Al’bah wiped her eyes. “You were broken, now you must heal. Pride never heals, only love can do that.”
Stella shook her head. “I can’t…I am so alone.”
The child returned. “Hurt lady isn’t alone. Grammy says Jesus always there. And I will watch you, and bring you water and apple slices.”
Stella wept again, as her younger self took her hand.
Al’bah returned; it was done.
***
There, it was done. Stella stared in Al’bah’s general direction, but her eyes were unfocused, and her face blank. She had no idea Stella held so much hatred and prejudice for—for life! It was as though she needed to get revenge for being born.
Al’bah sighed deeply; it had taken more energy to remove all that negativity from Stella than she would have liked to use. The souls of the faithful were always stronger, and though they could never be swayed, altered, or converted, she was thankful that they could have dark influences removed.
Al’bah found it strange that a soul with such an allegiance could hold that much poison. With a finishing touch, Al’bah also removed Stella’s memory of her efforts. It was astounding to see how strong her mind was, how resilient. Her pride fought tooth and nail against the removal of the emotional trauma. But it could not win, for she decided to leave the memories behind. No, to remove her memories would effectively erase her identity. She would have to live with the harshness the world gave her. But now at least, she could live with it.
“Muuyyah?” Stella was coming to her senses.
Al’bah sighed again. The souls of Christians, true Christians, were always so beautiful. Stella would probably enjoy the gentle nature of being a woman—or she might not. Either way, with so much hatred gone, her heart was now open. Not changed, but open. She wondered why she could not bring herself to remove the same poison from Cain’s soul. Perhaps it was her desire to have him trust her, to have him love her? Yes, that must be it.
A noise from the back alley caught Al’bah’s attention.
“Hurrrem hurr buyashi?”
“That was so insightful, perhaps I should reconsider your point of view.” Al’bah stood and grabbed Stella’s arm and ushered her quickly out the door. Something was wrong; she knew it.
Chapter 46
Broken Friendship
“Karate is great, if you can use it. If you can’t, it’s just a big waste of energy.”
—Cain Lamentson
Charlie narrowed his eyes, “I’m not taking Stella just ‘cause she looks like Holly, Cain-sama,”
“Bullshit!” Cain said harshly, feeling betrayed by the only person he ever trusted.
“Cain-sama, it’s enough. Let it go. There is nothing either of us can do to change what happened back then, and what’s happening now.”
“That’s right! Let it go, like everything else in your life! Wasn’t that always the way for both of us? Always compensating for past failures.” Cain bared his teeth. “Only this time you are fooling yourself, believing you’re gonna do better this time. Wasn’t that the promise you made? Bah! Yasuukeai-no hayawasure!” *
“Shut up! You fucking asshole!” Charlie shouted and struck out hard, attacking like a whirlwind.
Cain felt vicious strikes rain upon his body. He knew his friend well and quickly shoved his shoulder toward Charlie’s main body mass, and was rewarded with a solid blow.
Charlie was knocked off his feet but neatly landed on his knees and got up. “I can’t believe that this is how it’s going to end.”
“Just like it started. I suppose it’s fitting for us both,” Cain said, with his eyes narrowed.
Charlie crouched low into his fighting stance. “Watashi wa idaina kanashimi de tatakau, Cain-sama.” * With a speed and grace that Cain had expected and that was always so unreal, Charlie closed the distance to Cain and swung his left fist.
Cain had seen Charlie fight countless of times and readied himself for a feint, preparing to counter with his knee, but this time Charlie did not feint. His fist connected solidly to Cain’s cheekbone, sending him reeling back, and his head struck the hard stone wall.
He quickly regained his senses and knew that the only reason he wasn’t being hammered by blows was because Charlie was already about to hit him with a flying kick. He spun with his jacket in his hands and tangled Charlie’s leg effectively.
Cain pulled with all his might, and Charlie lost his balance and fell to the ground. He was already closing the distance, when Charlie maneuvered his legs and used the jacket to tangle and choke Cain’s throat and pull him to the ground.
Shit! What the fuck! I am stronger than this! Cain thought through the red haze and Charlie’s fists alternately pounding his face, and the pavement when he was able to move just right.
He reached up and grabbed Charlie’s hair and yanked with all his might to allow both of their heads to collide. Cain quickly got up and almost fell over by the vertigo and headache that was trying to split his head. Charlie stumbled and fell into several trash bins, knocking them over.
Cain was nearing the end of his limit. He had to end this! He was going to end this! He quickly maneuvered to Charlie and froze upon seeing his own gun pointed at his face.
“Back off,” Charlie said quietly.
“No, shoot,” Cain said just as quietly.
A dry, sterile click came from the gun.
The two stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed an eternity. There it was, where each stood with the other. A click that shattered ten years. Ten years of friendship. Ten years of laughter. Ten years of a kinship that could only be found between brothers.
Cain’s eyes open wide, and he set upon Charlie. “You son of a bitch!” he screamed as his fist connected to Charlie’s face.
“You son—” Someone had grabbed his arm. It was Al’bah.
“No!” she whispered. “Do not kill him—yours is a friendship that is more. He is more than your friend. You see him as a brother.”
“He’s not my brother!” Cain snarled. “He just tried to kill me!”
Al’bah shook her head. “All humanity shares the same blood, Cain.” She let go of his arm. “Do not kill him! Please, do not let it end this way. You are victorious. Why must you take the life of the defeated?”
Cain glanced at Charlie. He was going to have one hell of a bruise by tomorrow, and Cain by the feel of it would have a black eye. Al’bah let go of Cain and knelt to face Charlie.
“Charlie, your soul screams for someone named Holly. Who is she?”
Charlie opened his eyes and looked to Al’bah. “Holly? Oh God…she…I…” He couldn’t go on and closed his eyes, breathing deeply for several moments.
He gently moved Al’bah away and addressed Cain from the ground. “Cain…God, man…I am so sorry…I convinced myself that if I—if I—” He held up his other hand and opened his fingers; bullets Vincent bought for Cain’s revolver once they arrived in Virginia Beach...bullets Cain knew he loaded before now.
Charlie must have… must have…
Cain felt sick, horrified to think of what he had almost done. To think that he had already decided in his mind! To think that he—
What was I going to do? Was I going to kill him? Was I? Did Charlie want me to kill him? Cain slid down the other wall in the alley, no longer able to stand.
“Why?” he breathed.
Charlie passed a hand over his face. “You didn’t think that you’re the only one who feels this shit, man? Cain, you’re wanted for murder! As much as I want things to go back to the way they were, our friendship, our life together, is over.” Charlie scooted to the wall to sit up on the opposite side facing Cain.
“I can’t stay here anymore. You remind me, Cain. You remind me of everything that has happened. But it was okay as long as we were always together.” He sighed and dropped the gun. “But I can’t even have that anymore, and it hit me all at once. You know, I just didn’t want to go on anymore.”
With trembling hands, Cain took bac
k the revolver and put it back in his jacket pocket. He knew what Charlie meant, remembering how close he had come to opting out himself. “You’re right,” he said numbly. “You—Charlie, you were always looking out for me. I don’t know why I didn’t see that. I’m sorry.”
Charlie chuckled, but it was filled with a sad resignation, a despair of sorts. “Daijyoubu, Cain-sama.”
Cain stood and started toward Charlie to help him up, but Al’bah extended her arm and stopped him. A movement caught his eye, and it was Stella who helped Charlie up. Cain was entranced by the look Charlie and Stella shared once he was on his feet, and he heard Al’bah whisper.
“Beautiful.”
Once on his feet, Charlie strode to Cain. Both men had tears in their eyes; something had broken between the two of them. It was over, and they both knew it. Just one last leg to go before their paths would continue without each other. But they would continue, giving each other time, hope, and perhaps more.
“C’mon, Cain-sama,” Charlie said. “My car is over there.”
Chapter 47
Love Is Beautiful
“What do I think of Al’bah? She reminds me of my sister.”
—Charlie Tsukada
They drove all through the night to Richmond, Virginia, in an old ’87 Accord that, despite its age, drove like it was brand new. It was Charlie’s car. He had a thing for vehicle restoration but never cared for the high demand classics, rather just getting what he liked.
Everyone tried to make small talk, but it was punctuated often with long, uncomfortable silences. Stella seemed to be the most uncomfortable, always venting her frustrations at whomever sat next to her, which strangely enough never happened to be Charlie, only Cain and Al’bah.
As everyone shifted seats again at a rest stop, Stella found herself in the back seat with Charlie at last, thanks to a clever and last-minute switch that Al’bah pulled off by shoving Charlie into the back seat and jumping in the front with Cain.
“Finally.” Al’bah sighed. “You two need some time for the inevitable to take place.”
“What? No! Cain, stop the car!” Stella barked.
“Forget it, we don’t have a lot of time. Al’bah, stop playing games, okay?”
Al’bah turned her face to Stella, a triumphant grin completing a textbook face of smugness.
“Al’bah! Stop gloating!”
Al’bah’s grin turned into a pout as she turned back around.
Charlie and Stella sat, and the uncomfortable silence quickly grew between them until it was a deafening, uncomfortable silence.
Stella’s silence would have continued if it were not for the frustrations from all the injustice and the surreal twists her life had taken. And the crushing reality of her fate being sealed back in the city was too much. Stella broke down and began to cry, but like always, she was tearless.
“Look, I’m sorry,” Charlie said to Stella.
“Sorry?” Stella gave a woeful laugh. “How could any of this be your fault? It’s thanks to you that I am no longer considered a murderer.”
“You give me too much credit. I only delivered a deal that was made. It was not my doing.”
“Charlie, shut up. Leave me alone, okay? I want time to think.”
“Speaking of which, did you think about my proposal?”
“About what?” Stella almost laughed out loud. “Moving with a complete stranger to England?”
To think, humiliation or dishonor were her only options! All her life, she had been on the receiving end of so much injustice. All her life she felt that she had to be a part of law enforcement! For her to at last reach out into the world and prevent injustice to others.
It was a wonderful thing, and she had always tried her best. Sometimes she personally saw justice won for the low. And sometimes she watched evil walk away free, sneering at her and her efforts. It was wrong but it was okay, because she could always learn from her mistakes, trying harder the next time.
It took a while, but Stella’s past became more and more distant, more bearable. She had thought of it as a healing process of sorts, a way to correct all she had endured in the past, but it was all over now. Now the “good guys” turned their backs on her. No, they betrayed her! Something that Stella would have never believed was ever possible when she joined the force.
That was seven years ago, the start of her career in law enforcement.
“Charlie, you’re a great guy. Really you are, but I don’t like the chances of any sort of relationship forming out of desperation.”
Charlie shrugged. “Are there any choices you can make that wouldn’t appear to have been made in desperation? Any family you could go to, any friends that would take you in, any job that you could get back in the city? How could any move you make be seen otherwise?”
“At least those choices would give me a chance to pull myself out of this mess! At least—”
“Stella. Those choices would keep you close to everything and everyone who started all this in the first place. What do you really want? Do you want to bring yourself to ruin for the sake of pride?” Charlie’s voice seemed to almost take a begging tone.
“Please, Stella, I know we just met. I know the odds are against us. But if you stay here, it is going to ruin the best part of you. Just…leave your heart open, okay?”
At least half a dozen impertinent statements came to Stella’s mind, but died in her throat. She felt herself losing a battle for her pride. She hated this sense of irrationality, this chaos. For the longest time, she had kept her feelings and her emotions under control with her intellect, her rationality.
But now those feelings were stronger, almost vengeful at being silenced for so long. Her heart would at last be heard, and it promised her intellect all her discomfort would be relieved in Charlie’s arms.
“Why?” Stella cried, so completely unprepared and unaccustomed to the attention he gave her. “Why do you want this so badly?”
“It is because he chooses to love you,” Al’bah said from the front. “And honestly, I do not know how much longer you can keep your heart from allowing his love to enter, and bring you joy.”
“What do you know of love, Al’bah!” Stella huffed and almost laughed by the absurdity of asking such a question to a Succubus, to Al’bah.
Al’bah turned her head; though she addressed Stella, she kept her eyes on Cain, who did not seem to notice.
“Love is beautiful. Let your heart know love, and you will know joy.”
“Love doesn’t happen so quickly, Al’bah!” Stella tried to shout. “There has to be understanding and trust, there has to be—”
Al’bah whipped her head to face Stella; her eyes were filled with condemnation, but her face was sad.
“No! You speak of relationships. Relationships can exist without love, Stella, and can be so tiresome without tenderness. Ah, but for love to exist, all love needs…is our decision…a choice to love, and to be open to love…to surrender, and submit to love. And you, Stella, you want it. Even after all that has happened to you. You want to have it for yourself!” Al’bah turned back to the front and placed her head on Cain’s shoulder. “Cain, I am cold.”
And suddenly, Stella knew why she could only feel Al’bah’s positive emotion. She sighed, wishing Al’bah would continue to speak. It kept her from facing Charlie. It kept her from facing something that scared her more than she could bear. Stella turned back to Charlie. “Love? Just like that? You can’t be serious. You are just—I am…”
Her words and emotions tripped over themselves. The emotions that invaded and perfused her senses would be thoroughly disgusting if they weren’t so euphoric. Her heart ached to be near Charlie, but her fears fought against it.
Stella turned away from Charlie and to the window, remembering all her accomplishments in flashbacks that were as torturous as they were full of pride. But now? Stella’s accomplishments were worthless. Washed away by the blood of innocent lives. Oh! How it reminded her!
Oh…Daddy…
Grandmomma
The memory and visions came back, but the horror was gone. They mixed in a bittersweet contrast, her life with family and the betrayals that ended it. The life she had when she was alone, and the betrayals that ended that too.
It was true, there was nothing for her here. And as bad as it was for her now, she knew Charlie was right. If she stayed, it would mean being within arm’s reach of the author of all this injustice, all this misery.
Just once more, she told herself. Just once more…I can’t believe I am doing this…why now? Why like this?
She looked to Charlie, his head low and his eyes closed, waiting. Her vision blurred for the first time in ten years, ever since her mother had killed her father. Ever since she swore through her tears that she would never, never love again.
Never!
Never?
And in the end, Stella’s heart was open. Love was allowed in once more.
And it was beautiful…
Chapter 48
New Beginnings
“Al’bah, thank you.”
—Stella Fullson
It was three in the morning; Charlie and Cain were now up in the front of the car while the girls slept in the back seat, their heads leaning in to each other. Stella slept huddled into a semi-fetal position, while Al’bah was more relaxed and spoke often in her dreams.
“Freed star…hyun-vo-shen…”
Charlie eyed Cain every so often as he drove. Sometimes he massaged the sore spot on his face, and sometimes he was deep in thought or drifting in and out of sleep. Charlie glanced at the rearview mirror and viewed the two girls sleeping in the back.
He just couldn’t get over how much Stella looked like Holly; it was as if God Himself put her in front of him and said, “Here, Charlie, you may now redeem yourself.” Not that it would have ever been like that. There were significant differences between the two. From her body language to the way she spoke, everything about Stella was different than Holly. Perhaps it was for the best.
Succubus Tear (Triune promise) Page 27
