by Kara Liane
“I’m not doing this with you, Everly,” he replied.
“Oh, so we’re using full names now? Okay then, Brenneth, let’s not do this. But you’re the one who came at me,” I fired back.
“You’re not making any sense. Asking you how your day was and being interested in the woman I love is what? A crime? Fuck, sometimes I don’t get how you can be the way you are. You don’t have to go all psychotic on me,” he barked.
That did it! Men should never call a woman psychotic. That just pisses us off even more and amps us up like you wouldn’t believe. He thought I was psycho—I’d show him psycho! But he’d definitely delivered his mark, hitting me right where it bothered me the most. He took me back to my childhood full of abuse, making me feel like I was out of control or had no control at all. I hated feeling like I was crazy, worthless, or unwanted.
“Well, maybe you never understood me at all then. Maybe the honeymoon phase is over,” I said, then swiftly turned because there was no way I was going to let the tears pricking my eyes be made visible to Brent.
On some level, I knew I wasn’t really mad at him. I was just pissy with myself over work and how everything in my life overwhelmed me. Also, on some level, I knew I was being irrational. But when you’re in that moment, you can’t stop yourself or take a step back. I practically ran off to the kitchen to get back to work, wanting to disappear into my column and ignore Brent for a little bit. I figured he’d get the hint and keep to himself for the rest of the night, until I finally came to bed.
When I got to the kitchen, though, I froze at what I saw. Just as I was entering, Maverick jumped up onto the table to get to my uneaten bagel, sitting there on a paper plate. Consequently, he bumped my coffee mug. It was still full of steaming joe. I watched it all happen in slow motion, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. The hot, steaming goodness I usually adore became my worst enemy in an instant. The mug tipped over onto my laptop. I just stood there, horrified.
Maverick ran off with the bagel; I think he knew I was about to explode. If fire wasn’t coming out of my laptop, I’m sure it was coming out of my mouth, nose, and ears. But nothing happened to my computer like I thought it would. There was no exploding battery. Thankfully, I didn’t have the damn thing plugged into an outlet, so there was no smoke. The screen simply went black. I heard a weird sound like the motherboard arcing and frying, and then that was it. I just knew instantly that it was dead. Dead, like my story. Dead, like my heart.
Okay, I’m being dramatic, but motherfucking hell!
I finally started ranting and raving like a lunatic, saying, “No, no, no, no,” over and over again. I paced back and forth in the kitchen. Maverick was hiding somewhere; he was wise to stay away. Brent must have heard the commotion, because he came out of the bedroom. He looked at me, then looked at the mess of coffee everywhere on the table and floor. He wore a matching shocked expression to mine.
“What happened?” he asked.
“You can’t tell, genius? Your damn dog fried my computer!” My voice was shrill and my tongue was abusive. “You just don’t fucking care because it wasn’t your computer. And you don’t care because it’s your damn dog,” I accused.
“Calm down. Jesus. We’ll figure this out. You know he didn’t mean to do it; he’s just a dog. I’ll buy you a new one. I’m sorry it happened. All right?” He was pleading with me.
I got real quiet. And when you get real quiet and are no longer at that yelling stage, you head into the scary stage. I put my hands on my hips and stared up at the ceiling. I so wanted to hurt him—or something—in some way. Maybe I did need to calm down, but it’s hard when you’re so fired up. It’s hard to reason with someone when they’re in the state I was currently in. I probably needed to get out of the apartment and go for a drive. But Brent didn’t give me the chance or space. I knew I shouldn’t blame him, but . . .
“I know you’re upset. I get it, but put this into perspective. No one was hurt. The laptop can be replaced, and I can clean up the mess. If you get this upset over a simple accident, how are you going to be if we have kids and they make a mess?” he asked sincerely.
“Are you fucking kidding me with that question? I can’t even talk to you right now. You are so out in left field! How the hell do you even think this is insignificant? My work was on there! I didn’t back up what I was working on because I never thought your damn dog would do what he just did. As far as the kid comment—fuck you!”
I was seething by that point. And even though I didn’t mean it, I figured it was go big or go home. So I broke the back of the camel with the final straw: “Well, we aren’t having kids, so it doesn’t matter. Because I’d never have them with you!”
You could have heard a pin drop. Brent just stood there, not even reacting. I could feel the hurt, anger, frustration, and surprise rolling off him, though. I knew saying I didn’t want kids with him was not the best thing to say, but we had never talked about them, and I didn’t want them anytime soon. I really had to believe he didn’t want them anytime soon either. But that’s not what I said, obviously.
“Everly, I think we need some time to cool off. I’m going to go crash somewhere else tonight. Let me know when you’re ready to talk,” he stated. He walked off to the bedroom.
A few minutes later, he came back out with a bag in hand. He grabbed Maverick’s leash and yelled for him. Maverick slinked past me. I felt more than guilty. Brent didn’t say anything as he walked out the door. I didn’t say anything either, and I certainly didn’t try to stop him.
I instantly knew I had been a fool. But it all happened so fast. I regretted what I said, but I didn’t feel like telling him that yet. I ended up cleaning up the coffee mess while Pussy sat there giving me the evil eye and judging the hell out of me. I figured she was mad that both dog and man had left us. I told her to get over it and threw a dirty paper towel in her direction. She stretched and walked off, going at her own pace, showing me that no one was going to run her off. Message received, Pussy!
I put my laptop in the stainless-steel sink to let it drain. I’d take it to one of the tech guys at work the next day and see what they could do. Despite it being a Saturday, one or two of them would be milling around—the news does not sleep on the weekend. If it caught on fire during the night . . . well, at least it was in a metal enclosure.
I grabbed a notebook from my shelf and made myself a new cup of coffee. I trudged off to bed, alone. Alone. Fuck, I’m alone again! Temporarily, but it still felt wrong. I definitely had a case of self-loathing now. And okay, I admit I was a little psycho during that whole argument. I sighed loudly. I’d make it right with Brent somehow. I stayed up for a little bit, trying to jot down in my notebook some of the ideas I had on my computer. I finally laid the pen and paper down and settled into a restless sleep that gave me some awful nightmares about happily never afters.
Brenneth
I was lying on the bed in my parents’ guestroom. Maverick was on the floor next to me, and he seemed to be sad too about what had transpired. My parents didn’t ask what happened, and I told them it was just for one night. I appreciated that they didn’t pry, speculate, or judge.
I get that Ev’s work is her life. Now that I’ve had time to reflect, I understand that’s all she’s had and known over the years. I knew once she cooled off, things would be fine. I could recognize that she was under a lot of stress and pressure too. This relationship stuff was complicated, but I was more than willing to keep working at it. I shouldn’t have expected things to be perfect anyway. We were going to have disagreements; we were going to have blowups.
The kid thing hurt, though. It’s not as if I wanted them right away; it’s just that she had closed a door on a future before we even discussed it. She made a decision for us that was not hers to make. We’d have to revisit that subject for sure. The argument was also reminiscent of something Alexi and Caylan went through. So I was praying there was hope for us. They had been able to work it out—so could we.
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I felt marginally better once I had those realizations, and then I tried to fall asleep. Before I drifted off, though, I couldn’t help but feel how much it sucked to not be with her. I had gotten too used to it. Too used to spooning. Too used to her sounds, too used to her body heat, and too used to making love each night that we could.
Everly definitely needed protection—from herself. I would have to tell her that, but I knew reality often doesn’t feel good going down, so she’d have to swallow it for “us” to work. She was her own worst enemy sometimes. Ev had said before that she thought she was too much work for me to take on because of her past, but I didn’t believe that. We just needed to keep giving “us” a chance and continue to progress. I realized I didn’t fare well without her.
Chapter 24: Falling Down the Stairs
Brenneth
It was Saturday afternoon, and I decided that since Ev hadn’t called, texted, or come to find me, well, I’d go after her. I was a big boy. I could swallow the morning-after pill. Shit, that sounded creepy, fucked-up, and weird. I just meant swallow the bitterness pill the morning after a fight; ya know, about being the one to crack first. Well, anyways, I’d look at this like a victory for both of us. She was still a prize that I was getting, and I was doing the noble thing by making up with her first. I’ve had some friends tell me make-up sex is hot, so I was looking forward to that too.
I went to our apartment first. She wasn’t there, which was no surprise. I figured she had work to do. I had left Maverick with my parents, just in case there was no make-up sex. Of course, I wasn’t worried that we’d never make up, but I didn’t have the warm-and-fuzzies yet. We still had to work through some shit. And, well, that had been a nasty fight. I didn’t want to press my luck with the dog—it could make it look like I was coming back no matter what, when really I didn’t yet know what was what.
I went over and greeted Pussy, who was sunbathing in the living room window. At first she ignored me, but eventually I got her to purr like a car engine revving up. It helped that I apologized profusely for my egregious misconduct of having left her without saying goodbye. She eventually forgave me, and all was well in Pussy world.
As I looked around, I realized Ev had cleaned up the mess from the spill. I felt a twinge of guilt assail me about what had happened. I didn’t see her laptop anywhere, so I wondered if she had gone to try and get it fixed. Being the smart guy I am, I also deduced that she had probably gone into the office. I know how she gets when she’s working on something, and she probably didn’t feel comfortable being home, for obvious reasons.
After I assured the cat that I’d be back, I decided to head to a tech store and buy Ev a replacement laptop. Even if she was by some miracle able to salvage her other one, it was old anyway. Now that I had money free to use at my disposal, well, my first order of business was to spend a little on her. And then I’d spend a lot on us.
I was definitely going to talk to her about moving and buying a place as soon as we settled things. If she wasn’t comfortable with buying it with me, then I wouldn’t pressure her. Things were happening fast, but I didn’t see the point in renting anymore when I could put that money toward equity in a home; it just made more sense, and it was time I made my homestead.
I didn’t care if she wanted to buy in Pennsylvania or New Jersey; either would be fine. I also wasn’t worried about getting stationed somewhere else; with just four years to go, it wasn’t likely they’d move me again. The general consensus around the base, even though I don’t agree with it, is that people were wanting to get out of Jersey, certainly not the other way around. I thought it was safe to say I’d be fine until retirement.
After visiting Best Buy, and with a new shiny laptop in hand, I headed over to her office. I must say I also had a confident walk about me, thinking how my future was set. I walked into Ev’s building with a smile, hard on, and a sense of peace. My erection deflated just a few steps into the place, though. I cringed thinking about how it was Stuart’s dad’s building—whereby the dickhead would probably someday inherit it. I decided to use another military acronym to perfectly define the situation, which is FIDO—fuck it, drive on. I needed to FIDO just then, because nothing was going to stand in the way of our happiness.
Everly
I had taken my time getting into the office that morning because I was still sleep-deprived from the night before, and also in a sour mood because of what had happened. Dozens of times I had picked up my cell to call Brent, and dozens of times I had put the phone down rather roughly on my nightstand. I even thought of texting him, with the same result. I felt lucky I restrained myself from smashing the screen; I don’t think even shatter-proof screen protectors could save me from my own temper. I guess I could have gone over to talk to him in person, but I wasn’t sure where he was staying. I figured he was at his sister’s place or with his parents. Either way, I’d decided to go talk to him after I finished up things at the office.
I felt slightly bad as I was leaving that morning, because Pussy was in an even fouler mood than I was. I had to get out of the place once I finally showered and packed up my soiled laptop. It never caught fire, thankfully, but it was still leaking coffee when I packed it up. One of the techies at work, named Kevin, said it was not salvageable. I expected that assessment, but it still sucked. He explained that I did in fact fry the motherboard. Well, that was that.
Luckily, he had a spare he could lend me until I got another. We weren’t provided with laptops, but that was okay because I could write it off on my taxes anyway. I certainly couldn’t spring for anything fancy, but I’d get something decent. Brent was sweet to offer to buy me a replacement, but I couldn’t let him do that. Not only did I need to apologize to the man, but I also owed Maverick some belly rubs and sorries.
I pulled my notebook out of my bag, then transferred all my thoughts from the paper version and typed them into the loaner laptop. Kevin had also given me an external hard drive to use for the time being, so I could start backing everything up. He encouraged me to back up to a remote site as well, so that was yet another thing I would have to add to my to-do list once I got a new computer. I typed away for a while, finally finding my rhythm. As I’ve said, when I get lost in writing, I get lost in time. Before I knew it, it was early evening. It would be dark soon, and I was ready to get home to Brent—or to find him, I should say.
I put my hands behind my back to stretch its lower half. Of course, that move sent my breasts thrusting forward, but I didn’t care because I was alone and not showing off for anyone. Kevin had been the last one to leave, and that was probably hours ago. At least I thought I was alone. I heard someone clear his throat. I jumped in my seat, startled, then stood up abruptly. I turned around. There, directly behind me, was my new boss. I placed my hand over my frantic, beating heart, willing it to calm and slow.
“Jesus, Stuart, you nearly had me jumping out of my skin. I had no idea anyone else was even here,” I said while still pressing my hand against my chest.
That move turned out to be a bad idea, because it took Stuart’s eyes right there. His attention was ensnared by the action. As soon as I noticed that, I quickly removed my hand and placed it at my side. I shook my head to clear it. He hadn’t said anything yet.
He looked different somehow . . . then I put my finger on it. He was casually dressed. He had been wearing suits since the takeover. I liked the jeans look better, because it reminded me of the way he used to be. Although, I didn’t want him to completely return to being the old Stuart, because that also came with stalker texting tendencies.
I too was casually dressed in skinny jeans, Converse sneakers, and a light sweater that had a sweetheart neckline. I loved that pink sweater. Okay, I said it. I like pink, but truthfully that was the only pink thing I owned. Caylan had better not get any ideas about borrowing it if she ever sees it. Anyway, I thought I looked okay, but it’s not like I was trying to impress anybody. I was still bummed about the fight. And I definitely had not
expected to run into my new boss.
“I’m sorry I scared you, Everly. I didn’t mean to. I came in a few hours ago just as Kevin was leaving, but you were deep into it. I know better than to interrupt your flow. So I went into my office and did some work. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving you here all alone. It will be dark soon. When I heard your fingers stop pecking away at the keyboard, I figured you were either taking a break or done for the night. So I thought I’d come say hi. And just so you know, I plan on doing a full security upgrade to the building to ensure the safety of my employees. Well, really I have lots of plans, Everly. And you’ll be included in some of those plans,” he explained while looking deeply into my eyes.
Many thoughts started swirling around in my head after I processed what had just come out of his mouth. First, I couldn’t believe he got it about the way I liked to work, yet I felt last night that Brent hadn’t. Second, I couldn’t understand why he was going into protective mode on me. Third, I was shocked he had all these so-called plans for the newspaper. It made me think he really was the man for the job and was very much invested in the future of our publication. Lastly, I had no idea what to make of the “plans” he was referring to with regard to me. I didn’t know if that was a creepy remark, a very genuine one in terms of my work, or some kind of innuendo. Me being the person I am . . . well, you know, I had to ask.
“What’s that supposed to mean? What ‘plans’ do you have for me?” I questioned, using air quotes, even though I hated when girls did that.
He smiled one of those big, boyish, movie-star grins. I admit I melted a little bit. God, he could be so cute sometimes. But I was committed to Brent, so there was never a worry I’d succumb to Stuart’s charm.
