by Amy Lignor
I opened the box, wishing that I wasn't showing it to Beth in this moment. I had wanted this to be so romantic. Beth's gaze dropped to the gem and she sucked in her breath.
Pushing Rebecca to the side, I took one knee, wanting to be as close to the traditional romantic that I knew I was.
"You want to marry her?" Rebecca's accent snuck into her surprised voice.
I kept my gaze on Beth's beautiful face. Swallowing hard, wishing for psychic abilities so I could see what she would say, I continued, "Yes, if she'll have me."
Bobby and Chris were silent. Bobby moved slightly from side to side, as if ready to stop Beth from racing to any door she might try to escape from.
"Beth…I love you so much. Will you be my wife?"
"Beth!"
The beautiful face whipped away from me and centered on Nicole.
Bobby groaned, "Damn, that woman's timing sucks!"
I stood up fast, stepping toward the woman I loved. I was intent on picking her up in my arms and escaping this ridiculous scene.
"It's Amber."
I heard the pain in Nicole's voice and I turned to stare at her. Tears, of all things, were running down Nicole's cheeks and, without a thought, I raced behind Beth as she took off into the wings.
Thirty-Seven
~ Hers ~
I hated this building almost as much as the emergency room. It was so cold. The nurses, the operators…everyone did their best to make the Children's Home bright and cheery by putting as many rainbows of color on the walls as they possibly could in order to keep the kids' minds off the fact that they were alone. No one wanted the children to dwell on the fact that they were in a prison-type structure just waiting for someone, anyone, to come out of the woodwork and love them.
Nicole was standing beside me in the hall. Her voice was a whisper and the tears still hadn't stopped, making her black mascara run and her face closely resemble a band member from Kiss.
She hiccupped. "The nurse was backstage waiting for Amber. When she told her that the Prescott's hadn't showed and, instead, had…," Nicole choked on her words. "Decided to go ahead and begin the paperwork to adopt an infant, Amber fell apart."
Nicole tried to take a breath as she stared up at me. "Amber asked to be taken away from the theatre and brought back here."
I just stood there and nodded. I'd never been this angry before. All that little girl wanted was love, and all she ever received was a kick in the teeth.
"If I knew who these Prescott's were, I'd be at their house right now kicking the shit out of 'em," Bobby announced from his place against the opposite wall.
Ken remained silent—just a tall, strong tower of support for Nicole to lean on as she quickly fell apart.
Matt's hand was in mine, and his eyes were filled with tears. He looked at the closed door that was made of pure steel—yet another reminder that this was nothing more than an institution—and shook his head. "Maybe from the performance tonight someone new will show up?" His voice was hopeful.
I sighed. After listening to all the thoughts, words, ideas, and hopes—all I could think of was the fact that behind that door was a little girl whose dreams had been crushed…again. Amber had done nothing to deserve this. I squeezed Matt's hand, kissed his cheek, and stared into the eyes of the man I had truly fallen in love with. "You'll want to extract your proposal," I said.
He shook his head; his face confused. "What?"
"And it's okay," I whispered.
"Wait," Matt grabbed my hand. "Why would you say that?"
I offered him my kindest smile filled, hopefully, with all the love I felt for him. "Because today isn't your someday."
Dropping his hand I opened the huge door and walked through. I knew I wasn't alone, seeing as that the large weight never slammed behind me.
I stared at the strong little girl sitting on the bed. Holding her stuffed animal, Amber stared out the window at the twinkling lights of a city that made millions of dreams come true.
Her small face turned and stared at me. "You look really pretty, Star."
I smiled. "So do you, kiddo."
Pulling up a chair, I sat down across from her and took her hands in mine. "You were extraordinary on that stage tonight."
"They didn't want me," her voice was so small, so filled with sadness and pain.
Taking a deep breath, I glanced back at the one man who I would always remember as the love of my life, and then looked away. "Actually, Amber…this is all my fault."
Her blue eyes stared into mine. "What?"
My heart was heavy, wishing that I could somehow be given psychic powers to make sure I wasn't about to completely ruin this amazing child's life. "I didn't want the Prescott's to have you."
I heard a small gasp come from Nicole and I glanced back, begging her with my gaze to keep quiet.
"Huh?" Amber sat up straight, not knowing, I suppose, whether or not to hit me for taking away her chance at a normal life.
"Amber…I want you. I want to be your mother."
Her eyes grew wide.
"I mean, when I think about it, I always have. You make me laugh, we're already friends…Amber, you make my whole life brighter. I didn't want you to become a Prescott, I want you to become a Carrier."
"What?" Tears started raining down her cheeks and I reached out for her, trying to avoid the sniffles and gasps of surprise echoing in the room. "Really?"
"I was scared to ask you, Amber. I thought it was unfair of me to adopt you because…well, you deserve a Mom and a Dad. You deserve that perfect family, and I'm just me."
The little body sat up on her knees; her watery gaze never left mine.
"I don't want you to call me Star anymore, Amber. I want you to call me Mom."
The force was so strong that I felt the chair rock backwards, almost sending us both to the floor when Amber threw herself into my arms and wrapped her hands so tight around my neck that I could barely breathe.
"Can I call you Mommy instead?" she whispered.
My heart was so full of love for this child I couldn't even see straight. Even though the pain was there—the hurt that came from knowing I had destroyed my shot at becoming Mrs. McKenna—I knew I could handle all of that later. Right now I had a daughter, and that's all that mattered.
"Mommy's okay by me."
~ His ~
As I stood there watching the two most beautiful girls I'd ever seen make a lifelong vow to each other, I could barely breathe.
Nicole was crying into Ken's chest, as the big man simply nodded his head and offered a smile at the work of art before him.
Chris was standing on his tip-toes, moving slightly from side to side. I could feel the energy inside him. He wanted nothing more than to run across the floor, toss himself at both of them and create a big bear hug that would last forever.
And Bobby…was looking at me. Our gazes locked and I simply waited, as if he was about to either beat the crap out of me, or sit me down and give me a good talking to. I knew what he was thinking, probably the same thing I was thinking. Beth was no longer a lone soul. She had made the decision to become a duet, and I…I just didn't know if I was ready. I had no experience with children. I mean, I was an only child; I didn't have the type of world where kids were around, except in my work. But even they weren't kids; they were teens and twenty-something's. I wasn't sure if I was father material—at least right now.
My brain was screaming so many directions at me I couldn't even think. I looked at Beth and just knew. I knew the minute I sat at that table and spoke to her. I knew when we watched sports, laughed, talked, whispered, made love—everything about her was the one. But a child? This would be a huge responsibility, especially for two people who'd only known each other for such a short amount of time.
I felt sick. It was as if real life suddenly had the nerve to intrude on this absolute perfect fantasy I'd been living. Decisions, real decisions that would affect this child's life had to be made. And…I did not want to hurt Amber by bei
ng a bad father.
I looked down at the floor. Beth had given me the 'out'—this wasn't my someday and she knew it. As she looked at the rest of us, Beth offered me a nod and a stunning smile, as if she was forgiving me and letting me—no, telling me—to go. There was sadness in her eyes, but no regret. This time, the woman who needed all the exits, had locked herself into a situation that she did not want to run from. This time, she'd given the exit to me.
I was so confused. A conundrum to top them all. What should I do? I loved her, that was a given. I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life learning about every single facet of the woman before me. And I wanted so much to be a father and have that family unit in the next ten years. But to take that step now, knowing that I may not be what was best for Amber…my breath caught in my chest, knowing that I had to walk away.
I know. It sounds awful—it felt awful. I looked at Beth and felt the tears roll down my cheeks. All I needed to do was take one step forward, but instead I went in the opposite direction.
Looking at Bobby, he simply nodded, as if forgiving me the biggest trespass I could've possibly made against his best friend.
~ Hers ~
I watched the man of my dreams walk. And, no, I didn't blame him. There was no anger or resentment. Matt was the one. I had waited a good, long time to have that man appear in my life just to have it turn out to be the wrong time. He deserved his someday, and it wasn't the same as mine.
Amber was clutching me as if I were a life preserver in a hurricane. I could feel the love come from her and spark my heart.
Amber and I were the right match at the right time.
Thirty-Eight
~ His ~
My house looked strange. Hell, California looked strange. Waking up in the morning, having the sun shining through the windows of my house, letting me know I was back among the people I knew and the work I loved…everything should've felt perfect.
Maybe the routine would help; coffee, a five-mile jog, catch up with crew and see how everyone was—the 'norm' is what I needed in order to get back on track.
Flying home with Chance sitting next to me remaining completely silent had been weird. Especially when I had planned to have Beth with me as we talked about the next fifty years ahead. I was supposed to have been exhilarated, knowing that I would soon introduce Beth to my parents; the couple who truly wanted me to find the 'one' and start that family. I was going to show her Hollywood, have some fun, see if she could adapt to my world out there—already knowing she could because she was Beth…and she loved me.
Getting off the plane, going home, I honestly fell into bed the second the taxi dropped me off and drove away down my private, tree-shaded drive. I was so tired and so let down—by me, not by anyone else—that I slept forever, ignoring the annoying cell phone and the knocks that periodically came at the door.
Today, I saw Rebecca's number; I heard the messages she left, and how she forgave me for my 'silly time.' She said she'd come back over and we could forget the whole thing as soon as I returned her message. I didn't.
Putting on the requisite uniform of shorts and t-shirt, I began my jog. Putting the buds in my ears, I hit Coldplay first. Maybe that would calm me down, ground me and remind me of what my focus was before this whole dream occurred.
I raced by the beauties and, yes, California is stocked full of them. I got the waves, the looks of recognition, because somewhere in the back of their minds they knew my character, but I raced on. I had no desire to sign autographs or paste a smile on my face that I just didn't feel.
But I had done the job. Calling my agent, he briefed me on everything I needed to know that was coming up—after chastising me for simply vanishing from his sight for so long. I learned of the red carpet coming up, the interviews necessary and what was expected of me, and I got everything in order inside my head. I knew Europe was in the near future. I knew that soon I could escape this life for the opening of a movie, while working on the songs that were swimming inside my head. There were a ton of them now. In fact, I could write an album in less than a day.
I found myself in front of Chance's house, smiling at the wooden boards scattered around. They sat there for those off-the-cuff moments that might come upon us as we reverted back to childhood and began to practice 'moves' like we did when we were teens.
I must've stood and stared for a while, because the door opened and Chance stepped out on the porch with a cup of coffee in his hand. He held it out to me. "Comin' in?"
I nodded, sighing as I walked into a house that I was certainly more than comfortable in, yet I still felt like I was a stranger in my own world.
Chance sat down in the recliner as I took a seat on the couch. I practically dropped into it, feeling as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
"How you holdin' up?"
I shrugged. "Fine. Headed to London next week."
He nodded. "Well, you like it there."
"True."
"Did you call Rebecca?"
I shook my head strongly. "And I won't. That's over. She showed her true colors in about a second-and-a-half. I should feel bad but, I just can't."
"I wouldn't. She's just one of those carpetbaggers anyway. Wants your arm to pose on, nothing more, and you deserve better."
I looked up at him, as if he'd suddenly changed from a fun, kind friend to some old, wizened sage who had all the answers. "I did have better."
Chance kept his gaze locked with mine.
I nodded. "Go ahead. Say it."
Sitting back in the chair, Chance sighed. "From what you told me, even with what little time was spent with her, you had more than better, bud. Sorry about that."
I closed my eyes, trying not to let any tears escape. I was afraid that if it began, the breakdown would never stop. "I had the best."
"Most likely."
"I don't know how to be a father."
Chance remained silent.
"I mean it. I have a great one but, I don't know if I'm a traditionalist, or what, but…" I looked up at his serious expression. "You find the one, you get to know each other, get married, then—down the road a bit—you think about starting a family. You know…after you're absolutely sure that you're with the right one and everything will last."
"Okay." He sat up and lit a cigarette. "First, there's no way you're dumb enough to look at me and say marriage would come with a guarantee when you know that things spin on a dime. You've moved women into your house and, even though you KNEW you were in love with them, found out they weren't the one for whatever reason. Again, no guarantee."
"Right," I said. "You learn, and then if it doesn't work it ends."
"You bought Beth a ring."
I swallowed hard.
"So I have to ask, why would you have committed to that one woman after only a couple of weeks with no guarantee?"
I felt like a truck was parked on my chest. "Because, Beth's…"
"The one," Chance finished my sentence. "You don't need a guarantee with her because you already know she's it."
I sighed.
Chance smiled. "Your circle of friends aren't perfect, man. You've seen break-ups, divorces, and bad times. I mean, shit! I know you're one of those romantic dudes, and all—but Mom, Dad, two-point-three kids, a two-car garage, a dog named Rover? You don't even want that! You want a love that will still allow you the full career and give you the family too. You want a woman who sparks your interest—constantly. Intriguing, someone who fascinates you, but with such a huge heart that you know she wants you and only you. You've always had to have that connection, man. And no matter what you say to me about your exes, you never had that connection before. You like your independence and you want them to have theirs, BUT you've also been trying forever to find the one who you cannot spend a single night away from because you need her."
My chest was absolutely constricted the more he looked into my head and told me what I already knew.
"Beth Carrier is that woman. If you thin
k you can simply sit back and play through like you have before, you're nuts. If you figure it'll be tough for a time, but then the job, movies, shows, music—all of that will just snap you out of it and Beth will become nothing more than a really nice memory in your head, you're out of your mind."
I stared into the coffee cup. "It's worked before."
"Yup." Chance nodded. "Sure has. But it won't with this one. This was the best couple weeks of your entire life, and that includes anything that's happened in your career."
"And what about the fact that I'm not ready to be a dad?"
Chance's voice turned wistful. "Man, I'm thirty-five. I'm still young enough to find the one to start the family with. But I have to tell you, no matter when I hopefully find her—the woman who I knew was the soul I had to have by my side forever—I wouldn't give a shit if she already had three children. All that means is Fate believes I would be a good dad, and I would make sure I was."
"But what if you weren't? What if you didn't know the answers, or—"
Chance burst into laughter. "Oh, come on. Who the hell is ready to be a parent? No one. Everybody makes this shit up as they go and you know it. My dad's hysterical, but it was my mom who did most of the hard work. Dad taught me stuff about bikes, sports, life and answered all the girl/sex questions I had, but everyone knows for the real info you go straight to Mom."
I smiled, knowing Chance was right.
"What makes your dad great?" he asked.
"He's a real man—a gentleman. He works his butt off helping others, loves his job, loves Mom, loves me…"
"Okay. So, you're a gentleman, you work your butt off, you do help your friends and are kind to other people. By the way, if you tell anyone I said this I will kick your ass." Chance laughed. "You love your career, you strive to be better, and you are head-over-heels in love with Beth Carrier. So the only question that remains is, do you think you can love Amber?"
"It's not that easy."
