I help them take their suitcases to the guest room. Once they get settled, they request that I tell them everything that happened with Craig. I fill them in on packing up Craig’s things, his phone call telling me that he had been married before and finally the meeting at the coffee shop this morning. Finally, while telling my parents all this, reality hits me. I break down. They just let me cry and tell Craig off and call him names. After I purge, I feel better and am able to calm down.
We talk about what I plan to do next. I just want to get Craig out of my life and never have to deal with him again. My parents also want to know what is going on with Ryan since they have been hearing so much about the two of us. I am reluctant to tell them, afraid they will see how much I care for him already. But I cannot lie to my parents. I tell them about Ryan’s comments about us and my feelings and fears. I tell them I am trying to just be friends with Ryan.
My phone interrupts us. Glancing at who it is, I can feel myself brightening but I try to control my emotions. I peek at my parents and know I have not been successful in hiding my feelings. I see them exchange a knowing look between them.
“Just friends,” I reiterate to them as I get up from my chair.
I’m pretty sure I hear “sure just friends” as I walk back to my office to talk to Ryan.
“Hi, Beautiful. I’m back at my house. I seriously thought about changing my flight to Kansas City. I had to keep reminding myself that I have interviews and appearances that I need to do this week, along with flying to New York for a couple of them.”
Then he tells me about the interviews and late show appearances he has scheduled, which ones he does not mind being on and the ones that would really dig to find out everything about us.
I tell Ryan about Craig’s visit earlier. Ryan cannot understand what kind of guy Craig was to do what he did to me, and call him a total loser for deceiving me about the trip.
“He is a loser,” I agree, “but I got to benefit from the trip. I would never have met you if he hadn’t gotten me out there.”
“Oh bloody hell! I owe that prick. If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have been in Las Vegas. And if he hadn’t been such an ass, he wouldn’t have pissed you off enough to go storming out into that hallway, right into my arms.” He laughs, then he turns serious. “I should have changed my flight. God, how I wish I was there with you right now. Better yet, I wish you were out here with me. Then you wouldn’t even have to be in the same state as him.”
“That would be nice. However, my parents surprised me with a visit. We’ve been talking and…uh… everything kind of hit me this afternoon.” I know he will say something about that, so I rush on. “It was good. Therapeutic. I’m calmer now. I feel raw but better.”
“Olivia, please promise me that you’ll call me, or text me, whatever, if you need to talk? I feel useless out here. And I know you have your friends and right now your parents to talk to. But maybe I can give a different perspective. I am a guy you know.”
“You are? I don’t know about that,” I tease. “I think you might be a fantasy.”
“Nope, I’m not a fantasy. Well, I hope I’m your fantasy. But I am real. And I really want to help with anything you need.”
“How do you know what I need?” I taunt.
“Because, beautiful Olivia, we are supposed to be together,” he says quietly, sounding smug. “I know you. I complement you; you complement me. We are perfect for each other. You have yet to figure that out.”
I think that I have already figured that out, but I am too scared to act on it. I want to have a little more time for everything to percolate. I’m still not too sure how serious he is about me, about a relationship – and a long distance one at that. I will just have to let time pass and see how serious Ryan acts. I just can’t see him being serious with me. He should be having fun with all the people out in Hollywood.
“Oh, Ryan. You’re young and a major celebrity. You should be dating, having love triangles, and partying and being reckless, causing lots of gossip. Not comforting a married woman whose marriage is ending.”
“Honey. I am causing lots of gossip. We are causing lots of gossip and love triangles. Haven’t you seen the reports? You’re right there with me” he laughs. “I’ve done all that dating and partying since I was eighteen. It gets old really fast. I still do some partying. But, now, I’ve found the girl I want and I’m willing to wait until you’re mine.”
I am speechless. Holy crap!
“What?” Ryan asks when I don’t reply. “No response to that?”
How can I respond to that?
“Um…I…I need time.”
“I know you need time. You need to heal and you need time for me to prove how serious I am about you. Sooner or later you’ll realize that we’re perfect together.”
I just cannot see how Ryan can be so confident, so sure that we are supposed to be together. Of course, he does not have an ex and he has not lost confidence because of that ex.
Changing the subject, I tell him about the second rose I received and that neither of the roses are from any of my friends. He’s worried about me and tells me to be careful because he had an eerie feeling about these roses. He lets me go and tells me to tell my parents “hi” and that he cannot wait to meet them.
I stroll back out to my parents, ready for the teasing that is bound to come. Both of them watch, smirking, as I walk in the room and sit down in my chair. I tell them that Ryan says “hi” and that he cannot wait to meet them. Mom wants to know when they are going to meet him. I am thankful that Ryan is currently tied up with interviews and has no plans to visit. To my surprise, my parents don’t say anything else about the phone call.
Later we go out for dinner. During our meal, a girl comes up to me because she recognizes me from the TV gossip shows. She asks for my autograph and wants a picture with me. It’s just crazy, people wanting my autograph and picture. Mom tells me that it will probably die down, that it is too new and fresh in everyone’s mind. She tells me that I am a link to the celebrity life that everyone is so fascinated with because I am just an ordinary girl that got and won the attention of this well-known actor. People seem almost in awe of me. I give hope to all the ordinary people.
The following week goes by fast since I have so much work to catch up on from being on vacation. I don’t mind being busy. It keeps my mind off Ryan and Craig and everything else going on. I talk to Ryan almost every day. Contrary to my biggest fear, he is not forgetting about me or ignoring me. We always have plenty of things to talk about - our childhoods, work, dreams, what has happened that day. I find that I can talk to him without pretending to be someone I’m not or feel like I’m talking to myself. Ryan listens to me and responds to me. We get to know each other very well. I feel like I can (and do) tell him anything. I realize I’m depending on him more and more.
Taylor, Dhara, Claire and Ally gang up on me to get me out of the house Friday evening. I admit it is good to get out and be distracted. I keep reassuring the girls that I’m doing ok. I know they are just concerned about me but it is getting kind of annoying. At one time during the night, a guy with a camera comes by, snaps a photo and takes off. I wonder when that’s going to stop. I am very conscious of the people around me the rest of the night. I am exhausted by the time we’re ready to go home.
When I get back to my house, I find another pretty rose laying in front of the door, a bright pink one this time. I ask my parents if they heard any noises outside. They didn’t. These roses are freaking me out now. I don’t know who they are coming from or why. I am not sure what I should do about them.
My parents are scheduled to leave on Monday. I am a little nervous about them leaving and having no one in the house. I know I will be ok, but it still makes me apprehensive. Sunday night my parents ask if I want them to stay longer. I assure them that I’m fine and that I need some time alone to heal.
Monday morning arrives, gloomy and rainy. It matches my mood exactly. I take the morning off fr
om work so I can see my parents off. As I wave bye, I am suddenly overcome with sadness. For the sake of something to do, I go strip the guest bed of it sheets. I am interrupted by the doorbell. I’m not expecting anyone. I get paranoid and think about not answering the door. But then I tell myself I’m being silly and to not let these weird things rule my life. I go out to the kitchen and peek out the little window that looks out over the front porch and see that it’s a flower delivery.
Cautiously, I open the door and sign for the beautiful bouquet he’s holding. I thank him and close the door. There are two dozen, dazzling red roses, my favorite. I find a card attached.
Just a little reminder that I miss you.
Call me when you get these.
R
A huge smile grows on my face and I bury my nose in the roses. I love their smell. Grabbing my phone, I call Ryan.
“Hi Beautiful!”
“Thank you so much for the roses. They’re gorgeous.”
“You’re welcome. I knew your parents left this morning. I thought you could use a little pick-me-up. And I wanted you to think about me.”
“You don’t have to send flowers for me to think about you. I do plenty of that all on my own,” I reply.
“I like to hear that, because I think about you all the time, too, Olivia.”
My smile grows even more. It warms my heart to know he thinks of me a lot. “Good.”
“When do you have to go to work?”
I look at the clock and groan. “I have to leave in about twenty minutes. Hopefully I’ll be busy again this week and it will go by fast.”
“Yes, being busy does make time seem to move faster, doesn’t it? Speaking of time moving fast, have you thought any more about the awards show?”
I will have going to have to decide soon. I’m probably hurting Ryan by not giving him an answer. “I have thought about it, but I still don’t know.”
“Please come with me. I can show you around Los Angeles. Take you shopping on Rodeo Drive. We can go to the symphony. We can just be together,” he tries to persuade me.
“That does sound nice. Let me think about it a little more.”
“Alright, but I’m not going to let it drop. I will convince you, somehow.”
We talk a little more then say goodbye. I sit there thinking about him, staring off into space with a big, dopey smile on my face. I feel giddy after talking to him. I love how wonderful and considerate he is. I love talking to him about anything and everything. I love how I feel when I’m on the phone with him or am physically with him. He makes me feel special.
Holy shit! I freeze. I am in love with Ryan. No! I cannot be in love with Ryan Paxton! I barely know him. Where is the effort to try to love him like I had to with Craig? Where are the months of debating whether he’s good for me? This…this just snuck up on me out of nowhere. I am one hundred percent head-over-heels in love with Ryan Paxton.
No, no, no. This is not good. Insecurity consumes me. I’m terrified of being that vulnerable again. Could I survive another broken heart if Ryan leaves? Can I deal with the Hollywood-crap? Will I be jealous all the time? I’m close to hyperventilating thinking about all this. I need to calm down.
Deep breath in, blow it out. Deep breath in, blow it out.
I need to think rationally about this. Ok so, I’m in love with Ryan Paxton. No big deal. He doesn’t have to know, right? I don’t have to tell him. And that will give me time to figure out what I am going to do.
I’m still lost in thought about it later at work. I jump when Sarah walks into my office, leans against the door jam and clears her throat.
“Sorry, catch you daydreaming?” Sarah laughs. “Get your parents off ok?”
“Yeah, uh, thanks,” I reply.
Sarah studies me. “Are you ok, Olivia? You don’t look so well.”
“I’m fine. Just got lots on my mind and I’m having trouble concentrating.”
“What’s wrong? Is Craig bothering you? We’ll get a restraining order if we need to.” She comes over to my desk with a determined look on her face.
“What? No. It’s not Craig. I haven’t even heard from him.” I wave that off.
“Then what’s wrong?” Sarah insists, visibly growing more concerned. “Tell me. What’s going on?”
“Ok, but close the door.”
Sarah gives me a bewildered look, but turns around, closes the door and sits down opposite me. I can tell that she’s running through a list of things.
“Alright. What’s going on Olivia?” Suddenly she catches her breath and covers her mouth the both hands. “Ohmigod! Are you pregnant?” she whispers.
“What?! No! I’m not… pregnant!” I whisper the word. “I can’t believe you said that. You have to have sex in order to get… pregnant.”
“Well, I thought maybe you didn’t tell us the whole truth about what went on in Vegas with Ryan. Sorry. Can’t blame me though. That would be pretty awesome.” She gives me a sheepish grin and shrugs as I just glare at her. “Ok. You’re not pregnant. So, what has you so distracted?”
“I don’t know if I can get past the pregnant comment. That has me completely distracted. Shish!” I shake my head. The comment has thrown me for a loop. Not that I would mind being pregnant with Ryan’s baby. Ohmigod! What am I thinking? I have truly lost my mind.
“Olivia!”
“Sorry! Well, after my parents left, I got some flowers from Ryan and I called him to thank him and we talked for a little bit. After I hung up, I started thinking about him and how I felt when I talked to him and when I was with him in Vegas.”
“Oh!” Sarah gives me a smug smile. “You realized you’re in love with him.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” I insist.
“Thought you should figure it out on your own. I mean it’s your heart.”
“Well, I know now. Yes! I am in love with Ryan Paxton.” I fold my arms on my desk and rest my head on them.
“Ok. I give. What’s the problem?”
I swing my head up to look at Sarah. “What’s the problem? He’s only the hottest actor in Hollywood. Look at all the beautiful women he’s around all the time. He can have anyone he wants. Why me?”
“Why not you, Olivia? I know Craig’s horrible behavior and deceit gradually disintegrated your self-esteem. But have you looked in the mirror? I mean really looked in the mirror. You talk about the beautiful women out in Hollywood, but you’re right up there with them, honey. Plus, you and Ryan have a special connection. You talk about Ryan like you’ve know him forever. You two had fun being together in Vegas. You’re comfortable with each other. That helps, too.”
“I know, but I can’t get past him being this huge celebrity.”
“No one’s forcing you to say anything to him about your feelings. Just be friends with him right now. Get to know him even better. Things will work out in their own time.”
“Yes, I know. But Sarah, I’m terrified of what it would do to me if he would leave,” I confess.
“I know. But you’d survive. You’re a strong woman. Also, the girls and I would make sure you survive. How about this ‘what if’ - if you want to play the what-if game. What if…he doesn’t leave you and the two of you live happily ever after?”
She pauses to let me think about that for a bit.
“You can’t live in the ‘what if’ world. You have to deal with whatever life gives you – the good and the bad. You’ve had the bad. I think Ryan might be the good.”
I cannot disagree with her.
“I also think you should go to the awards show with him,” Sarah says.
I grimace but don’t say anything.
“You know you want to,” Sarah says adamantly.
I sigh. “Taylor thinks I should go, too. I just don’t know. I’m still thinking about it.”
“Ok, but don’t take too long. You might discourage him. Then you would end up hating yourself.”
“I don’t think anything would discourage him.”
; “I’d take that as a very good thing,” Sarah laughs and stand up to leave. “Oh, by the way, Maria said she had some woman call her asking for information about you. Maria didn’t give her anything and told me about it as I passed her office. She thought you should know.”
Wonderful. Probably another reporter looking for more info about me. I feel confident that our HR administrator, Maria, would never give out any information.
“That’s strange. I wonder who she was and how she got a hold of Maria.”
“I don’t know. Those reporters can be sneaky. Anyway, I’m going to let you get back to work. Think about what I said.”
That night as I pull into my driveway, my neighbor Bill is outside. It looks like he’s been waiting for me. He comes right over to talk to me. He tells me that he caught a gal sneaking around my house. He thought she was trying to look in my windows. Bill asked if he could help her, but she just ran off. I thank Bill for letting me know and to keep me informed if he sees anything else suspicious.
Deciding that all this stuff is a little too creepy, I go inside and write down all the strange events that have been taking place lately.
Later I call the police to see if there is anything I can do about this woman. There isn’t much they can do since I have no idea who is doing this to me and this woman hasn’t actually done anything yet, except be creepy. They tell me to keep track of the strange things that keep happening and to let them know if the occurrences start getting worse.
The rest of this week proves to be hell. I should have known by the way Monday started. On Tuesday, a tabloid reported that Ryan had snuck out of Leslie Day’s house early this morning with a picture of him clearly sneaking out the back door. There are rumors flying about Ryan and Leslie being a couple. As soon as I hear this, I am devastated. It seems like my worst nightmare is coming true. I didn’t think Ryan would do this to me but what else am I supposed to think? Ryan’s not answering his phone and not calling me back. Reporters are stalking me again to get my reaction. I try to ignore them and not say anything.
Tonic Page 14
