She headed down her walk and stopped at the sight of the green truck sitting in her drive. And at the man who got out of it.
She looked at Jacob as though he was week-old roadkill. “She’s not here, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Marce said before he could speak. “And don’t even start with me, buddy boy, because I am so not your friend.” She walked past him to her car.
“And people say I’m cranky.”
Marce rounded on him, eyes hot. “People say you’re cranky when you act this way without a reason. I have a reason. Celie is one of my closest friends. I had my doubts about her seeing you when you first got involved, but you seemed to make her happy so I kept my mouth shut. Well, after that stunt you pulled on her after she got demoted, I am not keeping my mouth shut any more. You are, without a doubt, the biggest piece of—”
“Whoa, whoa, what did you say?”
Her eyes gleamed with hostility. “I didn’t get around to saying it yet. You’re a—”
“About getting demoted,” he cut in. “Celie. What happened?”
“You know what happened, you jerk. And if you weren’t—”
“Okay, hold it.” Jacob put up both hands. “Look, I’m sure I deserve it all and I’d be happy to make an appointment to listen to you rant at some future time, but right now I need to know what happened to Celie. So can we please just cut to the chase here and call me a jackass and go forward?”
Marce eyed him. “Do I get to do the calling?”
“If it’ll make you happy.”
Her smile held all the kindness of a shark. “Oh, it will. Jackass.”
“Feel better?”
“No, but I’m getting there.”
“Hold the buzz and tell me about Celie,” he ordered. “How did she get demoted?”
Marce made an impatient noise. “It’s not that hard to figure out. She used Beetlejuice on your trees and Rumson blew the whistle on her. They yanked her from the scarlet-horned maple borer program. Knocked her way down in pay grade. She wasn’t supposed to use it. It wasn’t approved,” Marce enunciated as though talking to a child.
Jacob stared at her. “Celie said the RAL gave the thumbs up on it back in January,” he protested, but a cold feeling in his gut told him Marce was telling the truth.
“And the paperwork got tied up between agencies. No paperwork, no use. Period.” She gave him a contemptuous look. “Don’t tell me you didn’t figure she was skating close to the edge. You know how strict the EPA is. If you didn’t realize the chance she was taking, then you have the brains of a gnat.” The shark-like smile flashed again. “And while certainly the word “idiot” comes to mind when I think of you, I’m sure you could figure that one out, bright boy. Then again, if it was going to save your trees, why would you want to?”
Anger surged up, only to be swamped that quickly. Marce was right. He should have asked more questions. He could say that at the time he’d been too preoccupied with everything, but that was a weak excuse. Or a convenient one.
He closed his eyes. “She said she got reassigned to Maryland. She didn’t say why.” She’d stood there in the sugarhouse saying nothing at all about it. She’d been shattered, she must have been, but she hadn’t gone to him for comfort. She’d blocked him out from beginning to end. And at the end, all he’d done was rail at her.
He didn’t know who he was more angry at, Celie or himself.
“The only reason she still has a job is because it’s easier to replicate Notre Dame Cathedral in gumballs than it is to fire a government employee,” Marce continued. “When she comes back from her suspension, she gets the APHIS equivalent of a desk in the basement.”
“Suspension?”
“Oh, you didn’t know about that, either? So what exactly did you two talk about after she came over? Besides all of her personality failings?”
“That’s between Celie and me,” he said shortly. “Where is she?”
Marce gave a sharp bark of laughter. “And I should tell you that why?”
“That’s between us, too. But it might make you feel more like giving me the information if I tell you that I deserve everything you can stick into your rant and then some. I want to find her and try to make it up to her.”
“Maybe I don’t know where she is.”
“I’ll find her anyway, if I have to drive to Maryland and go through the building office by office.”
“I might enjoy seeing you go through that,” Marce remarked.
“I’m sure you would. But if you really care about Celie, I’d think you’d want her to get the apology I owe her, even if all it does is give her the chance to tell me to go take a flying leap.”
She folded her arms. “I might enjoy seeing that, too.”
“Sorry, restricted airspace,” he told her. “Now are you going to tell me or not?”
Her grin flickered before she could help herself.
Jacob stood on the sidewalk staring at the Cité de L’Ile book-shop and wondering if Celie was inside. He’d driven straight up from Eastmont, his only goal to find her. If he’d had any illusions that the two-and-a-half hour drive would be enough for him to figure things out, though, he’d been sadly mistaken.
He wanted her back. Above all, he wanted her back, but there were things between them they couldn’t ignore. And he didn’t know if talking about them would only push her further away, but they had to do it. A reconciliation built on a foundation of unfinished business was no reconciliation at all.
So he stood on the sidewalk with his stomach in knots, no idea what he was going to say to her, knowing only that he had to find her. Once he did that, he hoped to God he could persuade her to give him another chance.
The door jingled as he pushed it open and walked inside. It was his dream and his nightmare—linked rooms full of books but so crammed cheek-by-jowl that he was certain he was going to knock something over just by breathing.
A small woman with reddish-brown hair and Celie’s eyes looked over at him. “Can I help you?”
“I’m looking for Celie.”
She gave him an unfriendly look. “Why do you want her?”
Because she completed his world? Because he needed to know how she could have risked everything she’d worked for just to protect him? Because if he went another day without seeing her, he was going to go nuts? “I want to talk with her.”
“I’m not so sure she wants to talk with you.”
He didn’t bother to ask how she knew who he was. “I’ll take my chances.”
“You look like the type who would.” The woman studied him for a long moment, then nodded. “She’s gone walking on the quays in the Old Port.” She pointed out the shop window. “Take Bonsecours out here to the water. The Quai de l’Horloge is across the way.”
“Is she wearing her red parka?”
“If you want to find her, you’d better hope so.”
Celie tightened her scarf against the chill breeze blowing in off the Saint Lawrence and watched the icebreaker make its slow pass of the river. She’d slipped into the habit of walking the quay in the morning. It was a chance to be alone with her thoughts, a chance to get away. However much she’d come to an accommodation with the bookstore, she needed to be out in the open with the wind in her face.
Besides, there was a certain fascination in watching the ships make their ponderous ways to port, or wondering about their destinations as they left.
As she wondered about hers. The calendar moved just as inexorably as the ships. Her two weeks were nearly gone; as soon as the weekend was over, she had to drive to Maryland and report to work.
Assuming Maryland was where she was going.
Damn Bob Ford anyway. Until he’d called, she’d resigned herself to doing her penance. It would take a couple of years, sure, but she had no doubt she’d work her way back up. Eventually. And then he’d thrown out his offer, and she hadn’t had a peaceful moment since. You have a home here.
Celie made an impatient noise. No matter how righ
t Eastmont felt, it was impossible to think about going back. After all, it wasn’t as if she could live entirely on Institute property. If she took the job, she’d have to live in the town, she’d have to build relationships in the town. Sooner or later, she’d encounter Molly Trask.
And sooner or later, she’d have to deal with Jacob.
It was like steeling herself to test a bad bruise that had faded to purple and saffron. Yes, there was still pain, and loss and regret. But somewhere under there burned a surprising little flicker of determination.
So maybe it wasn’t meant to be easy. Maybe that was what she was supposed to learn from all this. After all, there had to be a reason for the days and nights of misery she’d gone through. Maybe there was a time when you grew up, a time when you accepted that enough was enough. And she’d tried and tried with Jacob because she’d kept thinking in the end she’d get through, in the end it would work. But life wasn’t a fairytale and happily ever after wasn’t always in the cards. And however hard it might have been to accept, maybe the lesson was that sometimes you had to let things go.
For a moment the loss and pain surged up and swamped her as it had so many times, so that she was fighting just to stay afloat, to breathe in and out, to keep from sinking down on her knees and screaming. But she fought it, refusing to give in, and after a while it subsided.
Until the next time.
And she’d fight it the next time, too, she thought grimly. Was she going to let a failed love affair shape her life, then? Was she going to let it keep her away from the kind of opportunity Bob Ford was holding out to her?
You insisted on going right back into the water.
Celie reached in her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. It wouldn’t hurt to talk with Bob, just talk with him about it. And who knew, maybe in a week she’d—
Footsteps crunched behind her. “Celie?”
She stood there in her red parka at the water’s edge, staring at him, her mouth open in utter shock.
“Jacob?”
For a moment, he didn’t say anything, just let himself drink her in. In all the sleepless nights, all the long days, he’d never remembered her looking quite as wonderful as she did now, cheeks flushed, hair tossed about by the breeze.
“What are you doing here?” she asked at last.
“Looking for you.”
She watched a pair of gulls squabble over a bit of trash at the water’s edge. “How did you know where to find me? Marce?”
“I stopped by to see her today.”
“That must have been fun.” Her lips curved faintly. “She’s a big fan.”
“We had an interesting conversation. She called me names, I agreed with her. She’s very protective of you.”
“She’s a good friend.”
He listened to the grinding sound as a steep-bowed ship made its way through the channel, throwing up slabs of ice before it. He wished they could shove aside all the barriers in their way as easily. “You should have told me,” he said softly.
“About wh…” And then she just looked at him. “Oh,” she said.
“You should have said something,” he repeated. “About Beetlejuice, about the demotion.”
“If you’d known, would you have let me do it?”
“There’s no way I would have let you risk your job for me.”
Celie turned away and looked out over the river. “Maybe I did it for the trees.”
“They were still my trees. You should have been straight with me. You don’t make that kind of decision yourself, Celie. You don’t make me a part of it without giving me a choice. It wasn’t fair.”
She bristled. “Who are you to say that?”
“The guy who feels like hell because you got smacked down for helping me. The idiot who stood there yapping in the sugarhouse instead of listening. The one who was busy being a jerk while you’d just gone through the worst thing you could go through. That guy.”
“So I should have told you about the demotion and that would have made it all better? You think I wanted you to stay with me out of obligation or guilt?” she asked, an edge to her voice. “You think I want you here now because of that?”
“No. But that’s not why I’m here.” He let out a breath. “You just should have told me what was really going on, both times. That’s part of being involved, you know? Letting someone in?”
She snorted. “This is coming from you?”
“Yeah, it’s coming from me,” he said with a spark of irritation. “I know I’m not the easiest guy to get next to but I’m working on it. You can’t go forward in a relationship if you’re holding out on one another. It’s wrong. Just like I was wrong.”
They stared at each other in humming silence. Celie moistened her lips. “Wrong how?”
He gave a humorless laugh. “Pick a way, any way. I got buffaloed when you told me you were leaving. I’d been thinking about it, a lot—all the time, pretty much. And when I heard you say you were going, I just… I jumped to conclusions and I didn’t listen.” His words were abrupt. “I didn’t want to get sucked in and wind up with you walking away.”
“So you decided to do it for me.”
“Appears so, doesn’t it? I should have trusted you. I didn’t give you a chance.”
“You didn’t give us a chance,” she corrected. “We had something really great, Jacob.”
His stomach tightened. “Had?”
Celie stared out at the icebreaker, watching its stern as it moved away. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past two weeks. You say you didn’t come out of guilt and obligation, but there are other wrong reasons. I mean, I’ve always been the one chasing you. I catch up, you run away. Now I’ve stopped chasing. So is that why you’re here? Because if you are, that’s not the basis for a relationship, that’s a pathology.”
His brows lowered. “That’s not why I’m here.”
“Then why are you?” she demanded. “A couple of weeks ago you couldn’t get rid of me fast enough.”
“And I was an idiot. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, too, the past couple of weeks.” He couldn’t find the words, he thought in panic. He couldn’t find the words and she was going to turn and walk away and he was going to lose her, this time for good. He felt smothered, desperate, unable to breathe. “Look, I don’t know a lot, but I know that I want you in my life somehow, and I don’t care what shape that takes. I’ll do anything as long as you’re there.” He swallowed. “I need you, Celie.” And if it took begging, he’d do that, too.
She stared at him, eyes huge. “What did you say?” she asked, her voice a thread of a whisper.
And suddenly, he knew the words. “I love you,” he said simply. “I’ve known since Valentine’s Day. I’ve been an idiot and I know I blew it, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to prove to you I’ve changed. I need you in my life, Celie.” He looked at her intently. “And I think you need me in yours.”
The seconds ticked by and he stood, watching her, his nerves stretched to the breaking point.
And then she flung herself into his arms. “Oh my God, Jacob, do you mean it?”
“More than I’ve ever meant anything in my life.” Suddenly, he was breathing great gulps of air, feeling as though his heart was going to explode with feeling.
Tears were running down Celie’s cheeks. “I was standing here trying to tell myself that it just wasn’t supposed to happen for us, that it was okay and I needed to accept it when I was just crazy inside. And then you showed up and I didn’t know…” she pulled back and looked at him. “I love you so much. It nearly tore me apart to walk out that door.”
“It about tore me apart to watch you.” He kissed her forehead and then her lips and pulled her close. “I’m sorry I put you in that spot.”
“I know you said things fade, but that’s not us. This isn’t going to fade. I can’t imagine this feeling ever changing.”
“I can.”
She gave him a startled look.
“We’ve
got a lot to learn about each other,” he said simply. “I think the way we feel is going to be different in a year and different again in five or ten. And maybe we’ll have to do a lot of that learning over the phone and the Internet, but we’ll do it.”
“But we won’t have to,” she blurted.
“What do you mean?”
“Bob Ford offered me a job. I was just about to call him when you walked up.”
“You’re not going to Maryland?”
She shook her head and he swept her up and whirled her around, whooping so loudly that a couple of shore birds near them took flight, looking back reproachfully.
“Okay,” Jacob said, “this is real, right? This isn’t going to be one of those dreams where you suddenly turn into a seagull and fly away and I’m standing here freezing and I wake up and find out the covers have slipped off and everything still sucks, right?”
Her eyes had widened in mixed alarm and amusement as he’d talked. “I don’t know. I could pinch you, I suppose. Or I could do this.” She leaned in and rose up on her toes to nip him on the neck.
“Hey!”
“Am I looking like a seagull?”
“No.”
“Then you’re probably not dreaming.”
“I think we should be sure,” he murmured, and pulled her in for a kiss.
ISBN: 978-1-4592-2217-5
VERMONT VALENTINE
Copyright © 2006 by Chez Hardy LLC
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the editorial office, Silhouette Books, 233 Broadway, New York, NY 10279 U.S.A.
All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.
Vermont Valentine (Holiday Hearts #3) Page 22
