by Cari Quinn
I frowned. Problem? What the hell was she going on about now?
She flashed a smile, though it didn’t seem entirely genuine. “So you can relax and we can have fun like we always do. We don’t have to have ‘the talk’ about managing expectations,” she said, complete with air quotes.
“Oh, is that so?”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” she continued. “Your being gone actually gave me the space to do it without being crowded. It’s so hard to think when you’re close by. I forget what makes sense.”
This was getting better and better. I should’ve just gone for the Pinterest-reenacted fuck—though who put pictures of fucking on Pinterest, I thought it was for recipes—and the warmed-up takeout and accepted what I had without demanding more.
Because it didn’t look as if I was going to get it.
“Is that how it is then?” My voice was little more than a growl.
I couldn’t help it. Fuck, I didn’t want to. I was almost certain her thoughts contained a big pile of recycled platitudes I absolutely did not want to hear.
“Yes. Actually, talking to Callie was what made me understand all of this so much better. I didn’t want to put you in the same situation she’s in with Owen. They’re in love and happy together, of course, but he feels divided because he has two loves. His music, then her and the baby. It’s a strain on him. I don’t want you to worry about dealing with the same concerns. It won’t be like that with us, okay? You’re free. No strings to tie you up. Whatever you need, just let me know and—”
“You’re telling me I’m free.” Somehow I’d known it would come to this moment and yet now that we were here, I couldn’t face it.
Couldn’t understand how we’d come so far in such a short time only to reach the end of the road.
Her expression was earnest as she nodded. As if she was doing me a favor. “You’re important to me, Hudson, and I don’t want to be another thing for you to have to deal with. So we’ll keep it flexible. Easy and natural. Nothing to hold you down.”
I tried to temper my response. Her background wasn’t the best with relationships, and hell, neither was mine. It had seemed as if we were learning on that score together.
Talk about a fantasy.
“What if I want to be held down? If I want to do some holding of my own? If maybe some mutual-fucking-holding is all I want or nothing at all?” I shook my head as she gawked up at me. “If you’re satisfied with less, then you’re not the woman I thought you were.”
And that stung more than I could comprehend.
Her eyebrows pinched together. “I don’t think you’re understanding me. You’re getting your cake—me—and your freedom too. You won’t have to worry about me when you’re gone on the road. Easy peasy. No stress, no demands. Isn’t that every man’s dream?”
I couldn’t even deal with this conversation right now. I’d thought I was ready for it. Wrong. Then again, I’d hoped it would proceed very differently than it had.
Piper claimed she wanted to give me freedom, when it wasn’t about me at all. That was the furthest thing from what I wanted.
But she’d just assumed. Maybe because I was a former racecar driver and a rockstar. The good time guy incapable of sticking around. That was how the stories went in the press, right?
So just tell the irresponsible one he can come and go as he pleases. Why bother expecting anything more from him?
Well, she might not expect more from me, but I’d expected more from her. I’d counted on her to know there was more to me than that by now. To give me the chance to show her all my different sides, and not just assume a TV soundbite about my roving dick was the sum total of who I was.
I stared at her, memorizing her features as if this would be the last time I would see them. I hoped that wouldn’t be true. Maybe I’d realize tomorrow that we’d never really had this conversation at all. I’d just been up, tossing and turning restlessly in my hotel bed without her as I’d done on other nights recently.
Yeah, I didn’t want strings, all right. I wanted to be surrounded by a damn net, one big enough to encompass both of us.
“It’s not my dream, Piper.” She reeled back at her name, as she always did. But I couldn’t call her kitten now. “Not even close.”
16
Piper
“It’s not my dream, Piper. Not even close.”
God, not that again. I wanted to scrub my brain free of his voice. But I couldn’t.
I shouldn’t be thinking about this now, of all times. But that parting shot and the way Hudson had just stood there silently and let me babble in my nervousness—I was almost sure I’d even mentioned something about boyfriend pillows—replayed in my head on a constant loop.
Now wasn’t the time to dwell on it. Would it ever be the right time?
Probably not if my tear ducts had anything to say about it. They really preferred not to be called into service.
Besides, I had friend duties to attend to.
I rushed across the parking lot to the front doors. Wheelchairs were being filled and emptied by the dozen thanks to two large patient services vans parked out front. I skirted around the back of one and slipped into the hospital.
I didn’t need to stop and check where I was going. This place was almost as familiar as my house at this point. I was getting used to Callie and these false alarms. However, each one was a little bit more stressful than the last.
It had been two weeks since things had gone sideways with Hudson. One minute, I’d been ready to strip him out of his clothes and give him a proper welcome home. But then he’d asked a question I thought I had the answer for.
The most reasonable solution for a man like Hudson. The one that would allow me to keep him as my very own and give him the freedom to work and not worry about me.
Instead he’d allowed me to ramble like a fool then quite literally pushed me out the door with an armful of asters and roses and a stony, reserved face that followed me into dreams. Not the man I’d come to lov—
Nope.
Not thinking about that, remember?
I just couldn’t.
I couldn’t even process what had happened. He’d never actually said not to contact him again though. Did that mean it wasn’t really the—
God, I couldn’t even say the word end in my head. I couldn’t shuffle all the pieces into any semblance of order. I hadn’t known what to do after he’d put me out. Who did that to someone they supposedly cared about?
I’d literally stared at his door for a full ten minutes, my arms shaking under the weight of the crystal vase. Kinda like I was at this stupid elevator right now. I shook my head when I realized I hadn’t even hit the up button yet.
I slapped the button and rolled my eyes when the doors opened right away. “Get it together, Piper.”
When I’d gotten to his condo that day, my entire focus had been on showing him how much I missed him. I probably should have noticed he had more on his mind. Maybe that was why he threw everything I said back in my face.
He had important stuff to worry about. I did too. Along with the kind of stuff I’d never wanted.
Emotional chaos.
The pain followed me around, no matter how much I tried to work through it. Anytime I didn’t have something taking up my complete attention, I would relive that conversation. The nights were the worst. I ached for him. Not just his body, though that was definitely a factor. I didn’t even realize how alone I’d been until I let him in. And now…
I shut my eyes and released a long, slow breath. The cafe was still on an upswing. Maybe even more so now that we’d broken up. Not that we were ever officially a couple.
But speculation had spread the more times he’d come in to see me. Now he was suddenly gone. I had to listen to the whispers from the regulars. They were afraid to ask me where Hudson was, but they certainly didn’t mind asking Tabs. The worst part was the new Hammered song, “Unbreak the Broken” was playing on a constant rotation. And w
hile I didn’t have to listen to him sing, the slow build of the song was all guitars and drums until there was nothing but the beat pounding in my chest.
Powerful and consuming, this new single was so different from the heavy stadium rock songs the band usually played. The lyrics were full of rage and hope. No matter the time of day, I seemed to have Hammered radar, and I couldn’t help but listen to the song.
Sometimes I even listened to it in my car just so I could have a piece of him fill the hole in my chest for four minutes and eleven seconds.
Even Maya was moping around the cafe, trailing behind me in hopes that she’d see her beloved human. She’d only swiped at me a half dozen times. She was being positively sweet compared to her usual self.
At least Baby Blackwell’s impending delivery kept me busy. I’d been going to the last of the appointments Callie had when Owen was unable to get away. Even if Callie was constantly pushing me to call Hudson. Luckily, she was heavily pregnant. It reduced the urge to smack her.
The rest of the hours in between, I spent in my workshop. I’d finished three orders that weren’t due until after Christmas. My house was cleaner that it had been since I moved in, and I’d taught myself how to make truffles to support my chocolate habit.
Oh, and new jeans had definitely been bought. Considering I couldn’t stop stuffing my face with chocolate at work or home, those five pounds had come on like a speeding bus with Sandra Bullock at the wheel.
The doors of the elevator opened as my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and answered immediately at the name on the screen, hurrying out onto her floor. “I’m on my way.”
“You don’t need to rush.” Callie’s voice was full of frustration.
“What do you mean I don’t have to rush? Aren’t you having the baby?” I was flying down the corridors of the hospital, phone illegally stuck to my ear. I’d even made Tabs drop me off so I could get there as quickly as humanly possible.
“Even if I was in active labor, we’d have time. But, alas, I am not.”
“Oh, no. Not again.” I skimmed the numbers on the doors looking for her room.
She huffed out a sigh. “I know I keep crying wolf, but I thought it was for real this time.” Her voice changed. “No, that’s the Go-Bag. My purse—there you go. Thanks, honey.”
I came around the corner to find a room full of people. I hung up and dropped my phone in my bag as I catalogued all the strangers. A trio of women I’d never met were clustered around the windows, all on their phones. At least I wasn’t the only one breaking the rules. Two of them were dressed in Barbie-style Chanel suits with blond hair. One was in a power red, and the other a powdery pink. The third woman was older, dressed in denim and cotton with a tumble of auburn hair.
“Hey, you.” Callie caught my gaze with a grateful smile and stuffed her phone in her pocket. She was perched on the edge of a hospital bed in the maternity ward. “They’re kicking me out again. Evidently, it’s on like Donkey Kong with the birthing this week. You know, except for me.”
I crossed to her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m good.” She patted her belly. “This one isn’t quite ready to vacate. Though he keeps throwing out SOS signals, the little prince.”
“Princess,” Owen corrected as he pushed away from the wall. Another gentleman stood beside him, a near carbon copy of him with salt and pepper hair. “We can all fit in the truck, bunny.”
“Not in my current state.” Owen opened his mouth to argue, but Callie held up her hand. “Take our parents to the house. I’ve got it covered. You don’t want them to try and figure out our ridiculous highways at this time of day. They came right from the airport, so there’s all that to deal with too.”
“They’ll be fine.” Owen’s eyes were bloodshot and his lips were pinched with stress.
“Blackbeard, seriously.”
“Calliope, we’ll be fine.” The elegant woman in the pink suit stepped forward. “Owen’s mother and your Aunt Vivian have survived this long without being chauffeured by your husband. We can hire a service.”
Callie dragged Owen down to her eye-line by his lapels. “I need just a few minutes alone,” she said between gritted teeth. “So please take them back to the house. I’m in good hands. You know that I am.”
Owen glanced at me then back to his wife. “All right.” He cupped her face. “This baby will be coming very soon, love. I swear it.”
“It feels like he’s stuck in there.” She grabbed my hand. “Besides, I’ve got Piper with me.”
“But I don’t—” I squeaked when her grip strengthened until the bones of my fingers rubbed together. “I’ve got her,” I said automatically.
Owen started herding. “All right, mums, off we go. We’ll get Cal some food on the way home. Ice cream, right, love?”
“Yes, please.”
“Are you sure?” Callie’s mother stopped beside her. She didn’t look comfortable with the situation in the least, but she was there.
I was surprised. From what Callie had told me, her socialite mother wasn’t exactly the warmest of creatures. Maybe a baby had been enough to break that ice.
“Da?”
“Right.” Another Irish voice boomed through the room, not quite as charming as Owen’s. “Ladies, we’re all getting back to the house so we can get things settled for our girl, yeah?”
Callie sagged against me as the last person left. “Oh, sweet Jesus, thank you. They were en route to my house when I had another false alarm. I swear, I’m going to go absolutely mad. And my doctor is going to redline me soon.”
“Where’s Ava?”
“My mother’s here. My sister practically sprinted out the door when she arrived.” Callie waggled her phone. “She’s been texting me to make sure I’m okay.”
Ava had come off the road to stay with Callie during the last month of her sister’s pregnancy. We’d sort of been doing the Three Musketeers thing for all the appointments lately. “I don’t have my car with me, Callie.”
“Oh, that’s fine. Hudson’s here.”
“What?” My pulse spiked and I pushed my hair out of my face. Suddenly, my work clothes felt so frumpy and ugly. God, why did it matter? “No. Nooo.” I narrowed my eyes at Callie. “I need to leave.”
“No, you need to stay here with me.”
My eyebrows snapped down. “Are you kidding me right now? Tell me you are not matchmaking.”
“No. I wasn’t.” She shrugged. “Well, now I am. You guys need to talk.”
“We are so past talking. He said everything he needed to say that night.” Actually, he hadn’t said nearly enough that made sense to me, but what he had said was plenty memorable.
You’re not the woman I thought you were. Really? I was a heck of a lot of woman, thank you. Sometimes too much.
“Sunshine, I got those ice chips you asked…” Hudson’s wide shoulders filled the door frame.
My heart stuttered. He was back to the remote man I’d met in the cafe that first day. Oh, it was obvious he still had his easy smiles and charm for Callie. Just not for me any longer.
His unrelieved black pants, shirt, and vest were stiff and too formal. He looked like he belonged in a boardroom with Callie’s rich parents more than in a band.
He took a step back into the hall. “I’ll leave you two alone.”
“No, stay. We’re ready to go. And you’re going to drop Piper off on the way. I think you remember where she lives.”
I shook my head. “I can call an Uber. Really.”
Callie gripped my arm. “No, I’d rather you stay with me. Besides, your place isn’t that far from me.”
His jaw muscle jumped. He glanced at me, then quickly away. “Of course. I’ll get the car and meet you guys downstairs.” Then he was gone.
I helped Callie to her feet with brisk efficiency. It was all I could do right now. We shuffled over to the wheelchair waiting by the door. The trip to the elevator was silent. The wait for the next available car was et
ernal.
“Dammit, Piper.” Callie slapped the arm of the wheelchair. “You guys are so good together. I know you miss him.”
I gripped the handles until my hands ached as much as my heart. The doors opened and I rolled her into the elevator. “I told him I wanted to make things work with us. I’d give him space for the times he was on the road and make myself available when he could come see me. What more could a man want?” I slapped the button for the lobby.
“You what?” She twisted in the chair. “You didn’t tell me that part.”
“It’s the dream for a guy like Hudson. He gets the best of both worlds.”
“I can’t believe either one of you. In fact, you deserve each other.”
I swallowed down the lump that always seemed to be lodged in my throat lately. “Don’t worry about us, all right? We’ve got to get you home and comfortable.”
Callie just waved away my words as we navigated to the front door of the hospital. Hudson’s vintage Mustang was parked in the fire zone and he was arguing with the security guy trying make him move it.
“There they are.” Hudson rushed to help me. “I’ve got it.”
I stepped back.
“All right. Well, move it people.” The guard walked away.
We both helped Callie into the oversized bench-style back seat so she could turn to the side. She stretched the huge seat belt around her and smiled at us. “There we go. I’m all cinched in. Well, as much as a whale can be contained.”
“Beautiful whale,” Hudson said. He glanced at me and then waited for me to turn in my seat before closing my door.
It was a tense fifteen minutes as we drove to the highway.
The air conditioning was blasting against the sun beating down on us. His black leather seats seemed to suck up the mid-morning heat. The worst part was that it worked like a damn diffuser. The entire front of the car smelled like him. It took everything inside of me not to leap across the bench seat.
I didn’t know where we’d gone wrong, but I sure as hell knew where we were right.
“Can you crank the air? I’m dying back here.”
