The Case of the Killer Divorce

by Barbara Venkataraman

  "They say the reason Becca and Joe split up was that Joe was sick of her pill popping. She really loves her mother's little helpers--Xanax, Valium, Ambien, you name it. Whatever she could con her doctor into giving her."

  "That would explain her tendency to turn into a zombie, but why is it important?"

  "I'll tell you why, young lady. Because even after she told Joe she'd quit the pills, she kept taking them, and she didn't want him to know."

  "So?"

  "So, she would hide them like a squirrel in winter. I think I know one of her hiding place was…see if you can guess."

  "No!! An aspirin bottle!"

  "Bingo!"

  "So, when Joe got home Thursday night after drinking too much, he took two Ambien thinking they were aspirin, and never woke up."

  "Oh-my-God! But we still don't know how the bottle got there."

  "No, we don't."

  "Wow! I'm blown away by that. What else did his friends say?" I asked.

  "Well, they said boyfriend Charlie had an alcoholic mother and that he always had to pick up the pieces after her."

  "That explains a lot. He's co-dependent--that's why he takes care of Becca and never complains."

  "Yup. Now, ask me what happened next." Duke said, suddenly serious.

  "What happened next?"

  "Becca went nuts--screaming and crying and carrying on, not making any sense, and then she collapsed and someone called 911. When the paramedics got there, she went nuts again. They had to sedate her to get her into the ambulance. I heard they were gonna Baker Act her, whatever that is."

  "That's an involuntary psych evaluation where they can hold you for up to 72 hours. What do you think's going on with her--is it guilt, or is it grief?"

  "There's no tellin'. Could also be mental problems or drug abuse. Or all of the above."

  "What a mess! So, where are her kids now?" I asked.

  "They went home with Joe's parents. I already called Susan Doyle and told her what happened. She asked me to keep digging around, try to find out how the aspirin bottle ended up at Joe's house."

  "Makes sense. I wish I could be there when Nick hears his prime suspect is in the psych ward! I'm a sick person, aren't I? Don't answer that. Anyway, Duke, you're certainly earning your money, keep up the good work."

  "Thanks, Darlin'. I appreciate it. So, what are you doing on this beautiful day?"

  "Believe it or not, I'm going horseback riding. I have a date."

  Chapter 29

  Although T.Y. Park is one of my favorite parks, Tradewinds Park is really the jewel in the crown. At almost five times the size of T.Y., it's one of Broward County's largest parks and has the most to offer. Besides the usual playgrounds, shelters, and fishing, Tradewinds has a model steam train, a flying disc golf course, an educational farm, and Butterfly World, a walk-through tropical garden with thousands of live butterflies, an insect museum, a lorikeet encounter, botanical gardens, and several aviaries, including the largest free-flight hummingbird aviary in the country. And, let's not forget the horse stables, where I was now headed.

  I was excited about seeing Kip, but worried that it might be awkward after all these years. While we were still those teenagers who had fallen in love, at the same time, we were strangers. It's harder when you have a history together because you're not the same people you used to be, no matter how much you wish you were. Does that make any sense?

  But all that went out the window the minute I saw Kip standing next to the stables, the wind playing with his hair as he stroked the mane of a beautiful black horse. He was wearing worn-looking jeans, low-cut boots and a Rolling Stones t-shirt, the same shirt he'd bought when he took me to see the Stones in Miami all those years ago. We had such a great time at that concert! How about that Kip? He was scoring points with me already, and he hadn't even said hello.

  When he saw me, he gave me a big grin.

  "Hey there, Jamie. How ya' doing? Ready to tear up the trails?"

  "I'm ready to tear up something." I said with a laugh.

  "Okay, let's get started. Would you like to meet your horse? This is Star. She's very gentle and knows the trail backwards and forwards".

  "How do I make friends with her, bribe her with food? Chocolate usually works for me."

  Kip smiled and his brown eyes lit up. "I'll have to remember that. Now, this is how you introduce yourself to a horse. It's called the 'horseman's handshake'. Offer her the back of your hand to smell and then pet her on the nose or the head."

  I approached the horse nervously (of course) and did as Kip said. Once she nuzzled her nose against my hand, I felt myself relax. Then Kip went over the basics: how to mount a horse; where to put your feet in the stirrups (only a third of the way in, so you don't get hung up in case of a fall!); how to hold the reins (not too much slack); and how to sit in the saddle (your shoulder, hip and heel should be aligned). He explained that to make your horse move forward, you squeeze with your calves, and to make your horse halt or slow down, you sit deep in the saddle and apply pressure with the reins. You can also say "whoa" (that part I knew). To turn your horse, you pull the left or right rein out to the side and apply pressure with your outside leg.

  "Is that everything I need to know?" I asked. My stomach was full of butterflies, and not the kind they had at Butterfly World.

  "One more thing," Kip said. "Don't forget to breathe, Jamie, or you'll pass out and fall off the horse!" He put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze.

  That made me feel much better. And I couldn't help but notice, Kip smelled as wonderful as I remembered.

  "There's a quote by Thornton Wilder I like," Kip said. "When you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure; when you're having an adventure you wish you were safe at home."

  I laughed. "I love it! That's exactly how I feel."

  I practiced getting on and off the horse and went through the drill of how to go, stop, slow down and steer. Then I waited with Star while Kip went to the stable to get his horse, a striking reddish-brown colt named Webster. Webster seemed a little feistier than Star, like he couldn't wait to get on the trail. In other words, the perfect horse for Kip.

  It took an hour to complete the trail that looped through a shady, wooded area. We were surrounded on both sides by live oak, mahogany, and gumbo limbo trees, with their red, peeling bark. No wonder they were called 'tourist trees.' Some of the trees were buried under winding vines of strangler figs that were literally choking them to death. They looked surreal, like some weird piece of modern art.

  My favorite plant, though, was the wild coffee, which seemed to be everywhere. Even if we'd missed seeing their signature red berries and shiny leaves in the underbrush, we couldn't miss the delicious coffee aroma following us down the trail. Kip told me the Latin name for wild coffee was Psychotria nervosa, and that birds and wildlife liked to eat the berries. That cracked me up. I said I'd love to see some overly-caffeinated wildlife.

  He laughed. "If you think that's funny, you need to go to Butterfly World and see the drunk butterflies."

  "Kip, you're making that up!"

  "I'd never lie about drunk butterflies! Those crazy things leave their fruit until it ferments, and then they eat it and fly around drunk. It's hilarious! Luckily, there aren't any predators inside the Butterfly Garden or they'd be goners.

  You may be wondering why I haven't talked about the actual horseback riding yet. That's because it was relaxing and easy, and not scary at all. I couldn't have asked for a better horse than Star. Or a better guide than Kip. As we ambled along, we caught each other up on the people we used to know, our jobs and our families. Kip was very upset to hear my mom had died; the two of them used to get along so well. Happily, Kip's parents were alive and well, living in Sacramento where they owned a medical equipment company. His older brother, Chuck, was in New York City, managing an off-Broadway theatre company. I didn't tell Kip about my search for my dad; it just seemed like too much for a first date.

  We w
ere coming up on the end of the trail when Kip gave me a look that said he was up to no good. He yelled, "Hang on, Jamie!" and then swatted Star in the rear. She started to pick up the pace and before I knew what had happened, we were both flying down the trail. It was terrifying! Also exciting and fun. The horses came to a stop on their own at the end of the trail. I was out of breath and I didn't think my behind would ever recover from that bruising saddle.

  "I'm going to kill you, Kip!" I laughed, "If I ever figure out how to get off this horse."

  He was laughing so hard. "That doesn't give me much incentive to help you, now does it?"

  After he'd helped me down, he pulled me into his arms and gave me a kiss. I gave him one back.

  "This checking out parks with you is fun," he said, as he stroked my hair.

  "Glad you thought of it," I agreed, with a smile. Yes, I was very glad.

  "What do you think about going to Quiet Waters Park with me next Saturday?"

  Quiet Waters sounded tame enough, so I said I would love to. Then he gave me that look again, and I knew I was in trouble.

  "Excellent! We can try out the ski rixen."

  "I'm not sure I like the sound of that. What's a ski rixen?"

  "It's where you stand on water skis and a cable pulls you around a one mile course. There are jumps and slides that you can do along the way. It's a blast! Trust me, Jamie--you're going to love it!"

  I guess I'd just to have to trust him.

  Chapter 30

  I was flying high after my date with Kip, so much so that I didn't mind at all when I couldn't sleep. Not sleeping is part of who I am, unfortunately, but that night it gave me a chance to relive our time together, analyzing every word and gesture. I couldn't stop smiling. It was unbelievable that I would run into him the one day I decided to exercise, and even more unbelievable that he would ask me out. Oprah recommends keeping a gratitude journal and I always meant to start one. Now, I know exactly what I'd write in it.

  My insomnia also gave me time to think about my father. I was so close to reaching him, but I just couldn't bring myself to contact his wife. She had to be going through so much already, with him in Nicaragua and her here, and having to fight for a visa to bring him to the U.S. The last thing she needed was a woman claiming to be his long-lost daughter to add to her problems. I'd have to find him on my own--well, with Grace's help--but not through his wife. It just didn't seem right to me.

  Luckily, it was Sunday, so I could sleep in. I planned on a leisurely brunch, followed by some intense house-cleaning. For a small house, it sure piled up a lot of dirt, not to mention cat hair. I dragged myself out of bed around noon and made some coffee. I was about to scramble some eggs and whip up some cheese grits when Grace called.

  "Tell me everything," she demanded.

  "No 'Good morning'? What would Miss Manners say?"

  "She'd say, 'It's afternoon, Princess, time to get up.'"

  "Hey, I've been up for a good ten minutes already."

  "Whatever. How was your date? You didn't spend the night in the emergency room, I take it. Did you spend it somewhere more interesting? Do tell."

  "No, Grace," I said, as I boiled the water for my grits. "I was home last night, although I did have company in bed. Unfortunately, it was just the cat."

  "Well, did you have fun? Did you make another date? Come on, Jamie, you're killing me!"

  I laughed. "Yes and yes. I had an amazing time and we're going out again next Saturday. Kip's really great." I hesitated.

  "I hear a 'but' coming," Grace said.

  "Well, it's just that…how do I say this? He's so interesting and I'm so boring! Kip's like 'Mr. Adventure', always looking for a mountain to climb, while I'm happy spending the day at Barnes and Noble. He's going to figure it out pretty soon."

  Grace started laughing so hard, she had to put the phone down. "Jamie, honey, if he didn't figure that out yesterday, he's never going to."

  "Figure out that I'm boring?" I was feeling a little insulted, even though I'd said it first.

  "No, that you're the opposite of adventurous."

  "I guess you're right," I said. "There's no hiding the real me. But next Saturday we're going to another park, this time to water-ski!"

  Grace chuckled. "I definitely need pictures of that. Maybe for your next date, you can take him to Barnes and Noble."

  "Very funny. Do you think I can learn to water ski by watching YouTube? If not, I'm in trouble. Seriously."

  "You'll be fine, I'm the one who's in trouble. I have that big trial tomorrow. I think I'm ready, but who knows?"

  "Just use your 'voice of reason' and the judge will have to rule for you." I finished scrambling the eggs and then sprinkled cheese on the grits.

  "It's a jury trial and my client is so obnoxious, everyone hates him. Including me. I wish I didn't have to put him on the stand at all."

  "Well, here's what I'd do. Put him on the stand right away and get it over with. Then, finish with your most charming witness and the jury will forget all about him. First impressions don't matter as much as the last one."

  "I like it!" Grace said. "Now I just need to find a charming witness."

  Before we hung up, I wished her luck. She said if I didn't hear from her after the trial, it meant she lost and she was rethinking her career choices. Like, maybe she'd move to Alaska and train for the Iditarod.

  I ate my brunch on the patio, enjoying the mid-day heat as well as the light breeze that hinted of fall. Weather changes are subtle in south Florida, but we appreciate them; contrary to the tourists, who think it's summer here year-round. Another advantage to sitting outside was I could ignore my dirty house, or pretend it was someone else's.

  My phone buzzed with a text message and I tried to resist looking at it. I wish I could break the phone habit, but I can't--I'm totally addicted. If there were a twelve-step program available, I'd think about doing it, but, honestly, I'd rather give up chocolate than my phone. I waited a whole twenty seconds before I broke down and read the text. It was from Duke.

  You still on a date, Darlin'? You go, girl!!

  If I were on a date, do you really think I'd be texting you?

  Sure, if you needed my expert advice.

  Never gonna happen.

  Okay, but that offer doesn't expire. Hey, do you know where Charlie Santoro is? I can't find him.

  No clue. At Becca's house? I texted.

  Nope, she's still in the psych ward. And Charlie doesn't answer his phone.

  Wish I could help you, Duke.

  Me too. I get the feeling he knows more than he's telling.

  You could be right.

  Aren't I always?

  You're a legend in your own mind. Got to go now.

  Adios, Ms. Esquire.

  Duke was right--if anyone knew how that aspirin bottle ended up at Joe's place, it was probably Charlie. Since he'd been living at Becca's for the past few months, I wondered where he would've gone, but it wasn't my problem anymore. What was my problem was a house desperately in need of cleaning.

  I was just about to break out the mop and the vacuum cleaner when my neighbor Sandy came over and invited me to go to the Yellow Green Farmer's Market. The thought of fresh produce, exotic juice drinks, the Amish cheese booth (with free samples!) and live mellow music was too much to resist. I closed the door to my dirty house and it was out of sight, out of mind for the rest of the day.

  Chapter 31

  Monday morning found me back at work, but not exactly working. I was off to a slow start--surfing the web, reading the news, checking out Facebook--basically, anything I could do to avoid work. I'm a master procrastinator, but, like any acquired skill, it took me years of practice.

  I was enjoying my early morning solitude when Lisa burst into my office, clearly distraught.

  "Jamie, there's a crazy homeless guy in the lobby and he won't leave! He said he has to talk to you. What should I do? Call the police?"

  "It's alright, Lisa, I'll go see what he wants. Wh
y don't you wait here?"

  I was a little nervous, I'll admit. Being a divorce lawyer isn't the safest job in the world, especially considering that two of my colleagues had been killed by angry litigants in the past few years. There's a reason metal detectors had been installed in every courthouse, it was necessary.

  I peered into the lobby and saw a disheveled young guy pacing back and forth, as if he couldn't stand still. I didn't recognize him until l he turned to face me.

  "Charlie? Oh my God, what happened to you?"

  He stopped pacing, but still had a wild look in his eyes.

  "I need to talk to you. Please, can I talk to you?"

  "Sure, Charlie, but how about I get you a bottle of water and a snack first? Maybe some coffee?"

  He shook his head.

  "Then why don't we sit right here and you can tell me what's on your mind. Nobody will bother us."

  We sat in adjoining arm chairs and I waited, but Charlie didn't say a word. He just stared at his shoes. I didn't know which topics were safe, or what he could possibly want from me, so I didn't say anything. I would've given him money for food, or referred him to a mental health provider, if that's what he wanted. It sure looked like what he needed.

  "So…what's going on, Charlie?" I asked, after several minutes had gone by.

  Once he started talking, the words flew out of his mouth. "I loved her so much", he said, locking his eyes on my face. "I did everything for her, but she didn't care. No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough, I was never good enough. She used me, like she used everyone!"

  I wasn't sure if he meant Becca or his mother.

  "She used you, too, Jamie," Charlie stated flatly.

  Okay, he was talking about Becca.

  "What happened?" I asked.

  Suddenly, Charlie was sobbing uncontrollably and it made him look like a little boy. I was in familiar territory now; if there's one thing I'm good at, it's comforting crying people. I patted him gently on the back.

  "It's alright, Charlie," I said in a soothing voice. "Everything's going to be okay."

  I saw Lisa peek around the corner and motioned for her to bring a bottle of water, which she quickly did.