“It’s all right. You’re all right.” Hope’s voice was soft and sure, her hand was stroking over my hair, and she was kissing my cheeks, my eyelids. Kissing the tears away, taking them into herself. Sharing my pain, accepting my burden, letting me know that she would help me carry it. Now and forever.
I’d always been alone. I’d known that was the way it had to be. But I wasn’t alone anymore.
I’d have died for Hope. I knew it as deeply and as surely as I’d ever known anything. I’d have killed for her, too. I’d have done anything it took to keep her safe.
But the thing I’d never expected, that I’d never dreamed could be possible . . .
She’d have done the same for me.
Hemi
Anybody would have thought that I’d have flown back to New York with Hope at my side. I know I’d thought it. The only problem was, she wouldn’t go.
“Too bloody right I don’t understand,” I said. We were driving to Katikati the next morning, and nobody could have called me cool today. “You said I didn’t share. I’ve shared now, and you can’t say I haven’t. You said you weren’t strong enough to stand up to me, that I wanted to keep you weak. Here you are, though, driving to Auckland and driving us home, and here I am in the bloody passenger seat letting you do it. There you were last night as well. All of that.”
I didn’t go into detail, because some of those details were more than embarrassing to recall. A general summation would have to do. “You can’t tell me now that you don’t know you’re strong enough. You have to know I realize you are. You know you’ve got me wrapped around your finger, too. Ask Koro if you doubt it. I know he’d be happy to tell you. So why the hell not? What in the world are you waiting for? What are you making me wait for?”
“You’re yelling,” she said, her hands tightening on the wheel.
That brought me up short. I didn’t yell. Well, maybe.
“Right,” I said after a moment and a couple deep breaths. “I’ve stopped. Why not?”
Her eyes didn’t leave the road. “I love you more than ever, and you know that. But I told Sonya I’d stay at least three more weeks.”
“Bugger Sonya.”
“Best boss I’ve ever had. The most confidence I’ve ever had, too. And, yes, I know I’m a waitress, but you have to start somewhere. I know Karen needs me, too, but . . .”
“No,” I was forced to admit, “I don’t think so, not in the way you think. Could be good for her to be without you for a few weeks. Takes you for granted, doesn’t she. Besides, she needs to know she can count on me, and listen to me, too. I’m tougher than you are, and she needs that. You may be good at holding my feet to the fire. You aren’t good at holding hers.”
She took a moment to answer. “I’m going to concede that you could be right. And, yes, I get that this is what you were saying not very long ago. That I needed to let go of some of that control myself and learn to rely on somebody else. You aren’t the only one with those issues. That’s what I’ve learned, maybe. Or at least I’m learning it. Not easy to change. We both know that. That’s why I’m here working on it. But there’s Koro, too.”
I didn’t answer, because I didn’t have an answer to that, and after a minute, she went on. “He’s old, Hemi. I know he seems so strong, but he’s not going to be around forever.”
“I know that.” I debated telling her that she could overtake the tourist driver ahead of us, then abandoned the idea. Why, so we could get home two minutes faster, and I could leave her two minutes sooner? “But you aren’t the only one who can look after him, and I need you, too.”
She didn’t seem to realize the immensity of that statement, because all she said was, “And I need you. And, yes, I know I’m not the only one available to help him—far from it—and I’m not part of your family yet. But with me, don’t you see—he feels useful. He’s helping me, and he knows it. He’s a teacher, and a mentor, and a . . . privilege.”
“You were born to be Maori. You do realize that.”
That surprised a laugh from her. “What?”
“Only a Maori would say that looking after her granddad was a privilege. A pakeha? No.”
“Maybe you just haven’t known any pakeha well enough.”
“Could be.” I was losing, I could tell. “But using Koro? And you say I play dirty.”
She sobered. “I’m not playing. And if you told me it was do or die, that I had to come home or forget it, I’d do it, even though I’d know I shouldn’t. I hope you won’t tell me that. It’s a few more weeks, and then Koro gets his cast off, and I’ll know I did everything I could and so did you, and I’ll come home. Besides, I just keep feeling that it’s . . . right. That it’s necessary.”
It wasn’t defeat, I told myself. It was just a change of tactics. “Then I’ll see you when I come back for the divorce. Only about two weeks to go, and this time, I’m going to be there to watch it happen. To make sure it happens.”
“I’d say that’s a great idea.” She was clearly relieved to be moving on. “And I’ll also say that I’ll be counting the days until then.”
“I’d like you to go with me.” Something I wouldn’t have said a week ago. Something I wouldn’t even have thought. I’d wanted to keep everything to do with Anika in that locked box, but like it or not, the box was open. Time to face it.
Hope took her eyes off the road for a split second, then hastily resumed her laser focus on the sparse traffic. “Really? Oh, wait, this is some more of my negotiation practice. Here I go, then. I’d love to be there with you. I’d love to watch your marriage end and help you put the ‘Done’ stamp on it. And if Anika shows up, I’d especially love it. You might have to hold me back, though, because I could jump her. Fair warning.”
“Like I said. Born to be Maori.”
All too soon, I was on the jet with Karen, trying to move on from thoughts of Hope and Koro, from the way Hope had kissed me goodbye and how she’d clung to me for those final seconds.
That was enough of that. I needed to get stuck into my work now, but I had something else to do first. Multitasking wasn’t my best skill, but it was time I started developing it.
Karen was stretched out on a couch in the rear of the jet, watching a movie. When I stood over her and tapped my own ear, she paused the film, tugged her headphones off, and swung herself up to sit. “What?”
I sat down at the other end of the couch. “Ground rules.”
She heaved a sigh. “How did I guess. Chastity belts are illegal, you know.”
“Since you’ve gone straight there,” I said, “what’s important isn’t whether or not you have sex. It’s whether you’re safe doing it. In all ways.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Yeah, right. You hate the whole idea. So does Hope. There is nothing morally superior about virginity. That’s paternalism.”
I chose to leave the lofty debate for another time. When Hope was here to have it, preferably. “Reckon we’d better talk about birth control and STDs as well, then,” I said instead, going for the part I had some expertise in, “because if you’re counting on him to take care of those things, you’re counting wrong. Condoms.”
“Great.” She’d wrapped her arms around herself. Not as confident as she wanted me to believe. I knew all about that, too. “How about embarrassing me a little more?”
Seemed I hadn’t forgotten everything about being sixteen after all. “If you’re too embarrassed to say the word ‘condom,’ or to buy them, or to discuss them with him beforehand, you’re not ready to have sex, full stop. And if he says he won’t wear one, run away. Which would lead to the point. What we hate is you doing something you’re not ready for, or feeling pressured to do it.”
Geez, I sounded like a dad. Not like my dad, of course. Somebody else’s.
“Maybe I’d be pressuring him,” she said. “Did you think of that?”
“How would that be any better?”
That one took her aback, I saw with satisfaction. She finally rallied enough to
ask, “Did you win the gold medal in Debate Club or what?”
“More or less. Right, then. Concrete details. You want to go out with somebody? Hope says you’re allowed, and it’s her call. A group thing, or a date.”
“Nobody has a date anymore. You just go out.”
“Fine. You go out. I want you to bring him to meet me first, Charles will be driving you, and you’re to tell Inez or me where you’re going and what you’re doing.”
She snorted. “Wow, how spontaneous can you get?”
I didn’t smile, but I came close. “Not spontaneous at all. Three more years, though, and you’ll be at University. Something to cling to, eh. Meanwhile, you can take it or leave it.”
Her eyes definitely rolled. “What a hard choice.”
“On to something you’ll like better, then. You’ve never had your friends at the apartment. You’re free to do that, you know. It’s your house, too. A girlfriend to . . . sleep over, or whatever you call it. Friends after school. All of that.” At home, where Inez or I would be around.
I got some serious side-eye. “You sure about that? They could eat on the coffee table, you know. They could turn up the volume on the TV. They could take off their shoes in an unapproved area. All sorts of evil deeds.”
“They could. And as you’d be the hostess, I imagine you’d like to make sure the state of your room doesn’t embarrass you, and that you clean up after your guests and help make them comfortable. More Maori rules for you. Hospitality, and the state of your home when you offer it. Most people are more comfortable knowing what the rules are, too. And do not tell me Inez can do the cleaning up,” I added. “It’s not her job.”
“Hey. I’m not the one with servants. I’m not the rich person.”
“No, you’re just the one who was acting like it until you went to help Koro and looked after him so well. I’m thinking that could’ve felt better to you and made you feel more at home there, but you tell me.”
She was silent for so long, I thought she was going to give me the cold shoulder entirely. Finally, she said, “I get why you’re so good at business and everything. What am I supposed to say?”
I smiled. That was enough of that. “Want a secret for when you’ll be making your way to the top?”
“Well, yeah. Obviously.”
“You don’t have to get the other person to say that you’re right and they’re wrong. You don’t even have to get them to admit it to themselves. Nobody wants to lose face like that. You just have to get them to do what you think is best.”
She considered that. “Huh. Kind of manipulative.”
“You could say that, or you could call it human nature. Besides, you aren’t going to be focusing on what you want personally. It’s not about you, it’s about the best outcome, and that may not even be an idea you came up with. Could be somebody else’s idea entirely, in fact. Take what I just said. Some of that came from Hope, some from Inez, and some from me. And where were we all trying to get? Not to have you cleaning up after yourself, because Inez could do that. She could do it more easily than we’ll be able to get you to do it. So why should we bother at all? We’re trying to keep you taking responsibility, to be somebody who cares about other people and what they need. We’re trying to help you succeed. Business, friends, life. Everywhere. The rules aren’t that different, eh. Something to consider.”
“You know,” she said, “I’m carefully not mentioning, while you’re giving me all this life advice, that Hope ran away from you, and that she’s still gone. I mean, you’re great at business, sure, but otherwise? That all sounds super wise, like something Koro would say, or maybe Hope, but, you know . . . it’s you.”
“Ah. Well. Call it my own lifelong learning.” I stood up again. “I’m going to be working. If you want a snack or help getting your bed ready, ask Annette.”
“Fine.” She bounced straight back, as usual. “But maybe my lessons on not being an entitled rich person shouldn’t come from somebody with a personal flight attendant. I’m just saying.”
“I’m entitled to a flight attendant. I pay her wages.” I gave her hair a rumple. “I’m not entitled to think I’m better than my flight attendant because she works for me. There you are. Two lessons in one day. Just imagine how much you’ll learn after a few weeks of this.”
“Plus,” she said, “LASIK. Tomorrow, I stop being blind.”
Of course, it took me about twenty-four hours to stuff up.
I’d scheduled a session in the gym with Eugene for the next day. It had been a week since I’d worked out, and I was sure I’d be hearing from him. I just hadn’t anticipated what I’d be hearing from him.
He walked into my home gym at eight that evening, dropped his bag, looked me over with the critical eye I’d fully expected, and asked, “What’s goin’ on out there with Karen? She’s been crying for sure, and that ain’t like her. Hope didn’t come home with you two? Why not? Don’t tell me you screwed up again there.”
What had that taken? Five seconds? “Nothing’s wrong with her, and she’s not crying.” I was on the bike already, warming up. “She had laser surgery on her eyes today, and they’re irritated. They’ll be better tomorrow. And Hope’s staying with my grandfather for a few more weeks, helping out there. And before you ask—the two of us are all good.” I wasn’t going to share the state of my heart with the whole bloody world. I’d told Hope, and I’d told Koro. Two more people than I normally confided in, and two were enough.
“Huh.” Eugene’s weathered face looked even more skeptical than usual, but he pulled out his clipboard and started shuffling pages. “Well, all I got to say is, maybe that surgery was a big deal and maybe it wasn’t, but it must’ve scared Karen good, ’cause I sure never seen her like that. No, sir. No sass in her at all.”
“Inez said she came through it fine. Probably just tired. And I know it’s a blow for you not having Hope to lecture me about, but I can live without you starting in on me about Karen. Her eyes will water for a day or two, that’s all. She’s not out there having a cry.”
Eugene looked up fast, and I didn’t have to be a poker player to read his expression. “You telling me you didn’t take her? Left it for Inez to do, like she was droppin’ off your shirts?”
“I wasn’t aware that I was telling you anything. It’s a simple procedure.” I upped the resistance on the bike. “And I’m not paying you for life coaching.”
His hands were on his hips. “Ain’t that just too bad, ’cause that’s what you’re gonna get. You let that child go have that done all by herself? Her sister ain’t here, and you thought that was fine, no need for you to go along, give her a hug, tell her she’d be OK? Be there when she got out? After she been through brain surgery? Ain’t you learned one single damn thing all this time?”
Losing my temper wouldn’t solve anything, so I pedaled faster instead and said, “She did have somebody there. Inez waited with her, if you need to know. Have you ever talked to Karen? She did go through brain surgery, and she came out of it, too. She’s probably tougher than anybody you’ve ever coached, and I’m including the boxers in that. She told me she’d be fine, and she was. Hope rang her, too. Before and after. She was fine.”
Eugene stared at me for a long moment. “Man, I can’t believe I got to tell you this again, but I guess I do. Listen up, hard head. You love somebody, you’re there. That’s not some extra thing, something nice to do. That’s the thing. And no, you don’t got to tell me you had meetings, ’cause I already know. You got your work, oh, yeah. Big, important things to do. Big man. So here’s what you do, big man. You take that laptop of yours and do your work while you sit on the chair and wait for her to be done. And then she comes out and you put the work away, ’cause she’s more important, and she needs to know it. You bring her home, you get her comfortable, you tell her she can call you anytime she needs you, and if she does, you’ll be comin’ right back home. And then you leave her with Inez and go back to work.”
I would’ve protes
ted, but I didn’t have much answer for that. “Right,” I finally said. “Could be.”
Did he let it go? Of course he didn’t. “’Could be,’ hell. You keep screwing up like this, you ain’t going to keep getting chances. You could think about something else, too, if you can ever get your mind in the unique spot of you not being right every single time. You could think about how you’re going to go about letting them two into your life more, and how you’re planning to get to know that baby. And I don’t want to hear about no quality time. That didn’t work so good for you before, I noticed. I want to hear about time time.”
“I’ve told you. I’ve told Hope. I don’t have that kind of time, and she knows it. She said she needed more attention, and I’m paying more attention.”
Looking impressed had never been Eugene’s specialty, and nothing had changed. “Well, congratulations, that’s all I got to say.” It wasn’t. “I’d say you got yourself set up to get all the time you want, because pretty soon, you won’t have no family at all. Again. And when that baby of yours gets a little bigger and asks about daddy and how come he ain’t around, his mama can talk about daddy’s big job and explain how it was more important. If that sounds good to you, that’s just fine, ’cause you’re right on track to get it. If it don’t sound so great, then maybe for once you could try learning one single solitary thing without doing it the hard way. Might be easier on you, and it’d be a whole lot easier on that family you’re tryin’ to make. Specially on that woman you love, ’cause that’s what love is. Making it easier on her.”
I tried to think of an answer, but I couldn’t come up with much. I’d achieved exactly one thing so far that evening. My heart rate was up.
Eugene shook his grizzled head. “For a smart guy, you sure can be dumb. Get off that bike and hit the bag, then. Might as well do you some good somehow, seeing as I hauled my bony ass all the way over here.”
Found (Not Quite a Billionaire Book 3) Page 20
