“You’re right. I’m sorry, I was just caught off guard.” He rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Okay, thinking on my feet—maybe this will work well for our marriage.”
His solution hit her with the force of a brick in the center of the chest. He thought she would stay in a one-sided marriage? It took her long moments to even find her voice again.
“Adam,” she said slowly and carefully, “I don’t want a sham of a marriage for the rest of my life. I don’t even need a big wedding, second or otherwise. All I need is a man I love, who loves me back.”
His face went white. “I’ve been up-front with you. You know that can never be me.”
And there it was. The death knell to her hopes and dreams of a future with him. She was vaguely surprised she was able to sit straight in her chair, unemotional. If she’d been considering options earlier, she might have thought she’d dissolve into tears, but part of her felt detached—the part that was keeping her safe. Whatever it was, it was helping her dignity in this moment, so she was grateful. There would be time for grieving later.
Adam still looked at her, pale-faced and dismayed, and she realized she needed to release him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he’d stuck to what they’d agree on.
“It’s okay, I know.” She even tried to smile for him, but couldn’t quite pull it off. “I know. I guess I just hoped...”
He pushed out of his chair and crouched down in front of hers, finding her hands and squeezing them. “I’m so sorry, Callie. I really am. But I can only offer you the plan we agreed on. I wish it was different.”
The moment he took her hands, any illusion of detachment or control over her emotions evaporated. The full force of her life falling apart hit her and she started trembling, deep inside. She gulped in air, trying to keep herself balanced. Adam frowned even more than he had been and stroked her forehead; but pity was not what she wanted from him, so she shakily removed his hand. He didn’t release her other hand, however, or move from crouching in front of her chair.
She swallowed, moistened her lips, took a breath and said a prayer that her voice would be steady. “Then we need to start talking about a new plan.”
His eyes widened. “Don’t abandon this one. Your partnership—”
She held up a hand in denial. “If I don’t get the partnership, then so be it.”
He sat back on his haunches, his face closing off. “Then what do you want?”
She almost laughed. Almost. What she wanted was not even close to being an option. But then she had nothing to lose, so why not give it to him straight?
She lifted her chin and met his eyes, despite hers burning with unshed tears. “Honestly? I want you. I want you to be by my side. But fully here, not with the mask you wear for the rest of the world. That mask you’ve put back in place in the last thirty seconds. You, open and willing to enter into a true partnership with me.”
His shoulders slumped, as if in defeat. “I can’t offer you that. All I can offer is myself as I am.”
She’d known that would be his answer before she’d laid it all out for him, yet it still felt as if she was being torn in two. The tears she’d been holding in check started to escape, but she didn’t let them have free rein. She still had to pack her things and drive away. She’d need clarity for both those tasks.
Swiping at her face, she stood. “I have to go.”
“Don’t leave over this,” he said, his voice edging on alarm as he came to stand beside her. “We can work past this. I don’t want to lose you.”
She paused, blinked hard and looked out over the Pacific Ocean. It was impossible to look at Adam while she was refusing him. “It’s too late for that.”
And it was. She could never be in a relationship with a man she loved but who couldn’t give her his love back. The only remaining question was whether she could go through with the wedding for the sake of the charity...
He cleared his throat. “What about the wedding? We’ve made it the heart of the trust’s PR campaign.”
It was no surprise their thoughts had been along the same lines—this wedding had been dominating their lives since the day she’d arrived in his office. After all that work—hers, Adam’s, Jenna’s, Faith’s—could she walk away?
The weight, the complexity of what she was contemplating pushed down on her.
She glanced up at him, and he held her gaze. It hurt deep inside, down to her soul, to even look at him. And then she realized that even if she wanted to, she’d never be able to pull off pretending to be happy on her wedding day. The guests, the media, everyone would see through her.
She’d damage their work more by staying than leaving.
She swallowed hard and found her voice. “I’ll write up a statement from both of us, saying we deeply regret that we’re separating and asking for understanding.”
It wouldn’t be the first time the public heard about a split just before a wedding, and she sent up a little prayer that the trust’s stream of donations would survive any scandal.
He took a shuddering breath, then another. “Are you going back to your place?”
She chanced a look at him and found anguish almost strong enough to rival her own in his features. Her first instinct was to soothe him, take away his pain, but she had to stay strong or she’d give in and stay in a one-sided marriage with him forever.
She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to hold herself together through sheer force of will. “I’m not sure yet. I just need to disappear for a few days. I’ll be back and I’ll be back to work with Jenna on a new campaign for the trust, but not yet.”
It would be torture still being a part of his world after their personal life had detonated, but she wouldn’t walk away from a commitment—she’d been handed the trust’s account and she’d see it through. Given Jenna was the head of the trust, she might be able to avoid Adam until his presence no longer tormented her. If that day ever came.
He opened his mouth to say something, and from his expression, she knew it was another attempt to get her to stay, so she jumped in before he could say it. “Please, Adam. Please just let me disappear until I have my head together.”
It seemed as if there was a war being fought inside him in the moments that followed until finally, his jaw tight and his eyes unnaturally bright, he gave a sharp nod and stood back.
Her heart breaking, Callie set off to pack her things and leave before she could change her mind.
Eleven
Callie threw the suitcase she’d taken to Adam’s place onto her own bed, unzipped it and blindly stared at the contents. Tears made everything in front of her blur, but she needed to check that she had everything she needed before she left again, so she swiped the tears away. Having no idea where she was headed didn’t help the packing situation in the least. All she knew was she needed to be far, far away for a few days.
The apartment’s front door opened and closed, and then her sister appeared in her bedroom doorway.
“Hey,” Summer said, “I didn’t know you were coming over today. Picking up more clothes?”
Callie didn’t reply or look up. Couldn’t. It was all she could do to keep it together at the moment so she could keep packing.
Summer came around the other side of the bed and plopped down. “Hey, are you okay?” Then she must have seen the tears because she jumped up and pulled her into a hug. “Oh, sweetheart, what’s happened?”
The sympathy was too much to take, and Callie burst into sobs against her sister’s shoulder. She’d been holding back, not letting herself cry since she’d spoken to Adam, knowing that once she started she might not stop. The priority had been getting her things together and driving home.
“It’s okay,” Summer said, stroking her hair. “Whatever it is, I promise we’ll fix it together, just like we’ve always done.”
“Is it Adam?”
Callie nodded wordlessly.
Summer swore. “I’ll kill him. Where is he now?”
Miraculously, one of her sobs turned into a stuttering laugh, and she pulled away to wipe her eyes with her sleeve. “It’s not his fault.”
“Tell me what happened and I’ll be the judge of whether it’s his fault or not.” Summer’s voice held a little humor, but there was an edge to it, as well.
Callie sank down onto the side of the bed, and her sister sat beside her with an arm around her shoulders, waiting.
She took a couple of steadying breaths, hoping her voice would work properly. “Nothing more than me wanting to have my cake and eat it, too.”
Summer sighed. “You fell in love with him, and wanted the fake marriage to be real.”
“Yeah,” she said, dropping her head into her hands. Somehow it felt worse to have it said aloud, not to mention being so obvious that her sister had guessed it on her first try.
“Knowing you,” Summer said in a soft voice, “and watching you from the beginning, I have to say I’ve been expecting this. You started off acting, but it changed. And then you weren’t acting anymore.”
Callie risked looking up, worried about finding judgment or pity in her sister’s expression, but all she found was loving acceptance, and that gave her the confidence to open up a little more. “For a while I was kidding myself that the acting was getting easier with practice, but you’re right. It wasn’t acting.”
“I knew for sure the night on the yacht.” Summer lay back on the bed and pulled Callie with her so they could look at the ceiling as they talked. “I had my fingers and toes crossed that it worked out between you two. He was making you so happy.”
“He did,” she said with a nostalgic smile. “He really did, for a while.”
“Did you tell him?” Summer turned on her side and propped her head on her hand.
Callie swallowed hard and tried not to let the tears take over again, but as she remembered the scene—and the outcome—she almost lost the battle.
Finally, she was able to nod, and whispered, “About an hour ago.”
“And...?”
“And—” she looked back up at the ceiling, wanting to say the words as if she was merely reading a menu “—while he’s happy for us to sleep together during our fake marriage, he can’t offer me any more than that.”
“I’ll kill him,” Summer said again, shaking her head. “So, you told me what happened and now I get to tell you whether it’s his fault or not. It is.”
“You can’t blame him. I’m the one who wants more than we agreed to. I guess I just got greedy.” She bit down on her trembling lip and looked away.
There was silence for a few beats before Summer said, “You want to know what surprises me the most about all of this?”
“That I was stupid enough to fall for my own spin?” She rubbed her hands over her face, trying to refresh herself.
“Nope,” Summer said, her tone brooking no disagreement. “That he said no to you wanting more when he’s in love with you.”
“See, this is the problem, though.” Callie sat up, scooting up to lean against the headboard. “He’s not in love with me.”
Summer shot her a meaningful look. “Oh, he’s in love with you. Believe me, it was as plain in his eyes as your love was in yours. He’s just refusing to admit it for some reason.”
Callie had a sneaking suspicion that her sister might be right, which was why she’d given Adam the chance to confirm or deny it. He’d done neither, and that had told her more than anything.
She shrugged to cover any evidence of the trembling that was coming from deep inside. “Even if you were right, isn’t it all the same, though? He doesn’t love me enough to overcome his fears and create a future with me. Either way, there’s nothing there for me.”
Summer looked as if she wanted to say more but held her tongue, and when she steered the topic to a side issue, Callie was appreciative.
“What about the wedding and the PR plan for the trust?” Summer asked.
The wedding. That had been a wrenching decision. Many people had put work into that plan, and she was tossing all of that away. She felt sick about doing that to them, but it would tear her in two to go through with the charade now, and seeming happy on the day was way beyond her acting skills. People would see through her in minutes and realize the entire plan had been a fake from the beginning.
“I’m calling the wedding off,” she admitted, her voice shaky. “I just can’t do it. The trust has already had a solid increase in donations, and I’ll work harder than ever on a new campaign. I’ll make sure the charities don’t suffer because I’ve made a mess of things.”
Summer glanced at the half-packed suitcase. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know. Somewhere away from here for a few days.” She’d thought she’d figure that out as she went along. All her carefully laid plans were ruined, so perhaps it was time to try a different way.
Summer’s face suddenly lit up. “My boss has that place at Long Beach we use for clients, and I know it’s vacant this week because I was making the arrangements today for the next person. I’m sure I can swing the use of it if you want.”
A house that was already set up and a short drive sounded perfect. “If you’re sure, that would be great.”
Summer reached out and grabbed her hand. “Do you want me to come with you?”
She’d been wondering the same thing. Company to distract her was wildly appealing, but in some ways, she didn’t want to be distracted. Deep inside, something was telling her she needed the time to release and to heal.
“You know what?” She spoke gently, so it didn’t sound like a rejection of her sister’s sweet offer. “I think I need some alone time. Besides, I need to start making cancellations for—”
“Don’t give that a second thought,” Summer said over the top of her. “I’ll call Jenna and Faith, and between the three of us we’ll sort that all out. You just have some time for you.”
“You’re the best. I’ll write a statement that you can release and email it to you.” Overcome with gratitude, she hugged her sister tightly. When she released her and sat back, her thoughts returned to Adam. “One thing—just in case Adam calls, don’t tell him where I am, no matter what he says. I know he can be persuasive.”
“Oh, believe me, your location is not what I want to tell him—”
She took her sister’s hands in her own. “Please don’t. If you’re right and he does love me, then this will be hard enough on him already.”
“Okay, I promise,” Summer said grudgingly. “But only to give you peace of mind on this, not because I think it’s the right thing.”
Callie smiled through the remnants of her tears. She knew full well she’d lucked out in the sister department. As soon as she felt human again, she was going to repay her for all the support over the years. However, how she would do that was a question for another day. Today was for allowing herself to grieve for what she’d lost.
A small voice at the back of her mind piped up, pointing out that she couldn’t lose what she’d never had. And that was true. She sighed, scooped a top off the bed and added it to the things already in the suitcase. It sure felt as if she’d lost a lot. Though, if she was ruthlessly honest, she’d also gained.
“You know what?” she said, turning to Summer. “Something has come out of this. I’ve changed. I’m a different person than I was before I met him.”
Summer paused in trying on a long-sleeved top she’d fished out of the suitcase. “In what way?”
“I’ve changed my mind about what
’s important in life.” She thought back over who she’d been and who she was now, trying to pinpoint the difference. “I think I’ve been clinging to superficial things. Being with Adam, planning this society wedding, the media coverage—all of it has put things in perspective.”
Summer arched an eyebrow. “You mean we’ve been clinging to superficial things?”
“Maybe,” she said with an indulgent smile. “Once I come back I think we need to have another look at our life plan. It could do with some refining. Maybe we should start our own business sooner rather than later, and focus more on what we actually want, not what we thought in college we’d want by now.”
“Sure.” Summer took off the top and returned it to the suitcase. “I’d be up for that. In the meantime, you keep packing, and I’ll make some phone calls about the place at Long Beach.”
Callie watched her sister leave the room and then turned back to her suitcase. Long Beach didn’t seem far enough away to give her psychological distance from Adam, but then, she wouldn’t have that even if she traveled to Australia.
As her eyes filled with the never-ending supply of tears, she grabbed a tissue and pressed it against her face. Would she ever get over Adam Hawke?
* * *
On the night Adam was supposed to be marrying Callie, one week after he’d last seen her, he was instead sitting at his desk at work, searching Callie’s social media profiles for a clue as to where she’d gone. A noise caught his attention, and he looked up to find his brothers standing in the doorway. He swore under his breath. This was the last thing he needed. He was strung so tightly he was practically vibrating, and his brothers had a habit of pushing his buttons.
He stretched his arms over his head and rubbed his eyes. Since it was a Sunday night and he was the only one in the office, he was surprised he hadn’t heard them walking along the corridor, but then he’d been pretty engrossed in his search. Unfortunately, Callie still hadn’t posted anything on any of her social media pages.
At first after she’d left he’d comforted himself with the age-old method of denial. That had lasted less than twenty-four hours before reality had sunk in.
His 24-Hour Wife (The Hawke Brothers 2) Page 13
