Then I opened my eyes and remembered I was in his office. There was no beach, no nearby waves and the smell of the sea was replaced by a lemon scented air freshener.
"You okay?" he asked as he wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.
All I could do was gasp and nod.
"I've missed you so much," I said.
I felt close to tears and swallowed down the swell of emotion that was ready to burst out of me.
"I'd be lying if I said I'd not missed you too," he said. "I never thought I'd see you again."
He moved in closer and pulled down his zipper.
"I always wondered what happened to my girl. Never forgot how sweet you tasted or how beautiful you looked on those nights when I snuck into your room."
He pulled his cock from his underwear and stroked it. I'd never forgotten a single thing about it and, as I leaned forward and took it in my mouth, it tasted the same as it had all those years ago.
"Yeah, like that. You always were so good at this," he moaned as he thrust himself into my mouth, his hips reaching a slow but steady rhythm.
We were so lost in the moment that we never heard the sound of approaching footsteps. When the knock on the door sounded, we both jumped.
"Dr. Slater?" a voice came from outside.
"Erm... yes?" he answered, taking all his strength to sound normal.
"Your two o'clock is here."
"Okay just... erm… give me five more minutes."
The footsteps disappeared back across the waiting room.
"Ah fuck," he pulled out my mouth looking annoyed. "I wish I had more time with you. I wish I had all night. You remember those long nights when I'd fuck you for hours? I'd fuck you until we were both sore."
He roughly jostled me out the chair and pushed me down to my knees. This was what I was waiting for, the burn of the carpet against my knees, the slight fear that came from not knowing how far he would go, and the comfort that came from knowing he owned my body.
Kneeling behind me, he reached round and clamped his hand over my mouth.
"Don't you dare make a noise," he commanded.
I nodded as best as I could.
Touching himself softly to my lips, I braced myself for what I knew was coming.
"Are you ready?" he whispered in my ear.
Again, all I could do was nod slightly.
I heard him take a deep breath and his grip on me tightened.
He entered me roughly, a short sharp sting of pain shocking me before it dissolved into an abyss of pleasure. Harder, I thought. Do it harder.
And as though he sensed my thoughts, he drove himself into me, his sweat drenched hands clinging to my hips as though he was scared to let me go.
I felt it in his thighs first, the small convulsions that signaled he was about to come. He breathed hard in my ear, his tongue gently lapping at the soft skin of my neck.
"I still love you," he whispered as he climaxed.
We tumbled forward onto the carpet and I rubbed at the scrapes that had formed across my kneecaps.
"I didn't mean for that to happen," I breathed as I pulled myself up and adjusted my clothing.
"Cut the crap, Paige. We both know that's what you came here for."
Chapter Two
My cap and gown sat at my feet with the sand drifting over it. A small fire blazed in front of me and on the other side of it, Una was toasting marshmallows and laughing as the melted sugar dripped onto her fingers. Beside her, Limp Bizkit blared from a CD player although the sound of the waves distorted the words.
"I can't believe we just graduated," Sean said as he reached into the cooler for a bottle of beer.
He was perched beside me on the flaky tree trunk, his tanned legs poking out from his favorite pair of basketball shorts.
"I can't believe it either," I said. "Does this mean were, like, adults now or something?"
"Pretty much," he replied and clinked his bottle against mine before taking a sip.
We both stared into the distance. The sun was dipping into the sea, casting an orange glow across the sky. The atmosphere was sizzling, people couldn't stop smiling, and there was more alcohol than we'd ever need. Somehow, it felt as though it was the most important night of our lives, the night when we all threw off the shackles of childhood.
Sean's leg grazed mine but I didn't move away. I turned to view his face in profile, the subtle light of the sunset glinting off the sweat on his forehead. Despite the salt in his hair and the half-buzzed expression on his face, he'd never looked more handsome. I wanted to take his face in my hands and kiss it hard, but I couldn't. Wrapping my fingers around my beer, I held it tight until my knuckles turned white.
"I'm going to miss you," I blurted out.
He turned to me and smiled as the wind kicked up the front of his hair.
"Hey, I'll miss you too."
He threw his arm around me and pulled me into a quick hug before letting me go.
"No, I mean I'll really miss you," I insisted.
He gave me a strange look and reached into his backpack for his pouch of tobacco. Rolling a joint, he licked the edge of the papers and I focused on the smooth pinkness of his tongue and the way the paper curled up on the edge of his lip. There was a stormy look in his eyes as he watched the group of people dance and laugh around the bonfire. For a moment, the fire reflected in the deep brown of his eyes. I followed his gaze and saw he was looking at Una. Their eyes met as she licked the melted marshmallow off her fingers and my stomach lurched with envy. She was everything I wasn't but more importantly, she was his girlfriend. Sensing my anger, he lit the end of his joint and turned to me.
"I know what you mean," he said. "I'm really going to miss you too. I mean, how long have we known each other?"
"Five years, four months," I replied with a little too much enthusiasm.
"So you've been counting?" he smirked.
"Maybe..."
Embarrassed, I looked down at my shoes and picked at the laces.
"I don't want to go to college," I said more to myself than to him. "I want to stay here."
He scrunched up his face and grimaced.
"Why do you want to stay in this craphole?"
I shrugged.
"There's a whole world out there," he said as he spread his arm out in front of him. "And with your good looks, you could go anywhere and do anything."
My heart beat a little faster.
"You really think I'm good looking?" I asked.
"You know I do," he winked and gave my thigh a subtle squeeze.
It felt as though an electric shock was traveling up my leg. I wanted him to grip me harder, wanted him to move his fingers up a few more inches until I could finally feel them inside me. I'd imagined it so many times, had gone to bed every night with my hand between my legs imagining it was him. But we could never be together. There were countless reasons why, but the main one was standing in front of us in a pair of denim cut-offs. Her perfect blonde hair billowed around her shoulders like she lived in a shampoo commercial.
"We're going to be so far away from each other," I moaned as I threw my empty bottle into the sand.
"It's not that far. Our colleges are only a five hour drive from each other."
Since we met we hadn't been more than five miles apart. Now, five hours seemed painful. Of course, it wasn't like I hadn't tried to get into the same school as him. Wantage was at the top of my list. I'd applied at the same time as him but on the morning he got his acceptance letter I got my denial. In his usual cocky way, he'd patted me on the back and said:
"Don't worry about it. We'll still get to hang out."
But I could see the sadness in his eyes. He needed me as much as I needed him but there was no way of openly admitting it.
For a moment, the music stopped as someone changed the CD and Una sauntered over to us.
"What are you two up to?" she asked with a smile as she slid her impossibly tight ass in between us.
"Just chilli
ng'," Sean replied.
"Just chilling'," she repeated. "So why does Paige look as though she's at her own funeral? Cheer the hell up won't ya? It's not every day you graduate high school!"
I smiled insincerely and felt as though I was sinking inside. If I held it a moment longer my face would have cracked.
"Hey," Una slapped my thigh as she remembered something. "Did Sean tell you I got transferred to Wantage?"
A tightness began to grip my chest like a rubber band being pulled taught around my heart.
"He didn't mention that," I said.
"Sean! Why didn't you tell her? Anyway, so I was all set for Sellon College but then at the last minute, I managed to get my place at Wantage so I can be with my little Seany Bean. Isn't that great?"
I took a deep breath and swallowed down the tears.
"Yeah, that's great," I mumbled. "Real great."
Chapter Three
I braked at a red light and looked at my reflection in the rearview mirror. There were red marks scattered across my jaw line from where Sean's fingers held me. I stared at them longingly, wishing there were more.
Behind me, a car honked its horn and I looked up to see the light had turned green. I stepped on the accelerator and turned up the radio. Generic pop played out from the tinny speakers in the dashboard as I stared over the top of the rush hour traffic.
When I was a kid I always thought I would have hit the big time by now, thought I would be driving a Porsche and be swinging around the neighborhood like a real girl about town. Except everything I had now was so depressingly ordinary. The car, my clothes, the home I was returning too, it was all lovely but it wasn't me and it was never what I wanted.
Of course, there have been people that had called me ungrateful. I tried to broach the subject with an old girlfriend of mine and she laughed as she shoveled more cake in her mouth.
"What have you got to complain about?" she cackled. "You're married to one of the most admired civil servants in the city, you're skinny, and live in one of the most desirable suburbs."
I'd nodded and smiled politely as I pushed my dessert over to her.
"You're right. I'm just being silly. Must be my hormones going into overdrive or something."
What I really wanted to tell her was that no matter how many nice things I had, no matter how safe I felt, I didn't have the one thing I really craved.
Taking a hard right, I turned onto our street and sighed. Pulling into the driveway, my heart sank as I saw the familiar white BMW. Arthur was home.
I could see him through the window as he sat at the dining room table, his laptop in front of him and his fingers massaging his temples. For a second, I was certain I saw his ears prick up at the sound of my keys entering the lock. When I opened the door he was in the hallway, breathless from jumping up to greet me.
"Honey!"
He limply wrapped his arms around me and pecked my cheek. I could smell the stale sweat from his shirt and the way he'd tried to cover it up with aftershave.
"How are you, honey?" he asked. "How was the therapist?"
There was an aching guilt inside me and I looked down at the floor.
"It was okay," I answered.
"Just okay?" he asked with an inquisitive smile.
"Yeah.Just okay."
His eyes searched mine for more information. Jesus, he really did smell bad. I could almost taste the sweat and he had that look on his face again, the one that said he was about to move in to kiss me. A flap of greasy, gray hair swung down across his forehead like a windshield wiper and he tucked it behind his ear with a sniff. It was then that I noticed the green string of mucus that was protruding from his left nostril.
"I'm going for a shower!" I blurted out before he could come any closer.
"Want me to join you?" he asked.
"No! I mean, I'm really tired. Sorry."
He pursed his lips and focused on my shoes as they clattered on the stairs, a quizzical expression on his face as he took note of the height of my heels.
Once in the bathroom, I twirled the taps until scalding water pumped out the showerhead, filling the room with steam. I felt rotten.
Sitting on the edge of the bath, I buried my head in my hands and sobbed. What have I done? But then I thought about Sean and the way his hips moved as he ground against me. I thought about his hands on my face and the softness of his lips as he kissed me. I needed to see him again.
The hot water stung as it hit me. I parted my legs slightly to apply a handful of body wash and, before the suds dispersed, I could smell him on me. I cried as I washed the last of him away and bundled myself up in a towel.
Back downstairs, Arthur was setting the table.
"I made beef bourguignon," he said with a camp flourish of his hand.
There was something about the way he said it that made me cringe. He was always trying to affect a more cultured vocabulary and it often made him sound ridiculous.
"Beef soaked in red wine," I said as I sat down across from him. "What could go wrong?"
He poured me a drink and prodded his fork into the tender slabs of beef.
"So your therapist," he began. "What's he like?"
I chewed thoughtfully for a second before saying:
"Boring. A funny old guy," I lied.
"Did you have to lie back on a couch and tell him about your childhood as he stroked both his beard and his ego?"
We both laughed.
"Pretty much," I said. "Although with more awkward silences. Anyway, enough about me. How was your day?"
"Oh, it was awesome, real awesome."
"Awesome?" I asked with a smirk.
Hearing him say the word sounded like someone's grandpa trying to fit in with the cool kids.
"Yeah, so Gerald from accounts dared us all to throw paper airplanes at the boss’s head at three o'clock exactly. Except when the time came I was the only one who did it!"
"Sounds.... crazy," I said with the most deadpan expression I could muster. "Did you get into trouble?"
"Nah," he laughed. "I missed."
We both ate in silence for a minute as I let that riveting story sink in. Then my mind wondered to Sean and how he'd pumped himself inside me. I wondered if there was any of him left inside my body.
"Honey, you don't look very happy," Arthur pouted. "Was it really so tough at the therapist?"
All I could do was nod and swallow.
"You know, you can tell me anything."
He slid his hand across the table to reach mine and I pulled away.
"I know," I answered. "I know..."
"I mean it," he urged. "We're a team. So if you have a problem it's mine too."
Shifting nervously in my seat, I took a gulp of wine.
"Your depression," he continued. "It hurts me too. It's not easy seeing you mope around here all day."
"It's not easy for me either," I tried to explain.
"Of course not," he replied with an anxious gulp that evolved into a burp.
He placed his curled up hand in front of his mouth but I could still smell it. I placed my fork down and leaned back.
"You don’t like it?" he asked with puppy dog eyes.
"I’m just not that hungry."
An awkward silence hung in the air. Outside, the rain started to batter down against the windows and I welcomed the chance to be distracted from the conversation. Looking out into the darkness, I could just about make out the living room lights from the house across the road. A couple lay cuddled up on the sofa with a blanket over them and their golden retriever curled up at their feet. They seemed so cozy and perfect as though every fragment of their lives fitted together. I glanced back across the table to see Arthur picking at his teeth with a steak knife.
"You're doing that face again," he said as he continued to pick.
"What face?"
"It's like your eyes cloud over when you're mad. What are you thinking about?"
He knew what I was thinking about. I'd told him over and over ag
ain what made me so unhappy but he never listened or realized important it was to me.
"Is it the baby thing?" he asked casually.
"The baby thing?" I seethed. "Yeah, it's the fucking baby thing."
I screeched my chair back against the floor and stood up. He looked up at me offended as though I was being horribly cruel.
"Honey," he pointed back to the chair. "Calm down."
It felt like there was acid burning in my chest.
"Calm down? Are you fucking serious?"
He just blinked at me.
"Aren't you at all upset?" I asked, incredulous that he appeared so unaffected.
"Upset? Of course, I was upset but..."
"But what?"
"It was God's plan," he said with a smug smile.
Eyeing the steak knife, I imagined what it would feel like to plunge it into his neck. God's plan?
"God doesn't kill babies," I said through gritted teeth. "You kill babies."
He gasped and scrunched up his face.
"You don't mean that."
"You know I do," I said as I stormed away.
Stomping up the stairs, I heard his faint voice behind me.
"I suppose I'm sleeping on the couch again tonight?" he asked with his feeble voice.
"The couch, the car, the fucking highway, I don't care where you sleep."
And I slammed the bedroom door closed as the tears began to fall.
"God's plan," I uttered under my breath. "What the hell is he talking about?"
Diving beneath the bed, I slid out the small, wooden chest with the pink ribbon tied on top. I could feel my body begin to relax just at the sight of it. Just being close to it, no matter how tragic its contents were, gave me a brief respite from the world. Just opening it, reminded me that there was once a little princess inside me.
Lifting off the lid, I ever so carefully placed it on top the bed. The smell of newspaper ink and lavender hit me and a tear fell inside, slightly smudging the ink of the headline I'd read a thousand times.
Jewels And Panties: (Book 1-15) Billionaire Romance Series Page 76
