by Amanda Heath
There are a few words you should never call me. They are degrading and I would never open my mouth to call anyone those words. Court knows this. And the C word is one of those words.
I grit my teeth and raise my arms to push him away from me. I don’t care what I’ve done; I’m the mother of his child and he. Will. Not. Call. Me. That. Word. “You let me go right now Courtney Pierce. And don’t you ever call me that name again.” I move my face right into his and spit out, “I fucking mean it.”
All the adrenaline of the morning and the feelings mixed with it must have him out of his mind. The man leans into me and starts kissing me. But that’s Court for you, trying to fuck his problems away. I might have gone with it if the man hadn’t just called me that horrible name. So instead of giving in I start scratching at his chest.
“Fuck Rach! What the hell was that for!” he bellows, dropping my arms and moving away from me.
“Yeah I know I fucked up. And I know I’ve ruined us forever but you don’t get to kiss me right now. I feel horrible enough as it is; don’t add a goodbye fuck with it. We’re not doing that. I couldn’t bear to leave after that,” I tell him, albeit loudly. Channing bangs yet again on the wall and it’s all I can do not to flip the wall the fuck off.
“Yeah you got that right. You’re leaving and it’s going to be a while before I can look at you again. Fucking bitch!” He kicks the fucking door shut. “And you’re leaving my son here!” He walks out of the bathroom and I just stand there staring at him.
I guess he went there. Fuck.
“What’s going on?” Channing says and I startle. The man is in only his briefs standing there looking like death. Ever since Paisley left, Channing has looked like death. The poor baby.
“Why don’t you ask Rachel,” Court says and it’s anything but a question. Channing looks at me but I don’t say anything. No matter what I do or what I say, I’ll always be the bad guy here. Let Channing think what he wants.
I slam the bathroom door and slam my blow dryer into the mirror.
***
I knock on the front door of my parent’s house. I don’t know why. I used to live here, for eighteen years in fact. My whole childhood was spent in this house. I guess I’m too ashamed to just walk in. Or maybe I don’t have the willpower to just walk in.
It takes her awhile but my mom finally answers. She’s wearing a pair of silky pajamas and her hair up in a bun. She must be working from home today. “Rachel honey, what’s the matter? You look awful.” She wraps her arms around me and pulls me into the house.
When I was younger my mom got really sick. She never talked about it and neither did my father. But I knew she was sick and it scared me. I thought she was going to die but she didn’t. And it wasn’t until five years ago when Wesley Bridges walked into our lives that Mom finally talked to us about it. How she didn’t get to raise us when we were little and it left this big rift between us. Now I’m closer to her than I’ve ever been. We’ve bonded over being mothers and wives. We have more in common than I ever thought. Royal and I got our love of music from her.
We barely make it in the house before I tell her everything. After I’m done she takes me into the living room and has me lie on the couch.
“I…I don’t know what to say here. There are a few things in this story that don’t add up and that scares me,” she states. She’s sitting Indian style on the couch while I’m curled up into a ball with my head on her lap. I feel so young and so small.
And maybe I am.
“I don’t know what you mean. It should scare you that your perfectly happy daughter screwed her entire life up,” I tell her, wiping even more tears off my face. I’m not ashamed to cry like the rest of the people I know. Crying means you feel something. It means you aren’t dead.
“That’s my point. Happy people, who are happy being happy don’t go out screwing up their lives. You have the people who just can’t be happy and they start to feel that, they run and do something to ruin it. You’ve been extremely happy for five years and yet this is the first time you’ve done something to ruin it? It doesn’t add up. Besides, I know you. You’d never be happy with anyone but Courtney. That boy is truly your other half.” She pauses and I look up at her face. She seems puzzled but I can’t put my finger on it. She’s a therapist so I knew this pyscho babble was going to happen. “No, baby girl, I think Donovan Pierce manipulated you into this.”
Shock goes through me and I sit up. “How can you say that? I was right there with him, I participated.”
She shakes her head. “Did you even find yourself attracted to him? No you didn’t. I think you were drunk and he used that against you. Donovan is a very sneaky fellow. I’ve kept my eye on him here and there. I think he never let go of what Courtney did with Annabella. I think this is his payback. And he used you to get it.” She nods to herself like I’m not even there.
What’s important here for me is that I participated with him. I didn’t push him away and I didn’t try to fight him off. I must have led him on and I must have had some sort of feelings for him, that’s the only way to explain this.
Donovan wouldn’t do all that to hurt his brother. He wouldn’t have thought that long and hard about it. Van is a decent man himself. Why would he wait five years to get back at Court? That doesn’t make any sense.
“I thank you for that Mom, but I think the blame is all on me. I did this to my family and now I have to live with myself.” I climb off the couch and look down at her. “Do you think you could ever forgive me? I know Court never will. I just hope this doesn’t scar Asher too much.”
Mom stands up and cups my cheeks. “I know you don’t want to believe this but I don’t think this is all your fault. Yeah, you shouldn’t have been talking to Donovan behind Courtney’s back and you shouldn’t have gone to that bar with him. But the afterward, it doesn’t sound like you had much say in it.”
I shake my head. “I did though. I could have run the other way screaming and I didn’t. I ruined our families.
Two
Royal
I look down on Rachel and I feel nothing but pain. My heart breaks over and over again. The tears flow down her face and she can’t seem to stop screaming. I kneel on the floor with her in my arms but it doesn’t seem to make it any better. Pierce is the only thing that will make it better.
Asher would too but she doesn’t want him to see her like this. I don’t blame her. I hurt all over again thinking about it. And I wonder when I was no longer enough to soothe her. Used to be she’d run right for me when she was in pain. I’m twelve minutes older and I take my big brother duties very seriously.
Over the years I’ve gotten used to women crying in my arms. Rachel’s been doing it her whole life and sometimes Wesley will wake up from a nightmare about her Trey. Those times I can handle. I know Wesley loves me and I know she loved Trey. He passed way to early and that scars anyone involved. I’ve been asked if it makes me jealous and the truth is I could never be jealous of him. Wesley loves deeply and she wouldn’t be Wesley if she didn’t mourn the loss of Trey. I wouldn’t take her any other way. Her ghosts make her who she is now.
My strong beautiful Duchess.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I whisper into Rachel’s hair. It’s like Pierce died or something and I know that’s not true because Channing said he’s alive and at home. I couldn’t get a straight answer from him about what happened. Though I know the lines have been drawn. Sides have been chosen and my wedding isn’t going to be a nice quiet affair.
Rachel shakes in my arms holding back sobs. Mom said she was fine when she got here. It’s like it hit her all at once and she can’t keep the pain inside. It wants out of her but there’s no way to purge it. She’ll be forever stuck with it.
I sit on the floor with my beloved sister for long minutes. I wait it out because I know she’ll cry herself to sleep. I don’t think her dreams will help but she refuses to take anything to calm her down.
When s
he finally does fall into a fitful sleep I lift her off the floor gently and set her on her childhood bed. I watch her toss and turn before smoothing a lock of hair out of her face and leaving the room.
Wes got a call from Pierce this morning telling her about Rachel. Or that he’s getting separated from her. I don’t know if he gave her any details. But I imagine he did because she isn’t here, she’s with him. Sometimes I don’t understand the bond that they have. He left her hanging at a time when she needed him the most. I picked up the pieces and I had to hold her together for a long time. I hated him then. I hated him more when he got Rach pregnant. Even after all these years I’m still harboring resentment towards him.
This whole situation doesn’t help.
I find my mom and dad in the living room. Normally they would be watching TV or reading the paper but now they both sit in silence. You ever get cold chills down your spine and you just know something horrible is about to happen?
That’s how I feel right now.
“Royal I need you to come sit down. I have some things I need to talk to you about,” my mom says in her therapist voice. I hate that voice. When she uses it I know she’s going to feed me some psycho babble bullshit.
“’Kay,” I reply, moving to sit on the couch across from them. This house used to be my home until I left for college. When I came back a year ago, Wes and I bought a house and moved in together. I still love this place though. All its high ceilings and cream-colored walls. The furniture isn’t fancy but it was expensive. The couches have stains and the cushions sink a bit but you know that the people who live here use them. It’s a very comfortable place to be.
My mom clears her throat and her face goes from blank to worried. That makes me sit up and take notice. She’s worried about Rachel, and I mean I know she should be. We are all worried about Rachel but she’s really worried about Rachel. “Rachel told me what happened when she arrived this morning. I want you to listen to everything I have to say. Don’t interrupt me, just let me get it out. Then you can ask questions. I’m afraid if I don’t get this out to you then I never will.”
Dread fills my stomach. What did Rachel do? It’s hard to imagine that my sister could do anything to ruin her marriage. The only picture running through my head right now is her standing up at the altar with Pierce. How much love they shared, his hands on her stomach protecting my nephew. I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to love Courtney Pierce that much. He’s a closed off asshole most of the time.
I just nod my head instead of opening my mouth to speak. I’m frozen in my dread. It might seem simple to you but it’s not. In my group of friends and family, I would choose Wesley and Rachel first. And I have a feeling my fiancé and my twin sister are going to be at odds now. Because Wesley would choose Pierce over Rachel. Life is going to become a living hell.
“Rachel explained to me that she had a tryst with Donovan Pierce,” Mom blurts and all the muscles in my body lock up.
What.
The.
Fuck.
I open my mouth to exclaim a few words to make my mom blush but she holds up her hand. My dad looks at me with anger in his eyes. He places his hand on Mom’s shoulder and squeezes, offering his quiet support. “They didn’t have sex. But that’s not what I need to explain to you. Some of the things Rachel said about that night put up red flags in my head.”
Mom shifts around on the couch, uncomfortable with telling me this. Or maybe she’s just nervous about my reaction. Even Dad looks like he’s ready to bust off the couch and tackle me. “Rachel said she wasn’t into the actions that were going on between her and Donovan. I got the impression she didn’t even know how she ended up in that position to begin with.”
I don’t like where this is going. If that prick Donovan forced Rachel into what happened I’m going to fucking kill him.
You, under no circumstances, ever force a female into sexual activities with you. Most especially my fucking sister.
Mom pauses when she sees my entire body tense up but I said I wouldn’t speak until she was done. I wave her on. “She seems confused about the whole ordeal. She didn’t come out and tell me any details but I don’t think she really remembers everything. And she said she was really drunk.”
Why would my sister be getting drunk with Donovan in the first place? Yeah he’s her brother-in-law but I don’t think she really had that much of a relationship with him. Mostly he sticks with his friends. Even his relationship with his brother is strained. It’s been strained since…
I close my eyes and I grit my teeth. I hate to admit it but I’m on the verge of tears. “Are you okay honey?” Mom asks, crossing the space between the couches and sitting next to me. She wraps her arms around me and I take in her vanilla scent. It comforts me a little. My mom gives great hugs.
I shake my head because I’m not okay. “Can I speak now?” I ask her shoulder.
She nods and pulls away to look at me. “You have the same suspicion I do, don’t you?”
“The first thing I thought about when you started this, I thought about the love between Pierce and Rachel on their wedding day. How incredibly happy and totally into each other they were. And now that I think about it, I can’t remember a time that it was any different between them. They’ve always been it for each other.” I place my head in my hands trying to block out the shit I see in my head. I see Donovan taking advantage of my sister. You believe what you want but that asshole did this on purpose. Rachel would never willingly cheat on Pierce. “He did something to her Mom. She wouldn’t do that to Pierce no matter how drunk she was. Donovan set her up.”
Mom rubs the back of my neck. “I need you to speak to Channing about this, discreetly. The entire Pierce/Bridges clan is going to flip out if we start accusing Donovan of anything, at least without proof.”
“Why Channing? He’s going to believe us. He’s more my brother than he’s ever been Pierce’s.” I dig my nails into my palm to keep myself in check. No matter what happens, I can’t run off half cocked and looking for a fight. “And why doesn’t Pierce believe Rachel? That doesn’t make any sense.”
Mom sighs and that’s when I feel Dad move onto the couch next to me. “Sounds to me like Rachel had a little GHB or another drug like that. The way your mother explained it, Rachel didn’t push him away, didn’t try to stop him yet she wasn’t enjoying it. The GHB would have made her lucid and confused and very sleepy. I doubt she was really drunk. But Rachel blames herself. She doesn’t seem to even realize what we do. She thinks she deserves everything that has happened to her.”
“Fuck that shit. She didn’t deserve any of that,” I say, my voice cracking from emotion.
“We know that, honey. We know just like you that Rachel wouldn’t cheat on Pierce, no matter their past history. Rachel loves Asher way too much to ever do anything to hurt him. That’s why I know Donovan did something to her.” Mom seems so calm but I see the wrinkles on her pants were she’s been gripping them. Not to mention her chewed nails.
“Rachel said that Channing came home that night in the middle of everything. I think that’s the only reason nothing worse happened. That’s why we want you to talk to him.”
I tell them that I will and I get up to leave. Before I leave the house though I walk upstairs to my sister’s room. I walk into the room and take in the white and pink thrown all around. Mom didn’t change either of our rooms after we moved out. And that makes this much worse. My sister isn’t a little girl anymore. She’s a grown woman. But that doesn’t mean I still can’t protect her.
Rachel is still asleep and I lean over her bed to kiss her forehead. Then I whisper, “No matter what happens, I will get justice for this. Their family might hate us and I might lose the love of my life, but it will be worth it when I get to wrap my hands around that fucker’s neck.” I rise up and look down at her. “Yeah, girl. I promised you when we were little that I would always protect you and I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from this. But I will protect you from the
aftermath.”
I walk towards the bedroom door but I stop before walking out. “I love you Rach.” I know she can’t hear me, but that doesn’t matter. I just need to say it.
***
Anger isn’t something I’ve had to live with in my life. And this anger is boiling under my skin, raging to get out. It wants my fist to land in that fucker’s face because I know down in my soul that he did something to Rachel. He used her and her life to fuck with Pierce. While Pierce probably deserved it, Rachel didn’t. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like a second-class citizen because Donovan isn’t over Pierce fucking his slut of a girlfriend.
Maybe we should just lay this at Annabella Gage’s feet. I’ve never had any interaction with the chick but I still know she’s a snake. Always has been. You can just see it in her eyes, the secrets and lies. She fucked her life up because she couldn’t handle being happy. I hope she’s miserable.
I pull up outside Pierce and Rachel’s house and climb out of my car. I find Pierce sitting on the porch his head between his legs. You can feel the total loss coming off of him. I had thought maybe I’d find him partying it up and loving the single life. Instead I find him in much of the same state as my sister. I close my eyes and grit my teeth. Don’t even acknowledge him. He doesn’t deserve it.
When I approach, he lifts his head. His green eyes meet mine and I have to take a step back. His pain surrounds me, drawing me in until I can barely stand on my own two feet. “What did I do?” he asks, tears shining in his eyes.
Then it’s like my body comes back to life. He knows and he wishes he’d figured it out earlier. Before my sister left the house. “You figured it out?”
He nods. “Out of all the people in my life, Rachel wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt me. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt our boy.” He says it softly and I hear it in his voice, he absolutely believes what he just said.
