’t made it past a rookie’s.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means you’re a very formidable foe. And I’m glad you’re on our side,” she answered, the exhaustion creeping into her voice as she rolled her head around her shoulders, trying to stretch her neck.
David turned to her. “Are you up for training tomorrow?”
“I will be. For now, I’m done for the day.” She stood with some effort. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to lie down for a little while.” She looked at me before she left. “Good work today.”
She left David and me alone in the room. I thought we were done for the day, but when I stood to follow her, he gestured for me to sit back down.
“A word,” he said. My legs collapsed automatically, flouncing me back into the chair I’d just vacated.
“I’m worried about you,” he said.
“I’m sorry?” I phrased it like a question, not sure how to respond.
“You need to learn how to handle your grief.” He was very matter of fact about it, acting like it was something that should be easy for me.
Anger compressed my lips into a thin line, keeping any sharp comments locked tightly behind them, for once.
“Control is a dangerous and difficult skill. If you don’t pull it together, you could hurt someone… or yourself.”
My eyes narrowed
, seemingly of their own accord. “If that’s true, and I’m so out of control, why are you pushing me to do these things?”
He frowned at me, and we sat in a stalemate for several minutes. Finally, I’d had enough.
“Am I free to go?” I asked, hoping the ice in my voice would make him shiver.
It didn’t. After he simply nodded, I stormed out. He was the one who’d wanted me to start working and training. He was the one who’d wanted me to contribute so soon. Now he had the nerve to imply I wasn’t ready? That I was a danger to myself and others? It was an absolute outrage.
I knew I wasn’t ready to start. But David continued to force me to plow forward. But now that it wasn’t playing out how he wanted, he had the nerve to put the blame on me? To tell me to get my shit together?
I was so angry that I nearly collided with Owen in the stairwell. “Whoa, what’s wrong? You barreled down on me like a boulder on Indiana Jones.”
“Nothing,” I said and shook my head. He wouldn’t understand. He had made it all too clear that he didn’t think I was ready either.
“You’re right. There are flames hot enough to melt this staircase flickering in your eyes, but there’s clearly nothing wrong.”
I rolled my eyes, but I decided to tell him. “David doesn’t think I’m ready for the lesson on control.”
He frowned, but whatever his personal opinions were—and I had a pretty good idea—he decided to keep them to himself. “What happened today? I thought it was supposed to be defensive training day. Something fun.”
“That’s not how it turned out,” I began, and then I relayed the morning’s events. Once I’d told him the whole story, I sank down onto the nearest step, feeling overcome by defeat.
“Maybe David’s right,” I said in a small voice. “Maybe you’re right. But if you are, what is my purpose here? What am I supposed to do with myself?” My voice quavered as I thought of Tracy’s haggard expression, all because of me, all because of what I’d done to her.
“I think I was wrong,” he said quietly as he took a seat beside me on the stairs. “No, I didn’t think you were ready. Honestly, I don’t think you thought you were ready. But you’ve become more and more focused every day since returning to training. I haven’t had to pry you out of bed in quite a long time. That’s a win.”
The Unseen Trilogy Page 23
