Al’bah shrugged. “There are no words to describe the other side of existence, Cain. Is it real? Or is it a dream? Just what is a dream anyway, Cain? For you, for humanity, dreams are a state of being, a place where minds go when they are not conscious.”
She placed one hand upon her chest. “But for me, I see what you call dreams as a vessel of sorts. A vessel that is able to carry the powerful yet fragile minds of mankind upon the flow of spiritual existence.” She smiled and ran her hand through Cain’s hair. “Humans are so amazing to have so much power, but so unable to use it.”
“I don’t understand. How could this be a dream and be real?” Cain said, wondering if Al’bah was Al’bah, and not a part of dreaming.
Al’bah closed her eyes and sighed in exasperation. “Tell me, Cain, do humans believe that love is real? Do you believe that love is real?”
“Yes.”
“Even though love cannot be seen? touched? measured, or studied in the realm of physical existence?”
Cain’s mouth dropped as Al’bah continued.
“Dreams, thought, emotion, actions—they exist. Strange how humanity can declare that love and hate are real, but not what they see in dreams.” Al’bah tossed the moon up into the sky. “So yes, this is real.”
“Why am I here?” Cain whispered.
Al’bah tilted her head to the side, as if confused by the question. “Because I brought you here.”
“Why?”
“I cannot answer your questions about our Bond in the realm of physical existence. Nor can I communicate through words what you need to know.”
Al’bah raised her arms and caught the moon that floated back down within reach, and she handed it to Cain. “But I can show you some of the nature of our Bond. Perhaps even showing you will not have the fullness of what you need. But it is the best I can do.”
Cain nodded and placed the moon down, back in the sky. “Al’bah, I don’t know what to ask you. It seems like I always ask you the wrong questions. And I fear that I listen to what I want to hear, and not what I am told.”
Al’bah nodded. “I want you to know me, Cain. I want you to accept me. I am Demono. I am of the old order. I am Succubus. I am your Al’bah, your everything. We are Bound to each other.”
Al’bah placed one hand to her chest. “My sin, the sin that separated me, is forgotten. Whether it was that long ago, or that terrible, I do not know. Memories are so different for spiritual creatures. This sin separates me from the Creator. I am Demono.”
Al’bah placed the other hand over the first. “The Creator created the heavens and Earth. He created the Angels and my race. And He created your race, man. As ordained in heaven from the Creator, the cosmic order places me and my race below the Angels. The Angels are placed below man. Fallen Angels do not accept this order; Demons do not accept this order. They believe themselves above man. I accept this cosmic order. I am of the old order.”
Al’bah unfurled her wings to reveal their fullness. “Succubi use the lusts of man, Angels, and Demono to satisfy their own longing. They steal energy like thieves. They serve themselves. I do not know the true purpose of a Succubus. I choose to not follow their example, but follow the example by those who serve the Creator. In this, I assume a Succubus’s purpose is to love truly and faithfully. To bring others to love truly and faithfully as the Creator loves all creation. I am Succubus.”
Al’bah lowered herself to her knees and opened her hands to Cain. “I have been named Al’bah by you, mistake or otherwise.” Al’bah wrapped her wings around Cain and brought him closer. She held out her hands, and Cain took them.
Al’bah spoke with a voice full of passion. “I surrender to you. Please, do not reject me. I could only be yours. Want me to be yours. Forgive me. Forgive that I did not tell you the truth before now. I was afraid.”
Al’bah let go of Cain’s hands and wiped her eyes. Taking a few steadying breaths, she looked back up to Cain. “I am your Al’bah.”
Al’bah folded her wings and continued. “Our Bond is of the era of Noah. Man had forgotten their Bond with God, their thoughts were wicked. The sons of the Creator married human women. I do not know why this was. I suspect that such unions were meant to be an example of the union the Creator desires with humanity. A union man should have sought with the Creator.”
She sighed. “Our Bond is of the same. Ours is the first between Demono and man.” Al’bah reached out with her arms, and a soft, yellow cord connected Cain’s right hand to Al’bah’s left.
“Ours is a relationship that is meant to be. It is meant to be eternal. It is meant to reveal the relationship the Creator desires with man. Being an Al’bah is the strongest Bond that exists between created beings.” Al’bah lowered her head. “The honor of being called an Al’bah only happened three times. Being named Al’bah only happened one other time.”
Al’bah sighed deeply and wrapped her arms around her body. After several moments, she continued.
“Absolute faithfulness. That was the purpose and point. I wonder if that was what the Creator wanted from Man all along. Faithfulness to each other, to the Creator. Faithfulness in all things. There is great joy in the fullness of faithfulness. And great pain when it is destroyed.”
Al’bah reached out and took Cain’s hands. “Now, let me show you.” As their hands held each other, a golden aura enveloped both of them, and with it came a sensation of bright sunlight. It also felt the same when Al’bah’s wings melded with Cain’s flesh. A euphoric rush that he could barely comprehend.
His sight somehow changed, and he could see how their souls were connected, and the many different ways Al’bah had altered and refined their Bond. Somehow, as he looked at the cord connecting them, he could see and understand the powers and intents of her efforts upon him.
All her alterations and refinements seemed to have a singular underlying goal: his well-being. He didn’t know exactly how he knew, but Al’bah made it so she would be instantly aware of any physical harm he suffered. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. He could see the traces and echoes of her healing efforts to his body, and realized how much his own negative emotion caused her pain.
I didn’t know. I wished I knew earlier. I…
Cain, I have waited forever for you, to share your sorrow and join your voice and song with my own. In your presence I am happy. May I make you just as joyful, and may both our souls be blessed by the warmth of love.
Cain gasped as the sensation ended. What just happened? It was like he knew every piece of knowledge existence had to offer, and it faded from him like a dream.
“Without instruction, you know how to breathe. Without full disclosure, your throat knows how to swallow. Thus, your understanding is increased even though the way to it has been forgotten.”
Cain shivered fiercely as a sudden chill gripped his body. “I am so cold.”
Al’bah nodded. “Yes.”
Chapter 56
Because He Is God!
“Your Tsukada honor is shit! All I ever heard and seen of your honor exalt, is obedience and accomplishment! You say your family is loyal, yet you want your own son murdered! Your honor is shit, and so are you!”
—Cain Lamentson
“What troubles you, Cain?” Al’bah murmured.
It was the ninth and last night of Cain and Al’bah’s rest at the hotel. They were packing the last of their supplies and would be ready to go at sunrise. Ever since the dream he and Al’bah shared, Cain didn’t know what to feel or how to express his thoughts of what was revealed to him. Nor did he know what to make of the terrifying aspect of his Bond to Al’bah that prevented him from touching anyone—well, anyone that he found attractive or was involved with in the past.
Back to the usual fixation, aren’t I? Cain thought to himself. Who holds the true power over my life?
He glanced at Al’bah; her face was open and curious, but silent and full of understanding. How much power does she have over me?
Al’bah had withhe
ld information that nearly cost him his life. And yet, against all reason, he could understand why. There was a mad balance on whether to be upset with her or himself. Indeed, he was the one who agreed to the Bound he now shared with Al’bah.
“Al’bah, is there anything else about our Bond that I need to know?” Cain said at last.
Al’bah looked at the ground and shuffled her feet. “Nothing that I know. But there is something that I do not know.”
“Go on.”
Still not looking up, Al’bah continued. “I do not know what will happen to you, if my flesh dies.”
Cain thought about that for a moment. “What about the sons of God that were married to the daughters of man?”
“That was before my time. I do not know.”
“And if I die?”
“I will die with you,” Al’bah said, raising her face to look into Cain’s eyes.
“What’s the possibility of me dying if you die?” Cain said, more irritated than mad.
Al’bah lowered her head and shrugged. “What do you want from me, Cain? I do not know. If I knew, I—”
“Why should I believe any of this? You already hid things from me before now.”
“Cain.” Al’bah placed her hands around his arm. “If I were to ask you, ‘How do you drink from a cup?’ you would likely say, ‘Take the cup, place it to your lips, and drink.’”
Al’bah shook her head. “But there is always more, is there not? Another would say, ‘Take the cup, bend the elbow, tilt the head back, open the mouth, and drink.’ Did the first explanation hide its true intent from the second?” Al’bah let go of Cain’s arm and continued. “Does me saying we are Bound together to you, and saying ‘He is mine’ to others, so lacking?”
Al’bah nodded. “Yes, it was. It almost cost you your life. So I give you more and more. All the while, you do not see that faith requires trusting the unknown, and faithfulness requires more.”
Al’bah cinched off her backpack and sat upon the bed. She rubbed her eyes; her voice signaled that she was close to tears. “There is only one God!” she cried out. “That is why there is only faithfulness when there is only one Bond. One Bond between the Creator and the created. One Bond between two created beings that reflects the first Bond to the Creator!”
Al’bah placed her hands on her head as if trying to stop herself from imagining the words she spoke. “What do you want, Cain? Do you wish to be free from me? Do you wish to be free from the Creator? Neither will deny you this request. The Creator would never force your faith, and I would never force your faithfulness. Is that it? Do you wish to reassume complete authority over your life?”
“I wasn’t saying that.”
“Sha-Ken-Ta-Reen-Su’-Ta! No, you were not. Though, I am not as ignorant as you take me. When my words are lacking, they are lacking in what I do say. Unlike you, your words hint on what you do not say. Do you think that God desires to control you? Do you think that of me?”
Cain looked away. “Maybe.”
Al’bah took several deep breaths. “Is that why you acknowledge that God exists, but refuse to acknowledge the place He should have in your life?
“No. I don’t much care for a God that is supposed to be so loving and merciful, yet allows so much to go wrong.”
“I am confused by your words.”
“I mean, why does God create creatures that He knows will fall into sin? Why are we given free will? Why are we even born in the first place? We did not ask for this. Why—”
“Oh, Cain,” Al’bah said, turning away from him. “That line of thinking is dangerous! It is the attempt of the arrogant and the stiff-necked to shift responsibility and accountability away from themselves.”
“But surely you have given thought to this as well?” Cain said, half in hope and half in annoyance.
Still facing away from Cain, Al’bah nodded. “Yes, I have. So before I attempt to answer your question in a way that would satisfy ignorance, answer one of mine.”
Cain had been ready for this. “Where were you when God made the world?” he said with a slight impertinent tone to his voice.
“No! That is God’s question to Job, and valid as it is, it is quite commonly mocked by humans. Let me state the question that was put to me, by an Angel.”
Al’bah’s wings opened, presenting a strange backdrop and adding an even stranger acoustic quality to her voice. “What would creation’s response be to the same question, if asked by the Creator?”
“Now I’m confused by your words.”
Al’bah looked flabbergasted and outraged. “You asked why God created me, if I was going to fail. What would you say if God asked you, ‘Why should you be created, if you choose to fail?’”
Cain scoffed. “Circular logic.”
Al’bah’s wings drooped to the ground. Her body trembled from a turmoil of incredible emotions, giving a chaotic quality to her words. “Cain- being created- existence- how can you not? Do you even realize the miracle?”
Cain mouth opened about to speak.
“Cain!” Al’bah cried, grabbing his shirt, looking into his eyes. “You are alive! You exist! You have a mind and a will of your very own! How can that not be a miracle? How can you even think of the alternative, let alone desire it? The very idea of nonexistence? Oblivion?”
Her hands were digging painfully into his chest, and Cain’s vision began to swim before him. It was like she was grabbing his mind and forcing him to a concept beyond comprehension, let alone understanding.
“Do you dare demand God to explain Himself to you? Are you not humbled by the power of everything that exists? And to think that if God chose to pass you over like an unwanted thought, you would never be. So many refuse to believe in God because they were not pleased by answers they received to questions that burn their souls with such presumption! If you dare to presume to have the right to question God, what makes you think such a right would not apply in reverse? What if God questioned you? What if God decided to oblivion your consciousness if your answers did not please God?”
Al’bah kept her eyes locked to Cain, who tried to take in what she said. Al’bah’s tears flowed freely down her face. She let go of his shirt and crossed her arms as if cold. “All of existence owes eternal praise to God! But instead, those who exist claim to be like unto…they claim to be greater, or that God doesn’t exist at all! Some even give their allegiance to that which does not exist! Some give their allegiance to the worst of Demons masquerading as one of the many counterfeits, claiming to be their God.”
Al’bah wiped her eyes and caressed Cain’s face with her wet hand like she had done before. “And perhaps the saddest of all are those who believe He exists, but refuse Him anyway.”
Her wings raised up from the ground to an aggressive pose as she continued. “Some ask, ‘Why does God let people go to hell if He is all merciful and loving?’” Al’bah gave a bitter laugh. “And that’s just it, Cain. Free will is meaningless if we do not have to live with the choices we make. For good or otherwise. God will let His creations sin, if they choose to do so. And He will let His creations reject Him, if they choose to do so—and they will be separated from Him. Not because God damns them to hell, but because they damn themselves. They are damned by demanding and ultimately getting what they wanted: to be apart from the God they had rejected. To follow their own will versus the will of the one who created them! Perhaps a more fitting term would be self-sovereignty.”
Al’bah bared her teeth and hissed; a small amount of spittle hung from her lips as she continued. “And you! You ask why. You question that which is beyond the comprehension of anything, of everyone! All the while never considering what would happen if God ever did the same! You ask why, and the best answer is certainly the most unsatisfying one! Because He is God! We have no right to question the will or the reasons of our Creator!”
Cain stared at and through Al’bah upon hearing this, and so much more. Of all the Christians that witnessed to him, none ever touched on th
e subjects Al’bah had or had given explanations that were like hers.
Explanations that not only had actual answers for his own arguments but all the arguments for and against God’s sovereignty he had personally ever heard. Did he or any atheist have the right to question without being questioned in return?
He remembered the oft-used phrase, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, and how it clashed with Al’bah’s. To explain the creation of all…from nothing?
Didn’t that too require extraordinary evidence? He looked up to Al’bah. But before you stands a Succubus, created not birthed. I know my Creator…
Is this what faith feels like? Cain thought to himself. Trusting the unknown…does it feel like this?
“But…what does that mean? For me? For you? For us?” Cain said, feeling despair, confusion, anger, frustration, and hope crash within his senses like waves in a chaotic sea that he was adrift upon. Paralleling the tears that crashed around in his eyes, struggling to be wept.
Al’bah slowly shook her head and led Cain to the bed, settling into his strong arms, speaking like the voice that speaks to the dreamer. “So much has happened this past week. You know all I can tell you about me, and about our Bond. More than that, you know more about the other side of existence than you ever have before. So, to what do you refer to, Cain?”
“I don’t know,” Cain said as a strange sensation of home swept over him. No matter his flaws or his scruples, Cain never cheated on anyone, though he never imagined to be locked down to one woman. To think, now he almost had no choice! He was with only one woman now…and forever?
Cain wondered about that as a shocking sense of relief, and condemnation fell upon him. Which was it? Was he relieved that he felt he was finally home? that his arms encircled his entire world? Did he feel like he was doomed to know nothing more than Al’bah? He remembered what Cynthia once told him.
“The two natures of man: the sinner and the saint.”
“Well,” Al’bah said, propping herself on her arms, holding her face above Cain’s; her cold hair spilled over her shoulders and onto his chest. “Let me hold this cup for you to drink. Let me say with simplicity, with sincerity, and with my kiss.
Succubus Tear (Triune promise) Page 33
