by Dee J. Stone
But my body begs to feel the ocean water on my skin. It’s like a tug of war between my body and heart.
My heart wins. I freeze in my tracks.
Damarian stops walking and looks back. Even in the dark, I see the confused and hurt look on his face. “Cassie?” he asks.
I shake my head, moving back. “I don’t think I can go in there. I…I can’t.”
He comes to me. “It is my home, Cassie. Will you not…will you not say goodbye?”
His hurt voice causes tears to pool in my eyes. I bite down hard on my bottom lip. The pain doesn’t compare to the pain I feel in my heart.
I hold out my arms. Damarian rushes into them and lifts me, pressing his body close to mine as he buries his face in my neck. “How I love you,” he murmurs.
“I love you, too,” I whisper back.
“I will learn all I can.”
“Thanks.”
He doesn’t let go. I don’t want him to. I want to go back to how things used to be, when it was just me and Damarian in our little love bubble, when sharks didn’t attack little girls. When our worlds weren’t being torn apart.
He kisses me, but this kiss isn’t like the others. The love is there, but the passion is gone. It’s replaced by uncertainty, by the unknown. By the fear of what all this means, what it will lead to, and what it will do to our relationship.
We don’t let go of each other. Not until the sky gets light. Damarian slowly and reluctantly lowers me to the ground. My arms stay locked around him. He’s my Damarian, my merman. The love of my life. He rests his lips on my forehead, tells me how much he loves me, then unhooks my arms from around him. He trudges into the beach, not looking back.
Chapter Seventeen
I’m eating ice cream. I don’t even know what flavor.
Kayla is dead. A shark attacked her. Damarian’s back in the ocean, trying to figure out what’s going on.
Earlier this morning, I couldn’t get anything down. Now I can’t stop eating. I feel horrible for the way I treated Damarian. Seeing his hurt expression cuts a large chunk of my heart. He didn’t deserve it. I could have behaved differently. The last thing I want to do is hurt the person who means the most to me. But I was so distraught and confused.
I haven’t swum in my pool since last night. I can’t. Right now, all I want is to be a human. I don’t know how long I’ve been out of the water, but I’m not feeling sick. I don’t know what that means, but I have no energy to try to figure it out.
I miss Damarian. So, so much. Probably more than usual because of the way we parted. I can’t believe I didn’t say goodbye properly. Shifting from a human to a merman is so hard, and being there for him always made things easier. Last night, I just tossed him aside. I hate myself.
On the news this morning, they spoke about the attack and told the whole story. How a brother and sister where playing in the ocean, how the shark was swimming too close to the shore. How the lifeguard saved them. It was confirmed that it was indeed a tiger shark.
I don’t know what to think. I don’t want to think. My head will explode.
Someone knocks on the door. My heart perks up at the thought that it might be Damarian. But that’s highly impossible. He just returned to the ocean a few hours ago.
After peering through the peephole, I see it’s Leah. My toes feel numb. I still haven’t told her about what happened to me. I know I’ll need to at some point, but not right now. I don’t want to deal with that part of my life. If I belong in the merpeople world now, it means I’m semi-responsible for the shark attack. I know it sounds silly, but I can’t help feeling that way.
And I plan on visiting Timmy later today. I’ll have to tell Leah everything later—when I’m ready to deal with all that’s happened.
I throw the door open and she launches into my arms. “I heard what happened,” she says. “How are you doing?”
I step out of the hug. “Super.”
She hugs me again. I lean in to her, feeling my body relax. With her arm around my shoulders, she leads me to the couch, sitting near me. She raises her eyebrow at the nearly-empty carton on the coffee table. “How dare you eat ice cream and not invite me?”
That gets a small smile out of me.
She picks up the carton and digs the spoon inside.
With my eyes on the blank TV screen, I say, “It was a tiger shark.”
“I’m really sorry, Cass.”
My throat closes up and fresh tears prick my eyes. “I shouldn’t have let them get in the water.”
Leah drops the carton on the coffee table and takes me in her arms. She rocks back and forth as I cry on her shoulder. “It’s all my fault,” I say, my voice muffled by her shirt.
She rubs my back. “It wasn’t.”
It is, because I couldn’t get in the water. The few seconds between my wanting to jump in and the lifeguard rushing inside could have made all the difference.
But Leah can’t understand. Even if I told her I’m a mermaid now and that I can’t let a drop of salt water hit me, she wouldn’t understand. I don’t know if anyone can. Not even Damarian.
I yank out of her grasp. She looks taken aback and a little hurt. I rub my forehead. “Sorry. Just…the tiger sharks serve and protect the Emerald clan.”
“The Emerald clan?”
“You know, the merpeople Emerald clan.”
“Oh! Right, mermaid talk. So tiger sharks serve the Emerald clan.” Confusion clouds her eyes.
I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “D-Damarian told me sharks that serve the five clans—the Sapphires, Violets, Rubies, Diamonds, and Emeralds—don’t act on their own. They only do what their masters tell them to do.”
Her eyes fill with understanding. “You’re saying…a mermaid sent the shark to attack the girl?”
I return my gaze to the TV screen, pushing my legs to my chest and resting my cheek on my knee.
“Cassie, that’s crazy. Why would a mermaid attack a human girl? Was she doing something wrong?”
“She was just playing with her brother in the ocean. I didn’t know that was a crime.”
“That makes two of us.”
I look at her, my eyes filling with new tears. “I don’t understand any of it.”
“Is that why Damarian went back to the ocean?”
I nod. “We…we got into a fight. I think. I don’t know. I said things I shouldn’t have. He wanted to go back to find out what’s going on.”
“That’s good. Hopefully, you’ll get answers.” She reaches for the carton. After scooping some of the ice cream and licking the spoon, she sits up sharply. “Do you know anyone from the Emerald clan?”
I shrug. “Just Kyle.”
We gape at each other.
“You don’t think…?” I say.
“I thought you and Kyle ended things on good terms.”
“We did.”
“Then why would he send a shark to attack a human?”
I don’t know the answer to that. “If anything, a great white should have attacked me. The great whites serve the Sapphires.”
She dips her pinky into the carton. “Does Damarian’s family want you dead or something?”
I’m not sure if she’s joking or is serious. I shrug. Her eyes widen. “Cassie?”
“No, they don’t want me dead. I mean, I know his dad doesn’t approve of us. I mean, he did give us his blessing, but…” I shake my head. “Forget it. His dad’s approval is the least of my concerns right now.”
She nods, then says, “Does every single tiger shark serve an Emerald mermaid?”
I can’t help but laugh a little. “You keep calling them ‘mermaids.’ There are mermen, too, you know.”
She rolls her eyes. “Sorry. Does every single tiger shark serve a mermaid or merman?”
“I guess?”
She shakes her head. “This is so screwed up.”
“No kidding.”
“How’s the brother doing?”
“Not great. I’m goin
g to see him later today. Then…”
“What?”
I pinch my toes. “I’ll wait for Damarian at the beach. Assuming he actually comes back.” Assuming I can muster enough courage to go in there. I can’t risk him shifting without me. I need to protect him.
“Why shouldn’t he come back?” Leah asks.
I lay my head on my knee again. “Because of our fight? I don’t know.”
“You two aren’t going to let a stupid shark come between you, are you?”
It’s more than that, but I’m not sure Leah can understand. Damarian defended that shark because it comes from his world. He doesn’t understand what the shark attacking Kayla means to me, how it’s nearly destroying me. I know he tried really hard to understand—that’s why he wanted to go to the ocean to see if he can learn what happened. Can this tear us apart?
Chapter Eighteen
My stomach twists as I stand in front of the Miller house. I haven’t been here before, but the atmosphere is gloomy, like a black cloud hovers above. I lift my eyes to the sky. It’s clear and beautiful. That doesn’t feel right. It should rain, pour. Like the whole world should mourn Kayla’s death along with me and Timmy’s family.
My finger jabs the doorbell. A few seconds later, I hear footsteps approaching. The door flies open to reveal a teenage girl, holding some toys. She lifts her eyebrows. “Yeah?”
I guess she’s Timmy’s babysitter. His parents are probably planning Kayla’s funeral. I clear my throat. “I’m Timmy’s surfing teacher. His mom said it’s okay that I stop by.”
She widens the door and motions for me to step in. “He’s in his room. Sort of just lying there. I tried to get him into the playroom for some games.” She nods at all the toys in her arms. “But he wouldn’t budge. Good luck.” She disappears into another room.
I guess it’s up to me to find him on my own. I take the stairs, my steps muffled by the gray-blue carpeting. The house looks pretty nice. I think Mrs. Miller is a lawyer and her husband is a CPA. They have no other kids. My heart cracks when I try to imagine what it’s like to lose a sibling or a child.
When I reach the top of the stairs, I scan around. There are so many rooms. But when I hear sniffs coming from a room to the left, I rush over. The door is wide open, revealing little Timmy on his stomach, his eyes pasted on a kid’s book. It’s obvious he isn’t reading.
The floor creaks beneath my feet, and Timmy looks up. When his eyes land on me, he jumps to his knees. “Miss Cassie.” Gone is his usual, cheery greeting. It’s almost like his words are crying, too.
“Hi, Timmy. Can I come in?”
He nods.
I enter and sit down on the corner of his bed. His eyes are downcast. I reach for his book and scan the title. The Rabbit Who Lost His Way Home. “Any good?”
“It’s Kayla’s favorite,” he whispers, his eyes on his bedspread. “She always begs me to read it to her every night. Mom and Dad are always busy.”
My stomach gets all knotted. He’s referring to his sister in the present tense.
“Will you read it to me?” he asks, his big brown eyes hopeful and full of tears.
“Of course.”
I shift on his bed so my back is leaning against the headboard. Timmy shuffles closer to me, and I put my arm over him. As I read him the story, I feel his shoulders relax. His tears dry up. When I’m done, his face is no longer as pained as it was.
“You think she heard it?” he asks in a barely audible voice.
I squeeze his shoulder. “I’m sure she did.” I stroke the top of his head.
He nods.
The room gets quiet. I keep my arm around him, occasionally giving him a few squeezes. I don’t know what to say. I’m not an expert on kids or anything, but I’ll be here for Timmy, even if it’s enough that I just sit near him on his bed.
I force the tears that fight their way to the surface of my eyes. I need to be strong for him.
“Miss Cassie?” he says after a few minutes.
I swallow so my voice won’t tremble with the tears that are threatening to win. “Yes, Timmy?”
“Do you think…do you think the shark would have bitten me if Kayla wasn’t there?”
Now the tears come. I swipe them away with the back of my hand. I lay my chin on the top of his head. “Don’t think like that, sweetie. It was just an accident.” Emerald Clan. I push it away. “It was just an accident, okay?”
His shoulders get stiff. “If-if I wouldn’t have brought her to the beach, she would…she would…” A hiccup swallows the rest of his sentence.
This is so hard. I don’t know if he has anyone to talk to, other than his parents.
I reposition him so I can hug him close, rocking a bit and patting his back. “This isn’t your fault, okay? Don’t ever think this is your fault.”
His face digs into my shoulder. “She wanted to surf like me. Daddy said she was too young. She always wanted to copy me.”
“Because you were such an awesome older brother.”
He sobs, his shoulders shuddering. “I don’t want to surf anymore.”
“Timmy—”
“She’s dead because of me.”
My tears are making it impossible to see. I blink so they drip down my cheeks. I don’t want Timmy to hear me cry. I want to be strong for him. I hold him even closer and continue to rock.
“Miss Cassie,” he cries.
“She wouldn’t have wanted that,” I say softly. “Do you think Kayla would have wanted you to quit surfing? She would have wanted you to keep at it. Do it for her, Timmy. Work hard to become the best surfer out there. Make your little sister proud.”
He doesn’t respond, just continues weeping on my shoulder. His nails dig into my arms.
“You’ll be okay,” I whisper, brushing my hand through his short hair. “You’ll be okay, sweetie.”
I don’t know how long we stay like this. Maybe ten minutes. Eventually, Timmy separates himself from me and rolls over on his bed. I get up and throw his blanket over him, bending closer to kiss the top of his head. Even as he drifts off to sleep, I see his face contorted in pain. I gently rub his shoulder, wishing I knew what I can say or do to make this easier for him. But I don’t think there’s anything I can do. Killing the shark won’t bring Kayla back.
The babysitter is on the living room couch, flipping through a fashion magazine, her legs folded beneath her. She sits forward when I step in. “How is he?”
“Okay. He’s sleeping now.”
She nods, a sad expression on her face.
We just stand there looking at one another. The whole house is swallowed in sorrow.
“It kind of makes you rethink things, doesn’t it?” she says. “How you treat people. My younger brother and sisters can be such pests, you know? Always bugging me. I hardly spend time with them, but talk on the phone or go to the mall. If something were to happen to them…” She bites down on her lip as her eyes tear up.
I reach out and pat her arm. “Tragedy usually makes you appreciate what you have. It sucks, but that’s how it is.”
She nods.
I pat her arm again. “Take care of him, okay?”
“I will.”
I give her a small, stiff smile and exit the house.
Chapter Nineteen
My eyes snap open. I glance at the time and see it’s well past five AM. I overslept.
Reaching for my phone, I try to turn it on. I know I set my alarm before I fell asleep. But it won’t turn on—it’s dead. The alarm must have rang and rang until my phone died. Did I really sleep through it? I remember tossing and turning as I tried to fall asleep, forcing the memories of the attack out of my head. I guess I was pretty knocked out.
Pushing my blanket aside, I swing my legs over the edge of my bed and stretch. My whole body aches because I haven’t slept right.
After slipping on my shoes and grabbing my bag, I head for the beach. My stomach does flip flops as I draw nearer. I close my eyes, taking in a deep breat
h through my nose and letting it out through my mouth. I can do this—enter the beach. I need to do this. I have to be there for Damarian.
He’s coming home with news. The thought causes my chest to tighten. What if he tells me something I don’t want to hear? What if it’s worse than I could have imagined?
My knees wobble. I lower myself onto the path that leads to the beach. Hooking my arms around my legs, I bury my face in my knees and breathe.
A little voice in my head urges me to get up. Damarian could be waiting. I don’t want him to think I rejected him. I don’t want him to return to the ocean.
I force myself to my feet and enter the beach. Like all the other times, the place is deserted. Double checking is almost second nature to me. When I’m one hundred percent sure not a single soul is lurking around, I climb onto the rocks.
The waves crashing into one another catch my attention. I peer over the edge of the rocks. Damarian’s head sticks out of the water. “Cassie.” His familiar, musical voice drifts over the water, into my ears.
My whole body swells with relief and joy. All I want is to throw myself into his arms, to hold him close and let him hold me close. I want to feel his sweet, warm lips on my mouth. I want to feel his love and comfort.
“Damarian!” I call, bouncing on my heels and waving both hands in the air. “Damarian!” The moon casts enough light to see his face and upper body. The rest of him is submerged under.
He dives back into the water. I hurry down the rocks to meet him near the tide, but stand a few feet away. As he pulls himself onto the sand, I reach into my bag for the sheet and spread it wide open in my arms. When he’s completely out of the water and is lying flat on the sand, I step closer and throw it over him.
Lowering myself to my knees, my heart caves. I won’t be able to hold him as he changes from merman to human. My hands itch toward him as I see his eyes roll back and forehead start to sweat. But I plant them firmly on the sand, grabbing hold of some grains and squeezing tight. They dig into my skin as I see him convulse, as I hear him cry out softly. Instinct tells me to leap into his arms and hold him, but I stand my ground.
