“And lie to you?” Miriam couldn’t keep the surprise from her face.
Mose’s laugh was harsh. “How is that worse than kissing an…” Mose stopped, as if unable to say more. He recovered himself quickly. “You are my promised one, Miriam. And I am a bishop, and this Englisha man is a troublemaker, a rabble-rouser of the worst sort. And he brings the law into the community, officers who ask questions of us. The whole community is in an uproar when I arrive, and with gut reason. Now two of our people have had their barns burned down because of this Englisha man. He has come among us like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. And now he has seduced you. How could you, Miriam?”
Miriam covered her face with both hands and slowly lowered herself to her knees. She crept forward until she could see his ash-covered shoes.
“What is this, Miriam?” His voice was harsh above her.
“I have fallen, Mose.” She forced herself to speak loudly enough for him to hear. “I know I have. I’m unworthy to ask your forgiveness. I simply say that I am guilty. You may do with me as you wish.”
“Get on your feet, Miriam,” he said. “I am not the Lord that you must humble yourself before me.”
She longed for his hand to reach down and lift her up. His slightest touch would have helped heal the jagged pain throbbing in her heart. Miriam waited, but in vain. There was only the sound of his sharp intake of breath above her. Slowly, Miriam placed her hands on the floor and stood. She trembled in front of him, her head bowed.
“Look at me,” Mose ordered.
Miriam brought her head up and tried to keep back the tears.
“Will you take your punishment for this?” His tone was brisk. “Willingly? Whatever it is?”
“Yah,” she whispered.
“Even the bann?”
Miriam choked and clutched her chest.
“Even the bann?” His voice rose higher.
“Yah.” Miriam stifled her sob.
“Then that is gut.” Mose stepped back. “I will not speak to you again until a time of seclusion for you is completed. I will speak with your bishop and tell him you have agreed to a voluntary time of excommunication to seek and find the proper repentance. So consider yourself blessed, Miriam. After the shame you’ve brought upon all of us, but especially me, this is a light punishment. The length of the bann will be announced tomorrow after the service, and the school will be closed for that time. Do you understand?”
Miriam dropped her head again and wept silently.
“I’ll take that as a yah,” Mose said, and closed the door behind him.
Miriam didn’t move until Aunt Fannie’s hands slipped around her shoulders and helped her to the couch. The two clung together until Miriam’s sobs had quieted down.
“It’s only for a little while, dear,” Aunt Fannie whispered. “You can make it.”
“I wish I were dead,” Miriam said. “I wish the day I was born had never been.”
“Come now.” Aunt Fannie clucked her tongue and tucked Miriam’s wet hair under her kapp. “You’re not quite Job yet, I don’t think.”
Chapter Thirty
Miriam clasped her hands and kept her head down. The three-hour church service would end soon, and the worst thing to ever happen in her life would happen. She would be placed in the bann. This story would be part of the tale she would have to tell her children and her grandchildren—how Grandma had fallen for an Englisha man and…
The tears stung, but Miriam resisted the temptation to wipe them away. She doubted if any of the unmarried girls sitting on either side of her knew what lay ahead. The chatter all morning before the service had been about the fires and the questions the police still asked of the community men.
The women were horrified as they whispered their questions to each other.
“Can you believe what they’re asking? Did any of us notice any illegal billing or activity when we rebuilt after the tornado?”
“Did we receive more goods than we needed for our building?”
“Or who was our main supplier for the materials? Don’t they know?”
“Yah, and did not Tyler Johnson supply all this information?”
The last question stung the most. Never had anyone imagined the welcome they had given Tyler would turn into such a nightmare. The police officers wanted the Amish to give testimony in court, but such a notion violated the convictions of even the most liberal-minded member in the community. Bishop Mullet had forbidden any further cooperation with Tyler. So why had Tyler shown up this morning for the service? The reception given Tyler by the men had been frosty from the looks on their faces. She had tried to stay out of sight once Tyler came into the house. Thankfully, he had taken a seat toward the back, but he would still see her humiliation or hear it. Bishop Mullet would make an announcement after Mose finished his sermon. Maybe no one would pay a lot of attention with all the excitement that already happened in the community. But that was a vain hope. The excommunication of the community’s schoolteacher could not be missed, or the fact that school would be closed afterward. Still, the memory of all this would eventually be dulled. People would forget. Aunt Fannie had said so this morning. But Miriam knew she would never forget.
Miriam tried to focus on the last of Mose’s sermon, but the words blurred together into a solid sound she couldn’t understand. At least his face wasn’t as grim this morning. But the fierceness from yesterday afternoon hadn’t left her memory. Mose figured he was letting her off easy. But how was the bann easy? Even for what she had done? It was Tyler who was to blame for the fuss in the community. Maybe Mose wouldn’t have been so extreme if he hadn’t arrived right after the two barns had burned and the police officers had been asking questions and wanting court testimony.
Miriam forced her thoughts to stop. She couldn’t give in to bitterness. The pain was already enough without an added burden. If she wanted to live as Mose’s frau sometime in the future, she had to accept this punishment. But what would Mamm and Daett say in Possum Valley when they found out? That question had reduced her to fresh sobs in Aunt Fannie’s embrace last night.
Miriam tried again to listen to the sermon. Mose was in the middle of a point with both arms raised. His voice thundered in Miriam’s ears. “Repent, said the prophet John. Repent, and prepare the way for the Lord to come. Repent, and make straight the path. Repent, and bring every mountain low. Repent, and fill in the low places of every valley. The Lord God has the same message for His people today. Those who lift themselves up must be brought down, and those who humble themselves before the almighty hand of God will be lifted up. This is what repentance brings. The Lord will walk among us again if we repent. The world tells us, do your own thing, seek your own pleasure, think your own thoughts. But God tells us, ‘My ways are not your ways, My thoughts are not your thoughts.’ ”
Miriam hung her head again and let the tears flow. Mose was preaching at her, she was sure. Apparently Mose didn’t think she had fully repented; otherwise, why would she have to suffer the bann? Or maybe Mose believed in punishment to bring about a full repentance, one that her heart couldn’t reach on its own. She had to believe that, or insanity would knock on the door.
Miriam lifted her head for a moment to wipe her eyes. She stopped, transfixed. Tyler was leaning far around one of the men’s backs to look at her. A big question was written on his face. But it was the kindness in his eyes that sent a fresh stab of pain through Miriam. She thought this day couldn’t hurt more than it already had, but Tyler’s look brought a rush of emotion to the surface. A wail almost slipped out of her mouth. Miriam dropped her head and slipped one hand in front of her mouth. Had she cried out or not? Apparently not. None of the girls on either side of her turned from their focus on Mose’s sermon. A few moments passed before Miriam breathed evenly again. But she kept her eyes turned away from Tyler’s section of the room.
One of the girls seated beside Miriam squirmed and finally looked her way. If Mose’s sermon hadn’t drawn his audience in, she would have
attracted attention long ago with her tears. Miriam set her chin. Enough of this! She would think on the sermon until the awful moment arrived in a few minutes. Fresh tears threatened at the thought, but Miriam kept her resolve and her gaze away from Tyler.
Mose wrapped up his sermon with a final, “Let us prepare our hearts for battle against the world, the devil, and our own flesh. Every day the temptations come. None of us are above giving in to weakness, for it lies near to every human heart. But in repentance, in humility, in brokenness of heart, and in a willingness to make restitution for our sins…” Mose held that part out for a second and looked right at Miriam. She dropped her head and bit the inside of her lip until she tasted blood. But surely that was better than tears. Mose had said he wouldn’t speak to her again until the bann was over, but that must have excluded his sermon. Surely she wouldn’t be used like this once they said the marriage vows. She couldn’t stand having her husband preach at her in church. Mose wouldn’t, Miriam assured herself, and she wouldn’t be tempted to kiss Englisha men after she was Mose’s frau. Nor would Mose excommunicate her again. She had to believe that too.
“And now,” Mose continued, “I have come to the end of my time of speaking today. I confess to a frailty of the flesh from my travels last week and from sharing in the trials this community is experiencing right now. I pray the Lord would grant all of you great mercy, but I remind you to take up this cross with joy in your hearts. I know on my part I will share with the brethren and sisters at the home community of your sweet spirit and of the hospitality you have shown me. We will pray for you and wish you God’s greatest blessings. So if I have preached anything in error today, I leave that to the brethren to correct in their testimony. Perhaps Bishop Mullet can go first, followed by Deacon Phillips. I don’t know many of the men here, so if the bishop wishes to choose another man, that’s fine with me.”
Mose sat down, and Bishop Mullet spoke first. He named Ezra Kauffman to also give testimony, but Deacon Phillips went next. When Ezra finished, Bishop Mullet got to his feet to say, “Will the members please stay in after the final song? Thank you.”
Miriam tried to breathe in the long moments it took for the nonmembers, including Tyler, to file out. The young boys made their way quickly, but it took longer for the younger girls to gather the smaller children and take them into the kitchen. When all became quiet, the members turned in expectation toward the ministers’s bench.
Bishop Mullet stood slowly to his feet and cleared his throat. “I have asked all of the members to stay behind due to a very serious matter that has come to our attention. This is on top of everything else that has happened in the past few days. I regret to say that our beloved sister Miriam Yoder has found herself in a moral failing which requires our attention.” Bishop Mullet paused to clear his throat again. “I don’t wish to give too many details. The rest of the ministry and I have spoken about this with Bishop Mose. He is the one who has brought the matter to us and has spoken with Miriam. We didn’t know for sure what steps to take at first, but we have come to an agreement.” Bishop Mullet glanced around the room before he continued. “Miriam has agreed to a voluntary time spent in the bann. We as a ministry have decided on an excommunication of one week that we think is appropriate. Because this is voluntary, we don’t have to vote or bring further shame to a member who has sought repentance. I have spoken with William Byler this morning because Miriam’s daett isn’t here, and he agrees that Miriam has shown all the signs of deep sorrow. Mose on his part will not be cutting off his relationship with Miriam. Rather, Mose will stay around until the week is over so that he can meet with Miriam again and restore what has been damaged between them. I trust that is okay with everyone. Remember that we are in an unusual time right now, and we are doing the best we can with what we have to work with.” Bishop Mullet glanced at the other ministers. “Do any of you have anything to say?”
Deacon Phillips whispered something, and Bishop Mullet leaned closer to hear.
“Yah,” Bishop Mullet said once he stepped back. “I had forgotten to mention that school is out for the week of Miriam’s bann. Let us use the time for prayer and fasting, not just for Miriam but for ourselves. If anyone has time on their hands, they can bring their children along to the work sites this week. We hope we can have both Deacon Phillips’s and William Byler’s barns rebuilt in that time, if the Lord has mercy on us. You may now be dismissed.”
The girls seated on both sides of Miriam turned to stare. What have you done? was the question written on their faces.
Telling them wouldn’t help. How could she explain why she had kissed Tyler Johnson while she was promised to Bishop Mose? Bishop Mullet had left the specifics of the transgression unspoken, and she would leave it there. The news would leak out soon enough.
Miriam fled through the kitchen and out into the washroom. More than one woman stared at her, but she didn’t pause. She wouldn’t stay for lunch and bear the further shame of having to eat at a separate table. By the next Sunday service, this would be over. At home with her uncle and aunt, she could handle the shame, but not in public. The Lord didn’t ask people to take up a cross bigger than they could carry. Uncle William had agreed to have Star ready for her when the service was dismissed. She would go home and cry alone.
Miriam found her shawl and tried to take slow steps across the lawn. The young boys at play didn’t give her more than a passing glance. But they didn’t know about her shame. Uncle William had Star ready when she arrived at the buggy. He held Star’s bridle and stroked his neck until Miriam could climb in.
Uncle William gave Miriam a kind look before he let go. “Bishop Mullet tried to make things easy for you.”
“Yah, I have much to be thankful for.” Miriam bit her lip again. “And thanks for your kindness. You didn’t have to do this.”
“It’s the right thing to do,” Uncle William said, handing Miriam the reins.
Uncle William gave Star’s neck a final stroke before Miriam drove off. Miriam kept her head down until she was past the house on the road. Then her tears came as great sobs racking her body. Star seemed to sense her distress and turned his head more than once to look back.
The drive finally came to an end when Miriam stopped in front of the greenhouse, but she couldn’t climb out of the buggy. She couldn’t stop sobbing. Only the sound of a car’s tires behind her brought a quick gasp and instant soberness. She dared not guess who it was. Her only hope was that it was a customer who didn’t realize the nursery was closed on Sunday. But no, she knew who it was… who it had to be.
“Miriam,” Tyler called out. The sound went through her like a jolt.
She froze.
“Miriam,” he repeated. “What’s wrong?”
What is wrong? she wanted to scream, but she kept her voice even and said, “I guess you should know that answer.”
“I don’t know a thing.” He gestured wildly back toward the road. “What was that all about? You know I don’t understand Amish ways or customs. One of the men gave me a few details after the service was out. Then you went tearing out of the driveway like a wild woman. Did I understand that you’ve been excommunicated because of me?”
Miriam gave him a hard stare, but her heart pounded so hard she could hardly breathe. Mose’s discipline must not have done its work because Tyler appeared as handsome and attractive as ever.
“It was because of me, not you,” Miriam said, suddenly very tired of it all.
Tyler waved his hands about again. “No, I think it’s because of that old ogre back there. The one who jawed for over an hour. The one that plans to marry you.”
“That would be Bishop Mose Stoll.” Her voice trembled, and Miriam bit the inside of her lip again.
“He’s an ogre.” Tyler was unrepentant. “He made you cry.”
“Oh, Tyler, you simply don’t understand,” Miriam managed. “You never will. Please leave. If you care for me at all, just leave!”
“Really?” He studied her closely.
“You know you could run away with me, Miriam. We could marry tomorrow if you wish, down at the courthouse. I think we’d be happy together, Miriam.”
“Please, just go,” she ordered as she managed to climb down. With knees that trembled, she unhitched Star from the buggy.
Tyler stood there and didn’t offer to help, but he was gone when she returned from the temporary shelter set up to house Star and the few other animals. Miriam looked up the road in each direction. There was no sign of Tyler’s car. Miriam pulled her wet handkerchief out of her pocket again, but her eyes were dry. There were no tears left to cry.
Chapter Thirty-One
Tyler typed the last paragraph of the article in his hotel room before he reread the title, “Amish Aid Exposes Political Corruption.”
That should grab readers’ attention, Tyler told himself. He scanned the rest of the story:
The Amish reject political affiliation and rarely vote, yet in the small community of Clarita, Oklahoma, Amish people have found themselves in the center of a political firestorm. Though initially reluctant to answer questions on how funds were distributed to them more than two years ago through the Clarita Relief Fund set up to aid in tornado reconstruction, the Amish still agreed to cooperate. The information they gave was crucial in the subsequent investigation and helped untangle a web of financial deceit where still unknown amounts of monies were only partially channeled by the Clarita Relief Fund to Amish homes and businesses destroyed or damaged by the storms. In a scheme involving double-billing, Amish building projects received barely sufficient funds to finish their projects while all of the overrun was diverted to political causes.
This scam was ingenious in that no one thought the integrity of such godly people would be questioned. Nor was it apparently thought that anyone would ever dig deeply into how funds allocated to the Amish were distributed. But as the Amish themselves would say, “The Lord makes sure that sins do not remain hidden.”
Miriam and the Stranger Page 21
