It was so still outside, the only sound their footsteps crunching through the snow. There was something magical about the night that he hated to disturb.
Elisabeth got to the car first, opening the door for him, and they worked together to slide the sleeping girl into her seat. Justin was torn. Kaylee’s whispered “Don’t go away” had scared him. That wasn’t a promise he could make. Who knew what was going to happen between him and Elisabeth? He had no guarantees. Not to mention, he worked a job that frequently meant injuries and, every so often, fatalities. Hearing how attached the girl already was to him, he wondered if distance might not be best for both of them. Yet on the other hand, he could vividly recall her excitement when she’d unwrapped the new snowboard, and he couldn’t wait to teach her how to handle it, to watch her confidence grow and her skills blossom.
“I have a full day on the mountain tomorrow and Friday,” he told Elisabeth as she closed the car’s back door. He was making up for his short schedules yesterday and today with long shifts over the weekend. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to get together with her.”
“I’m not sure you should,” she said quietly.
At first, he thought he’d misheard. But he began slowly absorbing telltale details, her rigid posture, the way she was looking in his general direction but not quite meeting his eyes. “Beth, is something wrong?”
“Yes. I was wrong. I wanted you so badly that I let it sway my thinking. And I wanted you to have some mythical perfect Christmas, as if that would somehow fix it all. Justin, we shouldn’t see each other anymore. Not romantically and not even casually if we can help it. I know that, in a confined space like Cielo Peak, occasional run-ins are bound to happen, but if we—”
“Stop! Just stop. Back up, because you lost me somewhere. What happened to everything you said last night?” He was angry at her hypocrisy. He’d thought things were going so well, which was always the trap. Buying into that illusion that you could be happy and that everything was right with the world. “You said you wanted to be with me, that we could just live in the moment? You lied to me.”
“Not intentionally. I was lying to myself, trying to give you the space you needed and still hold on to you. It doesn’t work like that. It shouldn’t work like that.” She jammed her hands in her coat pockets. “This is me admitting defeat, taking a page out of the Justin Cade playbook. You’re the one who believes getting too close to anyone is an invitation for disaster, and I’ve decided you’re right. So I’m backing off before anyone gets too close. You, me or Kaylee. Goodbye, Justin.”
She stretched up on tiptoe as if to kiss him farewell, but he jerked away. “Don’t do this,” he said. “Not now. It was a perfect Christmas, and I...”
“The holiday’s almost over. People will start taking down decorations, throwing out the cards. Visitors will return home. Reality will creep back in. And this is our reality.” She was so calm as she spoke, not even teary, but he knew her better than that. He knew how deep her emotions ran beneath the surface, and he didn’t believe for a moment that this was what she wanted.
“We can try,” he told her. There was a note in his voice that came too close to begging, and he hated it. Why was he trying to convince her to invest in something he wasn’t even sure he could offer?
Because the alternative—letting her go—was unacceptable.
She walked away from him, toward the driver’s side, and he chased after her, racking his brain for something he could say to stop her.
You know what to say. But the words wouldn’t come. He’d conditioned himself so thoroughly not to go there, not to expose himself like that, not to invite loss and pain. “Beth. Please.” He resented her for making him ask like this, for damaging his pride.
She climbed into the car, shooting him a pitying look. “Do you remember what you said to Kaylee about her sickening ice cream choices? You congratulated her on being brave enough to try new things. But sometimes, bravery is just the opposite. It’s not bouncing from one shiny new thing to the next, it’s having the nerve to commit to one thing and fight for it. And you’re not there yet. Maybe you never will be. For Kaylee’s sake—and, I’ll admit it, for my own heart’s sake—I can’t wait around to find out.”
Chapter Thirteen
In the days following Christmas, Justin took every shift he could get on the mountain. When individual patrollers needed to change their schedules, it was his or her responsibility to try to arrange coverage before going to the Hill Captain. So many people wanted to make the most of their time with their children before school resumed or with out-of-town guests who hadn’t gone home yet. Justin was happy to sub for them all. He worked openings, he worked daily runs, he worked evening patrol, he supervised chairlift evac drills.
Through it all, he ignored Arden’s calls and the fact that Elisabeth hadn’t called. His sister was relentless. She’d left a message the morning of the twenty-sixth wanting details of his Christmas with the Donnellys, followed by another message inviting him and Elisabeth to a New Year’s Eve party. Then she apparently spoke to Colin. Justin had already told his temporary roommate that the subject of Elisabeth Donnelly was now closed. Permanently. He must have repeated that to their sister, because she went into a voice-mail-leaving frenzy.
“You have to call me,” one message instructed. “Elisabeth says she doesn’t want to talk about it, and Colin says you’re even less fun to be around than he is. I know you must have screwed up somehow. If you’d just tell me what happened, I could help you fix it.”
No, she couldn’t. She couldn’t go back in time and change the events that had shaped him, couldn’t alter who he fundamentally was. He let his voice mailbox fill up and stopped listening to the recordings.
But his carefully constructed plan of avoiding his problems, and his siblings, couldn’t last forever. His supervisor called him in after lunch on Sunday to discuss the number of consecutive shifts Justin had worked.
“We appreciate the extra help during the busy season, son, but safety is our priority. Go home and get some rest before you burn out.”
Rest? With Arden stalking him and even Colin making cracks about his disposition? Justin headed for Peak’s Pints, where he kept his eyes glued on the football game playing over the bar and didn’t make eye contact with a soul.
An hour later, his brother sat on the stool next to him. “Trey Grainger told me he thought I’d find you here. What are we drinking?”
“We aren’t drinking anything.” Justin had ordered a beer when he first sat down but had barely touched it. He wasn’t thirsty, and he wasn’t in the mood to socialize. In retrospect, perhaps a bar was the wrong place to be. But everything felt wrong now. When he inhaled, the air in his lungs felt wrong, like it was made out of sharp bits that lacerated his insides.
Colin signaled the bartender and got a shot of tequila. Then he looked at Justin. “You’re being childish, refusing to tell us about it like that somehow means it didn’t happen. Whatever ‘it’ is, trust me, it happened.”
“The girl I wasn’t dating dumped me. Which I didn’t even realize was possible. She called me a coward. Which I am.”
“Did you remind her of the many death-defying acts you’ve performed on the job? Cades aren’t cowards.”
Justin spun around on his stool, looking for a fight. “Oh, really? We’re not cowards? This from the man who ran away from his life—his family, his job, his home? I ran from Elisabeth’s love once before, and now she doesn’t trust that I won’t do it again. Of the three Cade siblings, Arden’s the only one of us with guts. How she found the courage to pursue happiness after the damaged two of us raised her, I’ll never know.”
Colin grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “I pursued happiness—and by God I found it. I loved my wife and son, would have died for them. I’m not running, I’m mourning. And as you know nothing about what I’ve been throu
gh, I suggest you shut the hell up.”
Ashamed, Justin looked away from his brother, staring instead at his own reflection behind the bottles of liquor on the bar. The man in the mirror was confused. All he’d wanted to do was have fun, ski a lot, help people out and stay off love’s radar. It had been a foolproof plan to protect himself, so why was he sitting here now in so much pain? How had it gone wrong?
Sounding calmer and less likely to break a bottle of whisky over Justin’s head, his brother asked, “Do you love her?”
Justin sighed. “Not voluntarily.”
Colin shot him a disgusted look. “I hope you weren’t dumb enough to say it that way to her.”
“I didn’t say it at all.” Couldn’t. “After what you’ve suffered, I’d think you would understand better than anyone. Is the risk really worth it?”
“Hell, yes. Those years I had with Natalie? They were the best of my life. You don’t think I’d give anything for another day with her? Another hour? You’re talking about us like we’re the same, but the woman I loved was taken from me. You were just too chicken to hold on to the one you loved.”
With those words of brotherly advice, he stood, threw a ten on the bar and announced. “I’m staying with Arden for the rest of this visit. I can’t be around this much stupidity—it may be catching. Call us when you pull your head out of your butt, and we’ll help you figure out how to win her back.”
* * *
WITH COLIN OUT of the house, Justin’s place was too quiet, giving him too much space and time to think. On Sunday night, he broke down and called Elisabeth’s cell phone. He had no idea what he intended to say to her, but he needed to hear her voice. When she didn’t pick up, he thought about all those shifts he’d worked on the mountain. Was it possible she was similarly burying herself in work?
He called the lodge, and Patti Donnelly answered. “I’m sorry, but she doesn’t want to talk to you. Don’t call here again.”
“Can you at least tell her I miss her?” he coaxed.
She sighed heavily into the phone. “I rooted for you, you know. The first time she brought you home, I could see it, the light in her eyes. When you broke up, I doubted my judgment for weeks. Then it was like fate brought you back together for a second chance. Do you know how rare that is, a second chance in life to atone for your sins and make better choices? But you blew it. Again.”
After she hung up on him, he told himself that at least he’d tried. He’d pleaded with Elisabeth on Christmas not to walk away, he’d appealed to Mrs. Donnelly to help him get through to her daughter. To hell with it. He didn’t need these stubborn women jerking him around.
But by ten o’clock, he was pacing his kitchen, listening to Lina Donnelly’s cell phone ring.
“What do you want?” she answered. “I’m not supposed to be talking to you.”
“You owe me,” he said. “You dragged me into the middle of her life, wanted me to convince her that Steven was a mistake. Now you have to help me convince her that I’m not one.”
Something he’d said gave her pause. He’d expected immediate argument, but Lina was uncharacteristically silent. Then, “She knows you’re not a mistake. She said as much, point-blank. But she also knows you’re not ready for the kind of commitment she and Kaylee deserve. Don’t toy with them, Justin. Love her or let her go.” Then she disconnected.
Hell. Only one thing to do now. He hadn’t wanted it to come to this, but having failed on his own, he was going to have to call in the big guns. Slumping into a chair at the table, trying not to think about the afternoon he and Kaylee had spent here, laughing and making ugly Christmas ornaments, he dialed his sister’s number.
* * *
IT WAS NEW YEAR’S EVE, a time that symbolized kicking old habits and starting a new life. Justin was ready. He knew what he wanted that life to be and who he wanted in it.
He’d done as Kaylee had asked—he’d hung her drawing on his refrigerator and every time he saw it, his purpose grew clearer. That was a picture of a family, his family. As a patroller, there were myriad situations that required risk assessment. And having assessed this situation, he’d concluded that the risks were worth it. He loved Elisabeth, he always had. It was why he’d run from their relationship in the past, but Mrs. Donnelly was right. Only a fool would throw away this second chance at happiness.
Or, technically, third, if he could get Elisabeth to give it to him.
He buttoned up his dress shirt and slid on a blazer. Arden had heard through a friend of a friend where Lina would be celebrating tonight. Best-case scenario was that Lina would drag Elisabeth out with her, and Justin would have a chance to talk to her face-to-face. The Cade charm worked a lot better in person. But he also had a Plan B, and his sister had armed him with visual aids to plead his case.
Cielo Peak’s “historic downtown” consisted of one street, home to some stately buildings like the courthouse and funkier venues like an independently owned art gallery. There was a special showing open to the public tonight and a party on the gallery’s top floor. Justin thought that giving people drinks all night and then convincing them they simply had to have a six-hundred-dollar oil painting titled Fuchsia Regrets was a brilliant marketing strategy.
He wound his way through the crowd, feeling hopeful when he spotted Nicole Lewis, an eye-catching beacon in a yellow-and-red column dress. Did that mean Beth was here, too? Mentally crossing his fingers, he made his way toward her, but she didn’t even let him get a word out before holding up her hand in the universally recognized sign for halt, stop right there.
“I am here on a date,” she said. “He’ll be back with our drinks any moment, and I don’t want you getting your bad romance karma on me. I really like this one. So, scoot.”
“Fair enough.” He gave her the same imploring look that had once convinced a first year geometry teacher to bump his D to a C so he could stay on the ski team. He hadn’t resorted to such cheap tricks in years, but for Elisabeth, he was shameless. “Will you at least tell me if you’ve seen Lina here tonight?”
Nicole sighed. “It would be easier to say no to you if you didn’t have those eyes. Check the east gallery.”
“You’re an angel.” He winked at her. “Good luck with your date.”
He headed in the direction she’d pointed him in and nearly collided with Lina in the corridor. “Just the beautiful Donnelly twin I was looking for,” he said. “Unless of course your even more beautiful sister is also here?”
“Dude. Did you just call me the ugly Donnelly twin?”
“There are no ugly Donnellys.” He took her by the elbow and gently but inexorably tugged her toward a bench in the gallery. The light was nice and bright in here which suited his purposes. “I need to show you something, Lina. It’ll just take a second of your time, then you can get back to the party.”
He reached into his jacket and pulled out the envelope of pictures Arden had given him. The one of Steven and Elisabeth so close together made his lip curl. How had Steven let her go so easily, simply walked away from her as if his new life in California wasn’t worth giving her a single backward glance? You’re one to judge. You didn’t just walk away. Last time around, you sprinted.
“Here’s your sister with the guy she briefly considered marrying.”
“I don’t need the recap, bozo. I was there.”
“Right. Just do me a favor and really look at the picture. She’s smiling, but does she look happy?”
Lina obligingly took the photo from him, and when she shook her head in defeat, hope soared through him.
“Now here’s one Arden took of me and Elisabeth on Christmas Eve. Next to the drawing Kaylee gave me, it’s my favorite picture in the world.”
He and Elisabeth hadn’t posed for the photo. He hadn’t even known Arden took it until afterward, when she gave it to him. He and Elisabeth h
ad been teasing each other, trash-talking each other’s dance moves after some story Garrett told about a long-ago prom. Justin and Elisabeth weren’t touching in the frame, but they stood very close together, her with her hands planted on her hips, her head tilted up, green fire in her eyes and a sassy smile on her face.
He was looking down at her, laughing, more at home with her than he was anywhere in the world. Including on the mountain.
He asked his question again, his voice low, feeling as if his entire world hinged on Lina’s answer. “Does she look happy?”
“Yeah. Yes, okay? She looked very happy. But this is not how she looked after you dumped her over the summer while she was in the middle of losing her best friend.”
“I know. I’m not proud of how I bailed on her, but watching her lose someone she loved, to the same disease that took my mom... I don’t want to make excuses. I want to make it up to her. Will you help me?”
She stood, pacing in the small space, her skyscraper heels clicking on the floor. “She was pretty clear when she said she didn’t want me talking to you.”
He rose. “You can tell me no tonight, but that doesn’t mean I won’t wear you down eventually. ‘I don’t think you’re prepared for how focused I am when I want something. This is my hometown, too,’” he quoted. “We could run into each other a lot.”
She stopped, dumbfounded, then burst out laughing. “That’s not fair. How am I supposed to argue with my own words?”
His heart raced. “Does that mean you’ll help me?”
“This one time, against my better judgment. But Justin? Do not screw it up.”
* * *
ELISABETH TUCKED THE to-go container under her arm and dug through the pocket of her trench coat for the keys. Her sister had phoned the lodge half an hour ago asking if Elisabeth, who was coming to town anyway to get Kaylee off the school bus, would bring her some of Chef Bates’s famous garlic soup.
“I haven’t eaten all day,” Lina had said, moaning dramatically. “And that soup is the only thing that sounds good.”
Second Chance Christmas (The Colorado Cades) Page 17
