by Chris Ord
23
Gaia stirred. Her neck was sore, the side of her face and arms numb. The room was black and still reeked. There was a scratching noise in the far corner, a scuttling sound and silence. She sat up and waited. Thoughts swirled in her mind, the voices fought again. Gaia wanted to block them out, silence them, but they kept bombarding her. Her thoughts turned to Aran, Freya, and the girls again. Were they going through this too? Were they being given the same choice?
Kali’s image and voice kept appearing, the smug grin, the mocking tone, the subtle sound of triumph. Gaia tried not to think of her. The poison of hatred would destroy. If it was allowed to pollute the mind the enemy had won. Gaia had to stay focused and in control. The options were few, but she would not surrender, or let Kali’s victory be complete.
The dark, empty minutes seeped into hours, and there was nothing. Gaia was starving again after the sleep, her stomach churning knots of hunger. Her mouth was dry, a foul taste mixed with putrid air. Sleep had done little to satisfy the weariness. Her head ached, as the hours drifted by with no idea if it was night or day, her body and mind tricked by the darkness. Gaia fought back anger and frustration. This was all part of the game, to keep her waiting, to wear her out, crush her spirit to the point of desperation. Gaia was stronger than Kali imagined, resolve reinforced by a hatred of her enemy.
Gaia’s mind raced, seeing the emptiness that lay before her. If what Kali said was true, and the other leaders had given up on her, Kali was all that was keeping her alive. The enemy had become the lifeline, Gaia’s fate was at Kali’s mercy. There was an urge to attack and bring everything to an end, but killing Kali would be near impossible. She was skilled and strong, and Gaia was weary. She would need a weapon and to strike when the leader was not expecting it. Even if she did succeed it would mean almost certain death. The guards would come. Revenge would be Gaia’s final act. Her life was hanging by a delicate thread. It was fraying moment by moment as Gaia twisted and turned. What about Aran and Freya? What if they refused the offer? What if they did not want to become what Kali wanted? Would the leaders kill them? What about Ruth and Mary? Where did their future lie?
As the hours drifted by, the hunger grew, and the pain and anger evaporated into despair. Gaia lost all sense of where she was or what was happening. The darkness enveloped her, and she became delirious. Weird, distorted visions flashed through her mind. The rats chewed and began to devour her, their rabid, salivating jaws ripping at her flesh. Gaia tried to move, but could not get away. The spiders crawled over her, their thick, black hairs pricked, their bulbous eyes were staring. The creatures’ rancid breath was upon her. There was the deformed body of the calf, calling out for her help, a frenzied, desperate plea as it was led to solitude, isolation, abandonment and death. Killed by its own. Rejected and murdered for being different.
Images haunted Gaia. They were fleeting, but macabre visions of all she had seen, her worst fears. Kali came to her with a twisted, demonic face. She was shouting, spitting in her face, pressing a knife against her throat. The priest appeared sneering and dripping thick white saliva from his lips. He was standing on his pulpit, spewing out words in a language Gaia did not understand. The church seats were filled with the bloodied corpses of little girls, all in rags, their eyes gorged out and lips sewn together. Image upon image, vision after vision, a wall of madness, crushing and breaking Gaia, suffocating her. Maybe she was dying. Maybe this was how it happened. If it was the end Gaia was ready, and would welcome and embrace death, anything to escape this torture.
When Gaia thought she had reached the end a light returned. The lamp on the table flickered into life. It burned her eyes, the ache in her head raged with fire. Rubbing her eyes, Gaia could barely see, only a blur and distorted images. The haziness cleared and Gaia saw Kali. She was not demonic, but real, beyond the table, arms folded, face awash with concern. Kali’s voice was just above a whisper.
‘How are you?’
Gaia tried to speak, but her lips and mouth were dry and stuck together. Kali reached down and picked something from the floor and put it on the table.
‘Drink this.’
Gaia guided her arm towards the water bottle on the table, as though it was someone else’s arm, another body, the mind disconnected and transmitting from afar. She managed to lift the bottle to her lips, and pulled open the stopper with her teeth. The water was cool and refreshing as each gulp rushed down her throat, bringing new life, triggering the fragments that remained. There was a sickness in the pit of her stomach. Gaia had drank too much. She leant to the side of the table and threw up on the floor. Kali spoke again, her voice gentle and reassuring, almost a tinge of sadness and pity.
‘Take your time. Your body will need time.’
Gaia could taste the bile, saliva hung from her mouth and chin. She wiped them with her sleeve, and looked up at Kali, managing to force some words from her lips.
‘Can I have something to eat?’
‘Later. First we need to talk. You’ve had enough time to think. I want your answer.’
Gaia was not prepared to roll over, as the final scraps of defiance took over.
‘I don’t remember discussing anything. I just remember you spouting words.’
Kali smiled, a wry grin. Leaning forward, she rested her arms on the table. All the pity had gone from her voice, the commanding tone had returned.
‘You heard what I said. There’s a way back. All you have to do is accept my offer.’
‘And if I don’t?’
Kali stood up straight. Arms locked together, she twisted her neck, the head swaying back and forth. Kali stretched, her mouth open wide, twisting every muscle and sinew in her face. The leader continued to do this, her face contorted and mad, pondering her words.
‘You’re a murderer. People are dead because of you, one of them a leader. Do you think we could let you walk out of here? The other leaders want your blood. If you won’t accept my offer there’s nothing I can do. You’ll be taken to the haven where you’ll face justice.’
‘What about the others?’
Kali took time before answering. She was cautious in her response.
‘Seventy three was given the same offer. You come as a package. I won’t let either of you go until I am sure. She has accepted, as you will. She’s a survivor and knows what I’m capable of. The outsiders you brought with you, the two young girls, they’ve been dealt with.’
Gaia sat up, alarmed.
‘What do you mean dealt with?’
‘They don’t belong here. They aren’t pure. They aren’t of the community. Their place is outside with the others, so we’ve handed them over to their own.’
Kali’s voice was cold, no hint of emotion or remorse. The fury flared up in Gaia, what few ounces of energy she had left were plunged into her anger.
‘You’ve what! You can’t. You said yourself what it’s like out there. They’re just kids.’
Kali continued without expression, Gaia’s words were empty to her. The girls meant nothing.
‘They’re not our problem. We only have a responsibility to our own. They’re outsiders, so they can look after them, or they can fend for themselves. That’s the law on the outside. You’ve seen how it works. If they are strong enough they’ll survive.’
Gaia felt the tears welling up. Fighting them, she tried to stop her lip from trembling. The voices were rushing through her head again, but it was all babble, background noise. There was an image of the girls, lost and wandering on the moorland outside, drifting in the wilderness, without anyone to protect them. They would be at the mercy of this group of others, the elements, and the creatures. What would they do to them? Her anger fought her frustration. There was nothing Gaia could do to save them. Leaning forward onto the table, Gaia put her head down. The moments drifted by in near silence, with only the hiss of the burning lamp. Kali waited, said nothing. Gaia thought of Aran, and the words she feared. She needed to know.
‘What about Aran? You
haven’t mentioned Aran.’
‘He’s fine. You needn’t worry about him.’
They waited in silence again. Gaia sat, head bowed, as Kali stood over her. Gaia knew it was over, the only victory now could be Kali’s. Would her victory be complete? Would Gaia surrender and let the enemy take total control? Kali broke the silence.
‘You can fight this, and force me to break you. And I will break you. Or we can cut this short, you can see sense, accept my offer and join me and your friends.’
Gaia swallowed hard, summoning any remaining energy. Her body was running on the last few drops of anger.
‘If I say yes, will you let Aran and Freya go?’
‘There are no deals here. You’re in no position to negotiate. Will you accept my offer?’
There was a long pause. The voices in Gaia’s head in a frenzy, as she blocked them out and focused on the darkness. There was a tunnel, at the end a small dot of light. Gaia walked towards it. As she neared the light burned brighter, and her eyes stung at its heat. It was a pure light, white with a raging intensity. The answer came to her. In a moment of complete clarity amongst all the madness.
‘Fuck you!’
Kali lunged onto the table and pressed her face into Gaia’s. Her eyes were glowing with fury, spit splattering Gaia as Kali fired out the words. The stench of the leader’s stale breath seared at Gaia’s nostrils.
‘This isn’t over yet.’
Kali smashed the lamp against the wall and stormed from the room leaving Gaia in darkness. Gaia collapsed onto the floor, alive but all consciousness gone.
When Gaia came to she was back in the chair, hands tied behind her back. A new lamp was on the table, its light revealing Kali. There was a towel in her hand. Gaia sensed there was someone else in the room. Gaia was beyond exhaustion, the point of no longer caring. All that kept her going was the thought of Freya and Aran and the chance they were still alive. That and the anger and hatred for Kali. Passion and love kept Gaia clinging to life, but Kali was in no mood to waste time. The games were over.
Gaia felt her hair wrenched from behind, her head was thrust back. There was the face of the woman, the watcher in the shower standing over. The guard tugged at Gaia’s hair, keeping her head steady, not letting Gaia move. Kali approached, pressing the muscles on Gaia’s cheek, forcing her mouth open, shoving the towel in. Kali leant over and picked up a bucket of water, pouring it into Gaia’s mouth. Gaia could feel the water running down her throat. She could not breath, gasping for air but there was only water. Her stomach filled and she felt a desperate urge to puke.
Everything began to slip away. Gaia’s head was floating, as though in an ocean and underwater. The light of the sun shone above, as she tried to swim, to reach it. It was no good. The more Gaia reached for the light, the further away she seemed to be.
Gaia felt a sharp pain in her stomach, the towel dragged from her mouth. She vomited the water on the table and the floor. Grasping for air, still choking, but relieved as the oxygen reached her brain. Gaia was dripping wet, her breathing desperate, drifting in and out of consciousness. Kali stood over her, watched the suffering, waiting. Kali grabbed Gaia’s hair and yanked her head back, leaning down, lips next to Gaia’s cheek, snarling in her ear.
‘Give in. The others are with me. They’ve accepted. Now it’s your turn.’
Gaia heard her words. The others are with me. It had to be more lies. Aran and Freya would never give in, they would never accept, would both rather die. Kali dragged Gaia’s head back again, pushed the towel into her victim’s mouth and began to pour. Kali repeated it over and over. Each time Gaia was dragged to the point of suffocation, of drowning, all consciousness slipping away. The guard would punch Gaia, spewing the water everywhere. Kali continued the assault coupled with angry words, spitting bile in Gaia’s face.
Kali ceased the torture, paced up and down in front of the table. Kali knelt in front of Gaia, lifting her face drenched in water. The leader spoke to her victim, lips pressed close, voice calm, the words slow and precise.
‘It’s time to accept your future. You’re the only one now. You’re all alone. Don’t be a fool. You’re smarter than that. You know you are.’
Gaia spat in Kali’s face, jolting forward trying to free herself from the ties binding her to the chair. Gaia’s body lurched against the table and bounced back, almost toppling over onto the floor.
‘You’re a liar! They’d never accept. ’
‘Have it your way.’
Kali moved behind Gaia, pushing her head forward towards the light, her eyeline looking across the table. Gaia’s eyesight was fuzzy, but she noticed the boots. There was someone standing in the corner, just like the dream. Gaia knew the boots.
Kali spoke, her voice triumphant, almost delirious with anger and full of disdain.
‘Your boyfriend, Aran as you call him. Did you really think he was with you? Did you think that it was real?’
Kali laughed, mocking her victim as she shook Gaia’s head and leant close to her ear.
‘Who approached you about the escape? Who suggested it? Who do you think we put up to this? He was ours all along. It was all part of my plan. The other boy, the dreamer, Yann. He was just extra baggage to make it look real. He was expendable. It’s you and Freya I wanted all along. You’re the special ones. I told you we were in control. I told you this was all just a test.’
It could not be true. This was the final lie, Kali’s desperate attempt to break her. Gaia focused on the boots, concentrating with the remaining drops of energy. Gaia recognised the boots. The ones in the dream had been there all the time. Gaia could not see who was wearing them because she did not want to admit the truth.
The boots edged forward and into the light, and Gaia saw the face. In the dim light of the lamp she saw Aran, but his face was different. The beauty and perfect lines had gone. The eyes no longer held any sparkle, only despair and betrayal. Aran lowered his head and said nothing, stepping back into the shadows, hiding his face, the shame. All Gaia could see were the boots, the ones she knew but did not recognise, refused to. The woman guard took Aran by the arm and led him to the door. As they reached it Aran spoke.
‘Gaia. I’m sorry. This isn’t as it looks. They made me do it. I had no choice. What happened. It was real. I swear.’
Kali stood and shouted at the guard.
‘Get him out of here and bring the other one in.’
Gaia plunged into the depths of darkness. Her heart felt as though it was being ripped from her chest. There was nothing left, everything had gone, the will to live was draining from her. She had been clinging to the precipice, the smallest fragments keeping her alive. Now there was only betrayal. The brief glimmers of love had all been a lie. The only time Gaia had opened her heart to someone, they had been a fraud. Aran had driven a stake through Gaia. Kali pressed her lips against Gaia’s ear. Gaia could hear her breathing. She could feel it. Kali whispered to her.
‘You can’t run forever. There comes a time when we all have to stop running from others, from ourselves. If you run you’re alone and you’ll always be alone. Start to live, become somebody. We dream alone, but live when we’re together, when we work together, play together, love together. That’s what I’m offering. Become what you really are.’
The door opened and the guard led Freya in, her face swollen and caked in dried blood. The guard took Freya’s weight, as she struggled to walk. Gaia winced as she looked at her friend’s face, saw the pain. It was the first time Freya had looked vulnerable, broken. The guard let go and Freya flopped in a heap. Kali nodded and the guard left. Freya lay slumped on the floor, her arm covering her face. The only sign of life, the sounds of laboured breathing. Kali stood over Freya, looked down at the crumpled body, then turned to face Gaia.
‘Everyone has a breaking point. She accepted my offer, didn’t you?’
Kali kicked Freya who let out a scream of pain.
‘Yes. I accepted.’
Kali grinned at Ga
ia.
‘Like I said. Everyone has their breaking point. Even your sister.’
At first the word did not register. It began to break through the weariness, a look of shock spread on Gaia’s face. Kali laughed.
‘Neither of you realised, did you? I said you came as a package and were both special. You don’t realise how special you are. That’s why I need you together and you will accept.’
Gaia was slipping in and out of a dream. In it she saw Freya, heard her voice standing over her, pleading, ‘Sit tight. Play the game. We’ll get through this. Our moment will come again.’ Gaia focused on Freya’s lips, as the words echoed in her head. She heard Kali’s voice again, felt the heat of her breath as she spoke.
‘It’s over. Just give in. Accept or I’ll kill you.’
Freya pounced, leaping to her feet and stabbing something into Kali’s neck. Kali grabbed at her throat as she fell to the floor. Freya was jabbing the neck with her fist, blood spurting from the wound. The door burst open and three guards ran in lunging at Freya, dragging her kicking and screaming away from Kali. Gaia stared down at Kali, covered in blood still clutching her neck, eyes bulging in pain and terror.
The voices in Gaia’s head fell silent. The whispers died, as her body went limp, all energy evaporating from exhausted limbs. Gaia lay slumped on the table, the colour draining, her chest moving with the faintest of breaths. Her heart still moved, tapping out a silent beat, lips locked in a grin.
24
Gaia focused on the gentle wind as it whistled through the trees. Staring at the snow at her feet, watching as flakes melted together. The patterns etched in white, she tried to pick out each individual shape as they formed, always changing. Everything around dissolved, only the myriad of icy patterns remained. Gaia emptied her mind, as the pain eased.
