by Anne, Betsy
I enjoy walking around on patrol and getting to know people. It helps to be on friendly terms if there’s ever an issue to deal with. As I round the corner near the coffee shop, I notice a shock of the most beautiful red hair I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen more than my fair share. Having spent my youth in Scotland where it’s a bit more prevalent, I guess that’s why I notice it. I look over at her, and she’s in full-blown panic. About ten feet behind her is a little toddler, thinking she’s paying hide and seek with her.
I try not to frighten the little one, so I crouch down to her level and hold out my arms. At first glance, she hesitates, and then she climbs right up. I would normally be concerned for a child who would go so readily to strangers, but she’s too young for that lesson. She grasping at the air in the direction of the redhead, so I assume the woman is who the toddler is looking for. I watch her for the briefest of moments. Her face is perfect, albeit worried, but there’s a sweet soul within. She’s desperate to find her baby, and it breaks my heart.
“Miss, does this wee one … ” I begin as she snatches her out of my hands.
She cries as she runs all the way back to the park to get her stroller. It’s a real shame she’s married; she’s a beauty.
I take the train to Mom and Dad’s, I don’t want to mess with traffic. During my long ride, I can’t help but daydream about the beautiful woman from this morning. I’ve never been so drawn to someone before; she left quite an impression. Before I know it, the ride and the fantasy about the redhead, is over. Lach picks me up at the station.
“How’s everything, Wickham?”
“It’s going well, thanks, man.”
Our family has grown closer since all the drama a while back. Once I got my shit together and became the man I should be, everything else seemed to fall into place. I’ve never been closer to my parents, or Lach. I never divulged what I’ve been through; I just let them know I was getting some much-needed therapy. Lach is engaged, again, to the girl he’s been seeing for awhile. I’m really happy for them. He doesn’t have to ask anyone to keep an eye on her.
Lach and I work hard at prepping the walls to be painted that night, and we finish the job by noon. It’s a small house, and a small dining room, so even with some goofing off it was a fast job. Mom is thrilled, and insists we all stay for dinner. I have to work in the morning, but I decide to stay over. I’ll just have to get up at the crack of dawn to make it back on time.
The train is packed with commuters headed into the city. As it continues to drop off passengers downtown, the train’s load lightens a bit. I look up when the door opens, and see a familiar mess of color.
My redhead.
It would appear that she’s on her way home from a hard night of partying. Considering the guy she’s with is checking out the other guys, I’m guessing he’s not her husband. At least I hope for her sake he’s not. Her makeup is halfway down her face, and her clothes are rumpled. She’s still stunning to look at, at least to me. I can’t seem to pull my eyes from her.
She notices an ad up high above the windows and starts to scream at it. The person looks so different in the picture, but no doubt it’s her and her wee one. She’s being silly, and talking nonsense to the photo. Her “friend” is already passed out in a seat. The other passengers are annoyed, ready for her to shut up.
On instinct, I approach her to try and calm her down. She looks at me, and I think I see a small glimmer of recognition. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking. She willingly sits down with me, and I speak to her in a whisper to try to quiet her down. The riders seemed appeased. She’s safe.
One thing I’ve learned through yoga training, is how to calm people down without them realizing it. This little trick helps a great deal when doing my job. Speak to the person in question in a slow, measured cadence, and try to get her to breathe with you by letting her see or sense your body moving with each breath. She’ll begin to mimic the breathing rhythm without realizing it. Before you know it, the situation de-escalates into something easier to handle. This is less difficult to do if the person isn’t drunk, which she is.
I ask her about the photo and the little girl, and she gushes. She adores her baby, and my heart constricts upon hearing her express her devotion. I’ve given up judging other people, as much as is humanly possible, but I can’t help but wonder why she would be out with such a little one at home. Maybe it was a special occasion.
She doesn’t tell me her name, even though I ask a couple of times. I’m concerned she won’t make it home safely. Her snoozing partner-in-crime is about to slide out of his seat. I don’t think he’s going to be much help. We both rise when our stop is called. I was ready to stay on just in case she wasn’t getting off here. Her friend wakes up, and surprisingly assists her off the train. He must have called a cab when I wasn’t looking because he pours her into one waiting across the street from the station. I don’t even realize that I’m standing nearby staring at them until she throws me a wave. I’m embarrassed to have been caught, but I can’t take my eyes off of her. I should be escorting her home, instead of that asshole, to make sure she’s safe.
~Part Three~
Chapter 19
I’m frozen in place.
Is this why Wick wanted to bring me up here? To have a quiet place to tell me his life story? He’s silent for the first time in more than an hour. He told me his life story, and he’s poised on the edge of his chair like a cat about to spring. He’s nervous, waiting for me to speak.
He’s given me so much to process, I don’t where to jump in.
“Please, Becca, say something. You mean the world to me, and I need to know if you hate me. I can take you back home if you never want to see me again, and I’d completely understand. I’m not the same person I was back then.” He pleads at me with his eyes.
“I don’t know what to say, Wick. I had no idea that your situation went so deep. I just thought that maybe something physical was wrong or you were concerned I would hurt you if we consummated our relationship. Do you think that?”
“I’m scared to screw everything up with sex. Our time together is special to me, and I’ve worked hard for control over my sexual life. I’m attracted to you, and have been since that first day I saw you. I feel like I could lose myself in you and mess things up.” He approaches me slowly as he stares deeply into my eyes. “I love you, Rebecca.”
I throw my arms tightly around his waist and squeeze.
“I love you, too, Wick! I have for so long now. I think I fell in love with you on our first date. It’s been breaking my heart that we haven’t been physical. I’ve wanted to say the words, but I’ve been scared that you were going to back out of this relationship because you didn’t want to be with me sexually. I thought I didn’t turn you on.”
“I think you’re aware that’s not the case. I know how many times you’ve seen me hard as a rock. I’ve wanted you so badly, and I’ve had dreams of us being together. I’ve even had a couple of intense orgasms in them. My training has served me well.”
He bends down and envelopes my mouth with his. He takes his time with the kiss, and teases my tongue with his. It’s deep and more sensual than any other time before. I think he’s more relaxed, now that I know his story, and he can give into it without fear.
He lifts his head, and places his forehead against mine.
“Thank you for listening to me. I had no idea how this weekend would go. I had no intention of spilling all that information, but I knew that if I didn’t start at the beginning, it wouldn’t make sense. I retrained my body to reject everything I knew about sex in the past, and I have a deeper understanding of what it means to be joined together. I hope you can continue to be patient with me.”
What? Still nothing?
“Um … OK. You still don’t feel ready? Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
He picks me up, and carries me back to the bedroom.
Oh.
He places me gently on the bed, and takes a step back.
“What I meant when I asked for your patience was that I can’t rush through any of this. If I get too excited, I’ll need to calm myself down. I want to connect with you, Becca, I’ve never wanted anything more. I’ve only experimented using what I’ve learned with someone I don’t love. I know this will be incredible for both of us, but it will take effort on my part. Do you understand?”
I nod. Fireworks are exploding in my gut, but I try my best to appear calm. I’ve waited for him for so long now that this could be excruciatingly difficult.
“I’ll let you lead the way, Wick. Let me know what to do. I’ll follow, OK?”
“Thank you, me love.”
He bends down and chastely kisses me.
And it begins.
My heart is knocking against my ribcage; it’s the loudest sound in the room. He’s standing near the bed, staring at me.
“Your so beautiful, Rebecca. In my wildest fantasies, I could have never imagined falling in love with a woman like you,” he whispers to me, while trailing his fingers lightly over my face. “You have no idea how much your understanding means to me. I know everything I’ve been through and learned about myself was for this moment.”
He brings my hand up to his face, and kisses my fingers. His emerald eyes have darkened with desire. His thick lashes tangle as he squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath. His body enlarges as his abdomen fills with air, and he looks like a warrior readying himself for battle. It sends my tortured libido into overdrive. My breathing accelerates, and warmth circulates deep under my skin.
He grabs the bottom of his sweater, and pulls it slowly over his head, tossing it aside. His eyes wander over my face and robed body. I’m not going to take it off; I want him to set the pace. Even though the room is cold, he appears radiant. His skin glows with arousal, it’s almost too much for me to take in. I want him now, so badly, but I promised I’d show patience.
He drops his sweatpants, and, dear God, he’s glorious. I saw him naked last night before he got into the hot tub, but that brief glimpse pales in comparison to seeing him now, like this, fully aroused, at eye level. He steps out of his pants, and sits next to me on the bed. His weight forces the mattress down and rolls me over into his side. He lovingly pushes my wayward hair out of my face, and tucks it behind my ear.
He grasps the belt to my robe, and waits. I give him a fast nod of approval, and he unties it. He pulls it out from underneath me, and pulls me upright.
He sits in the center of the bed, his legs crossed. I’m impressed: He’s incredibly flexible, especially given how much muscle he has. He gently pulls me to sit on his lap. He takes the belt from my robe and wraps it around our waists to tether us together. I’m given a killer smile; he likes this position.
“Give me your eyes,” he whispers and I’m not sure what he means. “Look into my eyes, and don’t turn away. It’ll feel awkward at first, but just trust me.”
Our faces are nose to nose in this position. I stare into his luminous eyes, and fall deeply into a pool of green. After a few moments, I understand what he means. It is awkward, even with someone you love. Eyes are the trapdoors into our deepest emotions. I feel as if he can read every thought I’ve ever had. I instinctively look away.
“No, baby, no. Back on me, please,” he says, smiling, and I comply.
We pass through all the necessary phases: awkwardness, silliness, stillness, and then bonding. After a time, I no longer feel uncomfortable; I feel a profound sense of connection. His face is rife with emotion. It’s clear he’s unsure about how I will respond.
He pulls the belt a little tighter, and our torsos become one, sharing a single breath. My mind ruins this blissful moment, remembering what he told me about his friend, Pam. I can’t bear the image of the two of them like this, sharing this intimate moment.
He picks up on the shift in my emotion, and appears frightened.
“What is it, Becca? This is the time to be honest with one another; we’re both vulnerable. Please share what you’re feeling with me.”
I feel ridiculous, but I know I can’t hide it. I’m jealous.
I wiggle a little to have some space.
“I’m sorry, Wick. It’s just that this is so intense, and you’ve shared this with someone else. I don’t know how it can be special for you after that, because for me, this feels like everything. I’ve never shared a bond like this with anyone, and we haven’t even had sex. I’m jealous that you and your friend were together,” I whisper as I inspect my bellybutton. I can’t look at his face or I might cry.
He touches my forehead with his to get my face to rise.
“Have you ever had sex with someone you didn’t love?”
“Yes, I have. Why?”
“You were satisfying a basic need, not trying to make a relationship, right? Pam and I needed each other to practice. Neither of us had special people in our lives; we both wanted to find someone. It was necessary for us to try and perfect the things we learned. That’s how we knew we weren’t right for each other. You can’t emotionally connect with someone you’re not right for, no matter how hard you try. I do understand, however. I can’t stand the thought of you touching another man with your beautiful body. It makes me sick inside.”
His words are honest and heartfelt. I try my best to push those jealousies as far away as I can. I snuggle myself back into his chest, and he tightens the belt again.
All the while we’re in this position, his cock swells and recedes. At certain times, it’s uncomfortable to sit on. His control of his body is honed as sharp as a chef’s knife, and it’s impressive to witness. Most other men could never withstand prolonged intimate foreplay such as this. For him, it seems to slow his system, so that he can linger and enjoy the sensations. Every touch is intentional, and with purpose.
We return to our previous position, and lock eyes once again. After taming my feelings of jealousy, having the slate wiped clean, I feel freer to indulge. We touch noses, and he leans in for a quick kiss.
“I couldn’t help myself. You smell so delicious.” He smiles innocently, as if he’s just stolen a cookie from the cookie jar.
I know I promised to be patient, but I’m only human. No woman alive could keep herself off of him the way he looks at this moment.
I grab his face and ferociously kiss his warm mouth. He’s surprised and responds with matched enthusiasm. Last night we’d had a lot to drink, but right now we’re sober and fully aware of what we’re doing. His cock becomes rigid under me, and he shudders. He pulls back after another sloppy kiss.
“Wait, darlin’, wait. Do you remember what I told you about how I used to be? I can’t ever go back to being that person. I’m afraid to give in too quickly, so I can’t fuck this up. I love you, and I can’t lose the way I almost lost everyone else in my life. I fucked up a lot of things with my selfishness. I know it just seems like sex, but this is the first time I’ll be having sex with someone I love.”
“I’m sorry, Wick. You asked for patience and I threw myself at you. I’m the one being selfish. You won’t ever be that person ever again, no matter what you do. You’ve learned from the consequences of your actions. Your family loves you, and I love you. You won’t hurt me, I know it.”
“After I had sex with those other women, I would push them away. I couldn’t stomach the thought of anyone getting close to me, so I shut them down. I had no interest in anything long-term. I trust in everything I’ve learned and how far I’ve come, but now I have something to lose.”
He looks somber. He asked me to go slow, but I pushed him. I could be the one to fuck this up with my selfishness.
“I won’t let it happen again.” I cross my heart in a silly gesture to lighten the dark mood. “Let’s start again.”
“No. I’m letting my fear of the unknown get in the way. We’re ready to move on.”
He interlocks our fingers, and lies back on the bed, pulling me on top
of him. He reaches around and pulls a downy blanket over us. He closes his eyes, and hums rhythmically.
I lie still and enjoy the vibration coming from his body; it entrances me. His hands are on the outside of the blanket, rubbing my back firmly and pressing my body into his as he continues to hum.
“Join me,” he says quietly, not breaking the cadence of his humming.
I join in, and our bodies become electrified with energy. I’m simultaneously deeply relaxed and have a heightened sense of sensation and awareness. It’s transcendent.
Our warm bodies melt into one another, and sway in unison in no particular direction. The feeling is sublime. I could stay like this for hours on end. The rhythm almost puts me to sleep.
“No time for napping, missy,” he says with a grin, and lazily rolls over on top of me.
He startles me with a warm kiss on my neck.
“You’re pulling back for me, so I’m pushing forward for you. Only seems fair,” he says in a playfully sarcastic tone.
We’ve been in this bed for a couple of hours, yet it feels as if only a moment has passed.
He lowers himself under the covers, almost down to my feet. He kisses me lightly on the inside of my ankle, balancing his touch ever so delicately on my nerve endings. His hands follow his mouth, and massage the warmed skin behind it. It’s sensual and loving. When he reaches my upper thigh, I assume he’ll bypass my crotch.
I’m wrong.
He spreads my lips delicately with his fingers, and kisses my long-overheated crevice. The action startles and delights me, and I choke out a garbled sound of pleasure. He doesn’t speed up or slow down; he stays the course with slow and steady pressure with his tongue. He moans intensely against my flesh, enjoying it thoroughly.
