He nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s far different from how I was raised. My parents gave me pretty much everything I ever wanted, much less needed.”
She put together a few things he’d said, and guessed quietly, “Except for their time?”
“Yeah.”
Poor little rich boy. She’d had the better childhood. She’d been loved, listened to, supported, taught important values. Those things counted far more than wealth. And she had to wonder what kind of grandparents his parents would be.
“Well, anyhow,” he was saying, “I didn’t pay anything toward my university education. My parents even bought me that condo. The only condition was that I maintain an A average.”
Sidetracked, she said, “You had an A average? I never got the impression you took school all that seriously.” She herself had struggled to maintain a B.
He shrugged. “I do well at subjects that interest me. Besides, I wasn’t holding down a part-time job. Do you know, my very first ‘employment’ was as an unpaid intern at an architecture firm, to make sure I was choosing the right career path?”
“I don’t want Cole’s life to be like that.” Michael opened his mouth but she held up a hand, stopping him. “I admit that you seem to have turned out pretty well, okay? But I’ve seen some of Cole’s classmates and they’re spoiled, entitled, pain-in-the-ass brats.”
“Cole sure isn’t.” He smiled a little. “And you’ll tell me that’s because of your philosophy of child rearing.”
“Yes, I will.” She leaned forward, gazing into his eyes. Her annoyance and fear had faded and she felt a little sorry for him. Not to mention, still attracted. But this wasn’t about her feelings; it was about Cole. “So will you agree with me? No spoiling, no competing, no letting him play one parent off against the other?”
“I guess. But how do we define spoiling?”
He really had no notion. “Check with me before making any major purchases or decisions. Like those fancy games and toys today, and the smartphone. You heard me say the other day that he doesn’t need one.”
“Maybe he didn’t, but now I’m in his life. We need to be able to text and call.”
She pressed her lips together. “Okay. I’d probably have said yes to that one.”
They gazed across the table at each other and she gave a smile that quivered slightly. This was the right thing for Cole, but the idea of sharing her boy still hurt. “We can do this. Be his parents. Together.” Life had been so much easier before. It would also be easier now if Michael hadn’t grown up so damned handsome and sexy and nice.
“Together,” he echoed. “Does that mean you’ll consult me?”
“About what?”
“What you said. Major decisions and purchases.”
Her mouth opened on a silent What? That notion had never occurred to her. “You want me to consult you? But I’ve been making decisions about Cole’s life ever since . . . well, ever since I decided not to have an abortion.”
“For which I’m very grateful. And sure, of course you made the decisions. But I’m in his life now. I’m committed to being his dad. You made a big deal about whether I was a responsible person, so doesn’t that mean I should share some of the responsibility for how he grows up?”
No. The flat negative hovered in her mind.
“I can see that doesn’t sit well with you.”
She raised a hand to rub her temple. “He’s been mine for so long. . . .” Her voice wavered, just as her smile had done a minute ago. These few days had, honest to God, been the most stressful ones of her entire life. Her hand rose to finger the seaplane pendant. Thank heaven she was flying this afternoon. Aaron, newly engaged but childless, had taken the morning flight and she’d have the afternoon one. Being in the sky would soothe her frazzled nerves.
Michael rose and came around the table, to crouch beside her chair. “I know this is hard. He’s been yours and you don’t want to share him. Especially with some guy you’ve never even thought of in eight years.”
“That’s about it,” she confessed, feeling selfish and vulnerable.
“We’ll figure it out. Get it in writing, all legal.”
Her body clenched at that word. Michael did have legal rights, he was used to getting his way, and he had the money to hire an excellent lawyer. She might find herself in for a serious battle, maybe even resulting in shared custody. It was unimaginable. Or maybe not so unimaginable, because the very thought brought tears to her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“You want to involve lawyers?” She hiccupped back a sob. “You’re going to sue me for . . . for what?”
“Sue you?” His forehead creased. “Of course not. I just figured that when we agree how we want to do things, we’d put it in writing. Like with all my projects. We have contracts for everything so everyone’s clear on the details.”
“Cole isn’t a p-project.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He sighed and then, as a couple of tears rolled down her cheeks, his eyes softened like melted chocolate. “Aw, Jillian.” He rose, reaching for her hands and pulling her up, too, and then putting his arms around her.
Unable to stop herself, she sank into the embrace of the man who threatened the core of her existence. Burying her face against the shoulder of his Henley, she let the soft cotton absorb a few more tears. “This is so complicated.” Her words came out muffled.
“Let’s try not to make it any more complicated than it has to be. We’ll focus on what’s best for Cole. We’ll keep talking, we’ll be flexible and keep adjusting. How does that sound?”
“Smart, actually,” she said a little grudgingly. It didn’t bother her—not much—that he’d been smarter than her at school, but he had no right to be smarter at parenting. Sniffing back the last tears, she said, “And I’ll try not to feel threatened and defensive.”
His arms tightened around her. “I never want you to feel threatened.”
But she did. And right now it wasn’t as much about her son as how good this embrace felt. She should step back, but instead her hands gripped Michael’s powerful shoulders through the snug-fitting shirt. The scent of cedar made her inhale appreciatively. One day she’d have to find out if that was soap, shampoo, or cologne. For an outdoorsy woman like her, it was certainly an aphrodisiac.
The ever-present buzz of sexual awareness sparked like a lightning bolt, sizzling through her and making her forget her worries. All that existed was her too-long-celibate body and the man she lusted after. When her hips moved forward, his were there to meet them.
She’d only been intimate with two men in the post-Michael years, and the experiences had been unmemorable. This, right now, the simple press of their two clothed bodies, was sexier than actual intercourse with those other guys.
She stared up at him, dazed, lips opening to say something, though she wasn’t sure what. He didn’t give her the chance anyhow, but crushed his own mouth against hers, hard and fierce. She groaned and then his tongue was probing between her lips, tasting her as if she were a delicious feast spread before a starving man.
Years ago, there’d been passion between them, but never this intense. Her fingers flew over his back, clutching, gripping. She reached under the bottom of his Henley and caressed the bare skin of his lower back above the waist of his jeans and—
A knock sounded.
Chapter Fourteen
The rapping barely penetrated Michael’s brain, but Jillian jerked away and then he heard it. His hands and hers tangled briefly in clothing before they managed to pull free of each other.
The knock sounded again, coming not from the door joining her apartment to her parents’ house, but from the outside door of the apartment.
She tugged down her sweater, shot a panicky glance at Michael, and hurried down the short hall. He heard her exchanging Christmas greetings with Jordan’s mom. He’d met Marjorie the other day, when the boy came along with him and Cole to Spirit Bluff Park.
Michael went to the kitch
en sink where he shoved up his sleeves and splashed cold water on his face. Drying off on a hand towel, he heard Marjorie saying she’d come to pick up her son because they were going over to his grandparents’.
“They’re in Mom and Dad’s front room.” Jillian’s voice was higher pitched than usual. “Come on in.”
Michael joined them, exchanging holiday greetings with Marjorie, and went with them to Jillian’s parents’ gift and paper–strewn living room.
When Marjorie told the boys it was time for Jordan to go, they whined. She rolled her eyes and said, “There’ll be more presents at your grandparents’ place,” which had her son scrambling up from the floor.
When the pair had departed, Cole said, “Michael, come play with me.”
Michael glanced at Jillian. Obviously, this wasn’t the time to continue their sexy encounter, and he knew she had a couple of afternoon flights. They’d arranged that he would look after Cole while she was at work and her parents prepared the meal and tidied the house. Later this afternoon, Jillian’s brother and his family would pick up Cole’s great-grandparents and they’d come over for more gift exchanging and to share the turkey dinner.
“You two can take Cole’s new toys and games over to our place,” she said, “and get out of Granny and Gramps’s hair. But first, I need a minute more with Michael.”
Oh yeah, he could use a minute more, though an hour would be even better. But when they returned to the apartment, she didn’t step back into his embrace. Instead, she moved away from him, to stand with her back against the kitchen island. “That can’t happen again.”
“Not when Cole’s around,” he agreed, leaning a hip against the table.
She shook her head. “Not at all. It’s not a good idea.”
It had sure felt good, and he knew he hadn’t been alone in that. “Why not?”
“It would confuse things. You’re here for Cole. This isn’t about us.”
“Can’t we do both?”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“You’re repeating yourself.” Clearly, she felt strongly about this, but he didn’t understand why she thought it was a problem.
“Damn. I can’t think straight.” She rubbed her forehead. “Right, that’s exactly it. When you kiss me, it scrambles my thoughts. I need to be clearheaded and logical, and so do you. We agree that what counts is Cole’s best interests, so—”
“How’s it going to hurt Cole if we kiss and”—he winked—“do what naturally follows?”
“Lust is selfish and it’s distracting. Look what happened the last time we gave in to it.” She waved a hand. “Not that I’d ever wish Cole away, you know that. But we could do something stupid again.”
This felt a whole lot different from university days. “What if it’s not just lust?”
“What?” Her gaze scanned his face, flicked down his body. “But I . . .”
“It feels to me like something more.” Those words—something more—felt a little scary. For his sake, and Jillian’s, he hurried to clarify. “I mean, we’re older now. It takes more than just physical attraction to want to spend time with someone, right? You have to like them, be interested in them, feel some kind of connection.”
“Ri-ight.” She drew the word out, as if considering whether it sounded accurate. “Yes, you no longer leap into bed with someone right away. At least I don’t.” She cocked an eyebrow.
“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t either. It stopped being fun, waking up with some woman I didn’t know.”
“Okay.” Her brow furrowed. “So we like each other. This is a good thing, because it’ll make it easier to be good parents to Cole. But if you and I, uh, dated or whatever, that seems more complicated than dating someone else. Which, for me, is complicated enough. I always have to think how he and Cole would get along, where the relationship might go, how Cole would be affected if it does or doesn’t work.” She gave a dismissive shrug. “It’s easier to not date. Besides, I don’t have time for it.”
She didn’t date? That sounded lonely.
“And if you and I,” she went on, “had some kind of intimate relationship, it could have a negative effect on Cole.”
“In what way?”
She snorted. “Let me count the ways. He could feel shut out. Or, d’you remember what he said when we told him you’re his dad? He jumped to the conclusion that you might move here and we’d get married. We don’t want to reinforce that hope.”
“No, that’s true.” Although, having spent time with his son and with Jillian, he’d felt a real sense of family. More than he did with his parents.
“And intimacy leads to expectations and all sorts of possible conflicts. If our personal relationship tanked—which it’s bound to do—would that lead to disagreements about Cole-related decisions? Would it be harder for all of us if you came to visit?”
“Why are you so sure we’d tank?”
“You live and work in Toronto. I’m here. Long distance relationships are hard. You’d probably want to date when you’re back home.” She frowned. “I wouldn’t like that. If I’m in a relationship, I want exclusivity. I can’t imagine that working for you. Can you?”
He’d been in exclusive relationships, but with women he saw regularly. Not ones who lived so far away, whom he’d only be able to get together with at most a few times a year. “I guess not,” he admitted.
She nodded. “Once emotions are involved, things get really complicated.”
He was growing to hate that word. But he saw her point. “Cole is more important than our attraction to each other,” he said slowly.
The tension in her face relaxed and she smiled. “Yes. So we’ll be friends. Just friends.” The smile faded when she added, “No more kissing.”
“No more kissing,” he echoed regretfully.
She was right, but something inside him ached all the same.
Chapter Fifteen
On Thursday morning, three days after Christmas, Jillian closed the door of the Blue Moon Air office and stood at the top of the ramp that led down to the network of wharves.
The village of Blue Moon Harbor spread along the end of the bay, a few blocks of shops and restaurants that served the fifteen hundred or so locals throughout the year and then geared up for the influx of thousands of summer tourists. The houses and condominiums scattered along the shore on either side of the harbor were owned either by those who’d been lucky enough to purchase them decades ago or by people rich enough to afford waterfront. Knowing just where to look on the west shore, she glimpsed the peaked roof and upstairs bedroom window of her family’s home, which sat across the road from one of those more expensive properties.
On that same shore was a private marina, but here below the village the wharves were working ones. The ferry dock sat at one end, and the other wooden fingers housed commercial fish boats, the pleasure craft of visitors who paid for moorage, and the seaplane dock used by Blue Moon Air and a few off-island airlines that also serviced Destiny Island. Aaron’s blue-and-white de Havilland Beaver and Cessna 180 gleamed in the early morning sunshine.
On this crisp, lovely day, frost rimmed the wood, sparkling like ground-up diamonds in the sun. Dazzling and slippery. Kam Nguyen, the airline’s other employee, would caution the passengers to watch their step. She hoped Cole had warned Michael.
Right now the pair stood beside a fish boat, with Cole pointing and talking excitedly. A true Destiny Islander, her son knew a lot about boats, the ocean, and fishing. No doubt he enjoyed showing off that knowledge to his father. Michael might be a big city architect, but he looked surprisingly outdoorsy and at home here, wearing the jacket and boots her parents had given him. She pulled out her phone and snapped a couple of photos.
Much as Michael might fit in here, she had to remember this wasn’t his home. They had promised to be friends and nothing more, and it was the right decision, for many reasons. Too bad that the more time she spent with him, the more drawn to him she was, even though they took pai
ns to avoid even touching. Last night, eating popcorn and watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone with Cole—a movie they’d all seen several times before—she had so wished that after she and Michael put their son to bed, they’d be going to her bedroom together. Their two kisses had told her that if they had sex, it would be even better than before. That thought was ever-present in her awareness of him.
Her parents had fallen in love at first sight. When Jillian had first seen Michael years ago, it had been lust at first sight but never turned to love. Over the past week, though, her growing feelings for him were stronger than, different from, anything she’d ever experienced. Was she falling in love? That would be so stupid. Even if he might care for her, and obviously did have strong feelings for Cole, he was established in Toronto, loving his career and taking well-justified pride in it. She was just as established here, as was Cole. Not that she could imagine Michael asking them to leave the island and follow him to Toronto.
When she’d said good-bye to him at university, she’d barely felt a pang. Her focus had shifted from lust and the party life to being pregnant and figuring out her future. He’d been just a sexy hookup, easy to leave behind. Now, if they got involved, she could end up with a broken heart. Not to mention how she and Michael might mess things up for Cole. She clicked a final photo and sighed, feeling regret but also a reconfirmed resolve.
Quick but careful steps took her down the skid-stripped ramp and across the frosty wharf to the Beaver. She conducted her preflight inspection, then phoned Kam giving the okay to send passengers down. “Cole!” she called. “Michael! We’re boarding.”
There were three passengers booked on the flight over to Vancouver, and four on the return, plus a tiny baby. With two free seats on the plane, she had asked Aaron for permission to invite her son and his dad along. Michael had expressed an interest in experiencing her world, and Cole loved to go flying. She’d like to remind her boy of that fact before Michael, with those fancy Christmas gifts, convinced him he wanted to be an architect.
Winter Wishes Page 14
