by Lucy Clark
‘Did I?’ She lifted the cap off her head and ran her free hand through her curls. ‘I’m so confused, Arthur. Those twins…they’ve…confused me. They’re so tiny and innocent and if I was their mother, I would want to wrap them in cotton wool and never let them out into the world.’ She shook her head and returned the cap, needing the shield the brim provided. ‘Why do people even have children? Why would they put them through the pain this world can bring?’
‘Because, in normal circumstances, the good outweighs the bad.’ Usually, she could keep her emotions under control and locked away but ever since Arthur had come back into her life, it was as though he’d brought her vulnerabilities out of the darkness and into the light. It was annoying because part of her wanted to keep everything locked away and hidden from sight, to keep her distance from Arthur and the dreams of a future together.
However, having seen those gorgeous little babies, so incredibly tiny and fighting for life with every breath, something deep inside Maybelle had burst forth and she found she wanted to tell Arthur about her past, to share her insecurities with him, to shine light on the darkness, because that was the only way it was going to disappear for ever. She now had firm images in her mind of what Arthur would look like holding a newborn babe and in her mind it was their newborn babe he was holding.
‘Maybelle, you don’t realise how gifted you are. Your trials and tribulations have given you such a unique perspective on all sorts of alternative medical situations. Take Mr Bird, for example. If your life, your experiences had been different, you wouldn’t have even thought to check the synthetic compounds in the anaesthetic.’
‘Huh. I hadn’t thought of it like that before.’ She frowned for a moment. ‘I guess that can be said of all of us working here. Our unique, personal experiences provide us with unique perspectives on the injuries and ailments we treat in the ED.’
‘Exactly.’ Arthur smiled and couldn’t help caressing her cheek. ‘You’re unique, Maybelle, in so many ways, and regardless of what happens in your future, whether you have children…’ his voice dipped slightly at the word and his gaze momentarily encompassed her lips ‘…or not, you’ll still be able to bring your unique perspective to everything you do.’ He shifted closer to her, his gaze flicking between her mouth and her eyes, the tension surrounding them beginning to thicken with repressed desire and need. ‘For the record, I think you’d make an incredible mother. Fierce and protective but still able to enjoy those moments of pure happiness.’
‘Do you think so?’ The uncertainty in her voice was his undoing and he began to lower his head towards hers.
‘I have no doubt.’ His words barely a whisper, he brushed his lips across hers in one of those insides-melting, heart-thumping, teasing butterfly kisses.
‘Arthur?’
‘Yes, honey?’
‘You confuse me more than anyone else.’
‘How so?’
‘Because I…I…’ She stopped, biting her tongue. She was exposing herself, making herself vulnerable. They were in a public place, anyone could see them kissing, whispering, staring at each other with pure lust and desire in their eyes.
‘I really want to be friends with you, Maybelle,’ he remarked softly. ‘I keep telling myself that over and over but then you look at me and I get all twisted up inside.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘No. Do not apologise. I like getting twisted up by you.’ He ventured another butterfly kiss and she almost melted into his arms, momentarily not caring who saw them. ‘Is this thing we both clearly feel a residual from all those years ago? That because our relationship was cut short—’
‘We never got to see how it really ends?’ she asked, finishing his sentence.
‘There has never been anyone who has made me feel the way you do.’
‘Not even your ex-wife?’
‘No. Only you make me this crazy, this determined, this afraid.’
‘Afraid? You’re afraid of me? I promise I won’t slug you with any books ever again.’
He chuckled and shook his head slowly from side to side, caressing her cheek before dropping his hand and stepping back. ‘That’s not what I meant. I mean…how I feel about you, how I feel when I’m with you, how I feel when I’m without you.’
She nodded. ‘Me, too. That’s exactly how I feel. I’m confused and I’m happy and I’m scared and…and I don’t know which way is up.’
‘Then…’ He paused for a moment and exhaled slowly. ‘What if we…cautiously…research this attraction? Instead of trying to deny it, we explore it.’
‘To see if it is just residual?’
‘Exactly.’
‘And what if it is? What if we try this and it fizzles out?’
‘Then we can go back to being friends because that’s the one part I don’t want to lose. I don’t want to lose your friendship, Maybelle.’
‘So we do some research into exactly what this is we’re both feeling.’ Even saying the word ‘research’ made her feel nauseous. She gritted her teeth and momentarily closed her eyes. It was just a word…a word, that was all, and yet it made her stomach churn.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked cautiously when she looked at him again.
‘Nothing.’ He fixed her with a look that indicated he knew she wasn’t being completely honest with him. ‘It’s just that…’ She felt stupid even telling him this.
‘What?’
‘The word research—it…it makes my stomach churn.’
‘But it’s just a word.’
And now he was looking at her as though she was insane. ‘Don’t you think I know that and I also know that not all…scientific investigations…’ she paused, using the alternative for the word ‘…are bad? And in this case, it’s only right that we figure out what it is we feel for each other.’
‘But hearing the actual word makes you feel ill?’
‘Yes.’
‘However, you’re willing to do some…scientific investigation into how we feel about each other?’
She nodded, pleased he’d listened to her. Even if he hadn’t completely comprehended what it was she was saying, it was nice of him to avoid the word on her account. She relaxed for a split second before tensing her shoulders once more as a new thought occurred to her. ‘But wait a second, what if one of us feels it’s great and the other one doesn’t?’
Arthur frowned. ‘Huh. I hadn’t thought that far. I’d always assumed we’d both be unanimous in our decision.’
‘Something still to consider, then.’
‘Yes.’ His frown deepened. ‘Should we go for it, then? Embark upon this new re—Er…new project?’
Maybelle considered it for a long moment. Research. Her parents had researched things together and apart but each time it had drawn them closer together. Perhaps that had been the formula all along where she and Arthur were concerned. They needed to do their investigations, to discover exactly what it was that existed between them, so she nodded. ‘Yes. We embark on this new project.’
‘OK.’ The frown instantly disappeared, to be replaced by one of his glorious smiles. ‘OK. This is good.’
‘It is.’ She smiled back at him, a slight awkwardness starting to surround them. ‘So now what?’
‘That’s a good question.’ He chuckled and the sound broke the tension. ‘Dinner? Tonight?’
‘Sounds great. Your place or mine?’
‘How about we actually venture out to a restaurant? That Italian one we spotted earlier today.’
‘A real date?’ Why did the notion instantly fill her with dread? But, she rationalised, it was what normal people did. They would go out to dinner, enjoy a meal, talk and laugh and generally have a good time.
‘Seems as good a place as any to begin our…investigation.’
‘I’ll pick you up at seven-thirty,’ she offered.
Arthur leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips, sealing the deal. ‘It’s a date.’
*
When Arthur arrived
home, he was still reeling from the fact he and Maybelle were actually going out on a date. Even all those years ago, they’d never been out on a real date so tonight would definitely be a first for them.
He couldn’t believe how happy he felt, how right this felt, and with that realisation came a load of questions.
‘All good research projects come with questions,’ he told Juzzy as he fed her. ‘Right? I mean, if we didn’t ask questions, what would we research?’
The most prominent question was that after his disastrous marriage to Yvette he’d promised himself not to become embroiled in a serious relationship again and here he was, not only embarking on a date but a date with the first girl he’d ever given his love to.
‘She’s not just any woman,’ he told Juzzy. ‘And that’s what scares me.’ She was an amazing woman, one who made him contemplate life in a different way, one who challenged him at work to research further and look deeper into patient problems, one who made his heart miss a beat every time she smiled at him.
He walked into his bedroom and reached far back on the top shelf of his cupboard and pulled out an old shoe box. Inside were two photos of himself and Maybelle. One had been taken at her sixteenth birthday party before they’d kissed. He had his arm around her in a brotherly sort of fashion and she was looking at him, smiling that secret smile of hers. Now, at least, he knew what that smile meant!
The other photo had been taken by Clara about five weeks later when the three of them had gone to Melbourne City for the day. There had been a parade on and both the girls had wanted to go. Arthur’s mother had asked him to tag along to make sure the girls were safe. Arthur hadn’t needed to be asked twice. This time they were sitting next to each other eating ice creams, both of them grinning brightly at the camera, and she had somehow managed to get ice cream on the end of her nose. She had been so carefree, so innocent back then. So different from the woman she was today…and he cared deeply for them both.
The other thing in the shoe box was a small pink pen with a top. She’d used that pen on the last night they’d had together, writing Arthur smells delicious on his revision notes. He’d thrown the piece of paper out after she’d vanished from his life, but for some silly reason he’d kept the pen.
He took the box out to the lounge room as his cellphone rang. He immediately hoped it wasn’t Maybelle calling to cancel their date but rather that she was calling to say she wanted to start the date earlier…as in right now. But it wasn’t Maybelle, it was his sister.
‘Hey, sis,’ he said after connecting the call.
‘Hey, bro,’ she returned, following through on the usual way they greeted each other over the phone.
‘What’s happening?’
‘I could ask you the same question.’ There was a tone to Clara’s voice that made him wary.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Maybelle Freebourne? The woman you haven’t been able to stop mentioning in your emails and text messages? Remember her?’
‘Sure. What about her?’ Did Clara know? He hadn’t said anything about Maybelle’s true identity to his sister simply because it wasn’t his secret to tell. Until Maybelle told him that Clara knew, he had to keep silent.
‘Do you remember what you wrote in your last email? About how you like spending time with her and that she makes you laugh and how Juzzy thinks she’s amazing?’
‘Juzzy does think Maybelle is amazing.’ He sank down into the lounge and stared at the pictures on his mantelpiece, especially the one with Clara and Maybelle at their birthday party.
‘Are you crazy? You’re falling in love with this woman!’
Clara had a valid point, although Arthur had to wonder whether he’d ever really fallen out of love with Maybelle.
‘Why would it be crazy if I was in love with someone?’
‘Because of what Yvette did to you! Because of what Virgil did to me! We made a pact, remember? We said we’d give up on love and focus on our careers and then that way we’d spare ourselves from ever feeling as though our lives were worthless, meaningless and downright depressing.’
He sighed. ‘We did say that, didn’t we?’
‘On your last visit to see me.’ Clara sounded crushed.
‘I’m sorry, sis. I’m sorry Virgil broke your heart but at the moment I’m not sorry that Yvette broke mine.’
‘What? How can you say that? She cheated on you with any man who looked twice at her and then blamed you for not being progressive enough to want an “open marriage”.’
‘If Yvette hadn’t broken my heart, it never would have mended again.’
Clara paused. ‘You really are in love with this Maybelle Freebourne woman, aren’t you?’ His sister’s tone was softer now, more calm.
‘I don’t know for sure but one thing I have realised is that I need to try. If she breaks my heart, then I’ll give up on love for ever.’
‘Promise?’
Arthur chuckled. ‘Promise.’
‘Well, I’m now really looking forward to meeting this woman in four weeks’ time.’
‘Four weeks, eh? You’re coming home? For real this time?’
‘Yes. For real this time. I’ve booked my flight and I’ll send you the details so you can pick me up from the airport.’
‘Oh, thanks.’ While Clara talked about her plans for the next month, Arthur kept a close eye on the clock. Only four more hours until Maybelle was due to knock on his door…and he couldn’t wait.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
WHEN MAYBELLE ARRIVED home from the hospital, she lay down on her bed, trying to get rid of the headache that had started not long after she’d suggested going on a real date with Arthur. Why should she be so concerned about it? Yes, they were going out to a public restaurant—something she hadn’t done in…well, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone out for a nice meal. Yes, she had trouble feeling so exposed in such a place but she had to keep reminding herself that the threat to her life was over, that she was free.
One of the last things her father had said to her before he’d passed away had been that he was sorry for her missed opportunities.
‘I’m sorry you never got to date like a normal girl. That you never got to have your heart broken as a young woman because even getting your heart broken can build such strength of character.’ He’d smiled at her, a small, sad smile that had pierced her soul. ‘I’m sorry you never get to go out to dinner with a man, to have him send you flowers, to be courted in the way I courted your mother.’
‘Dad, it’s not as though I haven’t dated over the years—’ She’d tried to interject but her father had hushed her.
‘I mean a real and long-lasting relationship,’ he’d added. ‘The kind your mother and I had.’ Then he’d fallen silent for a long while, his eyes closed, his voice hoarse and barely audible. His breathing had been uneven and a few times Maybelle had checked his pulse to make sure he’d still been breathing. ‘I’m sorry for everything we put you through but at the time we thought we were making a difference in the world, that we were making it a better place for you to live in, for our grandchildren and great-grandchildren.’
‘So that’s the main reason why you want me to find a fellow? You want grandchildren,’ she’d teased, and had been rewarded with a small smile from her father.
‘I love you, May, and I’m proud of you. Find someone. Find someone who loves you in the way you deserve to be loved. An unconditional love. A love that will stay with you for ever and never let you go, no matter what the consequences. Promise me.’
‘I promise, Dad.’ She’d spoken the words back then, promising him the world if she’d thought it would put his mind at ease. Now she spoke the words softly into the silence of her apartment. ‘I promise, Dad, and I think I’ve found him. I think I found him long ago and I hope…I really hope that this works out because if it doesn’t, well, perhaps I’ll have to make do with living for my career, of making a difference in this world for future generations.’
*
At seven-thirty, Maybelle knocked on Arthur’s door. Her hand was still raised when he opened it, as though he’d been standing on the other side, just waiting for her knock. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi.’ He gazed at her, taking in the black trousers, red lace top with undershirt and big red coat. ‘You look lovely.’
‘So do you.’ She appreciated his suit and chambray shirt. ‘I wasn’t quite sure what sort of attire the restaurant required so went with something I’d usually wear to work. Sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise.’ Why were they both talking this way? So stilted? So formal? ‘Uh…you ready to go?’
‘Yes. Yes.’ She stepped back from the threshold as he exited the apartment. ‘Juzzy asleep?’
‘She’s eaten her dinner and is tucked up in her doggy bed.’ He locked his door and then turned to face her. ‘Would you like to take your car or mine? Because I’m more than happy to drive.’
‘I’m fine to drive, too,’ she stated, and then they both stood there, staring at each other for a long moment. Never before had Maybelle felt this uncomfortable with him. What was wrong with them? Now that they’d decided to actually pursue their relationship, to give it a try, were they both trying too hard?
When he didn’t say anything else, she turned and headed towards the parking garage. Arthur followed behind and as soon as she drove out into the street, he turned the radio on. Discomfort reigned the entire journey to the restaurant and Maybelle kept trying to think of a decent topic of conversation that could keep them going for a while but her mind was too busy focusing on the uncomfortable tension.
It wasn’t until they were seated in the restaurant, with large menus to hide behind, that Arthur cracked.
‘This is ridiculous.’ He put his menu onto the table and stared across at her. ‘We shouldn’t be this uncomfortable going out on our first date.’
‘I think it’s because we’ve both realised it is our first date that it is uncomfortable.’
‘Then let’s not call it a first date,’ he ventured with a shrug. ‘Let’s call it a discussion, with food, about our…mutually beneficial scientific investigation.’
