by Susan Crosby
Shana smiled. “You two have come a long way in a month.”
“So have we.”
“True.” And yet not far enough. “I need to go gird my loins,” she said, standing.
“You don’t have to do this today, Shana.”
“I want to.” She came closer to him. “Shall I take her?”
“She’s fine.”
It would’ve been the easiest thing in the world to just walk over and give each of them a kiss before she went upstairs. She didn’t know how much longer she could hold back everything she felt inside.
An hour later they were on the road. They pulled up in front of her parents’ house.
She got out of the truck and opened the back door to grab her box of cookies as Kincaid got Emma from her car seat.
“We won’t be long,” Shana said to him.
“I’ll be right here.”
She nodded. It was nice having a partner.
She went to the front door and knocked. Her mother opened it. “Shana. Why— Malcolm. Shana’s here.”
“Merry Christmas, Mom.”
“Come in. Hello, Emma.”
Emma smiled shyly, her finger in her mouth.
“Some cookies for you and Dad,” Shana said, handing her mother the decorated box. The living room was cozy, the fireplace lit. A tree was up and decorated, a few gifts under it.
“Have you talked to Dixie or Gavin today?” her mother asked.
“I talked to Gavin, but Dixie was still asleep, Joe said. How are you, Dad? Merry Christmas.”
“Same to you.”
“We have a gift for Emma,” her mother said. “I’d planned to take it to Gavin’s.”
“That’s fine. She can wait. It’ll be fun for her.”
Silence descended. They all stood in the middle of the room, not looking at each other, but not as uncomfortable as other times. “Well, I guess we should be going.”
“I suppose you’re headed to Aggie’s,” her mother said.
“For a little while, yes. Are you going?” The invitation was open—the more, the merrier, Aggie always said.
“We thought we’d just stay home by the fire until we go to Gavin’s.”
“It’s always fun, Mom. There’ll be lots of people you know.” She headed toward the door. “It’s really casual. You wouldn’t have to stay long.”
“It’s not something I care to do,” her mother said.
“Okay.” She put her hand on the doorknob. “We’ll see you—”
“Why can’t you see how much you hurt your mother by always being with Aggie?” her father said.
Shana was so startled at the number of words he’d said, she almost didn’t comprehend them. “What? Wait, what are you talking about?”
“Malcolm, please.”
“Hush, Bea. This needs saying.”
“Not on Christmas.”
“Why not? We’ve been silent long enough.”
Dread rooted Shana in place. “Go ahead. Tell me.” If it cleared the air so that they could get beyond their past, she was all for it.
“Ever since you came home,” her father said, “you’ve treated Aggie more like your mother than your own. It’s hurtful. I know it was easier for you because there’s no history there. It’s all fun and games with Aggie. Everyone loves Aggie the perfect.”
That anyone should slam Aggie, who’d been her savior this past year, was beyond Shana’s comprehension. She kept her voice as level as possible, but she was angry. “Aggie opened her arms to me. You shut your door in my face. I wanted to reach out, to repair our relationship. I know I made mistakes, big ones, but I’ve finally learned to forgive myself for them.”
And she had, she realized. Thanks to Kincaid.
She walked back to her mother. “I love you, Mom.” She kissed her cheek and gave her a hug, Emma squirming in her arms. Then she went to her father. “I love you, Dad.” He stood with his hands loosely at his sides, but he allowed the hug.
She went to the door, adding, “My heart is open to you, but you have to reach out, too. Merry Christmas.”
I forgive you. She didn’t say the words out loud, but it was enough.
“Wait, Shana. Please wait,” her mother said. She glanced at her husband. “I’d like to be closer,” her mother said, her voice quaking. “I’d like us to be like…other families. Please, Malcolm. We’re not getting any younger.”
After a few long, harrowing seconds, he nodded.
The burning coals in Shana’s stomach cooled a little. She unclenched her fists. “We’ll see you at Gavin’s,” she said, then she left, sensing they needed a little time and space right now. She did, too. It was a lot to take in at once.
She passed Emma to Kincaid, then managed to get herself into the car, weak knees and all. “Just drive. Please.”
“Was it that bad?” Kincaid asked after a minute.
“No.” Tears pushed at her eyes. “Actually, there’s hope.”
He reached across to squeeze her hand. She squeezed back. “I forgave myself for all I did to cause them pain,” she whispered. “And I forgave them, too.”
“Good.”
“I’m moving on. Moving forward.” She felt stronger now, as if she could do anything. “Thank you,” she said. “You were right.”
They drove to Aggie’s. So far, only a small mob had gathered, but it was also a daylong event. People would come and go. Kincaid had never gone before, even though he’d been invited forever. Everyone greeted him like an old friend. He wasn’t even anxious to escape.
He watched Shana move through the crowd, saw Dylan talking with two kids his age. Dylan waved at Kincaid, then pointed to his feet to show he was wearing the new boots Kincaid had given him for Christmas. The boy had found a home here, a community of his own.
Kincaid went out to the backyard and joined the men standing around the tall propane heaters. Doc, Aggie’s sons Jake and Donovan, and a couple of sons-in-law were watching the kids play in the yard and on the swings. Kincaid greeted everyone, felt their welcome in return. Felt that he fit in.
The talk was of football, a subject near and dear to his heart. A few of the women wandered out, including Shana, who took Emma to a swing and settled her in it. Shana seemed more relaxed, but that could be because she was at Aggie’s. No one could be tense in her house.
“That little Emma’s a cutie,” said the man standing next to Kincaid. He was one of Aggie’s five sons-in-law, and Kincaid’s accountant.
“And a whirlwind. But then, you know what that’s like, Steve. You’ve got a few of your own.”
“All grown up now. No longer tax deductions. I miss those days.” He sighed dramatically. “Maybe Emma will be your tax deduction by next year.”
The statement didn’t go unnoticed, although he could tell Shana was pretending not to have heard it.
“Which reminds me,” Steve said. “Is there a reason why you haven’t turned in any of your December receipts? You’re usually on top of these things. Cher and I decided to get away for a couple of weeks before tax season hits in full force, and I know you like to file as early as possible. Everything else is done. It won’t take much time at all.”
Kincaid’s gaze connected with Shana’s. Had she understood what Steve meant? Did she realize Kincaid had given her busywork when he’d asked her to enter his “unorganized mess” into a spreadsheet? He couldn’t tell from her expression if she got it or not, because she turned her back on him and focused on Emma.
The pleasure of the day seeped out. For all that they’d talked about the importance of honesty, they’d told lies or kept secrets. Maybe he should just tell her the truth about why he’d hired her, get it out there, let them deal with it rather than having it hanging over his head.
He’d disappointed Dixie, too, and now she was angry at him. Then there was Aggie, who’d made the call to Dixie.
Yeah, he needed to talk to Dixie and figure out how to handle the situation. Shana deserved the truth—and a clean slate. If they
had to start over, they would. She had already become important to his business, had proven herself competent in many ways. He didn’t regret hiring her.
He did regret how he’d handled everything else.
Shana came up to him then, carrying Emma. “We’re going to walk to Dixie’s and pick up my car.”
“You’re ready to leave?”
“Yes.” Her voice was cold as ice.
“I’ll drive you.”
“It’s a few blocks. The walk will do me good. Clear my head, you know?” She said a marginally cheerful goodbye to everyone then disappeared into the house.
Should he follow her? Catch up? Explain? It should be a private discussion, not one open to the citizens of Chance City. Should he just go home and wait for her? Try to talk to her at Joe and Dixie’s?
He was in a quandary like never before. He could stumble no matter what he did, because she was unpredictable, something he usually liked about her.
In the end, he hung around for about fifteen minutes then headed home to wait, feeling like a dead man walking.
Chapter Fifteen
“You need to come clean with me right now,” Shana said to her sister as they sat in her living room. “Because you know a whole lot more than you’ve let on. Spill.”
Joe was gone, having been banished to Aggie’s house and taking Emma with him.
“I’ll tell you what I know—and take the heat for it—but I want you to understand that we acted in good faith, Shana. We wanted your life to be not as much of a struggle. Please keep that in mind.”
“This oughta be good.” Shana crossed her arms. She tried to stop her foot from bouncing but couldn’t. So much anger was pent up inside her, it was her only outlet.
“Aggie called me—”
“Aggie? She’s part of this plot, too?” Shana couldn’t believe it. Aggie said she hadn’t told anyone. No, that’s wasn’t right. She’d said she hadn’t told Kincaid. That sneaky woman. “Are there any others?”
“No. Just Aggie, Kincaid and me. Well, Joe knows, but none of us has told anyone. Unless Aggie told Doc, which could have happen—”
“In other words, the whole town could know.”
“No. Don’t think that. At the most, it’s the people I just named, and you know we’ll all keep it confidential.”
“I don’t know that at all.”
“Knock it off, would you? You know darn well that none of us would talk about this to anyone else. Do you want the story or not?”
I would’ve rather heard it from Kincaid, she thought, beyond disappointed in him. She felt duped. How much was a lie? How could she have fallen in love with such a deceitful man? “I’m all ears.”
“I’m telling you this because I know Kincaid would feel an obligation not to break my confidence, which leaves him in a big bind. So, this will free him of the promise he made me. Which he only half kept, as it turns out, but the other half is up to him to fix. I never foresaw you sleeping with him.”
Dixie looked away for a minute, as if trying to find where she left off. “Okay. So. Aggie called me after you had some kind of breakdown on Thanksgiving. She was scared for you, Shana. And she did the right thing by letting me know. I knew you wouldn’t accept financial help from me or Gavin, or anyone. Kincaid was the only person I thought of who might be able to find a better job situation for you, because he gets around a lot for his business. I left it in his competent hands. I didn’t know how he would make it happen, but he got more creative than I anticipated. Suddenly you were living with him.”
“He evicted me.”
“To give you a better life for you and Emma.”
“Don’t sugarcoat it, Dixie. He did this for you, not for me or Emma. And he’s kept his businesses booming all these years without my help. He will continue for many more. I’m a figurehead. A gofer. A toolbox-wielding lackey. A shill. A—”
“I get it. Really, Shana, you know he wouldn’t pay you to be doing nothing of value.”
“Oh, well, I guess he does seem to like the way I wash his underwear. Briefs, by the way.” Her foot bounced a little higher. She couldn’t control it at all.
Dixie laughed. “Good to know.” She put up both hands. “I know. I’m sorry. It isn’t funny. Look, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have slept with him unless you cared about him a lot. He’s an honorable man, so I figure he couldn’t help himself, either. And when you get right down to it, you actually seemed a little disappointed that you weren’t pregnant.”
Shana shoved herself off the sofa and stalked to the front window. A couple of kids were riding bikes, probably Christmas presents. The everyday activity calmed her. Life went on.
“Maybe I was. A little,” she said. “I didn’t know it until I wasn’t. Then it hit hard.”
“I get that.” Dixie joined her at the window. She wrapped her arm around Shana’s shoulders. “When I took my first pregnancy test, it was negative. So, I know how that feels. Then when my period still didn’t come, I tried it again. Bingo.”
Shana went silent as she thought that through. “I hadn’t considered that I might have to test again. I waited a full two weeks.”
“Did you test first thing in the morning?”
“No. No, late in the day.” Because they’d reached a point where he’d needed to know. She’d read all the instructions. She should’ve waited.
“The hormones can be diluted by then. False negative. You should probably try once more, but wait until morning.”
“What if I am, Dix?”
“You and Kincaid will figure it out.”
He’ll make me marry him. He’d said they’d dodged a bullet. He didn’t want to marry her at all. “I’m just starting to connect with Mom and Dad again.”
“It’s still early. They don’t have to know when you got pregnant. And as long as you’re married, they probably won’t care.”
“Kincaid and I have a lot to figure out before that can happen, Dix.”
“You will.”
Shana sighed. “I can’t do another test in the morning because I have to pick one up first, and it’s Christmas. And I have to drive to Grass Valley, like I did before, so no one in town sees what I’m buying.”
“So, that’s what you’ll do. Do you have to work tomorrow?”
She shook her head. “We’re taking a break until after New Year’s.” Which meant they’d both be hanging around the house all week. “I could help you get the nursery together this week.”
Dixie gave her an all-knowing smile. “We’ll see. For now, go talk to Kincaid. Clear the air.”
The drive back to Aggie’s was almost painful. She didn’t want to talk to him, but she had to talk to him. She barely saw the road, could hardly catch her breath. Then she got to Aggie’s and learned he’d left. She gathered up Emma and headed home—well, to Kincaid’s house. His truck was out front. She didn’t know if she was relieved or not.
Until today, she thought she’d finally found a place where she could feel good and safe—and happy. She’d been hopeful, and look where that always got her. She was beyond tears, her devastation was so deep.
“Home,” Emma said from the backseat.
“Maybe,” Shana whispered. She pulled into the garage with the same dread she’d had before she’d walked up to her parents’ front door.
And the same hope.
When would she ever learn?
Kincaid heard the garage door opening. He’d been sitting in his chair, staring at the tree, waiting. Just waiting. Dixie had called to say she’d released him of his promise to her, that she’d told Shana she’d asked for his help. Of course, he’d given more help than she’d asked for. And now he was paying for it.
He scrubbed his face with his hands then stood. He wasn’t a coward. He would meet her in the garage as he always did, take Emma from her car seat and carry her inside.
She gave him a steady look but opened the back door herself. He shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling at a loss, then Emma called out, �
��Kinky!” Meaning, “I want Kinky to get me out,” he figured.
Shana stepped away to let him. Emma patted his face with both hands as he unbuckled her. “My Kinky,” she said, but this time in a voice that sounded like someone saying, “Good boy,” to the family dog. It made him smile.
“She needs a nap,” Shana said as they got inside the house.
“Night night,” Emma said.
So they all went upstairs, but then Shana said, “I’ll take it from here.”
And so it begins, he thought. She’d already made up her mind about what she wanted to do. But was she just distancing herself and her daughter emotionally or was she going to make a physical change, cut him out completely?
In the living room he stoked the fire, added a new log. When she finally came downstairs, she look composed.
“I know this may sound convenient,” he said, “but I’d already decided to ask Dixie to let me tell you the truth.”
“Because you got caught in a lie or because it was the right thing to do?” She took a seat, folded her hands in her lap. “I thought I finally wouldn’t be anybody’s charity case, thanks to you. You totally had me convinced you were hiring me for my skills. You said you needed me. But actually I became your charity case.”
She seemed eerily calm, so he couldn’t figure out where he stood. “Maybe I didn’t originally hire you for your skills, but it became evident almost immediately how multitalented you are. And competent. And creative. You’ve become invaluable, and that’s the truth.”
“Were you attracted to me, you know, physically?”
“When I hired you? Yes,” he said then added quickly when she frowned, “but I didn’t know it. I swear to you, I did not hire you expecting to sleep with you. You just became…irresistible.”
If he could just get her to stay another week, he thought, then all would be well. Even just a few more days. If she left, he might not ever get her back. He needed the proximity. “Please don’t leave, Shana.”
She made a sound of frustration, then stood and went to the front window. “I don’t— Oh, no. My mom just pulled up. Great timing, Mom.”
Kincaid went to the front door when Shana seemed frozen in place. “Merry Christmas, Bea.”
