Miserable over her own cowardice, she mumbled, “I was burned out. That’s all.”
He studied her, and she tensed, waiting for him to call her out. He absolutely should. Instead, he just gave her a slow nod. “We’ve all been there.”
She broke his stare. Disappointment in herself flooded her body. Why couldn’t she share the way he did?
“Are you okay?” Concern lined his deep voice, and he took a step closer to her. Normally, this would have sent her anxiety into high gear, but for once, someone else’s presence had a different effect. She wanted to say she was always okay; she always found a way to be okay. But okay didn’t feel good enough anymore, and she was barely able to make it to okay a month ago. Even striving for a mediocre personal life wasn’t within her reach anymore.
She tried to brush off his concern like she brushed snow off the windshield. But she couldn’t. Because he was standing there with worry in his eyes that did something to her on the inside. It…softened her. Made her want to lean into that strength he had. He’d told her what was stopping him, shown her his vulnerabilities, and she didn’t think they made him any less amazing. In fact, his ability to talk to her made him more amazing in her eyes. She liked that he talked to her, confided in her. She wanted that. And for the first time, she wanted to believe someone when they said it would all be okay. Because this other way she was living? Constant work and constantly worried about appearances and keeping it all together was taking its toll.
She took a deep breath. “I don’t know. There’s more, but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. But I messed up. Badly. And I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to go back,” she managed finally, suddenly feeling like she was stripping away a layer of herself. She’d barely revealed a thing, and she felt exposed.
His gaze went from her eyes to her lips and back up to her eyes again, leaving her exposed and breathless. He turned her hand over in his and covered her palm with his bigger one, lacing their fingers together. “Everyone makes mistakes. It’s okay not be okay, Mel. It’s okay not to be perfect all the time. No one is. And who really likes perfect people anyway? They’re insufferable.”
A small laugh escaped her mouth, and she leaned toward him, squeezing his hand, wanting more of what he was offering, wanting more of the matter-of-fact, laid-back attitude on life. More of the intimacy he offered just by holding her hand in both of his. Maybe it was the brandy, the warmth he exuded. “You think so?”
He smiled. “I know so. I also know you don’t have to carry whatever it is alone. You can share the burden, let someone else in. Have you ever let anyone in?”
Had she? Not that she could remember.
She looked at their joined hands. Sharing with Finn meant crossing lines. They were connected through their siblings, and half of her issues were about family. She didn’t know how much he knew through his brother, but she couldn’t betray Molly like that. She sighed. “Thank you. But I should get back to bed.”
His features closed up, and for a second, she contemplated taking it all back. Contemplated not being the disappointment she’d always been told she was.
He let her hand drop from between his. “Sure. I’m going to head down to the gym anyway. I need to do some stretching before I try and sleep again. Sorry to have woken you.”
She stood perfectly still as he walked away, the distinct feeling of loss wafting over her. She had ruined something good. He had shared, and she had closed up. She’d given him a lame excuse. What was wrong with her?
Chapter Four
Melody groaned as her phone vibrated, and she glanced at the screen, knowing only a couple people who would call her at six in the morning, one of them being the most destructive person she’d ever met. Sure enough, her mother’s face appeared, and she shut her eyes, letting it go to voicemail. She’d barely had any sleep because after her conversation with Finn, sleep had eluded her. She had replayed their conversation over and over again and wished she’d opened up to him.
When her phone rang again, she reluctantly opened her eyes. What if it was an emergency? She didn’t want to deal with her at all but knew she had to or her mother would go and harass Molly and Addie, and that was the last thing her sisters deserved.
She grabbed the phone and sat up in bed. “Hi, Mom,” she said, turning on her bedside lamp. The guest room was adorable, with its winter white bedding and white-washed furniture. She tried to focus on the décor instead of the voice on the other end of the line.
“Hello, Melody. I don’t have long to chat, but I wanted the date of when you’re coming back to Shadow Creek,” she said.
Melody leaned back against the upholstered headboard, holding the phone to her ear. There was no way she’d ever press speaker when her mother was on the line and Finn was in the house. “I’m not sure yet. I told you I needed some time off. And why are you calling me so early in the morning?” No way was she letting her mother know that she was contemplating leaving Shadow Creek.
One thing at a time.
“I didn’t realize that it was such a big deal for a mother to be concerned about her daughter. I’m only calling this early because I’m at the airport about to transfer flights, and I’ve been very worried about you. You have worked very hard to get where you are. People notice. I notice.”
Melody closed her eyes and prayed for the line to disconnect. This was all the same old stuff. A few years ago, this would have had her packing her bags and racing back to work. Thankfully, she’d managed to figure out that her mom was a master manipulator and she’d been lied to for so long. “I’m not worried about how I look. I just need…time.”
“I know you, Melody. You do care about how you look. You are too hard a worker not to care. Remember, you and I are the same. That’s why you are my favorite daughter. I understand your need to succeed and be the best.”
Favorite daughter. At one time, that would have been a compliment. It was now the gravest insult she could receive. “No, we’re not the same at all. I thought we were at one point, or at least I believed we were because that’s what you’d always told me. But then I found out the truth, and there is no way I’m like you. You lied to us about Molly. You said she was busy with school, and when she transferred colleges, you bragged about her drive and ambition. You let Ben believe she cheated on him and wanted nothing to do with him. Worse, you made Molly believe she was responsible for what that disgusting man did to her.” Melody shuddered. When Molly finally told her and Addie what had happened, they’d all cried together for hours. “I can’t get over that. Luckily, she gave us a second chance. We’ve spent the last couple years rebuilding our relationship. You have lost all our trust.”
“That’s a little harsh considering what I’ve done for you. You girls have twisted around everything I’ve done. All of it. Have any of you ever thought what it was like for me? I protected Molly.”
Rage ripped through Melody, and she sat up straight. “We haven’t twisted anything. You—”
Finn’s footsteps approached, and she quickly shut off her lamp, her heart racing painfully fast in her chest. He hesitated outside her door, and she held her breath. She couldn’t see him. A few moments later, she heard him walk away and then his door click shut a minute later.
She let out a relieved sigh, though him thinking she didn’t want to talk to him was actually the last thing she wanted. She would have loved to have opened the door to him and spent the rest of the night talking to him.
“Melody—”
“No, no. I, uh, I have to go,” she managed to choke out before ending the call and tossing her phone to the end of the bed. No more. She needed to not be such easy prey for her mother.
How much of life had she missed out on because of her mother, because of the insecurities she’d instilled in her, because of her need to be the best at everything? In the end, she still hadn’t been able to escape death. But she’d been missing out on life, too. The man d
own the hall had escaped death, but he’d also lived. And he’d thrown her a lifeline that she’d stupidly let drift away on the current.
No more. Tomorrow she was going to start getting her life back together, even if it meant getting the ball rolling to leave Shadow Creek for good.
…
Finn emerged from the shower and dressed quickly. For the first time in a hell of a long time, he felt like he was getting his drive back. Or his love of life back. Life had always been an adventure for him—sports, firefighting, people, women. He’d loved all of it. He would wake up and hit the ground running. Since the accident, he hadn’t had an inkling of that.
But after his intense nightmare and conversation with Melody, he’d felt…at peace. She’d been easy to talk to. Hell, he’d told her more than to anyone in the last year, and that was a shock to him. There had been something about talking to her, like she wasn’t judging him; she wasn’t forcing him into being the person everyone thought he was. He’d wanted to do the same for her, but she wasn’t ready. He understood that better than anyone. He recognized a runner when he saw one.
The other thing that had become impossible to ignore was the pull he’d felt, the attraction. Yes, she was attractive, but it was so much more, and she was more than he’d originally thought. He’d opened up to her in a way he hadn’t with anyone else after the accident. Maybe it was the cabin or that they’d somehow bonded in their need to get away from family and all the expectations.
Maybe the most shocking thing was he’d wanted to reach across the couch and pull her close to him. Or, once they were standing, draw her to him by the hand he shocked himself by holding. He wanted to know what pain she was hiding from all of them. Wanted to help her the way she’d inadvertently helped him.
The other thing was that, for a second, he could have sworn he saw that girl, the one who was so desperate to please, ask him to prom. He still felt shitty about saying no to her. He wanted to explain. And then he wanted to kiss her and tell her he’d never say no to her now. Obviously, he wasn’t going to do that. That might have been something he’d do if their lives weren’t so intertwined. They were practically family, so a casual relationship wasn’t in the cards for them.
He pulled on his jeans and put on his T-shirt, pausing to look at his reflection in the mirror. He ran a hand through his wet hair, taking a moment to finger comb it, and stared at the beard. Everyone hated it. That kind of made him want to keep it on longer. But a part of him wanted to shave it off. At the time, he just didn’t give a shit enough to shave; he had bigger problems. Then he’d kind of gotten used to it. New Finn, new face.
But now he was kind of backed into a corner because of his meddling but well-intentioned family. This was exactly why he’d stayed at this cabin. And yes, he was a meddler himself, and yes, when Molly had come back into his brother’s life, he’d bugged the shit out of Ben. Frankly, Finn could take half the credit for getting those two back together. Now that they were the ones doing all the interfering, he didn’t like it.
He’d woken up early and started researching an idea that he’d been toying with. It wasn’t that he was being pessimistic, looking at other career options—he was being proactive. He had never not worked this long since he was in high school. He hated it. And what if he took the physical and failed and had no Plan B? Then he would have wasted a year and would still have to start over. He couldn’t do that. It would kill his self-confidence.
Besides. Patience had never been his jam.
He knew the fire investigator in Shadow Creek very well. It was an option. His background would definitely help. It was an area that had always interested him. It would still be tied to his profession. He could give him a call later and tell the man to keep it just between them and get some more information.
Ben would take this hard. Their mother would be thrilled. But this wasn’t anyone’s decision to make but his. He couldn’t let anyone know that he was having second thoughts about even taking the physical because they would all think he was running. He wasn’t. He knew in his gut that this was bigger than him. The gnawing feeling inside had been telling him that he might never recover enough to depend on his leg 100 percent of the time. In a job with life or death scenarios, anything less than 100 percent wasn’t acceptable.
He rolled his shoulders and opened the door. He could already smell the coffee brewing. He was actually starting to like having someone in the house. Well, not someone. Melody.
He paused for a second as he entered the kitchen. Melody was standing there, staring out the window, her long hair hanging down her back, still slightly damp. He took in her curves appreciatively, and he remembered that spark that had lit inside him when she’d reached for his hand last night. It had been immediate and strong. And he’d taken full advantage of the comfort she provided.
When he’d come up from the gym, he could have sworn he’d heard her on the phone. He’d wanted to check in on her to make sure she was okay, but then the light had turned off and he wondered if she’d done it on purpose. It had been pretty late for a phone call, which led him to wrack his brain for any memory of Ben or Molly saying anything about Melody having a boyfriend. That thought hadn’t even occurred to him. He just…didn’t want her to have a boyfriend. That was irrational, really. Because they could never be anything more than what they were.
He was going to spend the morning researching the idea he’d been toying with the last couple of weeks. Hearing Melody also saying that he should think about a new career had given him extra incentive. He was just going to have to push aside his attraction to her and focus on his original plan of healing while exploring a new career opportunity. “Morning,” he said.
She jumped slightly and turned around, giving him a bright smile. “Good morning. You look well rested,” she said, grabbing two mugs from the cabinet.
“Yeah. I slept really well after. Thanks for not waking me up at five with the Vitamix,” he said, joining her at the counter.
She poured their coffees. “I slept in, too. First time in forever,” she said, handing him a mug.
“Thanks,” he said, that spark he’d felt last night hitting him as her fingers brushed against his. “So, any news from Baby Watch?”
She laughed. “Nope. Actually, I haven’t heard from any family in twelve hours, which is good. But I’m planning on letting them know I’m skipping Christmas.”
So the call wasn’t family. He tried not to let that bother him and leaned against the counter, putting most of his weight on his good leg. “Do you actually think they’ll let you?”
She added cream to her cup and glanced up at him. “They’ll have no choice. What are they going to do? Pack everyone and come up here for the holidays? There’s no way they’d do that. Addie and Drew have Isabella, and Ben is way too nervous to come up here even if it’s just for a few days. It would never happen. I’m safe.”
“Don’t you dare speak that into existence,” he warned. “You know this family.”
Their phones vibrated at the exact same time. Melody slowly put her mug down on the counter, and they maintained eye contact. Both their phones buzzing at the same time could only mean one thing: a text from family on that stupid family group text they thought would be so brilliant for Baby Watch.
She grabbed her phone. “We have to look in case it’s baby news.”
“It’s not baby news. Ben would call. Like, serial dial,” he said, making no move to grab his phone. He grew worried as her eyes widened and her hand flew to her chest.
“‘Good news, guys!’” she read. “‘Because you’re both up at the cabin, we all decided to bring Christmas to you! Ben and I, Marjorie, Addie, Drew, and Isabella are all coming. We’ll be there by the afternoon on Christmas Eve. We’ll bring the food; you guys do the decorating! Love you…’” Melody put her phone down slowly, the color leaving her face.
Hell. Christmas with all of them? Decora
ting? He pointed at Melody with his coffee mug. “This is your fault. You can’t just go around saying our worst nightmares out loud and expect them not to happen.”
She gasped. “That’s ridiculous. And not at all how the world works.”
He shook his head. “You believe what you want. We’re stuck either way. The worst part is they’re all…” He grimaced. “Nice. Like, too nice. And over-the-top happy. And this is their cabin, so we can’t even say no.”
She groaned. “I know. They probably think they’re doing us a favor. We have no choice. Other than just run away, which is still a possibility, but that’s too obvious at this point. I guess we’re doing Christmas and we have to fake being happy.”
He frowned. “I’m happy.”
She tilted her head, her eyes narrowing on him. “You’re about as happy as I am.”
“Fine. But I wouldn’t say I’m that bad.”
Her mouth dropped open. “What is that supposed to mean?”
He sipped his coffee slowly, deliberating whether or not he wanted to start an argument or end this conversation. If he ever hoped to get her to open up, an argument probably wasn’t the way to go. “I’m just saying, you seem really unhappy, and it seems like I’m not the only one who thinks that. Everyone must. That’s why they’re coming up here. They probably already assumed you wouldn’t go back for Christmas.”
“How do you know this is about me? If I were them, I’d be more worried about the person who’s been locked away up here for months,” she said with a triumphant little smirk, which he found inexplicably adorable.
He grunted. “Well, when they get here, they’ll see just how happy I am.”
She shook her head and crossed the kitchen, grabbing a notepad and a bunch of different-colored pens from her purse. He straightened up, worried, as she started writing. “What is all that?”
“Planning. Faking happiness and Christmas cheer takes a lot of work. No one will believe us. No one will believe you, especially with that beard. So now we’re going to start a list of things to decorate and get ready so no one thinks we’re miserable. We have three days to get happy.”
Snowed in with the Firefighter (Shadow Creek, Montana) Page 5
