by Kira Graham
It happens so fast, in fact, that I exchange a look with Tee, and then we both wheeze out a bark of laughter and fall to the ground, weak with mirth. It’s as funny as hell because Cleo doesn’t work out, ever, and so what she just pulled off is the equivalent of a military-style, 007-worthy move that reminds me of watching the old Pink Panther cartoons. I half-expect to see her hiding behind a lamppost next, and then miraculously appearing on the other side of the street.
The things that that woman will do to avoid a wedding, I think, my stomach hurting from laughter.
Which reminds me!
“We need to move, Sin. I cannot get caught spying on that…that idiot,” Tee whispers, wiping tears from her eyes as soon as her giggles subside. “Power belongs to the apathetic. This is not the move of an apathetic person.”
“I thought that we were here to spy on Paris.”
“Oh, pfft! Anyone who knows that asshole knows that he was bringing a date to this shindig.”
“Are you saying that you convinced me to do this so that you could secretly spy on a man who’s ‘just a friend’?” I ask, my voice filled with disgust. “Uncool!”
“Just shut up and move! We’ll have to come back for Mindy later!”
“I am not leaving Mindy under a freaking bush,” I hiss, already turning to crawl back the way I came.
I may be a bitch—oh, screw it, I think, when I spot Heath sauntering towards the bushes, his eyes narrowing when a section moves and rustles, heralding Mindy’s impending awakening. She’s on her own! Turning sharply, I slither my way after Tee, and we find ourselves behind two potted plants beside the patio, stuck in position because the fool has gotten us trapped with nowhere to go that provides any cover.
This is a total cluster-fudge.
Paris
She’s still hiding behind that damn potted plant by the time dusk rolls in, and instead of being annoyed, I find myself fighting laughter when I see Tee’s head peek up over the top and then disappear just as fast.
Chantel is still standing beside me as the afternoon winds down, and I force myself to let her cling to my arm even when I feel my skin crawl and wish that I could move away.
“You’re an asshole,” Chilli tells me, his arm going around Alex, who is going to town on a plate of chicken wings drenched in ranch dressing.
Swallowing queasily, because she’s eating as if she’s attacking the poor things, I firm up my mouth and glance at the potted plants again, just about ready to walk over there and bust them. It’s been a harrowing afternoon, though as amusing as hell once the security guys and Adonis started taking bets on when I’d snap and drag Sin from her hiding spot.
Rosetta threatened to shank me if I did it before five, and since I know what that woman carries in her purse, I’m waiting it out so that she can win the bet and take a bunch of money off Zeus. It hasn’t been easy, though. Aside from my irritation with Sin’s continued pursuit of me, I just feel bad that she’s resorted to making a fool of herself this way. When will she finally—
“For God’s sake, just stop this. It isn’t right,” Chilli hisses again, tenderly wiping a napkin over Alex’s messy chin before he glares at me and throws Chantel a sneering glare. “She’s been through enough that you don’t have to make a fool out of her.”
“I’m not doing anything,” I rasp back, a small tendril of guilt filling me because I know exactly why Sin is going to these lengths.
It’s for my dick—
“Oh my God, you are an idiot,” Alex moans, abandoning her wings in favor of glaring at Chantel until she scuttles away so that I’m left alone to face her wrath. “What is wrong with you? How can you go from being so in love with Sin that you were stalking the poor woman, to…this? Don’t you have a heart?”
“I have a heart that she ripped out. Or are you only interested in how she feels because she’s family?” I mutter, taking a slight step back when Chilli growls and grinds his jaw.
The guy is like a rabid animal when it comes to his wife, and he views anything less than sweet, praising adoration as a threat, not to mention the fact that he’s crazy jealous of any man who so much as looks at her. Which is why I’ve been side-eyeing her carefully the whole time, lest I get my ass kicked by my brother.
“You’re family, too, you butthead! But this isn’t fair. Look, I know that she wasn’t nice toward the end of…whatever it is that you two had, but Sin has been through some shit that—”
“You don’t have to tell me that. I was at the hospital with her every day,” I counter, my words stilling when Alex shakes her head and smiles sadly.
“I’m not talking about the accident, Paris, and if you’d stop being such a douche-turd for one minute and recognize what’s so clearly obvious to everyone else, you might stop and ask yourself what was going on with Sin that had her nearly killing herself at work, pushing everyone away, and going wild on the party scene with Nefertiti.”
“What? Please don’t tell me that this is all about her breakup with that asshole—”
“Oh, please! Don’t be intentionally dumb. You of all people know just how much she despises Cole,” Alex cuts in, her face going hard when I grind my jaw and keep silent.
I don’t care what Sin’s problem is, and frankly, this whole experience with her has just been one big nightmare. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know what I feel anymore. All I do know is that sleeping with her was a monumental mistake that has me tied in knots and so desperate to have her again that it’s killing me.
I’ve long since abandoned my plans to ruthlessly seduce her and break her heart, because honestly, I just don’t have it in me to hurt her that way. When I left her the morning after we slept together, it was the hardest thing that I have ever done. But I did it because I know myself. I’d have gorged myself on her for days, and then woken up feeling one of two things. Love or boredom. The first is an emotion that I fear with an intensity that even now makes me break out into a cold sweat just thinking about it, and the second—well, I don’t want to feel that way for her because it’s become clear to me that even after everything that’s happened between us, I still care about her.
So, I need to keep my distance, give myself time to settle, and then, maybe, Sin and I can find a footing that allows us to be friends. I miss that friendship, I admit to myself, and I miss the easy way that we used to hang out, just existing with not a care in the world.
Months ago, before it all blew up in my face, I found myself settling down and losing that ever-present restlessness that I’ve felt my whole life. With Sin, I didn’t have to be smart, funny, cool, or even this mega-rich guy who works harder than anyone else. I could just be me—laid back, relaxed, and unambitious—because the truth is, that’s who I am. I like going to work every day and doing the same things, getting into a routine and knowing what each day brings.
That’s me. Average, normal, worker bee Paris Hart. Unlike Adonis, who is driven by ambition and success, and unlike all of my other brothers, who are constantly striving to prove themselves, I’m just the guy who wants to work a nine-to-five, shoot the shit with his family and friends, and spend his weekends in bed, having sex, watching TV, and eating junk.
With Sin, I had all of that—well, besides the sex, though not for a lack of trying on my part. Sin was the easiest person to be around, and she was a great friend in that she wasn’t looking to break any barriers, and didn’t expect greatness from anyone else, either. She worked hard, wanted to earn her star, and then…according to her, nothing more.
She took away that restless, driving need inside me to prove myself to my family, and accepted me just as I am. And I miss that with her, because the truth is, I have been the exact opposite of myself ever since we split. Now, I work myself harder than ever, party more than is healthy, and spend whatever free time I have searching for more to do. Anything to overcome the humiliation I felt when she rejected me. Most people don’t know this about me, but I’ve never been particularly confident. Growing up in a fa
mily where everyone just knew what they wanted made me feel like I was the odd man out. Add in the fact that I’m a sappy, gushy, romantic freak who’s been searching his entire life for that elusive love that I’ve witnessed my parents sharing, and…
Well, you can fill in the rest. I don’t know who I am unless I’m obsessing over something. Which I didn’t know about myself until Sin came into my life and taught me to just…be.
I miss that. I want that back. I just don’t want to get tangled up in her again and turn her into that obsession, like I did before. I guess you could say that I’ve finally realized that I turned Sin into one of my projects, and now that I know that, I don’t know what to do. If I let her pursue me, and we get together, what happens if I lose interest? I don’t want to hurt her, and I know that I would if that happens. Worse, what happens if I realize that she is more to me, and then she stops wanting me?
Christ! She’s tuned me into a lunatic who can’t even make up his mind—
“Paris,” Chilli starts, his mouth going tight when I shake my head and slash a hand through the air.
“Don’t. Look, I know what you guys want from me, but I just can’t do it, okay? Getting close to Sin is like playing with fire for me. I’m going to get burned, and if I don’t, then she is,” I tell him seriously, feeling regret fill me.
I don’t trust her, and worse, I trust myself even less.
In essence, I’m too confused by my feelings to know what I truly feel, and that scares the hell out of me.
“But why, Parry? She made a mistake, and even she knows it, but that doesn’t mean that you guys can’t try for more. She’s apologized over and over, and she’s willing to make a fool out of herself in order to prove that she means it. What more could you want?” Alex whispers, her eyes filled with sad hope.
I don’t know, and that’s the problem. If this could be about sex, plus being friends, then I would be on board. In fact, up until she told me that she loved me, I was going to retreat, regroup, and then propose that very thing to her. Until she said those words. Until she made it impossible for me to approach anything with her on the basis of casual sex.
And that right there is the rub. I’m not ready for anything else, but she wants more.
So now we’re at an impasse that’s both hard for me to deal with, and also as funny as hell, because—yeah, it’s hilarious, the lengths she’s willing to go to in order to get my attention. This morning, I woke up and got into the shower, only to have the glass fog up and reveal a heart with her name scrawled in it. If I weren’t so creeped out by the thought of her breaking into my apartment while I was sleeping, it would have been adorable.
“I want nothing,” I say, my heart thudding hard when I hear a gasp coming from behind us.
Chapter Fifteen
Sinai
“We should go out and get hammered,” Tee says softly, her hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles turn white.
I shrug, unable to answer because it’s hard to form words when it feels like my chest is being crushed into a million pieces. I sat behind that fucking potted plant for hours, sharing stolen food that Alex had Grange smuggle our way, sniggering with Tee, and generally enjoying the hell out of myself. After Mindy woke up and somehow got her ass over to us as well—don’t ask me how that happened, because I’m still asking myself the same question—we had a wonderful time.
We ate, laughed, and waited for Grange’s signal, and it was while I was leaving that I heard Paris talking to Chilli. I’m still a little shocked by what he said, and after I had to tackle Tee in order to keep her from flying over the potted plants and launching herself at him, and then somehow get her into the car, it finally hit me. This isn’t a game.
I’ve done a lot of weird and amusing things lately, from calling him and sending him texts—including some nude selfies—to breaking into his apartment and leaving little love messages everywhere. Heck, Tee rubbed his pillow on my crotch, and then we cackled about it for hours afterward. There’s so much more that I did, and so much more that I was planning to do. Until that statement. Because it leaves absolutely no room to fight. He doesn’t want anything. If he’d said that he wants to hurt me, I’d have smiled and thought of ways to coo and seduce him out of his anger. If he’d said sex, I’d have teased the heck out of him and then submitted, because, let’s face it, I want him.
But…nothing?
That leaves me with…well, nothing.
I once got my ass kicked by a girl two grades ahead of me, but instead of quitting, I kept fighting and eventually took her down, albeit with my teeth in her ear, because that’s all I could do at the time. The point is, I never give up. Usually.
“This sucks,” Mindy mutters from the back seat, her face scrunched up so adorably that I try to smile and tease her for wearing pink sneakers with her camo gear.
“Sucks? Honey, it sucks when you catch the idiot that you’re using for sex, schtupping another girl. It sucks when you get a parking ticket because the traffic officer you’re attempting to flirt with is gay. This doesn’t suck,” I tell her honestly. “It fucking sucks.”
“Language,” she mumbles, sucking down a bottle of water like her life depends on it.
“Mindy, I swear to God that if you antagonize me right now, I will flatten that little bubble you call a tit,” Tee warns, her profile like stone as she grinds her jaw and tries not to lose her temper.
It’s ironic, really. She’s an anger management therapist, and yet her temper is so violent that most of us avoid riling her up at all costs—even Rosetta, who is as scary as they come.
“I’m just saying! You need to use better language. Now, Tee, just hear me out. I know this hurts, but there’s no reason for Sinai to lose touch with herself just because she’s hurting.”
Tee snorts, and I find myself smirking as she begins to lecture Mindy about just who Sinai Sweet really is. Yes, I’m a decent person, and no, I don’t go out of my way to hurt people, but that’s where my decency sort of takes a left turn. I swear like a trucker, I have no filter, and I once even told my Aunt Honey that her ass was fat, because let’s face it, that woman has an affinity for butter, and I never lie. Unless I absolutely have to. Mostly to the cops.
“But—but you’re the good one,” Mindy says, frowning. “That’s how come Jesus loves you.”
I frown at the phrase, feeling something niggling at the back of my mind, and then give in to the laughter that’s bubbling up as Tee snorts and wheezes her mirth from the driver’s seat. Well, at least Mindy’s crazy is lightening her mood, I think, shaking off the feeling of foreboding that’s hit me as I turn to face Mindy and shake my head.
“Ain’t nuthin’ good about me, honey-pie. I’m merely human, and right now, what this human wants to do is have a few drinks, plot a suitable revenge prank to satisfy my pride, and then…” I shrug, because “then” is a big word for me. At least in this context.
It symbolizes the next step—moving on and yielding to failure, which is something that I hardly ever do. My whole life, I’ve chosen to swim against the tide, and have proved victorious through sheer, dogged determination. It’s who I am, and who I thought that I always would be, and yet here I sit, wearing camo gear in a car after a preposterous stunt that hasn’t done anything more than make a bigger fool out of me.
Not that I mind that part too much. People’s opinions don’t mean all that much to me in the first place, and since everyone’s used to my doing weird stuff, I can shrug this off as an amusing caper and laugh about it with anyone who’s crass enough to bring it up. What I can’t do is just pretend that—
Wait a minute!
“What’s that look in your eye?” Tee asks, side-eyeing me after a long silence during which I try to ignore Mindy’s silently judgmental looks.
“So, you know when everyone pretended that Alex wasn’t pregnant?” I begin, my bright idea feeling like the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
“Oh, no—oh, hell, no,” Tee ba
rks, shaking her head vehemently. “Denial is a dangerous trait, and not something that you’re sane enough to come out of!”
“I am, too! And just think—I’m due some vacation time in the thinking department. We’ll pretend that none of this ever happened, and—and I can just…live,” I point out, a plaintive quality entering my voice because I’m on the verge of begging for some sort of relief.
Look, guys, I know it’s not ideal, but I’m no good with emotions. Right now, my throat is so strangled with hurt that I could choke to death on the stuff, and I haven’t even mentioned my roller coaster of emotions when it comes to everything else. I lost my dream, I almost died, and now the one thing that I had left is gone. If I were a lesser woman, I would cry myself to death and fall into a depressive mire. As it is, I’m nearly certain that I’m going to drink myself blind just as soon as Tee gets us to wherever we’re supposed to be going. A little denial will go a long way, and dammit, I need it.
“Sinai, honey, pretending that you didn’t just get your heart thrown in your face is a dumb idea, and from a psychological point of view, it’s one of those ideas that end with your taking an ax to your ex-boyfriend’s car while screaming insane obscenities. While that’s not a picture that I mind being a part of, and while another arrest isn’t something that I’m particularly opposed to, I really, really don’t want you to get to that point and have the whole family feeling sorry for you because you’ve more than snapped.”
“Since when is that a bad thing in this family?” I ask, my lips twitching along with hers when we think of all the memories our family has made.
Good ones, bad ones, outrageous ones, and illegal ones. One thing that I can say about us Sweets is that we do everything with heart.
Ironic, I guess, since the Hart I wanted is well and truly lost.
“Since we acquired ourselves a lunatic stalker, and most of us have been hurt or nearly killed into the bargain. Listen to me, Sinai. A lot has happened lately, and there is no shame in taking some time to come to terms with all the losses.”
