Simply Sinful

by Carly Phillips

  He nodded and withdrew his hand. His gaze met hers once more before he turned and headed for the door. The bleakness she glimpsed in his eyes betrayed him, but she knew better than to think he’d act on his feelings.

  “Bye, Kane.”

  The door closed behind him. A silent goodbye. She had to admit, the man was good. Too good, she thought and turned to clean up the remnants of living with Kane McDermott.

  “IT’S BEEN A WEEK SINCE we swept the underworld,” Reid said. The older man rounded Kane’s desk and took a seat across the way. “And what a week it’s been.” He kicked his feet on top of the aging, dented metal and exhaled a grunt of satisfaction.

  “You always were modest, boss.” But in this case Reid’s pride was understandable. For all Kane’s concern over Kayla’s welfare, not once had he considered the possibility that Charmed! had been tied to organized crime. No one had. The signs weren’t there.

  But Kayla’s uncle had been a small-time operator looking to make it with the big boys. He’d taken all the risk and cut them in on a huge profit in the hopes of proving his loyalty. He hadn’t counted on his wife, Kayla’s aunt, getting cold feet. She’d threatened to turn over the books she’d been keeping as insurance to the police. As a result, both had met their untimely ends. The remaining key players in the scheme had counted on the very thing Kayla despised. They figured the bimbo niece in need of cash would play ball, and business would continue as usual.

  She’d been in more danger than anyone realized at the time. The realization still had the power to churn Kane’s gut and turn him ice-cold. The thought of Kayla haunted him twenty-four hours a day. Erotic dreams caused tossing and turning at night and softer memories left him unfocused during the day.

  “Let me gloat, McDermott.”

  Kane shifted his attention back to his boss.

  “After all these years I’ve earned it. I’m this close to retirement…” Reid gestured with one hand. “And I never figured on going out on a case this big.”

  Kane laughed at the excitement in his superior’s voice. “As soon as he heard the words murder charge, our pal spilled names, dates, hits—cases we never thought we’d solve and guys we never thought we’d nail.”

  Reid grinned. “Amazing what the promise of the Witness Protection Program will do to a guy’s sense of loyalty.”

  “He was loyal,” Kane countered. “To number one.”

  “And what about you?”

  Kane stood, shoving his seat backward so hard the chair hit the wall. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You’re questioning my loyalty?”

  Reid didn’t flinch. “Not to the department, no. But to yourself? Yes.”

  Kane groaned and eased himself back into his chair. Father-mode had obviously kicked in again. “Tell you what. You worry about retiring on a high, and I’ll worry about myself.”

  “Will you? I don’t think you’ve given a crap about yourself since the day your mother walked in front of a moving bus.”

  Kane didn’t question where he’d gotten the information. His life was an open record to those who needed to know. But Kane never spoke of his past aloud. Not to anyone…except Kayla.

  Reid might have taken a fatherly interest in Kane, but Kane had never confided personal specifics in return. “If you were anyone else, I’d slug you for bringing that up,” he muttered. And if he’d been feeling anything like himself in the week since he’d walked out on Kayla, Kane might have shut the old man down anyway.

  But he’d been a walking miserable, bleary-eyed son of a bitch. He figured hearing Reid out couldn’t hurt. Hell, at this point, it just might help.

  “Have you seen her?” Reid asked.

  “Who?”

  The captain rose from his seat. “Know what, McDermott? I have to meet the D.A. for lunch and I don’t have the time to play who’s dumber with you. You want to live life alone, the way you have been, go right ahead. You want to let her walk out of your bed and into someone else’s…”

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, what? I just told you I’m through playing who’s dumber. You win that award hands down anyway.” Reid braced his hands on the desk. “The lady makes you a human being, McDermott.”

  “Go play footsie with the D.A. I don’t need this crap.”

  “No, but you need her.” Reid straightened. “By the way, you did a hell of a job on this case, Kane.” The older man’s voice softened. “You called it as something before even I believed the lady needed protection, you kept her safe and coached her good. I’m proud of you, son.”

  Kane’s mouth grew dry. Before he could answer, Reid disappeared out the station door.

  CLOSED. At least temporarily. Kayla flipped the sign on the inside of the door so the word faced the busy street. Charmed! was no more. Kayla and Catherine had sold out.

  “What next?” Catherine asked.

  “Beats me. Your tuition is paid in full for the year, so that’s not a concern.”

  She frowned. “It is to me. If I’d known back in September how this would turn out…”

  “You’d have taken the money anyway. I have a career to fall back on. Now you will, too.”

  “Accounting?” Catherine scowled. “How can you even consider going back to number crunching after all the changes and excitement in your life?”

  “Excitement is overrated,” Kayla said wryly. Excitement meant Kane, and he was gone. Time to move on, she thought, no matter how difficult. Despite how it sounded to her sister, Kayla didn’t intend to fall back into the old Kayla mode. Not for long, anyway. “Accounting is practical and it’ll pay the bills.”

  “The sale of the business will pay the worst of the bills until we get back on our feet. Accounting isn’t you. It’s the woman you were before all this.” Her arm swept the expanse of the room. “It’s the woman who wore trousers and buttoned-to-the-collar silk blouses…” Cat’s voice trailed off as she caught sight of Kayla’s outfit.

  The black knit slacks and the light blue silk top had been the least offensive things in her closet. “I own one pair of jeans, Cat. They were dirty. Cut me some slack.”

  “Only if you go shopping, and soon.”

  “When I can afford it,” she reminded her overindulgent sister. They might have made a small profit on the notorious business, but there were loans, bills and other necessities that made frivolous spending impossible.

  “I can take a leave of absence from school, we can get back next semester’s tuition…”

  “Not a chance. You’ll finish.”

  Silence reigned for all of thirty seconds. “Okay. I’ll cook, you’ll count, until the school year is finished. Then we switch. I make the money, you go back to school.”

  Kayla shook her head. “School, books, language degrees…I’m tired of those things. I just didn’t realize it until…” Kane.

  Her sister smiled and tilted her head in a sympathetic gesture Kayla recognized immediately.

  “Don’t worry about me, Cat. I’ll be fine.”

  “I know. And as long as you’re free for the foreseeable future, I have an idea I want to run by you. For a new business. A catering business. We’ll start small and offer every kind of service imaginable—decorations, hors d’oeuvres, serving, catering, party-planning—we can use what’s left of the money for start-up costs.” She paused for breath. “And eventually I’ll get to use my cooking skills full time while your talent for organization will keep the business going. We’ll target small parties at first and then try for the bigger clients once we establish a reputation. I thought…”

  Kayla laughed. “Slow down, Cat.” She shook her head at her sister’s enthusiasm, though she had to admit she liked the idea of planning parties instead of crunching numbers. “It sounds ambitious…”

  “But you love it. And get this name. Pot Luck.” Catherine emphasized each word with her hands. “Slogan, We Meet Your Every Need.”

  Kayla rolled her eyes. “I think our family’s already been down that route.”


  “So capitalize on innuendo and imagination. We weren’t involved. Heck, you made headlines bringing down the mob.”

  “You’re exaggerating.”

  Catherine laughed. “Yeah. But I made you smile for the first time all week—since that lousy son of a bitch betrayed my faith in him and walked out.”

  “He did what he had to do.” Kane hadn’t gotten past losing his mother or his supposed role in her death. Kayla had spent much of the last week at the library researching psychology books on suicide, the people who remained and guilt complexes. Many of the articles she’d read described Kane’s withdrawal and resulting pain perfectly.

  The knowledge didn’t take away her regret or loneliness, but it did help her to understand the man she’d loved and lost. Kane had never let go of his guilt, anger and fear. He probably never would.

  “You’re too forgiving.” Catherine picked up the letter opener on the desk. “Personally I’d like to slit his throat…or that other part of his anatomy. The only part he was thinking with when he…”

  “Enough. He doesn’t deserve it. I’m dealing without Kane just fine.”

  “Say that enough times and maybe I’ll believe it. Better yet, maybe you’ll believe it. He hurt you, and you have to acknowledge that. At the very least, vent and you’ll feel better.”

  “Is that why you’re twirling a letter opener in your hand and issuing empty threats against Kane? To get me in touch with my feelings?”

  Cat grinned. “Whatever works.”

  The bells over the shop door tinkled, distracting her attention. Sunlight gleamed through the doorway and the front windows, blinding in its intensity.

  “Afternoon, ladies.”

  Kayla shut her eyes against the harsh glare…and the sound of the deep, familiar voice. She was dreaming again, just as she had been last night, awakening with her clothing damp with sweat, her thighs tingling from an erotic, sexy dream starring…

  “Isn’t someone going to speak?” Kane asked.

  “You’d better be here to grovel because I’m not about to let you hurt her again.”

  “Good to see you, too, Catherine.”

  At the sound of their bickering, Kayla opened her eyes. Kane stood inside, leaning against the bookshelves on the side wall, out of the sun’s glare. He’d entered, but his wary expression told her he was by no means sure of his welcome. He might be uncertain, but he wasn’t unsure. Power and sexuality oozed from every delectable inch of him.

  His penetrating stare shifted from Catherine to Kayla. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked in a controlled voice.

  Her heart squeezed tight in her chest. Of course, she didn’t want him to leave. Yet how could she subject herself to any more pain? Whether she heard what he had to say now, or asked him to leave later, the result would be the same. He’d pick up and go. His intentions had always been clear. She’d just been too stubborn to heed them.

  Kayla exhaled, knowing she had no choice. She loved him enough to hear him out, even if it was just department business that brought him. The thought nearly suffocated her.

  She turned to her sister. “Catherine, I think you should go.”

  Catherine shrugged and headed for the desk chair where she’d deposited her coat. “Your choice. I just hope he proves himself worth it.”

  Kane glanced over Cat’s head to meet Kayla’s gaze. “Is she going to be this tough for the rest of my life?” he asked, a grin edging his mouth.

  She wanted to kiss him. She wanted him to leave before he could hurt her even more. Her hands squeezed into fists at her side. “Probably.”

  Catherine grabbed her shoulder bag. She shot a glance at Kayla before zeroing in on Kane. “You think this is tough, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

  “Goodbye, Catherine.” Kayla urged her sister out with her tone of voice.

  “I’m going. But you do realize this is getting to be a habit. Him showing up, you kicking me out, him showing up…” Despite Catherine’s warning, laughter tinged her voice. Even the tougher Luck sister had a soft spot for Kane McDermott. It didn’t bode well for Kayla.

  Catherine eased past Kane, slipping beneath his arm and out the door, still muttering aloud the entire time.

  “She means well,” Kayla said.

  “I know. Do you stick up for me the same way when I’m out of earshot?” he asked.

  She licked her dry lips, barely able to speak now that they were alone. “A bad habit of mine.”

  “What is?”

  “Sticking up for people I lo…” No. She couldn’t lay her heart out for him to trample once more. “What do you want from me, Kane? I made my statement, the captain’s filled me in on all I need to know and we said our goodbyes.” She nearly choked on the word.

  “Well, that’s the thing. We didn’t—say our goodbyes, that is.”

  “I don’t like games.” Not when they hurt her so badly.

  “Believe me, sweetheart, this is no game. Think back. You said goodbye, I didn’t.”

  “Is that why you came back? To make sure I knew the score? I’m not stupid, Detective.”

  His gaze darkened. “I never thought you were.”

  She knew that. Kane of all people had given her intelligence due respect. Lashing out was the only way she knew to protect herself from what was to come. She just wished she knew exactly what that was.

  “I just don’t need the word spelled out to know you aren’t coming back, that I shouldn’t expect anything from you in the future.” Her breath caught in her throat and she had to pause for air, until the ability to speak without showcasing her emotions returned. She’d never felt more fragile. “We already covered everything important.”

  “Not quite everything.” He stepped toward her, determined, sexy and sure. Just as he had been the first time, when her life had changed forever.

  He grasped her hand and held on tight. He might as well have gripped her heart in his fist. “Did you ever think I didn’t say the word goodbye because I didn’t mean it?” he asked.

  Frustration filled her. She’d had enough of double-talk, word games and drawing out the inevitable pain. “Just like you didn’t say I love you because you don’t?” She regretted the impulsive, straight-talking words the minute they left her mouth, but once spoken, the truth lay between them.

  She tried to jerk her hand free, but he held on with an iron grip. Ignoring his heat was impossible. As always, it elicited an answering liquid warmth inside of her.

  She resented the easy hold he had over her, the way he could make her react despite her better judgment. She sighed. “Look, I accepted your limitations, Kane. Now accept mine. You know how I feel about you, so please respect me enough to…”

  “Explain?”

  “I have a pretty good handle on the whys. I’d rather you just left me alone. It’s better for both of us. I know for sure you feel the same way.”

  “That’s what I thought. What I kept telling myself, even as I walked out your front door. But it’s not true. I’m a better man with you by my side…and I’d like to think the reverse is true.”

  His sheepish grin gave rise to spiraling hope deep inside her. Foolish hope. But he had come back. And that was more than she’d ever thought possible.

  “And even if you’re better off without me, I’m selfish enough to ask you to stay with me anyway.”

  Kayla’s heartbeat tripled and she could barely catch her breath. Kane had never spoken beyond the present before and that was promising. But many other words had been spoken, too.

  “What about your edge?” she asked carefully, working hard to bank her hope and her emotions. “You said I distract you…I threaten your ability to be the best cop, the best man, you can be.”

  “I was wrong. You make me be the best I can be.” His fingers tightened around hers. “You were right. I’ve been hanging on to a lot of old guilt, trying to atone with each new case, and making sure I remained miserable in the process.”

  The future suddenly loomed wide before
her, full of possibilities. Full of love. She’d invested all her hopes in this man and he’d come through. She hoped she could repay the gift with a lifetime of love and acceptance.

  She glanced at his strained expression, a result of facing his past and baring his soul. For her. “She was your mother. She wouldn’t have wanted that, Kane.”

  He nodded. Kane had told himself the same thing. “I know that now.” Reid’s unwavering faith in him over the years had finally sunk into his thick skull.

  The older man had been right. He’d stopped feeling the day his mother walked in front of that bus. And he hadn’t started again until he’d walked in this front door for the first time.

  “I haven’t given you much reason to believe this, but you’re wrong.” He looked into liquid green eyes and for the first time let himself hope for the future. “I didn’t say I love you—not because I don’t, but because I was afraid I didn’t deserve you.”

  “And now?” A pink flush stained her cheeks.

  “I still don’t deserve you, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let you go.”

  “There’s that control thing again,” she said with a laugh.

  Her huge smile eased the tightening in his chest he’d been living with all week. The tightening in other areas, well, Kayla would ease that as well.

  “I might let you get away with it this time.” She braced her hands on his shoulders. “But you have to say the words, Kane.”

  He met her gaze head on. “I love you,” he said.

  She threw herself against his chest, crushing her breasts against him. He inhaled her lemony scent and groaned aloud. “I could get used to this,” he said and laughed.

  “You’d better, because now that I’ve got you, I’m not letting you go, either.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  Her hands slipped downward and into the back pockets of his old jeans. She gripped him hard in both hands.

  “I hope you’re thinking what I’m thinking,” Kane said. “Because, otherwise, you’re playing with fire.”

  Her soft laugh inflamed his desire. “Want to get Lucky, Detective?”

  Those were the last words spoken between them for a good, long while.