by Amy Lignor
Beth's movements were gentle, calm, and the combination of the silky, wet skin and the perfect hard nipples moving over my ribs made me want to scream. The first hand appeared and Beth began to stroke me, priming me for that stunning mouth that was only inches away, licking the inside of my thigh. Her tongue was exquisite; warm, wet and smooth. And her breathing—the short breaths she exuded as she moaned her excitement brought me to another place. It was already too much.
She kept whispering my name, and with each whisper Beth sent a small cool breeze over my cock making it tighten even more, as I waited for the feel of that mouth with an anticipation that no human being has ever felt before.
I struggled with the ties on my wrists; I pulled at the satin creation but I couldn't budge the knot. It was as if she'd used handcuffs to make sure I would suffer.
The hand appeared on my chest and I heard that deep purr, "Relax."
The growl that came from my throat was something I'd never heard before. "I need to touch you."
"I want to taste."
It was as if I was suddenly drowning when I watched that beautiful mouth open. Her lips parted and she took me in, stroking, licking, fondling; her fingers caressed while she sucked me in and out of her mouth, pulling me over the edge. I couldn't breathe. All I could do was scream her name as I felt her drink every bit of me.
She had to be a dream, a fantasy that only exists in the mind, because the beauty, grace and heat that she focused on me was unbearable and completely unreal.
The fondling began again, as the tongue flicked back and forth. I moaned, "Beth, no man can go again that fast." My body betrayed me in seconds. Everything I owned was letting me know that, with her, I could do anything she wanted me to do.
The trip to paradise began again, and just when I reached the pinnacle and threw myself into an abyss that felt more amazing than anything else in this world ever could, Beth's hands and mouth would go back to work, bringing me to the top of the world so many times that I felt like I was literally flying.
~ Hers ~
I don't know how long I sat there…how long I studied that incredible face. You know guys always use the word 'beautiful,' but this man actually was.
When I discovered Matt had fainted, or perhaps just ridden off on his own cloud for a while, I ran for the glass of water. Switching on the light, I grabbed for my robe and tied it around me, a bit scared now that anyone could just walk into my inner sanctum if they tried.
When I came back and sat on the bed, I covered his magnificence with the sheet. I wanted to make sure that Matt wasn't unveiled to any unexpected visitor's eye, as I just sat and stared at him.
The brown curls were so thick; the ears were perfect on either side of the strong, rugged jaw; and those beautiful long lashes that I knew were protecting the most wondrous eyes I'd ever seen, were amazing to covet. The stubble outline where his mustache and beard would grow if left too long to the natural world was pronounced, as if a shadow had been added to make him look even more dangerous when he stared into my eyes with that total look of lust and passion.
The chest was still my favorite; the muscles that held me, pulled me, pressed me against him—there was a large part of me that simply wanted to lay down, rest my head on that perfect, protective mass and fall asleep. With Matt beneath me I would be assured a night of bliss, where I felt safe and warm as if nothing in the world could ever seep under the door to disturb us.
Matt brought peace to the room, the house, my heart—and he would never know the feeling of that. Even with my writing I could never put into words the love—no, that wasn't enough—the complete beauty he gave me that made my soul actually want to join with another. Matt made me want to soar, to grow wings like some of my characters and simply ride the wind as long as he was beside me to catch me if I fell.
This was suddenly our sanctum. I leaned forward and placed a kiss on his strong chin as those lashes fluttered and he came back to me.
His eyes were glazed a bit as he took a moment to see my face and smile. He raised his hands, freed from the satin bond. "What happened?"
I handed him the glass of water, all of a sudden completely unsure of how to speak to a fantasy.
He placed a hand over his eyes and moaned. "I passed out?"
I nodded.
He took my hand. "So much for the stud label."
"I thought it was adorable."
Matt chuckled. "Yeah, sure. The old—he came and he went joke." A blush appeared in his cheeks.
"Just drink the water. You've had a long day and I don't think you ate anything since breakfast."
His gaze grew warm. "I ate exactly what I wanted to." Flicking the tie on my robe, he continued, "And you might as well ditch this because you won't be getting out of here for a while."
I smiled. "There's a granola bar on the table next to you."
He laughed, grabbing the snack and turning back to me. "Except for the Italian dinner you chowed down to keep from answering my questions, I've never seen you eat anything but fruit."
I shrugged. "What can I say? I'm used to caffeine and fruit. Of course I, like a good girl, drink a ton of water."
Matt drank down the glass. "Do you want to tell me how a woman whose last and only lover was over a decade ago knows how to do what you just did?"
"You forget," I said, with a smile. "I am a huge proponent of education."
"Damn," Matt said, swallowing the snack. "What kind of books does the New York Public Library give out? Do they have classes?"
I slapped his chest and dropped my gaze, suddenly feeling a tad bit guilty. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean to overstep anything. I just wanted to see."
I looked back into a face of pure confusion. His eyes were wide as he let out a laugh. "You're sorry? If you didn't notice, or if the library books skipped the ending, you should know that I not only enjoyed myself, beautiful, but it was the best night of my entire life."
Without warning, Matt took me by the waist and placed me down on his lap, spreading my legs on each side of him in the process. As my robe fell open and his hand began to take up residence, he smiled with his eyes. "There are no boundaries with us." With his other hand Matt reached for the panties that were once his manacles. "Although, payback can be a real bitch."
Slowly his warm fingers entered me and my breath caught, as the feeling of ecstasy returned.
~***~
The knocking on the door made me jump from his lap as Bobby's voice came from the other side.
"Um, Beth? You know I would never do this, but…"
I tried to calm my breathing as I watched Matt's eyes begin to roll.
"Beth…it's Jerry."
My heart constricted in my chest. "What?" My voice was barely a whisper.
"The hospital called. He had a heart attack."
Matt's face completely changed as he nodded at me and jumped from the bed, throwing on his clothes as he went around the room. "I'll get the car."
Twenty-Eight
~ Hers ~
Matt drove very fast for a man who didn't live here—a man that had no concept of the lay of the land.
All I tried to focus on was breathing in and out, attempting to calm my racing heartbeat while begging whoever might be listening to save the extraordinary man that Death now had in his clutches.
I felt Matt's hand on my knee and heard his soft words in my ear, as Bobby and Chris spoke from the backseat. I was surrounded by love—by friends—and I was suddenly truly grateful that I wasn't alone this night; this one night that was already crushing me and I hadn't even seen Jerry yet.
As we pulled up in front of the emergency room it all came back…
My mother crying, my Dad lying lifeless on a gurney as they raced to hook him up to every contraption known to the medical world in order to get his heart restarted and bring him back to life…
But this time I just stood in the glow of that god-awful red neon light and took a deep breath, as Matt's hand stroked my back, his whispers o
f support continuing in my ear.
I walked through the doors, hearing the metallic 'whoosh' that always reminded me of the jaws of death, and was immediately assaulted by the worst smell known to mankind. You never forget it. This scent is the only one related to life and death. Isn't that odd? The life of a child coming into the world, and the lives of many headed out far too soon, are all entrenched in that hideous smell.
Blake, the owner of the bar, was staring at me as other friends sat in the uncomfortable blue chairs scattered around the waiting room. Some had tears, some had hope, and some were just staring off into space as if wondering when it would be them on the other side of the door while their friends held vigil.
I nodded at everyone. It's all I could do. I really had absolutely no idea what to say as I looked at the ER doors. They were closed; the big red bar was set in place so that no one could get in and disturb the people who were struggling just to wake up and walk back through them to freedom.
Matt's supportive hand on my back felt almost like a life preserver. He was guiding me, balancing me, as the world whipped around my head and brought me back years to when I had to sit and stare at my father…
Watching his chest rise and fall with the machine that made that hideous squealing noise, I had been void of emotion…until they'd shut everything off. They'd said that 'the end' would take a long time; that when Dad was removed from the respirator there would be hours where he would simply hang on as if trying to decide whether the light was better than the dark.
We all spoke to him. We said we loved him. And then a nurse appeared with a table that was stacked with snacks and drinks. I was sick then; it was like being served from the concession stand so you were well prepared when the horror movie came on and you began screaming at the top of your lungs. Or, maybe, the purpose of that table was to have something to throw—at each other, at the nurse, at the ceiling—something to have in your hand when the anger overtook you.
But when the machine had stopped, Dad stopped. He'd already gone. He was probably just waiting to be freed from the breathing mechanism in order to go find his peace. He wanted to relax, I suppose. Hanging on was hard work; after a while it becomes too hard to bear…
I placed my head on Matt's shoulder as he sat down beside me in one of those hideous chairs. They reminded me of the seats in 'coach' where you had to turn your body into a pretzel twist and then sit for hours, usually with a person beside you who wanted nothing more than to regale you with how wonderful they were before asking you on a date, for your advice on their marriage, their business, children—anything to annoy you.
The airplane was a lot like the hospital—a place where you sit with strangers and wait, pray and listen to people's dreams and absolute fears.
The 'whoosh' came from the interior doors, and I stood up. Everyone did. Some of Jerry's older friends struggled but they got there, balancing themselves on their canes as they prayed for good news.
The doctor, in his pristine white coat and slightly greasy hair, looked like a character from a soap opera. He walked with power, as if he'd earned the respect he should always be given. His face was a mask of compassion—the mask that said, "Sorry, guys. I tried, but what are you gonna do? That's life."
Then the speech came, "It was hard…he went peacefully. But the heart simply gave out…" and then my legs did.
I didn't feel anything or see anything but Matt. His arms went around me, I heard the 'whoosh' of the door, I felt the car's leather seat underneath me, and I heard Matt's very soothing voice telling me that 'he had me.'
In fact, he kept repeating that all the way home. "Don't worry, I got you."
~***~
I stood up and walked toward the house, but instantly Matt's arms were there again, carrying me over the threshold and back into the room that was—just a few short hours ago—a dream come true. I wondered why things had to change so fast. Would it be so bad for the dream to last just a little bit longer before yet another nightmare was inserted into your life? Just a few extra minutes of love and light? I think it would be nice to allow us to feel as if the world was perfectly spinning on its axis before another of life's asteroids pummeled you into the ground.
Taking off my jacket, Matt laid me down on the bed. I was so cold. The day outside was sunny, bright and beautiful, yet I felt like a true Connecticut nor'easter had just hit, bringing with it the most violent winds you could possibly imagine. A small shot of warmth came back when Matt lay down beside me. Rolling me on my side, he put his arms around my waist and pulled me against him so tight that it felt as if we were just two people on a raft riding out that storm together. And then, his beautiful voice began to sing.
When I closed my eyes all I could see was Jerry and Missy back together again, wrapped in each other's arms as they twirled across the dance floor enjoying Matt's exquisite tribute.
Twenty-Nine
~ His ~
I couldn't take my eyes off Beth. I felt almost like an expectant father watching his wife in the last few days before his child would come into the world.
I'd seen those laborious moments up close and personal in my youth, and the only difference between those 'soon-to-be-dads' and me at this moment, was the fact that there was no smile on my face. The only expectation I had, the only prayer I was saying, was for Beth to come back to me. I wanted her smile to return. I wanted her vibrant spirit to fill the house again. And I needed her to eat something before she ended up in the ER.
I sat with her in the library while her brain went to another place for three days. I have no idea where she was; she just kept on typing, as if speaking to someone else. Sometimes I would look up from the T.V. or the book in my lap, and catch her staring at me. Those deep brown eyes were studying me as if every movement and every breath was something she needed to witness.
Bobby and Chris would come in and out. We would gather at the kitchen table and talk about ideas as to how to lure Beth back to the present.
"It's therapeutic, man." Bobby told me, staring down the hall through the open door. "Beth's a writer and she's had a hard hit. When she writes she has something to say…she needs to say it."
"Can't she just talk to me? To us?" I asked.
Bobby gave a slight nod. "She can and she will, but for now this is personal and private between her and Jerry."
As I sat back in the kitchen chair and sighed, his gaze flicked back and forth between me and Chris, who was sitting on a stool at the counter nursing yet another cup of coffee.
"You know," Bobby began. "You're top men to actually put your lives on hold and stay here during all this."
What? My brain screamed, completely confused.
Chris stood up and patted him on the shoulder, although all I wanted to do was smack Bobby on the back of his head. I cleared my throat. "What did you just say?"
"Well, you two haven't exactly known us very long." Bobby smiled. "In fact, in the scheme of things, you don't really know us at all. For you to stay here, help Beth—that makes you really top men in my book."
My fists tightened by my side. "Are you out of your fuckin mind?"
Bobby's eyes grew wide. "I was giving you a compliment."
"A compliment?" I stood up, grasping the counter so that I didn't suddenly haul off and knock my love's best friend's teeth down his throat. Taking a deep breath, I caught his eyes with mine. "I may not have been around a long time…yet. But I love that woman. And what I don't know, I intend on spending the rest of my life learning all about. There is NO place that I would be other than here. Beth is my life."
Bobby remained silent; he just nodded at me as if in apology.
"And you are mine," Chris's voice was strong, as he told him exactly what Bobby and Beth seemed to have missed along the way.
Bobby stared at Chris with a look that I'd only seen in the mirror whenever I thought about Beth and what our future would be like.
I tried to offer a supportive smile, but all I could manage was a non-threatening voice. "
In other words, Bobby—you and Beth are stuck with both of us whether you like it or not."
"Thank God for that," Bobby whispered.
A car sped up the driveway so fast that the three of us almost missed Beth as she came down the stairs. Obviously she'd abandoned her office long before we thought she had.
I stood up to go to her, but she threw open the door and caught what looked like a huge ball being thrown from outside.
Hearing the voice, my heart practically exploded with joy.
"Star!"
With Amber came new air and, literally—with just one word—had returned Beth's smile to the place it rightfully belonged. Whatever she'd been writing was done; Jerry was gone but life was moving on, and Beth's stunning smile was the true tribute to the man who'd been her father for the past few years.
Beth giggled as Amber knocked her down once again. Unfortunately my lap wasn't there this time around and Beth landed hard on the wood, laughing and tickling her favorite friend who was already curled up in her 'Star's' arms and babbling excitedly.
I leaned against the door frame and watched the scene.
"Are you okay?" Amber stopped laughing and put her arms around Beth's neck.
Pulling her close, Beth replied, "Everything's okay now, hon."
As those beautiful eyes stared right at me, Beth sent me a smile that I'd missed more than a drowning man misses land.
Beth winked. "Matt was the one who told me everything would be all right. And you know what?" Amber pulled back and stared up at her. "He was absolutely right. Pretty smart guy, huh?"
Amber giggled. Jumping up, she rushed at me and slammed into my legs.
"Boy, you are a powerful lady." I bent down and picked up the little girl in my arms, gratefully accepting her hug and kiss.
"Thank you for taking care of Star," she whispered. "She's my best friend."
