by Maia Starr
“Yeah, and I thought about it, and it was… It’s not me and Galsthenn that need to be ended, okay? He loves me and…”
And she had no idea how I felt about her. I wondered if that’s what she was going to say. I wondered if her drop in courage didn’t have everything to do with my reaction, or lack thereof, to her thoughts of leaving him.
I should have done everything differently.
“Get out,” I said tersely.
She stared at me with a blink, and suddenly her façade crumbled, as simply as that. “Rilark,” she repeated my name with desperation this time.
“And for the record,” I snapped, “this was never fun.”
She swallowed hard and grabbed her dress off the floor, slipping into it and shifting from left to right to fit the fabric over her curves. She zipped the garment up in a hurry, her hands shaking as her eyes never left mine.
“Never fun as in…?”
I knew what she wanted me to say. It was never fun; it meant something. But I no longer felt the need to give her that satisfaction.
“As in,” I said callously, “You’ve been nothing but a pain in my ass from the start.” Then I smiled. “Maybe we should both be glad it’s over with.”
Chapter Fourteen
Rosalyn
One week had passed since I ended things with Rilark. His mother had been pleased when I told her it was a passing interest; I apologized profusely and, to my surprise, she readily offered me forgiveness.
She told me she’d willingly had an affair with Rilark’s father, the rebel. She said she’d run away to be with him. That Bromis was mean, and she regretted her decision to participate in the choosing. That she resented the life of a Koth’s wife.
I wanted to tell her that I’d already suspected as much, that I felt for her and nearly did the same with her other son… but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
She promised she would keep our secret and that she would speak with Rilark. He’d been beyond cold to me and, awkwardly, still had to act as my protector under Galsthenn’s command. It was terrible and awkward and every moment I was with him seemed like a torturous waiting game.
Perhaps I cared for him more than I thought. But my life was with Galsthenn now, and I was perfectly happy with that. He was a good man and the more I committed myself to him, the more I realized just how much I needed him.
Some nights when he would kiss me fiercely, the way I needed to be kissed, I would convince myself that he already knew on some level that I’d betrayed him and that he loved me enough to forgive my indiscretion. I lived for those moments.
Then I would wake up and work, enduring a day with the man I’d given my body and nearly my heart to, keeping silent company and being reminded every moment we were together how much he hated me.
His attitude adjusted a little after he’d met with his mother. By then he’d changed from staring daggers into my soul to never looking at me at all. In truth, I didn’t know what was preferable anymore. All I knew was that when I lost his eyes, I missed him.
“It seems there’s going to be a war after all,” he said quietly; resigned as he turned to look at me from his desk.
His eyes were pale blue and sad, and I rushed to him. The words shook me to my core, and I placed both of my hands on his cheeks and brushed the white stands of his thick brows so they all ran in the same direction.
He’d been spending months trying to ensure that a resolution could be met between the two warring sides; that the alliance with Earth wouldn’t be in jeopardy. He’d been working on the fate of our planets, and I’d been screwing around. I thought I couldn’t have hit a lower low – but here I was.
“Are you sure?” I breathed desperately, my eyes flicking back and forth from his with a dawning terror. He breathed in heavily and nodded, pressing my hands harder against his cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I tried everything I could to push this away, but the rebels are growing. We’re pushing in tonight.”
“Earth?”
“Supplied weapons,” he nodded. “But I don’t want you to worry, my love. You will be safe.”
“Do you have to go?” I asked with a sharp pain suddenly hitting my stomach at the thought of him heading into battle. “Please say you won’t be on the field.”
He shook his head and nearly scoffed with sarcasm at the thought. “I would do anything to support our soldiers, but the odds my father or the Koth would let me into battle is…” He shrugged. “An impossible dream.”
“Good,” I blurted out, and his eyes snapped up to me with a sincere chuckle. “I’m sorry,” I frowned. Sometimes I said the dumbest things. “I don’t mean… I mean, I know you want to lead the battle but… you know,” I shrugged helplessly, and my lip began to shake. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
It was true.
As soon as the words came out, I crumbled into a mess of tears and he pulled me into his arms, wrapping his wings around me to drown out all the light from the room.
“Hey, hey,” he cooed and smiled at my silliness. His thick lips placed tender kisses all along my forehead before pressing his nose against mine. “I’ll be fine. Everything’s going to be fine.”
“So you’ll stay?”
He smiled gently at me and closed his eyes, the feel of his warm breath against my skin instantly calming me.
“I have to go to headquarters, give a speech,” he said slowly, unspoken apologies thickly coating his words as tears began rolling down my cheeks once more, my heart pounding so loud I swore he could hear it. “Don’t worry, please,” he pleaded in his strong voice, laughing despite himself. “Please, you’re too beautiful for these tears. I’ll be fine. I’ll go, give the speech, rally the soldier’s morale, and then there’s a chance I’ll be able to come back right after.”
“Promise?” I blinked a tear, and he wiped it away, touching my lips with the sweetest kiss.
“I promise. And don’t worry,” he said, and then the words that I dreaded: “We’ll have security here to look after you.”
“No,” I protested deeply, fixing my hands over my heart as I tried not to sound too suspicious. “Please, let me come with you. I can stay in the offices until you’re done.”
He shook his head and brushed his hands comfortingly up my arms. “It’s too dangerous. I won’t risk it. Be patient with me, please, my Rosalyn.”
My stomach sank and seemed to swirl a tornado through my body. If they were sending the best, then I knew exactly who was coming. The thought terrified me in different layers, yet I could feel my limbs coming to life with an anticipation that was already racked with guilt.
“Please let me come with you,” I pouted. “Please, darling.”
“If something happens, I couldn’t live with myself.”
His words were so sincere that they stopped my heart in its tracks. I shook my head slowly at my mate and exhaled shakily as I begged, “And if something happens to you, there will be nothing left for me to live for so, please.”
“Are we really having an ‘If you die, I die’ argument?” he teased and retracted his wings. He grabbed my hand and began leading me to the front door. It was then I knew he was really leaving. Nothing I said mattered.
“If I’m not back in three hours…” He went to speak but seemed to think better of it. “Six hours,” he corrected, “then I will send for you.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.” He smiled and kissed me. “Be safe, my Rosalyn.”
And with that, he was gone. The door clicked hard behind him and my throat filled with a deep sob that refused to surface. It wasn’t long before I could hear the rustling of the Udorian security standing firm against their posts outside the door, protecting the apartment like great warriors… incasing me in a fortress of my mistakes.
I sat on the couch staring out the window in a fog, occasionally glancing around the carefully curated apartment. My mate had designed his home like a palace, and I was the rotten pr
incess inside. Memories of my times with Galsthenn flooded the space, and I gasped for breath as the weight of my time here finally fell in on me, circling around my mind like a spell. I lay down on the plush couch and brought my legs to my chest as I fought my sudden urge to open the front door.
One hour passed and it had been so long since I’d moved that the sudden twitch of my leg startled me. My body creaked as I sat up from my pity party and suddenly I grew perfectly numb.
I stared out the glass wall, suddenly resolute as I stood and shakily strode to the door. I ripped the door open and looked at the guards in front of me and the anticipation that I’d given into suddenly dissipated.
Tardis stood before me, eyes wide and nearly as startled as I was as I narrowed my eyes toward the blue and yellow shifter. He watched me with a fixed gaze before looking to the red dragon, Zevram, who stood down the hall. He gave me a look that silently invited me to go ahead with whatever I had to say.
I stared deeply into the blue shifters eyes and felt my soul rise up out of my body as though I was watching myself from the air.
“Where is he?” I demanded in a whisper.
Tardis shifted uncomfortably and bit his lip. “Your chosen?” he asked spitefully.
“Don’t play games with me,” I snapped, my eyes darting to the hallway to see if I’d alerted the red dragon’s attention before focusing back on the narrow face of the man before me. He fluttered his wings and with some sense of pride ignored my request for information.
“Do you know what’s happening?” I seethed in a whisper. “They’re attacking the rebels. They could kill him.”
The shifter breathed. News of the attack didn’t seem to have any effect on him.
“Just tell me he isn’t in the battle.” Our eyes locked as though we were at war, but he offered only a smirk. I lunged toward him and pushed my hand against his chest as I began to snap: “Do you know the power I hold now? Do you know who chose me?” I boiled. “Do you know how quickly I could get rid of you? Stop screwing me around. Where is he?”
“Relax,” he said with a small laugh and backed away from me in surprise. “He’s downstairs.”
“Oh.” My face flushed and I blinked in surprise. “Well… good then. Send him to me.”
He raised a curious brow and his gaze shifted to Zevram for just a moment before stubbornly nodding to my request. “As you wish.”
I walked back into the apartment with a furious slam of the door and felt a rush of guilt once more. I didn’t know what I wanted. I pressed my eyes shut and backed up against the far wall near the fireplace. My body racked with emotion as I stared intently at the door. I just wanted to see that he was okay. That was all. Then he could leave…
Minutes went by, and suddenly voices could be heard outside the door. I couldn’t make out what they were saying; I knew by their tones that they were arguing. My stomach went sick, and I began to shake as I willed the door to open.
And then it did.
I watched as a mess of deep red hair stepped into the room, and Rilark appeared. He flung the door closed with his boot and turned to regard me. His horns curved above his head in their usual way and he wore dark leather armor with a laser weapon holstered at his side. The shifter didn’t move from the entryway as he caught sight of me cowering by the fireplace.
“Hi.” My voice sounded small and meek, even to me.
I swallowed hard at the sight of him and felt a buzz flow through my sides as I looked at his perfectly formed physique, and smug brows began to rise.
He stared at me with fury and anger and set his jaw so hard that I could see it clenched from where I stood.
“You rang.”
I smiled, but he didn’t. There was nothing playful in his tone as the words left his mouth. He soul looked as dead as mine.
“I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” I breathed out carefully; fearfully. “With all that’s going on,” I gestured around the room. “With… you know… the attack. I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”
“Safe?” he repeated and finally took a step farther into the penthouse. His eyes skimmed the room, and I could tell he was disgusted to be there. “Safe from what?” he said coyly. “You think my own brother would have me killed? Brothers look out for one another.”
I gaped incredulously. “Is that so?”
He gave an arrogant nod and a smile. He stepped farther into the apartment, and my heart began to race. “That is so,” he enunciated.
“I wanted to make sure you were alright. You should be thanking me,” I snapped.
He stopped in his tracks, thick spikes of red hair shaking at the sudden halt. “Thank you,” he said forcefully. We glared at each other for endless moments, and I wasn’t sure how we’d suddenly turned to hating one another. I never hated him. I hated myself, but never him.
“What else should I be thanking you for?” he quipped and extended his palm, getting ready to count on his claws.
“Don’t.”
“Thank you…” he bowed and seemed to think on his sentence, “for being so loyal to my brother. Our Koth.” He protracted his claw and pulled one finger back with it. “Thank you for being so committed to the alliance between Udora and Earth. I know nothing would ever lead you to betray your political sensibilities. You would never put anyone in harm’s way.”
“Rilark, stop.”
“And thank you…” he breathed shakily and locked his gaze on me with the most hatred I’d ever felt from another person, “so much,” he forced the words out, “for letting me use you on the side.”
My jaw dropped, and a mix of emotions came over me. He could see it in my face. “I didn’t use you, I–”
“What, you loved me?” He scoffed, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer him. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. “You threw me away!” He shouted, a roar shadowing his voice and escaping his throat as his fury mounted.
I flinched at his response and began to shake in my corner. His wings began to flare and glow as they extended on either side of him. It was at this moment I realized he wasn’t the same person I knew. This was Rilark, the warrior. The rebel. There was nothing left in him that was mine. Even his eyes were lost to me and… maybe that was my fault, I thought, or maybe this is how things always were and I was too stupid to see him for what he really was.
“I loved you,” I said tersely. “I just didn’t want you to love me back.”
He heaved heavy breaths in and out until the man I knew seemed to return.
“Why.” It wasn’t a question; it was a demand.
“Because I belong to your brother and he is a good man.”
“A good man,” he said slowly. “And do you love this good man?”
“I think so,” I shrugged and inwardly cringed, wishing it had been said differently. “I do. I love him,” I quickly corrected.
“As you love me?”
“Love is love is love,” I muttered. “Does it matter?”
“So you love him,” he said matter-of-factly as he approached. “But here I am, at your behest.”
He put his hands on either side of me and leaned in to entice me, smirking with sudden arrogance. My head shook as I pushed myself against the wall, putting as much distance between us as possible. “I wanted to make sure you were safe.”
“That’s not what you wanted,” he whispered and neared my face.
His countenance washed over with fire: the lust that I had grown to crave. Suddenly, I couldn’t believe what his tone implied. That was it? This was our big reunion? His usual arrogance and not even a hint of consent? I didn’t want him to know how badly I wanted him, yet the words tumbled forth from my mouth. “You’re not even going to seduce me?” I scoffed. “You think you can just come in here and take me?”
“I don’t have to seduce you,” he snapped. “You called for me, remember?”
“Y-yes, to see if you were safe,” I stammered, taking in the scent of him.
He whispered “Bull
shit” and reached his hand up my dress, keeping his free hand pushed firmly against the wall beside me.
I wanted to scream. I wanted the guards to rush in and take him away; I wanted to tell Galsthenn that his brother was nothing but a dirty rebel… but as his fingers touched me in the way only he knew how, I knew it was already too late.
My body bucked against his hand, and I leaned forward to kiss him, moaning as his lips lightly brushed against mine. I breathed heavily as his wrist moved in circles under my dress and spread my legs farther apart to give him a better reach.
“Kiss me,” I said.
But he wouldn’t lean in.
“I tried that,” he said with an expression that was lost on me. “You don’t want sweet, remember? You want this. You, up against a wall and me taking you without so much as asking. Touching you and enjoying you as I see fit. Isn’t that right?”
My eyes burned into him and I pursed my lips in defense. “You’re supposed to be a sweet girl, aren’t you?” He grinned and began slipping his fingers into my wetness. “Innocent. Loyal. Trustworthy.”
“Just shut up,” I whispered through my desire and ran my hands along his leathers, racing to remove them. He grabbed my hands with his free grip and pulled them away from his the straps on his clothes.
I let out a loud moan and glared at him. What was this supposed to be? A tease? I ripped my hands from his palm and traced my fingers over his glowing red scales, scraping them relentlessly as though we were in a standoff.
He let out a husky breath that was laced with lust and then inhaled as he jolted forward, pressing his body clean against mine. He met my eyes and pulled my underwear down with two fingers. “Say you want it,” he demanded in a whisper.
I set my jaw. He wasn’t getting that from me, I resolved. My hand traced over his hard length and felt his power as he whipped his tail against the floor behind him in a tapping motion.
“Say it,” he repeated.
“I won’t.”
