"I was by myself," I replied.
"Okay," he said. "You went to a huge city for one day, alone. Why? I will ask you again, why didn't you tell me? You could've told me where you were. I would have driven anywhere to see you. I hadn't seen you in seven years. I would have done anything to see you."
He turned in his chair. I could feel his stare looking right through me.
"Are you a detective or a doctor?" I asked.
"Answer me, Livie," he growled out.
He had changed since he left. His voice was deep and commanding. When he spoke to me, I felt like he was filled with emotion and found myself wanting to answer him honestly. I'd never met anyone like him. Maybe it was all those years of controlling things in his practice. Whatever it was, I found myself wanting to please him. He was incredibly sexy, and his voice sent goosebumps up my arms.
"You really want to know, Zander?" I snapped at him. "Do you really want me to tell you why I was there? I'll be honest. I've never lied to you. You better be ready for what I'm about to say."
"Tell me now," he demanded.
I got to my feet and looked down at him with confidence. My blood was rushing through my body. I felt like I was going to explode. It wouldn't be long before my emotions hit the surface.
"I went to see you," I snapped. "I fucking went there for you. Are you happy now? I knew Mike was going to propose. I needed to see you. I needed to tell you how I felt about you. I don't know if I hoped you would wrap me in your arms and tell me you felt the same way about me or if I was just being crazy. There was a tiny part of me that thought and hoped you wanted me as much as I wanted you, that maybe you'd want to figure out a way for us to be together. I was wrong. It was one of the biggest mistakes I had ever made. My parents didn't even know I had gone. I bought a plane ticket and left. I didn't know Mike knew about it. Like I said, it was a mistake."
He got to his feet and stood tall in front of me.
"You never came to me," he said. "I never saw you."
"Do we really have to do this to me right now?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Our eyes connected, Zander," I said. "You looked right at me."
"I swear I don't know what you're talking about. You were never there. I saw you all the time. Every damn time I turned around, I thought I saw you or heard your voice. Each time I'd close my eyes, but when I'd open them back up, you'd be gone. Tell me when."
"You thought you saw me?" I asked.
"Every damn day," he said.
I was so confused. Why would he think he saw me? I know what I saw.
"Really," I snapped.
He nodded his head. There was sadness in his eyes. It didn't make any sense.
"I know what I saw, Zander," I stood tall, and looked him in the eyes. "I got out of that cab so excited to see you. Your door opened, and you walked out. Some girl walked out right behind you. You two were laughing and joking around. She hugged you. It crushed me when you kissed her. I see it every fucking time I close my eyes. I see you kissing her. You looked right at me, as I stood there with tears pouring down my face. You didn't say anything to me. You didn't come after me. I got back in the cab, went back to the airport, and got on the next plane back home. I swore I would never leave here again. There would never be a reason to."
Tears began sliding from the corners of my eyes. I couldn't stop them.
"I avoided Mike for a week after that in hopes that you'd have a change of heart and come and find me. I was stupid. It was just a dream. You had your life, and I wasn't a part of it. You seemed to be doing just fine without me. Now I understand why your mom pushed me about marrying Mike when I got back. She kept telling me it was the right thing to do. She said he was the right man for me. I see it now. She wanted me to give up on you. I was good enough to help her any way she needed, but I wasn't good enough for her son. You felt the same way, that's why you ran away from here as fast as you could. You never even asked me to go with you. I don't know why I expected anything different when I went there. She's right. You're both right. I belong here, and you belong there. I'm not good enough for you."
"It was you," he said. "I thought it was you. When I opened my eyes you were gone. It was just like all the other times. Something was different that time. I felt something when I looked at you. Shit! I should have gone after you. I'm so sorry. Don't you ever say you're not good enough for me. You couldn't be more wrong, Livie. It wasn't what you think."
"Seriously," I interrupted.
"I've not had a girlfriend or relationship since I've left here. I won't lie, I haven't been perfect. I've done things. I'm not going to say I haven't. I've never met anyone I wanted to be with."
Chapter 13
Olivia
A screaming sound broke us both from our moment. Z took off running, and I was right behind him.
"It's April," I yelled out.
She was crying louder than I had ever heard her before. He got to her first and dropped to his knees. I couldn't understand a word of what she was saying. When she lifted her hand and I saw the blood, I thought I was going to lose it. The two kids had tiny scrapes and cuts before, but her hand looked worse than anything I had ever seen on her. I heard my breathing getting quicker and deeper.
"Calm down," he said, as he looked up at me. "She's okay."
I could hear him telling her she was going to be okay and whispering calmly to her. There was no way I would have ever been like that. Her crying slowed the more he talked. His voice was so soothing, I found myself calming down as well. He scooped her up in his arms and headed toward my house. I got ahead of him and opened the door.
"Your shirt, Z," I said.
"I don't care," he said.
He took April into the kitchen and set her on the counter. I heard him talking to her the whole time. He turned on the water, as I ran to grab rags and towels. When I got back into the room, she had stopped crying completely. He even had her laughing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How could he think he wouldn't be a good father? Zander was better with her than Mike ever had been. Watching him console her and take care of her brought even more tears to my eyes. He looked over at me.
"She's going to be okay," he said.
There was worry in his eyes.
"I swear she'll be fine, Livie," he said.
"It's not that," I said, as I wiped my tears from my cheeks.
"I need to run next door for a minute. Come here and hold her hand like this," he said.
I did what he said. He took off and was back within a minute or two. He grabbed some stuff out of a bag and moved around quickly.
"Is that your doctor bag?" I asked.
I was trying to be funny. I had seen it in movies when I was little.
"Very funny," he said, as he worked. "I keep some stuff in my luggage when I travel."
He had cleaned and bandaged April. My poor baby looked like she had been through so much. Her little eyes were all red and puffy. She looked like she was barely keeping them open.
"Grab her some new clothes," he whispered over at me.
I came back to find him in the recliner with her in his lap. He helped me change her clothes without moving her too much. I looked down at his blood stained shirt.
"Take your shirt off," I said.
He looked up with a smirk, and I rolled my eyes.
"I'm going to try and get the stains out," I said sternly.
He grabbed the shirt at the back of his neck and pulled it over his shoulders. His muscles all tightened, and I had to shake away the thoughts in my mind of him taking his shirt off like that with me pinned naked beneath him. It had been so long since I'd been with a man. All of the sex I'd had with Mike never compared to that one time with Zander.
"Grab me that blanket," he said, pulling me from my mind.
I reached over and handed it to him. He sat back in the recliner with April in his lap, as he covered her with the blanket and wrapped his arms around her. It was the sweetest thing I h
ad ever seen. She was wrapped protectively in his arms. It took all I had not to burst into tears. She looked up at him with her eyes barely open.
"Thank you for helping me," she said.
That was it. I lost it. Zander looked up at me, and I turned and left the room. I couldn't help but wonder how I was going to feel when he left again? He was already invading all of my thoughts. Seeing him with my kids was going to make it that much harder. I knew he didn't want kids, but that didn't stop my thoughts while watching him comfort her. He was probably the most amazing doctor. I couldn't begin to imagine how many people he had helped every day. There was no way I wanted to hold him back from that. It was that moment that I realized I needed to forgive him for leaving me. He was doing what he was meant to do. He was making the world a better place by helping people live. He was making a difference.
When I walked back into the room, my heart melted instantly. April was asleep in his arms. His head was back, and his eyes were closed. He had fallen asleep with her. They looked so comfortable together.
Chapter 14
Zander
I opened my eyes to the quiet of Livie's house. April was sleeping in my arms. The house was dark. I got up and put the sleeping little one on the couch with a pillow under her head. Her hand looked better than it had a few hours earlier. I covered her with the blanket and felt her head. She didn't have a fever. I made sure she was comfortable before looking around for Livie. There was nobody home.
I walked across the yard to see if she was at my mom's house. All of the guests were gone. I opened the door and heard the ladies talking. My mom and Livie's were talking while Jack played on the floor. I walked into the kitchen to find Livie doing the dishes and cleaning up.
"Why are you the only one in here?" I asked.
"I wanted to get everything finished so I could get home to April. You're not upset that I left you there are you? You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you up."
"No," I answered. "I think I fell asleep faster than she did. She's on the couch. I checked her hand and covered her up. She'll be fine by morning. Make sure you keep it covered. That bandage will hold it in place to heal. I'll change it tomorrow. Let me help you. My mom should be in here doing this. I hope you haven't waited on her hand and foot all these years. For some reason, I think you have."
"Its fine, Z," she said. "I've taken care of things for her and your dad for you. That won't change. I'm hurt by what she said and how she feels about me, but I'll still be here for her. I don't want you to worry that I won't. I haven't done it for her. I'll continue to make sure she's okay. I know it helps you. You shouldn't have to worry about her while you're gone. I'll have her call you if she ever needs anything."
I couldn't believe how amazing Livie was. She was always so caring and giving. The way she put everyone else's feelings before hers made her absolutely perfect. I just didn't want anyone to take advantage of her.
We worked together cleaning everything up. She said I could have all of the desserts that were left. I laughed and let her know the kids would be helping me while she was at work the next few days. She told me I better not spoil their appetite for dinner. I stuffed another of her delicious cookies into my mouth.
"Do you have any idea how much working out I'm going to have to do when I get home?" I asked.
She was washing a pot and stopped as soon as I said it. I instantly felt bad for the comment.
"It'll give you something to do," she said softly. "Maybe I'll get you nice and round before you leave. That way they the women won't want you. That won't work. They'll still want you."
She shook her head and went back to washing. I walked up behind her and put my arms around her. Her body went stiff, but she didn't pull away.
"Are you saying I'm more than just a sexy ass and pretty face?" I joked.
"Yes," she answered. "So much more."
Patty walked into the kitchen and I stepped back.
"I'm taking Jack home," she said. "Why don't you come home? You've been working all day. You were up this morning at five."
"I'll be there in a minute. Let me just finish what I'm doing," Livie answered. "Z said April's on the couch. I'll move her to my bed when I get there. I want her with me tonight."
My heart melted at the thought of Livie next to her daughter as they slept. She really was a great mom.
Patty walked out with Jack, and my mom walked into the kitchen. She sat down in a chair and watched Livie work. I understood that she had been through a very traumatic day, but she could have at least offered to help her. It was really getting to me.
"Thank you so much for everything, Olivia," my mom said. "You made this day perfect with all of your help. Everyone loved your desserts."
"How much would you have charged for everything you made for today?" I asked Livie.
I wanted my mom to at least offer to pay her. Of course I was going to give her the money. It just pissed me off that my mom let Livie go through all that work and didn't try to give her money. Livie made a comment before that day about not worrying about it, but that didn't matter. My mom didn't need to take advantage of her.
"It's not a big deal. I had the stuff to make it all," she answered.
"Yes, but you have to buy all of that again. You worked for two days on all of that plus the bread. What would you have charged to cater all of that?" I asked sternly.
"I said it was nothing, Zander," she said, as she turned around and narrowed her eyes at me. "How about we just call it even for what I heard and figured out earlier today. That won't be happening anymore by the way."
I took a deep breath in and slowly let it back out.
"Thank you for cleaning up too," my mom said. "How's April?"
"She's fine," Livie answered. "Z fixed her up and calmed her down."
"You're such a good mom to those two little ones. I can't imagine what they'd do without you. You've helped me more than I could ever repay these last four years. I hope you know how much I appreciate everything."
Livie stopped and let the pot fall into the sink. She turned and looked down at my mom. It was coming, and I knew it. There was no way she was going to let what she heard earlier go without voicing her opinion. That was one of the things I liked about her. I just didn't like when it was directed at me.
"Look, Carol," Livie began. "I know you've had a really rough week, so I won't say exactly what I've been thinking today. I do have to say something though. I have to get it out. You're a great woman. You were a good mom to Zander. I help you because he's my best friend and always will be. Even if we don't talk, he's still the best friend I've ever had. I heard you say some stuff earlier today that really hurt me badly. I know that Zander is where he should be. When I saw him taking care of April, I realized he needed to help people. It's what he's supposed to do. I understand I've never lived anywhere but here. I married a piece-of-shit who screwed me over in more ways than one. I said I would never be with a man that was like my dad, and I married one just like him. You're right. I'm not good enough for Zander. I'll never deserve him. That doesn't change the fact that it hurts that you think of me as trash."
"I don't think of you as trash, Olivia," my mom said. "You're an amazing woman. You're the best mom I've ever met. You're a much better mom than I ever was. You put your kids first. I respect that. You deserve love. I want you to have that. I want you to find someone who will take care of you and love you and the kids. You've helped me so much. You put everyone before yourself. I would never think bad of you. I just know that you belong here. Zander doesn't. He belongs in the city helping people. He was pissed when we moved here. He told me every single day he was leaving when he turned eighteen. I know he doesn't belong here. I used to tell him that when he talked about you."
"Don't you think if we cared about each other, we could have worked it out?" Livie asked.
"No, I don't," my mom said. "You two came from different worlds with different goals. You needed to follow your dreams. Yours was to buy that bakery,
get married, and have babies here. His was to move back to New York and become a doctor."
I couldn't take in another second. Without thinking, I spoke.
"What if we were wrong?" I snapped. "What if what we thought we wanted wasn't really what we were supposed to do? What if we made a mistake?"
I turned, walked out, and slammed the door behind me.
Chapter 15
Olivia
I stopped when Zander spoke and walked out. When the door slammed, I jumped. What was he saying, was all I could think? Did he like me the way I liked him all those years ago? Did he still like me? He said he had never been in a relationship. I knew he seemed pretty happy that day I saw him kissing that woman. My mind was going in fifty directions, and I needed to pull myself together.
"I'm going to go and put the kids to bed. I'll come back and help in the morning," I said.
"Please don't think I don't like you, Olivia," Carol said. "I think you're an amazing woman. I just don't think you belong with Zander. You two are not the same. I care about you and am so thankful for everything you have done for Pete and for me."
"I did all of those things for Z. I didn't want him to worry about you or your husband. His dad treated him like shit, but Z still loved and tried to please him. You have no idea how amazing your son is. He's done so much for you, and you don't even realize it. He does things without expecting anything in return. He does them without wanting thanks. He does them out of love."
I thought about that for a moment. He does them out of love, I thought. It's true. He was there for me all those years, just not in person. He said he quit talking to me because I was marrying Mike. I remembered the things he'd said about not wanting to call. He had paid my doctor bills after the divorce without me knowing. It made me wonder what else he might have done.
"I have to go," I said.
Carol called out after me, but I was already on the way to my house. I quickly bathed Jack and got him in bed. Then I moved April to my bed. She seemed comfortable. I couldn't help but think about Zander taking care of her. Once they were both settled, I grabbed a few cookies and two cups of coffee and headed out back.
A Blast from the Past (A Second Chance Romance) Page 7
