by Shauna Allen
“I feel like I should say something . . . about earlier. Give you an answer or something.” I bit the side of my lip, suddenly warm and uncomfortable, those damn butterflies zipping through my chest again as he stared at me.
“Nope.”
“Nope?”
His smile was pure sinful sunshine. “You said you wanted to think about it, so think about it.” He took a few steps in my direction until I had to look up to meet his gaze. “But . . .” His fingers were warm as he brushed some hair back from my cheek. “Maybe this will help?”
His breath was hot and smelled faintly of mint as his lips brushed mine with a tenderness that left me aching and needy deep in my core. On reflex, I gripped his shoulders and opened my mouth, yearning for more. His tongue slid along mine in a satiny caress, coaxing me to come along for the ride as his hand slowly, slowly glided up my hip and waist, just brushing the underside of my breast—close, but not quite touching me, as if he were holding himself back out of respect for my boundaries.
I groaned and pressed further into his embrace, giving him silent permission, but still, he held fast, only taking the kiss a beat deeper, a touch harder, but not nearly enough.
He changed the angle of the kiss, making me dizzy as he made slow love to my mouth. I let my hands roam down his shoulders and strong, sculpted biceps to his waist and up his chest. He was too much. I was in way over my head, and as much as I wanted to be afraid, I realized I’d never felt safer.
I drew back, my breath coming in pants as I rested my forehead against the dip of his collarbone. “Okay,” I whispered, tasting him on my tongue. I lifted my gaze and took in the sight of the biggest, baddest, sexiest Marine I’d ever known, who looked ready to crumble at my feet in a pile of lust, yet was strong enough to hold himself in check . . . for me. “I’ve made up my mind.”
Nine
Johnny
I took in a gulp of air. “You have?”
“Yes.”
“And?” I fought to control the urge to kiss her again. Scarlett Rayburn was quickly becoming an addiction and I couldn’t afford to become too attached.
Her fingers toyed with my T-shirt right over my chest. “And I don’t think we can be friends. Not anymore.”
I blinked down at her, unsure how to read her words or her expression. I was trained to handle enemy combatants, but I was at a loss with this one little woman. “Why not?”
Hazel eyes flecked in spun gold lifted to mine and I finally saw the truth in them. She felt the same way I did. “I never expected this in a million years, but I think we’ve jumped way past that, haven’t we?”
I continued to hold her close, refusing to lose this moment. “I guess we have, darlin’. So, just to be clear, you’re saying . . .?”
She rolled her eyes, which was kind of adorable. “Good Lord, Johnny. For a smart guy, you sure can be dense sometimes.” She tugged me closer with a smile. “I’m saying, I vote for the more than friends option.” Her smile fell just a fraction. “For however long it lasts. I’m not expecting anything serious from you. I know you’re leaving soon.”
“Deal.” I kissed the tip of her nose. “And, just so you know, I didn’t expect this either, but, God, am I grateful it happened.”
“Me, too. Though I have to admit I’m a little scared.”
“Of me?” My heart caught in my chest. “You know I’d die before I’d hurt you or those boys, right?”
Wide eyes tipped up to mine. “Intellectually, yes, I know that. Emotionally, I will have to work my way through it. He scarred me deep, Johnny. I’m getting better, day by day, but those scars are still there.”
I dropped my forehead to hers and cradled her jaw in both hands. “Baby. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. Just be patient.”
I squeezed my eyes shut to the burn. “I can do that.”
~ ~
“Something’s different with you this morning.” Joanna eyed me shrewdly as she unloaded her duffel next to me in the living room the next day.
I shrugged and glanced away, hesitant to divulge too much. I’d always kept a low profile, never being one to kiss and tell, and I would never betray Scarlett’s confidence. It was up to her how much she wanted to share or not share with her best friend about our relationship—if you could call it that.
She circled behind me, wasting no time in working my shoulder and making me grimace. “Sore?”
“A little,” I admitted, not bothering to lie.
“Have you been doing your stretches like I told you?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She hummed some sort of disbelief, but my mind was still back on Scarlett. I would’ve loved to have stayed at her place last night and made good on everything she offered. I’m sure if I’d pushed, she might’ve given me everything I’d ever dreamed of and more. But the timing wasn’t right. Instead, we spent some time simply catching up. Just talking and laughing and getting to know each other again. Now that the stress of not knowing where we stood with each other was gone, we quickly eased into something fun and flirty and, I could tell already, altogether dangerous to my heart. Still, I couldn’t have stayed away if you’d have told me she was Shadeek himself in drag. I was a smitten fool and I knew it.
“Okay, what gives?” Joanna cocked her hip and stared down at me like I’d grown a second head.
“What?” I tried to refocus and figure out what exercise she wanted me to do next.
She pointed a finger toward my face, circling the general vicinity of my mouth. “That.”
I wiped my lips. Did I miss some jelly from breakfast? “What is it?”
“That goofy grin you’ve been sporting since I walked in today. What is going on with you, Ray? You’re usually a grumpy son-of-a-gun early in the morning.” She kicked my boot. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s a nice change. Just suspicious. You get laid or . . .?”
“Good morning!” Scarlett chose the exact wrong moment to waltz in the door, gigantic grin plastered to her face just for me as the boys tromped in behind her and made a beeline for my mom in the kitchen since today was donut day. “Hey, Johnny.”
“Hey.”
I’m sure if eyes could speak, ours spouted love sonnets or broke into a sappy song the moment we locked gazes. A million things were said in that one look, but we didn’t need to say a word. We were becoming a we, a unit, a twosome. Something was happening that wasn’t quite in either of our control, and yet, I had a feeling, even if it was, we wouldn’t change a thing.
“Wait. What?” I felt Joanna’s eyes ping back and forth between us. “You two? How?” Her voice was high and a bit screechy by the last word. “When?”
“Last night.”
“I’ve wanted her forever.”
We spoke at the same time and Scarlett’s cheeks stained an adorable shade of pink.
“Are you sure about this, Scarlett?”
My eyes zipped back to Joanna at her soft, heartfelt words. I could tell they weren’t meant as barbs for me, but out of genuine concern for her friend. “I’m not like him,” I grit out. “I’d never hurt her.”
Sad eyes met mine and I could feel Scarlett’s gaze on us both. “Not on purpose, no, but make no mistake—you will hurt her when you leave and go back to your life, Johnny, and I just want to make sure you both know what you’re signing up for before you get so deep into something you can’t get out of it.”
My eyes sought out Scarlett’s. I was relieved by the strength and assuredness I saw there. She was not swayed by Joanna’s words. We were solid. If we were in too deep, we were going to drown together.
~ ~
After Joanna left, I hung around while Scarlett did a little bit of work, then we took the boys outside to burn off some energy. We talked while they played, we ate our meals together, I helped her with their nighttime routine, we talked more, we made out a little on her couch, though it was all I could do to keep from throwing her down on the ground and having my way with her like some kind of animal. Slow, I rem
inded myself. Easy. She deserved better.
And so became our routine over the next week, the only changes being the kisses getting more heated, my heart getting more invested, and the goodbyes at night getting harder.
It was becoming so easy to forget that I had a whole other life outside of this ranch.
Especially as Christmas rolled around and I got to experience it through the eyes of those boys with Scarlett by my side.
“Johnny!” she squealed when I took them all outside to show them the brand new kid-sized four-wheelers I’d bought for the boys.
“What?” I grinned as they climbed up and began making engine noises. I glanced over. “Too much?”
Her smile was spun sugar. “A little bit.” She turned back to the kids, her face falling a fraction.
My heart sunk. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Is this a bad gift nowadays? I probably should’ve asked you first, but I had one around their age and I just—”
“Yes, you should have asked, but that’s not the problem.”
I blinked down at her. “Then what is?”
“You shouldn’t have bought them something so extravagant. We can’t possibly do anything like this for you.”
“Scarlett.”
When she didn’t look at me again, I shifted into her line of vision and grabbed both of her hands, forcing her to look up and meet my eyes.
“You don’t have to do a thing for me.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts.” I glanced over my shoulder to make sure the boys were good then tugged her closer. “I didn’t do this because I expected anything from you. I did it because I wanted to. Because those boys deserve a nice Christmas. You’ve given me more than enough just by spending time with me, baby. It’s more than I could’ve ever hoped for when I came home all shot up and angry.”
Emotional hazel eyes bored into mine. “Stop talking like that, Johnny Ray, or I might do something foolish like fall in love with you.”
I cupped her jaw in both hands, and before I could do something stupid like beg her to do just that, I dropped my head and kissed her with everything I had.
Her hands clenched my jacket at my waist as her soft moans drifted into my mouth. She tasted like chocolate and sweet wishes and I was suddenly ravenous.
“Ew, gross.”
Scarlett drew back, a laugh puffing from her lips across my cheek at Daniel’s words.
Soft laughter let me know we had an audience, so I pulled away and shot my mother a look. I had no idea if she knew anything about me and Scarlett before this morning, but the look on her face told me she wasn’t stupid. Her smile as she glanced between us and the boys let me know she was more than okay with it, too.
“Can we ride them now?” Nathan asked impatiently, tugging my jacket. “Can we? Please?”
I looked to Scarlett.
She seemed uncertain, but these were her children, so the ball was in her court. She finally relented. “Fine. But listen to Mr. Johnny and do everything he tells you.”
“Yes, ma’am!” they hollered in unison, both of them clambering aboard their four-wheelers.
“And don’t go too fast,” she added, her face clouding with concern. “And wear your helmets.”
“Already ahead of you,” I said, pressing a kiss to her nose.
Her eyes spoke a million things. “Yes. I think you are.”
Somehow, I think she meant so much more than Christmas morning and four-wheelers.
Ten
Scarlett
After a day of four-wheeling with Johnny, more gifts courtesy of Mr. and Mrs. Ray, a huge dinner, and a Christmas movie, I finally got the boys to bed. It had been a long, exhausting, emotional, wonderful day, and it had dawned on me somewhere between the four-wheel kiss and dessert that I had most definitely fallen head-over-bootheels in love with Johnny Ray. Truth be told, I’d probably always been a little bit in love with him, but now, after watching him with the boys, and all the ways he’d been so tender with me and opened up to me these past weeks, it was rock solid.
The question was, what was I going to do about it?
I didn’t want to be hurt again. I knew that for sure. I knew without a doubt that he’d never physically hurt me like Todd had, and he’d never break my heart on purpose. But that didn’t mean my spirit wouldn’t be collateral damage when he went back to his normal life in the very near future. His shoulder was getting better and better every single day. It was only a matter of time. What was I supposed to do once he was gone? Could we carry on a long-distance romance? Would he call it quits?
Did we really have anything to quit?
I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and walked to rejoin him in my living room. He glanced up from where he sat on the sofa, his cowboy hat between his hands, his eyes soft. Tender. “Did you have a good Christmas?” he asked softly.
“I did. Thank you.”
“Well, you’re welcome, but it’s not over yet, darlin’.” His grin was melted butter and I wanted to bathe in it.
I approached and sunk down next to him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean . . .” He shifted to set his hat down and reached into his coat pocket to produce a small package wrapped in shiny red paper. “You didn’t get your present yet.” He offered me the gift, but I simply stared at the telltale shape of a jewelry box.
“Johnny.”
“Scarlett,” he mimicked.
“What is that?”
He forced it into my stiff palm. “A gift. Open it, baby.”
My eyes met his, my heart hammering behind my ribs at the nerves I saw reflected there. Whatever was in this box meant something.
His face softened to a lopsided grin. “It’s not a snake. It won’t bite you, I promise.”
I stared down at the shimmery wrapping. Finally, I slid a fingernail under one side flap and pulled off the paper. I swallowed hard before I opened the small box.
I had to blink back hot tears as I studied what was inside.
It wasn’t much. It wasn’t big. But it said everything.
My hand was shaking as I drew out the silver keychain shaped like a dog tag. It was engraved with his name and rank then embossed with a heart and the words: Proud USMC Girlfriend.
“Seriously?” I was full-on crying when I looked up at him again.
“What? You don’t like it?”
“That depends.” My hand automatically clenched around the cool metal like a lifeline.
“On what?”
“Is this your way of asking me to be your girlfriend?”
“Well—”
“You know what?” I leapt into his lap, halting his words as I cupped his shocked face in my hands. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t?”
“Nope.”
“No?”
My body began to heat as I felt his body grow hard beneath me, his hips automatically rising to nestle into mine. “No, because it’s time for your Christmas gift, Marine.”
His eyes flared, drawing me into their depths. “Really? And what’s that?”
“Me.”
A thrill ran through me at the raw desire that filled his gaze. Emboldened by this newfound power and how safe he always made me feel, I relished the fact that he would allow me to control this moment, control him, and that he would never judge or hurt me.
His hands flexed and tightened on my waist, but he didn’t say a word. He simply licked his lips and let me take the lead, and I was eternally grateful.
I sat back, being sure to roll my hips across his, making us both groan. I stood, my heart thumping madly in my chest, but bolstered by the mad love I felt for this man. I took his hand and tugged him to his feet, allowing his body heat to warm all the cold places that had ever filled me as he cupped my shoulders and kissed me.
He kissed me like I was divine.
Like I was precious.
Like I was all he needed to live.
And in that moment, he was all I needed as well.
&n
bsp; I led him backwards toward my bedroom, our lips still fused. We only bumped into the wall a few times as I yanked at his clothes, tossing his jacket and shirt to the ground, finally, finally getting my hands on those tattoos I’d been dreaming of since I first saw them. I pressed my lips to the one that graced his left shoulder. “You’ll have to tell me about these someday.” I licked the other one on his chest. “But not now.”
He mumbled some kind of agreement, kicking my door shut and locking it behind us.
We drew back and eyed each other once we were alone, our breath coming in restless pants. The room smelled of him, earthy and strong. It had been so long since a man had been in my bedroom, I had the sudden urge to bolt, but something in his eyes held me fast.
He reached out and traced my lower lip with his thumb, the gentleness belying the lust pulsing in the air. “I want you so bad, Scarlett.” His words were glass-coated and hoarse. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”
“You have me,” I whispered back. “You’ve always had me.”
He closed his eyes as if in pain and dropped his forehead to mine. “No. He had you first, and I can’t tell you how I wish it had been different.” He brushed his nose across my temple, scenting me.
“It’s different now,” I vowed, though I had no idea what would come to pass. I only knew I had this, here and now, with this man, and I was going to take it.
With fumbling hands that were not used to pleasing a man, I reached for the button of his jeans.
He sucked in a breath. “What are you doing, baby?”
“I . . . uh . . .” Tears made my voice thick. Was I screwing it up already?
He drew back with a frown. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m not,” I said, wiping my cheeks of the evidence.
“What’s wrong? Have you changed your mind? Do you want me to go?”
“No!” I dropped my gaze. “I mean, you can if you want. If you don’t want . . .”
“Scarlett.” He tipped my chin back up until I met his eyes. “I want you so bad I’m about to explode over here.”
It was my turn to frown. “Then . . .?”
He glanced down at his straining erection that I was trying to get to when he stopped me. “I only meant that as much as I’d love for you to undress me, I think it’s only fair we get some of these clothes off you too. I’ve been dying to see this body since I was sixteen years old. Don’t keep me waiting another minute.”
