by Jan Vivian
‘I know very well what he said!’ Simon replied in tight lipped rage. ‘I’ve had some practice, along with everyone else…in the years since they came here!’
‘Don’t get clever,’ he was advised in Dutch by another orderly. ‘It won’t help you, one bit…’
‘I’ll bear it in mind,’ Simon sighed. He knew it himself. How close heaven and hell were just then.
‘Do that!’
‘What has he got to say for himself?’ the officer now asked.
Simon’s papers were unremarkable and the German tapped them against the palm of his hand as he waited for an explanation. It seemed improbable that any would be accepted.
‘You’d better answer him, given your German is so good,’ the first orderly advised.
Simon let the sarcasm pass him by.
‘I’m a moment late. I was saying good night to someone. Why make a fuss? You could see I was at the door…’
‘Regeln sind regeln!’
The officer shouted the words, trying to intimidate him, but Simon merely shrugged his shoulders in reply. It made no sense baiting the man but it all seemed far too petty to be treated in this way; a mistake had been made, although being in Harriette’s presence for as long as possible couldn’t be thought of in those terms. He knew that, to the German, rules were rules.
‘I’m sorry…I’ll obey…next time.’
Simon held out his hand hoping for the return of his papers.
‘Are you crazy, behaving like this?’
Simon saw the man nod and then felt a blow from a rifle butt to the back of his knees. They buckled and he stumbled before falling to the ground, breaking his fall with his hands; one still clutched his precious cap. He chose to remain kneeling in case other blows followed. He had seen often enough on the streets of his home city, the acts that the occupier resorted to in the process of humiliating and cowing members of the population, and of his faith.
‘Perhaps a night in the detention block will clear you head?’ the officer suggested as he stood over Simon. ‘Tell this man…Gerritse…what could happen if he gives you any more trouble.’ He made to walk away but stopped. ‘Oh…and tell him that his name will be on the list next Tuesday. The train journey out of here will correct any remaining doubts he may still have on who is really in charge in Westerbork.’
With that their meeting was at an end.
Simon’s papers were thrown to the ground and the officer turned his back on them all.
‘Kom!’ he commanded his own men and Simon was left to deal with the orderlies.
‘You’re a fool,’ an unsympathetic voice soon told him. ‘Why take a chance with everything?’
‘Life’s too short,’ Simon replied in an instant for it was what he believed, intensely now.
He had known very quickly what he felt about Harriette; in no time at all he had blurted it all out to her and, moments ago, he had given her a small quickly fashioned gift from a few wires that he had salvaged from aircraft equipment that he had been ordered to dismantle. A risk had been taken doing that and it had made him late. Now he’d fallen foul of the camp’s authorities. Trouble ran in pairs.
No, that wasn’t right. He was on a train list, or soon would be.
His days were numbered, so the saying went. Harriette would be spared the knowledge of it for as long as it was possible to keep the news from her.
‘Answer the question!’
‘What was it that you asked me?’
‘Why get an early ticket out of here? Why draw attention to yourself?’
‘I…I met someone…’
‘Well, you’d better make the most of the time you’ve got left,’ the orderly, who seemed to be in charge of the group, told him now as he knocked on the door. The count would have to be interrupted to allow Simon entry. ‘I can let you into the dormitory block…I can’t change what the lieutenant has told you. Sorry.’
●
The days were drawing out and the thin evening sunshine was welcome. Families had chosen to take a stroll before curfew. Children played; their shouts and carefree laughter filling the air as they chased each other, when they skipped or played tag. In spite of their confinement, mothers and fathers told them not to stray too far.
Folk talked in huddles, exchanged news or confidences, expressed concerns about the future. Perhaps, some even tempted providence; they talked about Tuesday’s call for those to leave for the East, or about the health of weaker brethren, or the passing away of a loved one weakened by circumstances that prevailed all around them in their daily lives. The change in emotional well-being accounted for some, just as their weakened physical condition hastened the end of others.
Harriette walked beside him and held onto Simon’s arm whenever discretion could be relaxed or parental interest was not upon them.
‘Are you wearing it now, the necklace?’ he asked. Simon gave her arm a conspiratorial squeeze.
‘Yes. No one knows of it…the secret’s ours.’
She gave him a pouted smile and responded to his touch as, with a single purposeful step, Simon stopped and turned to her. Others on the path made their way past them and Simon saw Harriette glance at her parents. They too had stopped to talk to people they seemed to know, or out of a sense of communal spirit. The distance between them had lengthened; they had walked slowly, with less intent other than to prolong their time together.
‘What is it?’ she now asked him.
‘I have something that I have to tell you…that I cannot keep to myself any longer.’
‘Tell me! Tell me!’ she cried out in dismay. Simon’s deeper voice betrayed his concern for how she would react to the news.
‘I’m on Tuesday’s list,’ he said directly.
‘How do you know?’ she exclaimed in shocked surprise. ‘How can that be? It’s all decided upon in the morning of the day…on cabaret day! How can you know it...now?’
She had been provoked into crying it all out, every distressing thought, when Simon’s stilled look upon her could be endured no longer. It seemed to her, then, that he was committing to memory every detail of her face and wishing that his circumstances were otherwise.
‘I was late…that night.’
‘What night…you…you mean, when you gave me this?’
Harriette fumbled for the necklace, sought to pull it clear of the tight collar on her blouse.
‘Don’t…don’t break it…please?’ he said in a muted voice. He wished to be sure that it was on her, close to Harriette’s skin for as long as they were together in the camp and then…beyond its barbed wire boundaries and their closed in world.
‘I didn’t want you getting into trouble over it!’ she now said in a fearful voice as the full meaning of what Simon had told her became clear. In two days he would be gone and they would be lost to each other, unable to communicate. She pulled on his arm and then clutched it fiercely and possessively. ‘Come, we must catch up. Mother and Pa will be wondering…’
‘That we want to be alone together.’ He gave her a soft teasing smile.
‘Yes, there’s that,’ she couldn’t keep from smiling either.
‘Now, don’t be rough with my present…’
‘As you command…’
‘No, as I ask of you…beg of you if you want.’
‘I certainly don’t want that of you…to beg! Now…as you can see, it’s not damaged.’
She made a point of showing him the necklace and the pendant with its piece of quartz still perfectly intact.
Harriette broke free of his gentle hold upon her and walked away.
‘Wait! Wait…lievert!’ He saw her hunch her shoulders as if in acknowledgement of the endearment he had spoken out and she stopped. ‘Don’t be cross with me…’
‘I’m not that! I’m frightened for you! There’s a difference!’
‘I know…’ he said softly, chastened by her rebuke. ‘I wouldn’t have missed that moment with you the other night for anything in the world. It meant everything to
me…everything.’
‘Not enough that you got yourself into trouble over it. You’ll be leaving me, here.’
Her voice trembled as she said it and now Harriette flung her arms about his neck and embraced him, unashamedly.
‘See how it is for me, now?’ she kissed.
‘’Lievert…’
‘What am I to do?’
‘Keep what I made, for only you, safe. Keep it close to your skin…my hands made it…they’re the only touch…’
‘I will still have of you…when you are gone.’
She said it between kisses, oblivious to the scene she was making. After a moment Simon eased from her embrace and held Harriette’s hands possessively as they stood facing each other.
‘I…I spoke out of turn,’ he confessed now. ‘I was happy…so happy to have given the necklace to you and to see you wear it…that you wanted it. I forgot who I was dealing with when the German stopped me. I stood up for myself against the people that run this place. I resisted, when I should have conceded…’
‘No, Simon, never do that! Don’t change,’ she asserted. ‘Be the man I see…the man I’m learning about and beginning to love.’
Harriette saw once again the cheeky grin crease his face; she saw Simon doff his cap to her before he gave an elaborate bow.
‘Madam has her ways…her lovely ways of singing and dancing. I loved you from the moment I first saw you…’
His elaborate avowal of how it had been for him was interrupted.
‘What’s keeping you?’ Ma called out.
‘Isn’t it obvious?’ Simon said under his breath. The way he’d said it made Harriette laugh. ‘Do that again, on the stage. It changes everything…whenever I hear it.’
‘I’ll keep it just for you…’
‘Every day…every minute…’
‘Yes…yes,’ she whispered and sought to hold his hand once more. ‘I don’t know how…but we’ve found each other.’
‘We’re in another place….’
‘Yes.’ She stopped them walking on to close the space between them and her parents. ‘I have something to tell you…call it my confession. I…I haven’t been asked to sing again. While you were at your work…I went to the camp theatre. I was told that there’s no news on the next concert…that should concern me.’
‘I’m…I’m sorry for you,’ he says and there is a sense that it is true. ‘We may leave together…live on in some other way…’
Harriette heard a deeply felt wish being expressed and knew that she clung to that hope too.
‘It may turn out to be that way…’
‘And…you won’t be alone…’
‘No,’ she looked at him fondly and soon realised the contrast in their circumstances.
‘I hope for your sake, Harriette…that your mother, father…and Betty will be with you…’
‘As you will be…’
Harriette raised her hands to his cheeks to make Simon look her in the eyes and she saw acknowledgment of a truth. However it would be for them, they would find strive to find a way to be together if they were destined to leave the camp on Tuesday’s train. It went beyond a transient physical touch that belonged to them alone; they shared a unity of spirit and the will to survive the tumult in their lives.
‘Know that I love you, Harriette, whatever happens,’ he said before the spell between them was broken by another’s presence.
●
The calling out of family names possessed an emotionless metronomic madness all of its own.
Many present had become reconciled to the possibility of it being their turn to be on the lists; few could listen to the roll-call and believe that it did not sound like a bill of lading being declared. They were looked upon by a remote authority as items to be transported.
The emotions stirred by this revue were disbelief then stoical acceptance. Doubt had given way to bounded certainty.
In many the announcements provoked a scream, of gabbled fears being given full expression, but they had learnt that they would not be separated from each other. They could draw great comfort from that realisation. Men and women felt the sting of tears but the men could not so easily concede to them. Even in extremis they had to set an example.
When the name of Polak was called out Judith wailed out her dismay that Elizabeth, her infirm daughter Betty, was on the list.
‘What madness!’ she cried out. ‘My daughter’s too ill to go!’
She cried out in desperation and clapped her hands to draw attention to herself. Pa stood by her, possessively clutching her arm to assert their union in seeking to save their youngest child. She was but a teenager, frail and confined to bed in the camp’s hospital. Distinctions of that sort, infirmity or age, had not been made before but they sought to change minds, none the less.
‘My daughter’s being cared for! She should not…my daughter should not travel!’ he yelled out angrily.
‘Take it up with them later,’ a man’s stern voice consoled. ‘Now, let them finish this ghastly business? We can’t bear the waiting…none of us can.’
‘Yeah…ja, of course,’ Pa sighed and encouraged his Judith to heed well-intentioned advice.
‘My poor child,’ Judith wept but nodded her agreement. She could draw no comfort from the looks the orderlies gave her, or from the reader of the list. ‘How cruel…’
‘We’re still together, Ma…whatever happens now.’
It had taken some time to reach their names. Harriette drew some comfort from the knowledge that she would not be alone in the camp; an explanation had also been found for not being a cast member of that night’s cabaret.
Thus were their lives to be ordered; those who were to remain and who had been chosen to depart and set out on a journey with an unknown final destination.
It remained for only a few more names to be called out before the listing was completed. Childless couples and singletons were soon dealt with and when he was finished the order group’s leader folded the paper and placed it purposefully in a folder.
‘That is all,’ he announced in a determined booming voice. ‘It is now time for all of you whose names have been read out to make ready.’
He had performed his duty with calm efficiency and cool-headedness. It wouldn’t do for him, or his staff, to suggest that the next stage in their life’s journey bore any threat to them. He did not know of it himself, with any certainty.
‘There is no time to lose!’ he called out just to be sure that those affected were left in no doubt that matters would progress without any impediment or further discussion.
In the hush that fell upon the room Pa yelled out his anxiety once more. He could contain himself no longer or bear to hear Judith’s sighs of anguish.
‘My daughter is sick! Leave us here to tend to her?’
‘No! There will be no changes!’ the leader called out in brutal honesty, ‘none! The decision’s been made.’
‘Who by…and do they care?’
‘You will do as you’re told, sir. Besides, I am told the facilities are better where you are going to…’
‘And on the train?’ another man was emboldened to call out.
‘Provision will be made for you…for one and all.’
The man to whom these questions had been directed now joined the group of OD staff who had gathered by the main door of the barrack block. Their expressions showed their relief that they would not be on the afternoon’s train. They could deal with their fellows with moderate equanimity and breathe a little easier for the next seven days.
●
Harriette walked quickly as if each step kept pace with her furiously beating heart.
She had to see him, to tell Simon of all that had happened and to have him know that they would be together on the next stage of their life’s journey however that was to be arranged. They had met within this bounded scrap of ground called Westerbork. Soon, in matter of hours, they would be on a train. She couldn’t keep from worrying about that prospect.
Would she be separated from him now?
Where would Simon be?
His smile and gentle touch had brought calm to her anxious spirit.
Was there a chance that they would meet again at the place destined to be their next stop if…heaven forbid…they became separated?
Her shoes crunched on the gravel and she dodged between the people gathered by each block that she passed; many stood by small suitcases and others by soft flimsy bags. All of their life’s possessions, all that they were allowed to bring, were close at hand. There was so little of it.
She, Mother and Pa, even her sick sister Betty, were reduced to carrying these small pathetic bundles. But, her spirit, deep within her, remained undimmed and Simon in his own charming ways had set her free.
Now she looked for the hut number and the door that he had been barred from entering only a few nights ago.
There he was! Her heart leapt at the sight of him. There he was, the young man who still wore his cap at a jaunty angle. But, his tie was neatly fastened and he gave every sign of going on a journey that held a certain outcome.
Why was that?
‘Simon! Simon! I’m here!’ she called out and scurried to be with him.
‘And…and?’ he kissed breathlessly, ‘what is the news? I was wondering if I should come looking for you.’
‘I’ve done what we agreed…I have come here to you.’
She clung to his arms and slid her hands until she could grip Simon’s fiercely, possessively.
‘Yes…I forgot.’
‘There’s no time now…no time at all…to do this.’
She kissed his fingers then placed them to her lips.
‘I want so much more of you…do you understand?’ he said softly.
Simon bowed his head until it touch hers; he had taken off his cap so that the peak would not interfere in this moment of intimacy.
‘I am going with you…I am leaving too. Mother and Pa are collecting Betty from the sanatorium…somehow. I have to be sure that I can meet them…at the train.’
‘There’s not a trace of humanity in them…if they put her on it,’ he said with evident bitterness.
‘Be still, now,’ she asked of him. A weak smile had passed her lips. ‘I remember you telling me once…not to be so angry.’
