by Tia Siren
When I saw her, and we got to talking, it was as if a veil had been lifted and a new option for my future had been revealed. She was door number two. I wanted door number two.
I heard a bit of a commotion ahead of me. I looked up to find a banner strung out across the nurses’ desk surrounded by pink and blue balloons. I knew what that meant.
“Who?” I asked Junie, who was grinning from ear to ear as if she were the proud parent.
“Mrs. Donavan.”
My eyes widened. “Seriously?”
She was still grinning as she bobbed her head up and down. “Yep. I got the blood test back this morning. I asked her to come in this morning. They don’t know yet.”
I smiled at the thought of how happy Mrs. Donavan and her husband would be. They had been going through IVF for over a year with no luck. They had depleted their savings and were giving themselves one last shot before they turned to adoption.
“That’s amazing. How many bets that it’s twins?” I joked.
Several nurses raised their hands. One chimed in. “At least twins. I hope they are ready for babies. With as many hormones as that woman was hopped up on, it has to be multiples.”
The news made my day. I had hated watching the couple go through the heartbreak and disappointment month after month. Their story was not uncommon, but I felt like they were genuinely good people. Despite their stress, they were always kind and upbeat. I couldn’t wait to see them and give them the good news.
I put my things in my office and went through my morning routine, checking the schedule for the day and reviewing charts.
Junie popped her head in. “They’re here!”
“Great. Are they in a lounge yet?”
“Headed in now.”
“Maybe bring them this way so they can see your decorations?”
She grinned. “Sounds great.”
I waited in front of the nurses’ station. When the couple was escorted down the hall, they looked at me, not paying attention to all the décor surrounding me. I could see the fear and anxiety on both their faces. They had been through this part so many times, they were prepared to hear the worst news.
“Congratulations,” I said.
They looked at each other. “Us?” Mr. Donavan said in total shock.
The nurses, Junie, and I all started clapping our hands.
The couple began to cry tears of joy. I had to fight back my own emotions. I hoped I could do this for Lara one day. I wanted to see that look of happiness and joy on her face. I wanted to give her the gift of a child. If only she would let me.
“This is amazing. Thank you. All of you,” Mrs. Donavan said through her happy tears.
Junie escorted them into a room to go over the next steps of the process. Mrs. Donavan was pregnant, but we all knew there were still risks, especially if the pregnancy turned out to be multiples.
I covered the pertinent details with the couple, but I had a feeling they heard nothing. They were both so overcome with joy, they seemed to be in their own little world.
“How about we go see what goodies Junie brought in?” I told them, realizing they deserved to enjoy the moment. They could worry about the rest tomorrow. Right now, I wanted them to experience the happiness they had been working so hard to achieve.
I got to spend a few minutes at the impromptu party before it was time to see other patients. We kept the party toward the back of the office, not wanting to rub it in the faces of the other women who were still struggling. It was a fine balance. I wanted my patients to have hope they would one day get to be enjoying a similar celebration, but I didn’t want to rub in the fact that they still hadn’t gotten pregnant.
After lunch, Junie removed the decorations and stopped by my office. I had a break in patients and was taking a few minutes to get caught up on my emails.
“How’s Lara?” she asked.
I considered denying I had seen her but realized that was pointless. “She’s a little better. Yesterday wasn’t just about the negative test. Her ex is giving her some trouble.”
Junie rolled her eyes and shook her head. “What an asshole. She seems to be a very nice woman. She gave me the condensed version of her marriage and why it ended. Why doesn’t the guy go on his merry way?”
“Me.”
“What?”
“He stopped by her place and I was there with Lara’s brother. This was before anything had even happened between us. He’s now decided I live there, so he wants to renegotiate the settlement.”
“Oh lord. What a jackass.”
“I agree.”
“You two are meant for each other. You know that, right? I mean, how great of a story is it that you met so long ago, went your separate ways, then found your way back to each other? It really is one of those Lifetime movie stories,” she said with a sigh in her voice.
I laughed at her version of our lives. “I don’t know that it’s quite so easy, or that we’ll even get to be together. There’s a lot of baggage in the way.”
“She wants a baby, and you are relatively young. You look healthy enough, and I know you like kids. You’re capable of making babies, I assume?”
I nearly choked on the water I was drinking. The question was extremely personal, but I knew Junie and she was very much like my mother. “I believe I am. I haven’t actually tried to make that happen.”
“I would suggest you give it a go.”
Her bluntness was embarrassing me. “Lara doesn’t want that.”
“Want what? A baby? I beg to differ. She is paying you an ungodly amount of money to get a baby.”
I heaved a heavy sigh. “Not like that. She doesn’t want the hassle of another parent involved.”
Junie started laughing and slapping her thigh. “Well of course that’s what she says, you fool! I think you need to give her some time. Give your relationship time. Hell, why not get her pregnant and ask for forgiveness later?”
“No! I could never do that. She would think I was trying to trap her, and that would ruin everything. I won’t do that,” I said vehemently.
“Good. You better not. I think it’ll work out. Time and patience. It’s the same thing we tell our patients. Things will work out when it’s the right time.”
I nodded, not sure if I really agreed with her, but for now it was my only option. “Thanks, Junie.”
“All right, I have to get back to work. I can’t be your love doctor all day,” she teased.
She left the office, leaving me to mull over what she had said. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t already thought about. I was on board, but I wasn’t going to push Lara.
By the time I got home, I was exhausted. My earlier elation over the positive pregnancy test for the couple had dissipated, and now I was ready to kick back and relax. I had texted Lara earlier but didn’t want to make her feel pressured by calling or showing up at her house unannounced again.
I plopped down on my couch with a beer and a very fat sandwich. I was just about to take a bite when my phone rang. I nearly jumped out of my seat trying to get to my phone in time. Checking the caller ID, I grinned.
“Hey. I was just thinking about you,” I answered.
“Were you? What were you thinking?” Lara purred.
“Oh, naughty things that shouldn’t be repeated over an unsecure line.”
She laughed, and it warmed my heart. I could tell she was in much better spirits than the last time we had spoken.
“How was your day?” she asked.
“Great. Really good,” I said, skipping the part about the Donavans. I didn’t want to bring up the subject of babies and pregnancy. “How about you?”
“Pretty good. I started a small marketing campaign for the new line I’m getting in the store. It’s already generating some buzz. The seller is thrilled to know people are very anxious to get their hands on her products.”
“Geez, I’m going to have to take a look and see what all the fuss is about.”
Another laugh. “Come by the shop
next week. I should have them in by then.”
I heard her yawn. “Are you in bed already?” I asked, checking the time. It wasn’t even eight.
“I know, I’m old. These last few days have worn me down. Stress and all that nonsense makes it difficult for me to sleep.”
“I could come over and hold you until you fall asleep,” I offered.
Last night, she had fallen to sleep fast enough, but it had been a restless night. It explained why I was feeling tired myself.
“No. I am not going to keep you up again. I saw those dark circles under your eyes this morning. Stay home and get some sleep yourself.”
She yawned again, and I knew she needed to get to sleep.
“I better let you get off the phone, Lara. Try to get some sleep. I know that’s easier said than done, but worrying isn’t helping anything. Relax and enjoy the ride.”
“Ha! I want off this ride.”
“I know it hasn’t been loads of fun, but just remember, I’m in it with you. And I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she mumbled, the sleep clearly pulling her under.
“Good night,” I whispered.
The phone went silent and I knew she had hung up. I was bummed that I couldn’t be with her but encouraged that she’d she called to say good night. I knew she would be thinking of me as she drifted off to sleep. Somehow, that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I set my phone down and finished my sandwich while thinking about what it would be like to live with her. She loved her place and I didn’t see her giving that up. I looked around my own apartment and felt no real attachment. I could live with her. There was plenty of space for us and our child. Eventually, I would want to buy a house with a yard, especially if we were going to have more children.
When I realized it, the level of detail I’d added to my future planning had me laughing out loud. It seemed I had our future together all mapped out, yet she hadn’t even agreed to be with me. Yet. I grinned. She hadn’t agreed to be with me yet. I was wearing her down, though, and getting under her skin. Soon enough, she would realize she loved me and wanted to have my babies and my babies alone. I wanted to live happily ever after with her and just needed to make her feel the same way.
Time. That was all I needed. Unfortunately, neither of us were getting any younger. We had lost so much time already.
Chapter 27
Lara
I watched as Kali blindly folded the new shipment of clothing. She was clearly lost in thought and not really paying attention to what she was doing.
“You okay?” I asked her for what had to be the tenth time.
She smiled. It was a fake smile, but I wouldn’t call her on it.
“Yeah. Sorry. I was daydreaming I suppose.”
“Brian?” I asked with a smile.
Her face lit up and she nodded her head.
“Yes.”
“Good. I’m really happy for you both. It’s a little weird, but I am happy for you. You’ve seemed really good these past couple weeks. Are you sure there’s nothing bothering you?”
“No, no. Aren’t you supposed to be meeting Brian for dinner tonight?”
I looked at my watch. “Not for another hour. I’m going straight to the restaurant from here.”
“Oh.”
I eyed her suspiciously. I knew she wasn’t telling me something but figured she would tell me when she was ready. Maybe she and Brian had had a fight. I could understand her not wanting to talk about it with me because I was fiercely protective of my big brother. I felt like I could be unbiased and objective though. At least I thought I could.
The next hour passed in silence.
“I’m going to head out. Are you sure you’re okay with closing? I can ask Brian to meet me a little later.”
“No!” she said a little too quickly. “I’m fine. Go. I’m sure he’s waiting.”
“Okay. See you tomorrow?”
She nodded, and I headed for the office to grab my purse.
Brian was already at the restaurant when I arrived. He had called yesterday, saying he needed to talk to me and had some news to share. I wasn’t worried and assumed he was getting a better job or maybe buying a house or something.
When I sat down at the table, I could see it was something bigger.
“What’s wrong, Brian?”
He took a long drink from the beer sitting in front of him. “Kali’s pregnant.”
I stared at him for several long seconds. There had been no warning, no buildup, and the words didn’t seem right. “What?” I said for lack of anything better to say in the moment.
“Kali’s pregnant. It’s mine.”
“I don’t understand. I mean I do, of course, but you’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks.” I pointed out the obvious.
He shrugged. “I guess I’m potent.”
I rolled my eyes. Typical man. “Okay. Why are you telling me this? How come Kali didn’t tell me?”
“She was afraid to. I guess you really want a baby? Something you may have shared with your big brother, don’t you think?”
I shook my head and held up a finger. “No. You aren’t turning this on me. You are my big brother, which is exactly why I didn’t tell you.”
“Well, she is. We found out a couple days ago. She wanted to tell you but then freaked out and said I had to.”
“Do you want a baby?” I asked. Brian had never been the kind of guy to talk about settling down and doing the whole family thing. This was coming out of left field for me, and I suspected it might be for him as well.
“I didn’t think I did, but now that it’s happening, I’m okay with it. For the most part. I mean, I’m still a little freaked out, but not nearly as bad as I thought I would be.”
“Wow. I’m stunned. I’m happy for you, though.”
“Are you? Kali is afraid you’re going to hate her for being pregnant. She’s talking about looking for a new job and losing you as a friend. She’s been a little off the rails the past couple days.”
I was a little hurt that my best friend thought I would react like that. “Brian, you know me. Do you really think I would act like that?”
“Nope, and I told her that, but she is thinking about you. I think the whole being pregnant thing has thrown her for a loop. It was a total shock to us both. I mean, there was only one time, our first time,” he mumbled under his breath, “and, well, it happened.”
I had to laugh. It was the universe fucking with me again. I’d had unprotected sex several times and even had sperm injected into my body and I couldn’t get pregnant. They do it one time and Kali is knocked up. The world was seriously fucked up sometimes.
“I’m happy for you. For both of you. I will talk to Kali. This is great news. I can’t wait to shop for my little niece or nephew. Are you guys going to move into your place? Buy something together? What are your plans? Tell me everything,” I said excitedly.
I pushed away my own sadness. I would go home and be sad later. For now I needed to support my brother, and I was excited to have a baby in the family, even if it wasn’t mine. I would be the best aunt ever.
We ordered our meals and chatted about his plans for the future. Neither him nor Kali was ready to talk marriage, which gave me some relief. I didn’t want them rushing into anything. I couldn’t remember a time when Brian had ever been in a relationship longer than a few months. Kali had a similar track record.
Once our meal was finished, I got ready to go. “Can you give me about thirty minutes with Kali before you show up? I want to talk to her and clear the air.”
“Sure. I’ll go home and grab a few things and then head over.”
“Thanks, Brian. Congratulations again.”
I hugged him and drove straight to Kali’s apartment. I knocked, and when she opened it, I could tell she’d been crying.
“Hi,” I said, giving her a big hug.
“I’m sorry,” she gurgled through tear
s.
“Don’t you dare be sorry! I am so excited for you. I cannot wait to be an aunt. It is the next best thing. Besides, I’m not giving up on having a baby of my own yet. Our kids will be cousins!”
She giggled around her tears. “I don’t know how it happened.”
I sat down on her couch. “Uh oh, that would explain it,” I teased.
She laughed again, shaking her head. “I just can’t believe it. I knew something was off when I was late. On a whim I took the test. I think I’ve taken like ten of them.”
“Kali, please don’t think I would ever hate you for something so amazing. I may be a little envious, but I want you to be happy and I want Brian to be happy. You are two of the most important people in my life. I could never hate you for being happy.”
“I know. I didn’t want to hurt you, though. It was a shitty thing for me to do.”
“Well, I don’t think you did it on purpose, and a baby is never a shitty thing at all.” Giggling, I went on. “Except when they are poopy, of course.”
She started crying again. “What if—”
“Don’t,” I said, knowing exactly what she was going to say. “Don’t think of the worst. You aren’t me. Women have healthy pregnancies all the time.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything. My miscarriage had scared her, too. When I’d brought in all the literature explaining how common it was in the first trimester, we had both been horrified. It was a lot like a game of luck. Sometimes things just didn’t work out. It was hard to accept but a fact of life.
“Listen, I’m going to go. Brian said he was coming over. I just wanted to stop by and congratulate you, and reassure you about how happy I am for you. Don’t let this create any weirdness between us. I want to know everything. I’m kind of glad you’re going through it before me.”
She giggled. “I’m not. I’m a little freaked out. I think I had decided I wasn’t going to have kids. It never felt right with anyone, and now suddenly it’s a reality and I am terrified something awful will happen.”
I gave her another hug. “I think that’s all part of the journey. I’m here for you. Lean on me whenever you need to. If Brian is not treating you right, you let me know and I will personally kick his ass.”
