by Linda Ford
She pounced, pressing her hands to his chest. “Serves you right, you crazy man.”
He didn’t move to escape. Instead, he locked eyes with her. Her gaze went on and on. Beyond his past, over his feelings of inadequacy, straight to the cracks and scars on his heart, and in that moment, by some spiritual miracle, they began to heal.
“You caught me,” he whispered, meaning far more than pinning him to the ground.
“I’m trying to decide what to do with you.”
“I can tell you.”
“Really?”
“This.” He cupped her head and lifted his head to meet her mouth with his.
He felt her surprise and then a quiet yielding. Then he pulled back and looked into eyes full of dark emotion. He wished he could believe it to be acceptance and caring, when most likely it was nothing more than surprise at his boldness. He’d kissed her twice in one day. And she’d let him. He guessed that meant something, thought he couldn’t say for sure what. Nor what he wanted it to mean. This was getting way too complicated.
She sat back on her heels, looking out over the hills, but didn’t say anything.
Glad not to have to deal with his confusion, he scrambled up and sat beside her, his legs stretched out on the brittle grass. The sun sank low in the west. The air, foggy with dust, turned pink. He waited for her to speak, wondering if she would scold him or…
He wouldn’t let himself dream of other possibilities. Yet all the reasons he could hope flashed through his mind. She never seemed to notice he had Indian blood in him until he reminded her. Could it be possible? His heart rattled against his ribs like a rock tossed by turbulent water. He could love this woman if he let himself. The realization hit him like a full-force gale, sucking away his breath, turning his insides into a whirlwind of warm, delightful thoughts—the joy of sharing every moment with her, the fun of teasing and making her laugh, the pleasure of seeing her grow feisty and defensive…
“It’s a pretty evening,” she said. “I wish life could always be like this—soft and pleasant.”
“Huh.” Not much he could say to something like that, because wishing didn’t change the harsh realities of life—something he would do well to remember.
He pushed to his feet, dismissing his delightful, totally unrealistic dreams. “We better get back.” For a few delicious moments, he’d let himself think—but even if she did care about him he knew the censure she’d face if she acknowledged it. The best thing he could do was get himself out of this town as fast as possible and ride for Canada like he was driven by the relentless wind.
Only, he had to see Star with her new shoes first.
He had to make sure Pa would be able to take care of himself.
He wanted to enjoy a few more days of Charlotte’s company.
Chapter Twelve
Martha, as Mrs. Douglas had insisted she be called, said she needed nothing more done. The walls were scrubbed, the windows gleamed and a batch of rhubarb jam lined a shelf in the cellar.
Charlotte left the house and headed toward the park where she and Kody had sat a few days ago. The day he told her she was a strong woman, the day he kissed her.
She needed to think, figure out what it all meant. She sat on the bench and prayed. God, I think I love Kody, but I’m confused. I don’t know if it’s real or if it’s returned. Keep me from dong anything foolish.
He thinks I’m strong.
Could it be possible? She’d been so busy trying to please she hadn’t thought of anything else. Until Harry left her, she’d gladly, willingly, let him or Nellie dictate her every move. She chuckled, thinking it had been fun to make some of her own decisions and even exert a little defiance. She’d managed to scare off Ratface and Shorty. For a moment she wondered if they’d moved on, then she forgot the pair as she cherished the memory of how she and Kody had played a game of tag ending in a kiss.
Her feelings for Kody were so fresh and unfamiliar she could hardly think what they meant. She only knew she felt safe with him in a way completely different from the way she felt with Harry. She trusted Kody. He would always be honest and sincere. Even when he didn’t want to be. Even when she didn’t want to hear what he had to say because she preferred not to face the truth.
But was she simply looking for someone to replace Harry?
It was all so convoluted and confusing.
She could only again pray that God would guide her and keep her from being foolish.
She left the park, but took her troubling thoughts with her as she walked the streets of Favor. Eventually she ended up in one of the stores. She bent over a display case to admire a tiny hand mirror. She wished she had the money to purchase it for Star. The child got so much pleasure out of simple things. She imagined her enjoying the little mirror.
She left off staring at the mirror and wandered around the store, aimless and bored. She wasn’t used to having nothing to do. But she recognized her restlessness went deeper than boredom. Kody rode off early every day, gone to some ranch to break horses. She’d seen men ride wild horses to a standstill. Or more often, get tossed to the ground trying. Some suffered more than surface injuries. She tried not to think of Kody being hurt.
But until he returned each evening, she missed him and worried about him.
She left the store and sauntered over to the post office to ask for the mail. She stopped to poke through the notices on the bulletin board, not looking for anything, simply passing time.
A woman hurried through the door and over to the wicket. “Give me my mail, Matt.”
“On your way to the hospital, are you?”
“I am. I hadn’t expected to work today, but Matron practically begged me to come in. We’re run off our feet with cases of dust pneumonia. We could sure use some help.”
Charlotte turned to see who spoke. The woman appeared to be in her thirties and wore a crisp white uniform and white cap with stiff, starched wings. Could they use her? It would be nice to be needed again. She drew in a deep, courage-giving breath and approached the woman. “What kind of help do you need?”
The woman looked her up and down with sharp eyes, taking in every detail. “Are you volunteering?”
“Could I? I mean, I have no nursing experience.”
“Can you run and fetch? Follow orders?”
“As well as most, better than some.” Something about this woman made Charlotte speak briskly.
“Then go down to the hospital and ask to speak to Matron Morrow. Tell her Helen Chester sent you. And be prepared to start work immediately. Wear a big apron and pin your hair up.” Mrs. Chester smiled. “You’ll be welcomed with open arms. Of course, you’ll be paid a fair wage.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I deliver the mail to the Douglases.”
“You’re living with them?”
Charlotte nodded. “For now.” For how long she didn’t dare venture a guess.
Mrs. Chester’s smile widened. “They’re good folk. Anyone associated with them needs no other recommendation. Now hurry. I can use your help.”
Charlotte dashed from the building and hurried up the street. Breathless by the time she reached the Douglas home, she clattered into the house, raced upstairs and into the sewing room, where she knew Martha would be.
Martha looked up, startled by her rushed entrance. “Charlotte, what is it?”
“I have a job.” She told of her conversation with Mrs. Chester. “I guess I’m going to need one if I have to support myself.”
“You’ll always be welcome here.”
“I know.” She also knew how desperately short of cash Martha and Leland were. “I appreciate it, but I’ll feel better contributing something.”
She changed into a clean cotton dress Nellie had given her when she gained weight with Mandy. It wasn’t material Charlotte would have chosen. The pale pink color looked faded even when new, the flowers unnatural. Nellie made the dress plain as bread, but Charlotte had prettied it up with a daisy stitch around the color. According t
o Mrs. Chester’s instructions, she pinned her hair back and twisted it into a little bun. She borrowed a big white apron from Martha. Not certain how long she’d be there or what arrangements had been made for the staff to eat, she packed a small lunch and set off. From the bottom of her stomach crept an uneasy feeling she tried to ignore. She’d never spent any time in a hospital. Could she handle the sight of so many sick people?
Matron Morrow greeted her as if expecting her. “Nurse Chester said you might show up. You look sturdy enough. Now let me tell you what you will encounter. Most of our patients right now are here with dust pneumonia. Many are quietly struggling to avoid the inevitable. We do all we can to ease their suffering. Others, thank God, are recovering.”
Charlotte tried not to think of the despair of those dying and vowed she would do all she could to help both them and the recovering ones. “What do you want me to do?”
“Assist the weaker ones. Get them to eat or drink if you can. Take water to the thirsty. I don’t think you’ll have any trouble keeping busy if you are at all industrious.”
Charlotte decided then and there she would prove to Matron Morrow and every nurse on the staff how useful she could be. Matron led her down the hall and into the wards. The whole building rattled with coughing—loud, hacking coughs, as well as gasping, struggling ones. Charlotte remembered the lung-deep irritation of breathing in too much dust and longed to be able to ease each sufferer.
She stepped into the women’s ward and noticed that the patients were thin, pale and out of breath. Most were elderly. Or mere children. Within minutes she was busy. She carried water to everyone. She spent an hour rubbing the back of a small boy while his parents sat on two metal chairs, their feelings so clear in their eyes—fear, dread, worry and a tiny shred of hope their child would survive.
She paused at noon, following Nurse Chester’s instructions to join the nurses in the kitchen. Cook presented them with steaming cups of coffee while the nurses opened their sacks of food. Charlotte gratefully opened the lunch she’d packed.
Matron’s prediction proved right. The afternoon passed so quickly Charlotte could hardly believe it when one of the nurses tapped her on the shoulder. “It’s time to go home.”
Matron stepped out of her office. “Can we count on you tomorrow morning?”
“If you want me.” She’d scurried around from patient to patient, she’d helped measure out medications, she’d tried to comfort an old, old man so wrinkled and shrunken he might have been a hundred. Only, he comforted her. “Don’t worry about the drought and dust—every day means we’re a day closer to it raining.” Charlotte laughed at his philosophy.
“You did well,” Matron said. “I’ll be glad to see you regularly.”
Although her feet hurt clear up to her knees and weariness swept over her, Charlotte reveled in Matron’s praise as she headed home. For the first time in ages she’d done something of significance. Her footsteps slowed. This was the first time she’d done something she’d decided to do, and it felt good right down to the soles of her very sore feet.
Martha had supper prepared when Charlotte got back, and guilt swept away some of her joy. She rushed forward. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help.”
Kody came into the house in time to hear Charlotte’s apology. He quirked an eyebrow and his silent look asked many questions.
She could barely contain her excitement. She wanted to tell him, tell them all, how much she enjoyed her new job, but first she had to make sure she did her share of the work here. “Next time wait until I get home”
Martha fluttered a hand at her. “I can manage to prepare a meal. You sit down and put your feet up.”
But Charlotte could not. She helped carry the bowls of vegetables to the table.
Leland waited for everyone to be seated, then lifted a hand. “I will pray.” His words slurred, he nevertheless managed a quiet, heartfelt prayer full of gratitude. “Lord of all creation, You have made each of us. You have blessed us. Thank you. Amen.”
Charlotte glanced at Kody, wondering if he shared Leland’s gratitude. He smiled, and the smile fell into her heart with an unexpected burst of pleasure. She ducked her head. How silly to think she might be part of the reason he seemed happy. Yet she hoped…
“I got a job,” she said.
“Good for you. Who had the good sense to hire you?”
His ready approval pleased her more than she cared to admit. “I’m an aide at the hospital.”
Over the meal she told them about her work. She repeated the old man’s remarks about every day of drought being closer to the end of it, and everyone laughed. “I’m to go back tomorrow.” She stopped and looked at Martha. “Of course, if you need me—”
Martha laughed. “You go to work. It’s the best thing for you.”
“She’s right,” Kody said. “This is just what you need to get your mind off waiting for life to happen.”
He probably meant his words to be encouraging, but they stung. Did he think she sat around waiting? No. She worked while she waited. She grinned, silently acknowledging the truth of his words.
“They need strong people like you to help with the sick.”
His reminder that he thought her strong made her sit taller. “I enjoy the work.”
They exchanged quick smiles, then she ducked away before Martha and Leland could think her too bold with their son.
“How did your day go?” she asked of everyone, but looked at Kody, wanting to hear what he’d done since she last saw him. Seems Leland and Martha felt the same, as they turned to him and waited for his answer.
“Nothing exciting about my day. Broke a few horses. Saw a baby hawk learning to fly. Outrode a dust storm.” He said it with such calm, bored, flat tones that for a minute Charlotte thought he might have been reading a list of supplies. She saw the twinkle in his eye at the same time as she realized how out of the ordinary the events had been, and she laughed.
Leland and Martha laughed, too.
Kody grinned and seemed pleased he’d amused them.
Charlotte worked ten days before she got a day off. She picked up her first pay and before she headed home, stopped at the store to buy the mirror she’d admired.
Kody continued to work on nearby ranches, mostly breaking horses but doing odd jobs, as well. “Anything to make a few bucks.”
She didn’t ask what he planned to do with the money—it wasn’t any of her business—but she knew it would finance his Canada trip. He never said anything to suggest he’d changed his mind. She knew he waited for the shoes for Star, and hung about to help Leland. But every day Leland grew stronger, and once the shoes came…
What would keep him there after that?
How could she hope she might be a reason for him to stay? Sure, they found more and more excuses to spend time together. She very much enjoyed walking and talking with him, and sharing stories after Martha and Leland went to bed. But was it enough to convince him to abandon his plan to head to Canada?
She glanced at the package she carried. She’d made little progress toward convincing him to become Star’s father. To her shame, she’d been distracted with her own interests. Her work at the hospital was both satisfying and demanding.
A sense of urgency made her walk faster. She didn’t know how much time she had left to accomplish her goal. She only knew she didn’t dare waste another minute.
Kody returned for the evening meal. When she’d helped clean up afterward, he asked if she wanted to go with him to check on the horses kept in the small pen in the back of the yard. He rode Sam almost everywhere he went and threw out some feed for Blackie before he left each morning.
She agreed to accompany him, reminding herself she must use this opportunity to work on him about Star.
They leaned on the top rail of the fence. “I suppose we ought to sell Blackie,” Kody said. “She’s nothing but a hay burner.”
“I hate to see her go.” The horse had been so patient with Charlotte on the ride
to Favor.
“It’s not like anyone rides her.”
“I might decide to.”
“What for?”
“Something to do.”
“Aren’t you pretty busy with the hospital and all?”
“Didn’t you remind me the other day that a person should play, too?”
His head jerked up and their gazes locked. “Showed you how, too.” His voice seemed husky.
She couldn’t look away from his black eyes. She couldn’t get a sound past her constricted throat. Yes, she’d enjoyed the kiss. Even more, she’d been thrilled to think he cared about her, had forgotten for just a few minutes he was both Indian and white and yet neither, remembered only he was a man and she was a woman and something good and strong and right had been growing between them since he’d walked into Harry’s house in the middle of a dust storm. He’d blown her right out of her complacent frame of mind as cleanly as the wind swept bare the dried-out prairie.
“You’ve been showing me lots of things.” She finally managed to squeeze out the words.
He looked deep into her eyes, searching past her words, past her smile to something deeper, something she wasn’t sure she wanted to expose. “Like what?” he asked.
“How to be strong. I’m liking it.”
“You would have discovered it yourself sooner or later.”
“Maybe.” She hovered between taking another step toward what he thought she could be, and clinging to his strength. Yet neither was safe. Being independent felt good but scared her. She was used to someone else taking care of problems. However, leaning on him would be futile. He’d ride out as quickly as Harry had when he finished here. That brought her sharply back to her real purpose for wanting to talk to Kody alone. She’d decided coming directly at the subject of Star only caused him to throw up instant, automatic resistance. So she would try something indirect.
She knew he’d visited the reservation several times since she’d been there last—surely a good sign. “Shouldn’t those shoes have been here by now?”
