At the mention of returning to the city, Jameson perks up. “I thought you were going to stay for another week or so?”
“Yeah, well, I think I’ve had about all I can handle of being home,” I tell him.
“Whatever you think,” Jameson shrugs. “If you want to leave now, we can head back to my parents' house.”
His dad steps in, “Actually, why don’t we all hang around for a little bit longer. Let the rest of the guests leave, and hopefully, we can sneak her out of here without a scene from Dehlia.”
“God, I wish that wasn’t the case, Mr. Phoenix. I’d love to get out of here, but you’ve got a point. My mother will without a doubt, cause a scene if I try to leave right now.”
“Let me go get you some food instead,” his mother insists. “You must be hungry, and I know Dehlia won’t corner me in there.”
“I really appreciate you all,” I whisper, fighting back the overwhelming feelings.
Greta pats my shoulder before she walks away.
I eat, thanks to Greta’s help and we sit around, waiting for the house to completely clear out. As long as I stay close to Jameson and his family, I’m safe. The minute I move, my mom corners me and begins berating again. By the time the last of the visitors leave, I’ve already escaped to pack my bag. I don’t waste time telling my mother goodbye. Instead, I make a quick exit with Jameson and his family.
The drive back to their house is quiet, and as soon as we arrive, Jameson offers to help me settle into his room.
“Want to tell me what your hurry to leave is all about?” Jameson questions, closing his bedroom door behind us.
“Oh, I don’t know.” I throw my hands in the air, annoyed that he seems so clueless. “What reason is there to stay? You’ve seen how my mother’s behaving. I’m sure she’s boning my ‘uncle,’ and my dad’s gone. So what the hell is the point in staying? I’m better off getting back to the city and my kiddos. Doing the one thing I know how to do best, teach.”
“Christ, you’re kidding about your mom and Devin, right?” he rubs his temples and shakes his head in disbelief.
“I wish I was. How did I not see it, Jay? How did I not see all the lies all these years? Hell, how did I know notice, my father, - fading away before my eyes?”
Jameson sighs, “They put up a good front? I don’t know.”
“But all these years, how did it not click?”
“I don’t know that either.”
“And don’t think I’m over your involvement in all of this,” I glare.
He smirks, “I didn’t think you were. My involvement in ‘all’ of this was merely keeping you safe. And looking back, I know I’d do it all again in a heartbeat,” he moves closer to me. “We’re not going to pretend nothing’s happened between us either.”
“Keep telling yourself that. What happened was a mistake. A moment of weakness,” I the half-truth slips off my tongue. A moment of weakness? Yes. A mistake? Maybe. But it’s certainly one I’d love to make over and over again.
“You, keep telling yourself that, Liv.” He gently brushes my blonde locks back. “I’ll give you time to grieve. This thing between us isn’t over though. Not by a long shot. I’ve got years of wanting you to make up for.”
Jameson kisses my forehead then walks out of the guest bedroom.
I’m left to replay his words over in my head all night, ‘I’ve got years of wanting you to make up for.’
Chapter 14
Jameson
We’ve both been back in the city for three months. Things with The Mason Center build are full steam ahead, and I’m confident that we’ll be finishing this place up, ahead of schedule. Famous last words and all that, but I’d be willing to bet that as the weather gets cooler, we’ll have this place up and running. Trey did a kickass job keeping things on task and getting the work done while I was back in Georgia, and he still made it home in time to see his daughter’s birth. For all his help, I was sure to send him a bonus and gave him a raise.
Liv, that’s an entirely different ball game.
She’s been avoiding me, except for the rare occasion when she visits the construction site to ‘check-in’ on the progress and usually pitches a fit about something not being her way. I’m entertained by it. My crew? Not so much.
All of her avoidance ends tonight. I’ve put up with it long enough. Now it’s my turn to push her a little.
“Hot date tonight?” Harley asks from his spot in the living room when I walk by.
“Going next door. Don’t wait up,” I chuckle. Freshly showered and armed with Liv’s favorite wine, I’m a man on a mission.
“Right. Good luck with that. I think I’m going to start calling her the Ice Princess,” he jokes.
“Fuck you, man. You know she’s dealing with a lot.”
“She might be, but she’s also yanking you around, and it’s just not cool.”
He might have a point, and I don’t blame him for feeling the way he does but, she’s Liv. And I get why she’s acting the way she is. “I’ll catch you later, man.”
A few short steps out our door, I knock on hers. A seconds pass, I can hear her tiny feet patter across the floor, and Liv’s heavy sigh before the door opens.
“Why are you here Jameson?”
“That is no way to talk to your...friend,” I wink at her and hold up the bottle. “Plus I brought your favorite wine. I figured we could order pizza and watch a movie. Pretend we still hate each other.” I don’t wait for her to invite me in. Instead, I do what I do best and gently brush past her, making myself right at home, like I own the place. I give Peaches the attention I know she wants and head for the kitchen.
“I’m not pretending to hate you. I do hate you.”
“Hmm, that’s not how I remember things. Mind telling me what’s changed?” I ask as I move around her kitchen, picking up the corkscrew from the counter and grabbing two wine glasses.
Liv silently sinks back on the couch and takes the wine glass I’ve offered her. “Let’s say I don’t hate you, where exactly do you think this is going, Jameson? I’ve made some decisions over the last few months, and my life is here now. Once you finish this build, you’ll move on. Where’s that leave us?”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were putting up walls again,” I tell her while setting down my glass and tugging her feet into my lap to massage them. Peaches settles right next to the couch, on the floor. Liv’s head tumbles back, and she lets out a moan that has my cock standing at attention. “Let’s get one thing straight; I never said I was going back or moving on. The fact that you think I’d walk away from everything here is absurd.”
“You walked away from your family and your business back in Georgia.”
“Hardly. I expanded my company. It happens, Liv. And, did you or did you not also leave behind your family to come to New York?” I don’t mean my last question the way it sounds, but I can tell by the look on her face it came out all wrong.
There’s no chance for me to defend myself before she speaks up.
“Wow, Jay. Play hardball, why don’t you? Yes, I left my family behind. Not once but twice. Something my mother reminds me of at least once a week when she calls to tell me what a horrible daughter I am.” Her body tenses and she completely pulls away from me.
“That’s not what I meant, Liv. You can’t take everything I say so personally or punish me for the fact that your mother is being so cruel.” It’s a little harsh but true.
“Do you really want to do this? Get involved with someone like me?”
I shoot her a questioning glance.
“I’m not the person either of us thought I was Jameson. Not at all. My mother has basically decided that with my dad out of the way, we don’t need to have a relationship unless I’m willing to come back home and do her bidding. I miss my dad like crazy, and I can’t seem to get through a single day without having a fucking anxiety attack.”
Her confession about the anxiety shocks me.“You still have them
?”
“Yes Jameson, I still have anxiety attacks. Daily. And it sucks. I’ve been seeing a therapist for the past few weeks.”
“Shit,” I hiss. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“What’s there to say? I have had a boatload of shit to work through. I’m broken. Damaged. And I don’t even know who to trust anymore. My whole life feels like a fucking lie.”
“Because you’re having a rough go of things right now?”
“I should have known you wouldn’t get it. Not with your perfect life and your perfect parents,” she attacks.
“That’s not fair, and you know it,” I try to keep my voice even. “I have no control over life circumstances, neither to you. We can control how we react and grow from them though.”
“Jameson, I don’t know what I want anymore. My dad - he and my mom were supposed to come up for the opening of The Mason Center. He was so excited about it, and now that he’s gone, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s even worth it.”
“You’re kidding, right? Shit, ever since I’ve known you, you’ve had a passion for kids. For people who have different needs. Even back in school, you made it your mission not only to befriend those who were differently able but be their advocates. That doesn’t change just because Pops passed away. You just got through saying you were staying here. Are you going to tell me that you’ll stay here and watch someone else carry out your dream?”
“Yes, no,” She puts a hand on her forehead. “I don’t know, okay? I thought things would get easier as time went on. And it hasn’t.”
“It hasn’t been that long, Liv. Grief takes time.”
She snorts. “Now you sound like Laura, my therapist.”
“Do you want to talk about that?”
“Therapy?” Liv looks up at me and shakes her head. “Not really.”
“Then let's talk about something else…like the fact that you look like you haven’t showered in a few days.” Taking a chance, I tug her into my lap. “Ew, you smell like it too.” I poke her sides.
It may sound like something shitty to say to a lady, but Liv cracks a smile and punches me in the arm, so it was worth it.
“You’re an asshole.”
“So, you keep saying.” With Liv in my arms, I stand up from the couch and carry her down the hall to the bathroom. “Why don’t you let me pamper you a little tonight?”
Sitting her on the bathroom counter, I quickly turn on the warm water in her soak tub and search for some girlie smelling body wash in her shower. Once the bathtub is filled enough, I take my time undressing her before helping her into the warm water. I’m surprised that she’s yet to protest.
“You’re always looking out for me,” she sighs and leans her head back against the back of the tub.
“Always have, always will.” I find a clean washcloth and sit on the side of the tub. Dipping the cloth into the water, then running it over her skin, I keep talking. “You’ve got to remember to take time for yourself once in a while too, Liv. Even doing something as simple as taking a long bath.”
“Self-care is important,” she mocks, and I flick water from my fingertips at her.
“Don’t be such a smartass.”
Liv lets me get her clean and wash her hair, which she enjoys way too much. And my cock takes notice, hardening with every moan that escapes her lips. By the time she’s done, I’m hard as steel and Liv’s eyes are fighting to stay open. She doesn’t brush me off when I help her from the bathtub and dry her off, and she doesn’t refuse my offer to brush and dry her blonde locks.
Once she’s comfortable in clean pair of pajamas, I tuck her into her bed, fully intending to go back to my place and let her sleep. But when I kiss her forehead to say goodbye, she reaches for my hand and tugs me closer.
“Stay.” She whispers. “Please.”
No matter what she may think, I’ve never been able to deny Liv. So, I stay. Stripping off my jeans and pulling my t-shirt over my head, I crawl into her bed in just my black boxers. Liv rolls over and snuggles close to me. Before I know it, her breath as evened out, and she’s sound asleep.
Chapter 15
Olivia
For the first time since the night my dad died, I’ve been able to get some solid sleep. I wake up with one arm wrapped around Jameson and my leg draped over his, and I’m wondering why I’ve denied myself the peace of his comfort in my bed for so long.
That is until I look up and see that he’s already awake and watching me with a smirk on his face. “Morning,” his voice has that sexy ‘I’ve just woken up’ gravel to it, and my body starts humming.
Yep. There it is. The reminder of why I’ve avoided letting this happen again. Only because it feels right. Too right. And because my body responds to Jameson in a way that has never happened with anyone else.
Having him close means I risk more heartache. What if, one day, Jameson decides he doesn’t want me? What if, I ended up with cancer, like my dad? It’s not impossible - something I’ve been worrying over as well since Dad passed. Would Jameson run away then, leaving me to deal with it on my own?
Anxiety rises from my toes, my body starts to tingle in fear, and my heart rate kicks up — thoughts of chemo, radiation, death, race through my mind.
“Hey,” Jameson whispers as he touches my arm gently. “You okay? Where’d you go just now?”
His touch startles me, bringing me back to the present with a gasp for air. “It’s nothing. I’m fine. You should go. I’m sure you’ve got things to do today.” I try to push him away, but he nuzzles in closer.
“Not so fast,” he places a kiss on my forehead. “Tell me what just happened. You looked up at me; then you went a little pale. Where did your mind go?”
I groan, “Jameson, it’s nothing. Please. Just leave it alone okay?” I want him to drop it, and get out of my apartment so that I can fall apart entirely. And maybe take one of the anti-anxiety pills my doctor prescribed. Except Jameson doesn’t know the first thing about letting things go, this time is no exception.
“No. I’m not going to just to let it go Liv. You’ve been doing your best to push me away, even more, ever since we got back here. I told you there would be no going back, and I had a lot of lost time to make up for. I wasn’t kidding. I’m busting my ass here to prove to you that we are worth a shot.”
He’s right. He has done nothing but prove that he’s worthy of me. It’s not him that I’m worried about. I’m more concerned that I don’t deserve him. That and the fact that I’m not quite over the realization that our parents put him up to look out for me when we were younger. Heck, maybe I’m not even sure that I’m convinced he's real about his feelings now. Perhaps he’s just in denial.
“I need to breathe Jameson. And, I need to pee. So, please, let me go.”
He releases his grip on me, and I jump up, running to the bathroom to escape. Behind the door, I handle my business and wash my hands. As I’m staring at my reflection in the mirror, the earlier anxiety comes rushing back, and a loud sob breaks free just before tears begin to stream down my face. My legs tremble beneath me, and before I know it, I’m in a heap on the bathroom floor, crying and shaking as my heart beats wildly out of my chest.
Somewhere in the background, I hear the muffled sound of the bathroom door clicking open and Jameson’s voice. He picks me up from the floor and sits me on the counter instead, tilting my chin up so that I’m looking at him and then his soothing voice takes over.
“Here, drink,” He tips a cool bottle of water to my lips,
and I slowly follow his instructions. As I start to calm down, he asks, “Do you want to try a cool shower?”
“No,” I whisper. “Need a minute.”
This isn’t fair to Jameson. He shouldn’t have to spend his life taking care of me, always bailing out of messes and pulling me from anxiety attacks. No matter how bad it hurts, I have to let him go, once and for all. I can’t live my life, leaning on him as my anchor, because what happens when that anchor is gone on that tie break
s? Then I’m right back here, where I started — a heap of emotion on the bathroom floor.
Taking a deep breath, I look up into Jameson’s eyes and say the words that I know will destroy us both.
“Jameson. I don’t want to be with you. You keep pushing, I know that’s what you want. You have this illusion that we can be together. That you can save me. But you can’t. I need you to leave. To move on. Set your sights on someone else. The truth is, I’ve never seen you as more than a friend.”
I watch as he steps back like my words have punched him.
“You can’t mean that.”
“I do. Being near you makes me anxious.” It's manipulative and cruel, but still, the lie slips past my lips, and I know that I can’t take it back.
Jameson blows out a breath. “That’s the last thing I wanted to so. I’m sorry.”
Those are his last words to me as he stands up and walks out of the bathroom. I hear the rustling in my bedroom, and not long after that, my apartment door closes, and I fall apart.
It’s been ten days since Jameson walked out of my apartment. Ten days since I pushed him so far away that I know I’ll never get him back. And my anxiety has only gotten worse, which is something I am not looking forward to analyzing now, in my therapist’s office.
Laura sits back in her chair and looks over at me with a gentle smile. I like her. We’ve only been working together for a few session, but I feel like she actually understands me and what I’m going through. I’ve tried therapy before and felt like it didn’t work. This time is different except for when she makes me talk about the hard stuff.
“How’s your anxiety been this week?” She asks.
“Uhm. It’s been brutal” I tell her, honestly.
“How so? Tell me about it. Has anything else changed? Are you still practicing your coping mechanisms that we worked on?.”
Swallowing hard I recount how it all unfolded, “I’m still running every day with Peaches. I’ve been practicing yoga in the gym at my building. But it’s still there.”
Love Under Construction (425 Madison Avenue Book 6) Page 7
