“Oh, Sweetheart. Don’t cry. You’re safe now.” He leans over me to wrap his arms around me.
“Where…?” I can barely get the word out.
“Here, have some water,” Ryan says.
I finally look around and realize that I am in a hospital once again. Ryan lifts a cup to my lips and I drink the water through the straw. My neck hurt terribly. I try to lift my right arm but the IV restricts it. I pull my left hand out of Ryan’s grasp and I touch my neck lightly, feeling a bandage. I look at Ryan quizzically.
“The bloody bastard….” He takes a deep breath to calm his anger. “He…he fucking….” Ryan chokes on his words. Tears run down his cheeks. “Baby, he kidnapped you, held a knife to your throat.”
“I know,” I whisper.
He breaks down, angrily punches the bed a couple times. After he calms down a little bit, I ask Ryan to tell me what other damage I have to my body.
“The doctor says there was no major harm done from the cut to your throat, but you will probably have a scar from it. She also says the cuts on your face aren’t deep and should heal with no scarring. But you have lots of bruises all over.” The last he says quietly.
My hand automatically goes to my face to feel. I find a few cuts on each cheek. I start crying again. It finally hits me that I am ok and with Ryan.
“Olivia. Please don’t cry, sweetheart. Don’t be afraid. You are perfectly safe.”
“No. Not scared,” I whisper. “I’m happy. I was scared to open my eyes earlier because I thought I was hallucinating. So scared that I was still in that room, tied to the chair. But I’m with you. I love you, Ryan.”
He sits next to me on the bed and gently takes me into him arms.
“I love you, too. You scared me to death. But you are safe now.”
We sit there forever just holding each other. I never want to let him go. Eventually I am curious about what happened to Kevin and ask Ryan.
“No, Sweetheart. Let’s not talk about that now. You just need to know that he will never hurt you again. Just relax and heal.”
Later, after the doctor checks me to make sure I am ok, she tells me that I had not been raped. He might have tried then changed his mind or maybe he got interrupted. I am so relieved.
The city police come and I have to tell them the whole awful story. Ryan listens intently the whole time. I watch him as I recount what I know. He turns pale as I tell the police everything, how Kevin had followed me, how he sent me flowers and that he admitted to killing my first stalker, Lauren (they would follow up with the Kansas City police on that one). I let them know about seeing him at the pub and out shopping, too.
Ryan is restless and starts pacing as I start telling them what happened the day he kidnapped me. When I get to how they guy rubbed up against me, obviously turned on, and how I thought that Kevin had raped me, Ryan storms out the room slamming the door shut. I flinch.
Finally, after telling the city police everything, I ask about the stalker, Kevin. Ryan must have gotten to them because they won’t say anything specific, just that he is no longer going to bother me and then they leave. I am worn out and don’t dwell on the fact that they didn’t tell me anything.
Ryan comes back in, apologizing for his behavior. I forgive him. Then I ask him what happened to Kevin, if he is here in the hospital, too.
“Shh. Let’s not talk about it right now. You’re so tired, you need to sleep.”
And since I am extremely tired, I reign in my curiosity for another day and go to sleep.
I am back at my house all alone. I hear a knock on the door. I peek out the kitchen window that overlooks the front porch. No one is there. I go back to my chair in the living room. I hear another knock on the door. I go to the door and crack it open a little. There on the welcome mat is a red rose. NO! I slam the door shut and lock it. He’s coming to get me since I escaped and he is going to try to kidnap me again. I run to the phone to call, but the line is dead. Where is my cell phone? I dig in my purse for it, but it isn’t there. I run to the living room chair. No phone there either. I must have left it back in the bedroom. I rush to the bedroom but still no phone. I walk back out to the living room and there stands Kevin holding my cell phone.
“Looking for this, Olivia?”
I scream.
Arms comes around me.
“NO! No!”
I fight to get away. There is no way I am being taken away by him again.
“Olivia. Love. You’re ok. It’s a dream. You’re safe. He’s not going to hurt you. You’re safe,” Ryan sooths.
I grab onto him and don’t let go. Ryan keeps holding and soothing me. Eventually I am able to fall back asleep.
Nothing is said about my dream the next morning. I eat as much breakfast as I can. A little while later, the doctor comes in to check on me. Thankfully, I only have a concussion along with bumps and bruises, so I am going to be able to leave the hospital later today. They only kept me overnight because I’d gotten this second concussion so soon after the first one; they wanted to keep me for observation.
Before I am released, the doctor comes back in. She asks if Ryan would wait outside the room for a few minutes. He objects at first but with the doctor’s urging, he reluctantly leaves, closing the door behind him.
“Olivia, there are a couple things I need to talk to you about. First, I want you to know that there are lots of good support groups out there for kidnap victims. I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone or a group about your experience when you get back to the states.”
I start to object, but she interrupts. “Just think about it. Now, when you were brought in, we did standard bloodwork. Your system was clean of drugs. However, we did find something else.”
Oh, God. What is wrong with me? What did he do to me?
“And from that terrified look on your face, I believe you have no idea what I’m talking about. Relax. It’s a good thing. At least I think it is. Olivia, you are about eight weeks pregnant.”
What?! Oh my god.
“I’m… I’m…I….”
“Yes, you’re pregnant. And the baby is just fine.” She studies my face for a little while.
“You’re ok with this, aren’t you?”
“I…Yes. Yes, I’m ok with it.” I pause trying to gather my thoughts. “Sorry. I’m just having a hard time thinking right now.” A smile spreads across my face. “I’m pregnant!” I whisper and put my hands on my stomach.
“Yes, you are. Now, I understand that you’re only going to be here for another week or so, but I would schedule an appointment as soon as you get back. You’ve had some major stress and you need to understand how to deal with all that so the baby is healthy.”
“Yes. Definitely. I’ll schedule an appointment right away.”
“Congratulations, Olivia. You can leave as soon as you’re ready. Just buzz the nurse and she’ll come escort you.”
“Thank you. Oh, will you not say anything to Ryan yet about the baby. I want to find the perfect time to surprise him.”
“My mouth is sealed. Take care,” she says as she walks out of the room.
Ohmygod! I am pregnant! I have a little life inside of me, growing. Ryan is going to flip. I have to find the right time to tell him, soon. But right now, I need to keep a straight face. Not sure I can pull this off since I am so happy and excited.
“What did the doctor want that I couldn’t be in here?” Ryan walks back into the room and automatically takes me into his arms.
“Just a last check before she dismisses me. She wanted to talk to me about the importance of therapy or a support group. And she wanted to make sure I didn’t have any other questions that I’d been afraid to ask before.”
He looks at me. He lets out a long breath before he speaks.
“Is there anything you’re worried about, afraid to ask about?”
“No, I’m good.
“Ok. Let’s get you ready to leave then.”
“When I’m ready, I just ne
ed to buzz the nurse and he or she will escort me out.”
Once we leave the hospital, Ryan takes me back to the suite and is able to stay with me the rest of the day and tomorrow. Honestly I feel fine, glowing on the inside. Sure, I have a few cuts and a bunch of bruises that look really bad right now, nothing that won’t go away with a little bit of time.
Ryan is still worried about me. He keeps asking if he can get me something to drink or eat or read. And he barely touches me. But when he does, it is so gentle like he is afraid he’s going to hurt me.
I am getting extremely irritated with Ryan as he continues his timid touches and soothing words. He still won’t talk about my kidnapping. Whenever I bring it up, he always said that we don’t need to talk about it yet. And that I should just rest and heal.
I‘m so annoyed that I could punch a hole through a wall. But I restrain myself and try once more.
“Ryan, you have to stop this,” I plead. “Come here and sit by me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Seriously? What is his problem?
“I had a concussion,” I roar. “Sitting by me is not going to hurt me.”
He gently sits down a good two feet from me. I am sure it’s so he does not disturb me.
Contrary to his actions, it disturbs me to death. Why is he acting like this? Like I am going to break if he does anything, says anything wrong or touches me? The more I think about it, the angrier I get.
I abruptly get up from the couch and swirl around to look at him.
“Olivia, you shouldn’t…” Ryan says, shocked.
“Just shut up, Ryan. I appreciate your extreme concern over me. But it didn’t happen to you, Ryan. It happened to me. I need to know what happed to Kevin. I need to know if he is going to be coming back for me. I am the one having nightmares now because of it. You barely touch me. Do you not want me anymore? You don’t want to talk about what happened. That is not helping me at all. If you can’t be yourself around me, then I don’t want to be around you at all.”
I have caught him completely off guard. His mouth drops open and he doesn’t say one word as I stalk out of the sitting room and into the bedroom, slamming the door closed as hard as I can behind me.
I pace around the bedroom for a bit, but the walls are too constricting. I go out to the balcony. It also connects to the living room but I don’t care. I pace around for a while, letting off steam. Finally, I sit down in one of the four chairs that surround a table and just stare out watching the comings and goings of the city.
I can’t figure out why Ryan is acting like this. He is getting a little obsessive with his concern. What can possibly be causing this? I just don’t understand. I keep thinking of everything that happened while I was kidnapped. Did I do something wrong in my desperate attempt to escape? Did he think the guy did rape me, that I was lying and he doesn’t want to be with my anymore? I just don’t know.
I sit out on the balcony for forty-five minutes before I finally hear the sliding glass door open. Ryan steps through the door. I ignore him for the most part.
He deserves to feel bad.
“Olivia?” he asks. “May I sit with you, please?”
“If you want,” I answer, trying to show no emotions.
I gesture to the chair on the opposite side of the table. Instead of taking it, he chooses the chair closest to me. I childishly roll my eyes, ignore him and continue staring out over the city. He doesn’t say anything for a long time. I can feel him staring at me part of the time.
“Olivia?” he starts again.
I finally turn toward him. “Yes, Ryan?”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how I have been treating you. I’m sorry for my actions. I’m sorry for making everyone stay away.” He pauses.
Ah, I wondered why no one has come to visit. He must have seen my eyebrows raise.
“Yeah, I asked that no one visit or call for a couple days. I shouldn’t have done that either. But I wanted you all to myself. Leslie is really mad at me for not letting her see you.”
“Ryan…,” I shake my head.
“I know. I’m sorry for treating you like you’re frail and breakable. I’m so sorry you had to deal with two stalkers and being kidnapped. And I’m sorry that meeting me has brought all this crap on you.” He has been looking out over the city; then turns to look at me. “It’s my fault all this happened to you. I’m so very sorry Olivia.”
He’s blaming himself for everything that happened to me. How can he possibly think that he is the cause of anything that happens to me? That’s just insane.
“Ryan. It’s not your fault.”
“But if you hadn’t met me, none of this would have happened to you. Some crazy girl thought I belonged to her and attacked you because of it? Then, worse, some insane guy gets obsessed with you when he sees you on TV with me, kills your first stalker and kidnaps you.”
He pauses and lets out a sharp breath.
“I thought I was never going to see you alive again. I was sure he was going to kill you. I about went insane.” His voice cracks.
He covers his face with both hands, scrubs and let out his breath.
I lay my hand on his arm to get his attention.
“You didn’t make either of them do anything to me. It’s their fault, not yours. They’re paying for their acts.”
“Yes, at least you don’t have to worry about either stalker ever again.”
“What?” I ask confused.
“He won’t hurt you anymore,” he scoots closer so he can face me and hold my hands. “He will never hurt anyone anymore.”
“Ryan? Will you now please tell me what happened?” I beg.
“We were extremely lucky. Someone saw Kevin take you and was very observant. They called police straight away; gave them a description of the car and the direction he took off in. That person also recognized who you were, so the police were able to call me right away.
“God, I was so scared when the police told me what had happened. I went crazy. Thank God for Leslie. She calmed me down. I felt so helpless that I couldn’t do anything. The police didn’t want me out searching. They wanted me here in case the guy called for a ransom.” He turns to look me straight in the eyes. “Sweetheart, I would have paid anything to get you back safe. Turns out he didn’t want money. He just wanted you.”
I can’t fathom life without Ryan. I love him so much. Emotions ruling my life now, I feel tears fill up my eyes. But I keep quiet so Ryan can tell me more.
“It took a little while, but they finally found the car. Kevin had broken into that apartment a few days before. The police didn’t know what he had done to you. They had to proceed cautiously. Kevin had looked out one of the windows and when he backed away, the blanket covering it gapped open a little. One of the officers was able to get a good look inside and see you. You must have been knocked out. They said your head was hanging down. I guess he talked to you even while you were out. He would come by you and lift your head and let if fall back down, like a rag doll. If I could only have gotten my hands on him….”
He paused to breath and calm down, then continues.
“They waited until dark and acted like they were questioning the neighbors. That’s when Kevin cut the lights. They knocked on his door too, trying to throw him off. Unfortunately, they didn’t know he had a knife on you and was hurting you to keep you quiet. A little while later, the officer by the window saw Kevin move to look out the window. He quickly radioed the other officers to break in. They busted the door open and knocked you down, but Kevin shot at them, hitting an officer in his arm. They returned fire; killing him. They think he was trying to shoot you. If they hadn’t knocked you over, the shot that hit the officer would have gone thru your head.”
Goosebumps cover my body. I had been so close to death. I finally understand why Ryan didn’t wanted to talk about it. But I am glad I now know what happened.
“I almost lost you forever,” he chokes out.
When I look at him
, his face is pain. I don’t like seeing him this way. It is going to take a while to get over this.
“I’m glad they killed him. If they hadn’t, I would have.”
I can’t believe what he is saying. “Don’t say that.”
“Why? He’s a monster. He didn’t deserve to live.”
“Yes, but if you’re serious, you would be no better than him.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just so angry right now. I was so scared of losing you. I’m still scared of losing you.”
Well, that confuses me. “Why are you still scared?”
“I’m terrified that you will say that you can’t deal with all this craziness and don’t want to have anything to do with me,” he confesses. “And who could blame you if you did want to leave?”
Now it all makes sense. I think about his worries. I understand them. I probably would feel the same way if we were reversed.
“Ryan,” I say.
He won’t look at me.
“Ryan, please look at me,” I whisper.
When he finally looks into my face, I can see how miserable he is. His eyes are red, a couple tears running down his face and he still has that pained look.
“Ryan, I cannot live without you. There is nothing on this earth that will change my mind about being with you. Nothing can happen to me that would change how I feel about you. I love you with my whole being and to risk being a little melodramatic, I would rather die than to try to live without you.”
He stares at me for a few moments. Then grabs my face and kisses me hard. “Good God, I love you,” he says against my lips. “Come with me. I need you.”
He leads me into the bedroom and finally touches me. Ryan draws me into a kiss, while gently rubbing his hands up and down my back. I grab his neck with one hand while the other caresses his back, moving down slowly until I reach his ass. He trails kisses down my cheek to nuzzle my neck. I moan into him. Tenderly he unzips the dress I am wearing, pushes it over my shoulders. I straighten my arms so it has the chance to drop to the floor. I want him naked too. I try but fumble with the buttons on his shirt, so Ryan pushes my hands away and, while staring me in my eyes, he unbuttons the shirt and takes and his pants off. Ryan grabs my hands and finally pulls me to the bed.
Tonic Page 27
