by N. K. Love
"I'm sorry Angel...”
“For what?” I breathlessly manage with his touch and now his fluttering breath and the weight of his words affecting me, steadily possessing me…
“That I’m not the man you need, the man you deserve… That I can't find the words to open up to you…”
His body makes me feel worshipped but his words make me feel empty. He’s just confirming what I already knew, that we’ll never be more than friends that have sex. But to say he’s not what I deserve, how can he think that? He is... isn’t he?
Beth, he is.
That’s why his words cut deep. More gentle kisses take away some of the sting.
“I never thought I'd want to talk...to anyone, B. I don't know why, because I don't do deep and meaningful, you know that, but you make me want to find the words… In time, I want to try."
He squeezes my hands tighter and clamps his teeth down on my shoulder. He is finding his spoken words hard to hear and wants to shut himself up.
I feel his untold pain but I’m helpless. As long as he keeps me in the dark, I’ll never be able to bring us into the light. I can’t help him find the answers when I don’t know the questions. Comfort and reassurance is all that I have, that’s all I can offer until he gives me more.
I lift our hands and cross our arms across my body, bringing him even tighter against me from behind. Jax lets go of my shoulder, taking a deep breath in and out; his whole body relaxing around me.
He whispers, “Keep your eyes closed Beth.”
I press further into his face and our bodies are swaying, delicately resetting themselves in harmony. We hold this position for a few meaningful moments as I absorb all of his heartfelt words. I’m not concerned about protecting my feelings, I just want to be here for Jax, whatever he needs. I can deal with ironing out the creases of my crumpled heart afterwards.
In sync our lips, like magnets, are drawn to each other’s and in slow motion our sweet kiss lingers. His perfectly shaped lips are everything to me; the things they've done to me, what they’ve said... What they haven’t said... So soft but strong. So controlling but protective. Neither one of us wants to breakaway first.
So we don't, the kiss deepens and like a flick of a switch—or a tongue—the mood changes. Our hands untangle and I spin on the spot barely losing contact with his mouth. Tongues fly into action as though they've been tapping their feet, impatiently awaiting their turn; they waste no time reacquainting, wanting to make up after their crossed words earlier.
Blindly I reach behind me to trigger the shower sensor. The water cascades over us heating up quickly and we pull back for air. My hands holding his muscular shoulders, he grips one hand around the back of my neck and slaps the other firmly on my ass, echoing that wet slapping sound around us. I gasp in awe of how he governs my body in a heartbeat. He pulls me in tighter but this time all I can focus on is the rock hard erection desperately pressing for my attention.
I push my ass back, leveraging my hips, granting myself access to grind forward against him. It’s killing me not to open my eyes. I loose his shoulders and wipe my drenched hair off my face, dropping my hands to rest on his hips. His hands mirror mine.
Our foreheads meet together, I can’t wait anymore.
“Jax, I need to see you…”
Immediately he nods but slowly. Blinking my eyes open at last, the colours of summer and autumn leaves crash together, intermingling for the first time in what seems like forever. My heart melts, it’s like seeing him again for the first time. We silently delve into each other’s souls without holding back.
Minds, bodies and hearts; all strongly reconnected. Fuck! Jax is my triple threat.
We’ve fused together into a single entity that’s desperate for consummation. Then my disappointment strikes, just like in his gym. God I wish we either had a condom or we didn’t need one!
Jax reads my face and flashes a wicked smile. Looking past me, he nods his head for me to look too. I glance over my shoulder and leaning against my bottle of shower gel is my shiny golden ticket to ecstasy. It immediately plasters a huge smile across my face, which matches his.
Taking his strong hands he willingly allows me to raise them back up to my breasts, which have been aching for his touch since being neglected moments ago. His palms extend across each breast, he eagerly takes control with force, rolling my hard nipples with his thumbs.
My body slams against the wall seemingly hitting the sensor again. I gasp as the steaming hot water combines with our craving for each other and it’s a scalding combination.
Wrapping a hand around the thick root of his deserving erection, my other hand descends to cup his balls, firmly massaging his sensitive line with my fingers just how he likes it. He stifles a groan and I leisurely make my way from root to tip and back again, and again. I’m always overwhelmed by his sheer size. Miss Alter Ego stands with her hands on her hips, eyes on stalks, nodding in agreement with a proud grin that says ‘Yep, we did that to him!’
He continues massaging my breasts, pulling and pinching my swollen nipples. Soft then hard, he knows my thresholds.
I pick up the speed along with my greed for him, tightening and turning my grip back and forth. Using the hot water as lubricant, making the motions extra fluent.
"Fuck… Angel…" He whisper with urgency, his talented mouth moves downwards.
Mmm, his warm mouth. His hands guiding my breasts together as his skilful tongue wields its magic. Lips consume my nipples, alternating; sucking seductively, tongue flicking and licking, teeth teasing and biting. I let him hear how my arousal’s intensifying and feel how I match it stroke for stroke along his cock.
Incredibly he seems harder and I want to taste him. I want to suck his balls, something I’ve never done before. I want him to unload inside my mouth so I can feel him trickling down my throat. Alas, the greedy need between my legs screams louder and this time we have a condom. The sooner it’s wrapped around his cock and inside me the better.
I briefly imagine myself in stilettos because if I was taller I could ease the pulse in my pussy and press him against me then slide him inside me. I improvise though, steadying myself with his bulging biceps. I go up on tiptoes. Gently I lower his impressive length to rest between my legs, reaching deliciously around to my backside. I instinctively clench my thighs together wanting to feel every part of him against my skin.
He reaches down and circles my sensitive clit with his thumb as I ripple my waist back and forth, riding his length. I take his tip to my lips and each time I ache to fall down and take him deep inside me. Instead I continue back and forth, kissing his beautiful mouth once again. He rotates his hand so that his fingers fall beneath now and slides two in. I instinctively clench my thighs together tighter still, pushing against his hand whilst still riding his length.
My insides beg for their release, nerve endings on hyper alert, greedily lapping up every sensation. Jax leans past me to the shelf, bringing the foil packet to my teeth, we tear open our XL ticket.
He squeezes and then removes the rubber with his lips, dropping the empty packet. I reluctantly allow him to pull away from me to sheathe himself. As he does so, he returns his kisses to appease my neck and my hungry mouth.
"You ready Angel?”
"Yes please."
I pant in anticipation with a spark of newfound energy, knowing that I get to have this breath-taking man inside me right now.
He quickly leans down, grabbing the tops of my thighs from behind, his fingers dangerously close. In one swift move he lifts and I respond, wrapping my legs around his toned waist. The hot water returns bang on cue, covering his back and cascading over his shoulders in-between us.
Mmm. I feel the friction from my favourite coarse body hair of his, low down, stretching across his beautifully trimmed waist. If he wasn't ridiculously strong, I'd probably feel uncomfortable but he holds my weight with ease. I’m transported back to memories of a hot moment with a cool breeze and a certain tree…
Jax pulls me away from his waist, letting his cock slide with calculated determination from where it’s happily nuzzled beneath me again. He stops once his crown is hovering where I need him. The anticipation is deliciously tormenting.
My back must be covering the sensor as the water continues to pour all over him, wetting me, disguising just how ready I am... Which is a pointless observation, as he knows my body well enough by now. If we were fucking in a pool he’d still know when my pussy was pooling for him.
He leans down pressing his forehead to mine.
"Look at me… I need to see your eyes… what I do to you… how you completely give yourself to me Beth… Every. Time. You’re so beautiful Angel."
"Jax, you have no idea... I..."
Silenced by his flawless mouth, we're nose to nose, eye to eye, he slides partway inside me. Taking my breath, my body welcomes him home with open—legs!
Our bodies together do feel like home to me and I know in that moment that I could never and will never share him with anybody else. Once our sexclusivity expires, so does our sexual relationship. I don’t ever want to feel like I’m sharing my home with somebody else, a stranger.
"More?" He teases, looking at me through devilish eyes, purposely rotating his hips stretching me wider.
"Al...ways." I stammer out uncontrollably and it sounds nowhere near as sexy as it did in my head. He tilts his head to one side.
"All. Ways?"
Is he really making jokes now? He grins, kissing my scrunched up nose and then quick as a flash his facial expression darkens as his cock deepens. Sliding further and further. I see his pure white top row of teeth appear and bite down on his bottom lip; Jesus that look belongs to me forever.
I take a mental picture of this wonderful man standing before me, inside me, all around me.
Jax rocks from side to side, pulls back to the tip and lunges back into my core. I cry out loud causing him to impulsively bite down on my bottom lip, dragging it out hard, it stings and then he sucks it tenderly as I whimper with pleasure.
In and out he takes me higher and spirals my insides into knots.
“Deeper Jax.”
He responds perfectly, his relentless thrusts pick up pace and never falter. He is firing on all cylinders. Resting his head on my shoulder he looks down and watches us and I join him. We both watch how Jax controls us by crashing our bodies together so skilfully. He grunts and growls my name and I know he’s on the verge. He slows back down to buy us some time.
Jax gradually eases himself in and out whilst we watch as my pussy swallows him inch by inch. The view from above is incredibly intense. He comes to a complete stop seeing his impending thick veiny inches between us, the veins in his forearms bulging as he holds my weight. I take another more risqué mental picture.
He kisses my neck and catches his chain with his teeth. He moves to my parted lips, overlapping them, the cold silver contrasting our warm lips. He doesn’t kiss me. Instead he plunges long, deep and hard. Pressing me against the wall, giving me that crucial unique extra length that literally takes my breath away. Every. Single. F-fucking. Time.
I will never ever tire of that sensation, it’s what turns great sex into fucking amazing sex. Although I’ve never had the great sex. I’ve had crap sex, average sex and fucking amazing sex.
“F-fuck.”
I somehow articulate through my wild moans, nothing can beat that fucking feeling. Nothing. Ever.
"Open your eyes Beth..."
I obey. I don’t even remember closing them. His voice is so dominant and raspy. Triggering the sensor once more, he steps back so that the water fully showers our skin as our mouths shower one another with a deep longing. He holds me still, worried I’ll fall apart when he lets go, which I will but in an earth-shatteringly wonderful way.
Jax needs to let go so that we can freefall together. Instead, he slides in and out gently, as though I’m fragile. I can’t take it, my emotions are skating on thin ice and my need for him is through the roof. He is essential to me. I need it rough. He will literally melt that thin ice in seconds and I’ll be a wreck if we continue at this pace.
So if I’m fragile, he’s going to have to shatter me. I look him square in the eye and say with determined sexual certainty "Jax. Enough with the gen—"
Reacting instantly to my needs, mid-sentence he withdraws and slams back with an accelerated delectable force. “Oh. Yes-s…” I cry out harshly as I sink my nails into his back and my teeth into his shoulder. He responds again..... and again.... and again... Obviously any feelings of fragility are long gone! No doubt it was his intention all along.
"You always feel so tight for me. Fucking. Incredible. Angel." Again... again.. again. Our mouths are everywhere; kissing, sucking, biting, possessing each other.
It's fulfilment at its most celestial and that’s when it hits me. For the first time ever with Jax, something is holding me back and I realise it’s because I’m afraid. I’m afraid to climax. How ridiculous does that sound? Me? The girl who’s been desperate for sexual gratification my entire life before being with Jax.
Our first time, when he showed me that I was wrong, that it was never going to be sexual suicide. In fact, it was the opposite, it was sexual survival and we knew it. He’s bought my body to life. He’s unwittingly shown me that what I felt in my past relationship wasn’t love. Well it was a love of sorts, but not love. Not the novel kind of love that simultaneously hits you in your heart, your head and, well… your pussy!
That mind, body and soul, kind of triple threat love that has you aching to be near each other, to breathe the same air. It makes you want to be protected, yet you know that if needs be you’d become the protector in a heartbeat. Whatever it takes.
No, what I thought I felt, what I convinced myself I’d felt, wasn’t even close. It was convenient and rose tinted. It was easy and lazy. But that chapter is long over. That mistake is dead and buried.
Right now, Jax is buried inside me and I feel blessed. Blessed to have met this man and to have him in my life, no matter what the cost will be.
Each thrust is more supreme than the last but never begrudging me, always taking his generosity to the tip and back down to his root, hard, with full force. Over and over. More and more. I can’t distinguish our voices now. Our pants and moans entwine into one and echo around us with the sound of our flesh vigorously slapping together. My sensitive swollen clit rubs against him with each shuddering connection.
I know exactly why I’m afraid to climax. It’s because I’m afraid of what I’m feeling for this man. I’m afraid to acknowledge the truth but I can’t go on lying to myself.
I love him. It is that novel kind of love that I ache for and it’s coursing through my entire being, from head to toe. I love Jax and I’m scared.
The collision of emotional and physical intensity is too overwhelming for me.
“Jax, I can’t…”
“I’m here B. I’m with you.”
My body has no choice against his relentless rhythm. Finally admitting my feelings to myself releases me from my internal prison. I start to soar, momentarily having to squeeze my eyes shut, frowning, clinging on to everything I can.
"Fuck.... Jax... Don't. Fucking. Stop. Ever."
"God I love that face. Angel, look at me.”
I'm convinced he knows me better than I know myself, what I’m thinking, feeling, how to challenge me, to pleasure me. He finds my limits and pushes them.
But there’s one thing he doesn’t see or feel otherwise he’d push me away right now. If he realised that I couldn’t handle our ‘no strings’ agreement, that I’ve allowed myself to dive too deep, Jax would put an end to us. He is a good man. I know he cares about me so he wouldn’t want me to live in false hope.
I know that continuing our intimacy will be signing me up to a world full of pain, which is probably why it’s taken me so long to confront myself and face the truth. Right now, I don’t give a shit, I accept the situation and I st
ill want Jax in whatever capacity I can have him… For as long as that may be.
"Mmmm...."
No words, incoherent. I grip his broad shoulders and we both pant in a simultaneous, blissful harmony. His unrestrained pace controls my body. His piercing stare controls my mind. My breasts pounding against his chest. My nipples happily finding their own sweet pleasurable friction. Jax recognises the change in the pattern of my moans as he pushes me, letting us enjoy our ride to ecstasy.
“It’s time. Come for me B.”
He knows I'm a second away so he abruptly holds me against him at his deepest and switches his movement to one l-long, s-slow, deep, circular motion. Jax is like an unstoppable force of nature. I don't just topple over the edge, he catapults me into oblivion where I helplessly shatter into a thousand pieces of orgasm, glittering in the starless sky. I absorb every spine-tingling moment in its entirety. This feels strange—deliciously strange.
