by Mia Ford
“That girl is fucking smoking,” Jordan whispered. “You guys have fun.”
We all watched as he walked over toward a busty redhead in the back corner. I watched Tiffany’s face, wanting to see how she would react to Jordan hitting on another woman, but her gaze stayed fixed on the television screen above us, and I didn’t see even the slightest hint of jealousy. My heart fluttered at the thought that her attention was so tuned to me that Jordan didn’t even affect her any longer. She turned her stool toward me and smiled, her hands quickly running over my thigh and across my crotch. My cheeks heated quickly, and I wanted to grab her and take her out of the bar.
“So, when we saw Jordan at the elevator when it opened,” she said, looking me in the eyes, “I realized something.”
“What’s that?” My heart was racing, terrified she was going to say she wanted him back.
“I realized I didn’t care anymore.” She smiled. “I didn’t feel anything when I saw him. I realized my heart never actually belonged to him. I had tricked myself into thinking it did, but I knew from the very beginning I would never fully be able to give myself to him. I don’t know why I lied to myself like that, but now I realize it, and it's freeing.”
“I’m glad,” I chuckled with relief. “I really want to kiss you right now.”
“Me, too,” she sighed, looking down.
“I really like you, a lot,” I said, staring at her until she reconnected with me.
“I really like you, too,” she said, blushing and biting her bottom lip.
We drank our drinks and turned to Mona, listening to her talk about the dating scene and her hilarious yet really sad experiences recently. I was relieved that, for at least the current moment, I didn’t have to deal with that world at all. I felt comfortable knowing that I had Tiffany by my side, even if I couldn’t show it to the world. I caught my brother glancing over several times, but he ended up leaving halfway into the evening, the redhead in tow. Tiffany didn’t even act like she noticed but continued to tell stories and laugh loudly at how amazing she thought Mona’s dating life was. I scooted my stool a little closer to Tiffany, running my fingertips over her lower back. She turned and looked at me with blushed cheeks, her eyes telling me she was thinking about more than just a few drinks at the bar. Had she not been out with her best friend, I would have taken her back to my place and gotten her naked in my bed, but as it were, I just dealt with being out and tried to enjoy some public time with her.
I kept the alcohol flowing for the girls, knowing the drunker Mona was, the less likely she would notice as our PDA steadily increased. It was almost thrilling, trying to hold hands, be close, and still keep it unknown to anyone around us that we were seeing each other. From the way Tiffany acted, she hadn’t even told Mona the whole truth yet, and so there we were, sneaking kisses by the bathroom, secretly rubbing each other’s legs under the cover of the bar ledge, and sitting very close, feeling the electricity move between each other. By the time I got this girl in bed again, which wouldn’t be tonight, I was going to explode before she could even get it out of my pants.
When the end of the night came around, I paid our tab and helped direct Mona, who was now pretty lit, out of the bar and toward the cab waiting on the corner. I held the door open as Mona slid in, and Tiffany bent over to make sure she was strapped into her seatbelt. Before Tiffany climbed in, she stood back up, smiling at me thankfully. Before she could say a word, I grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her in for a deep sensual kiss. She leaned into it, whimpering at the surprise of it. When we parted lips, she kept her eyes closed for a moment, and I couldn’t help but think she looked like an angel. When she opened them, she smiled, mouthing the word “goodnight” before climbing into the cab. I shut the door and tapped the roof of the cab, watching it drive off down the road. They weren’t that far from Tiffany’s, but I didn’t like the idea of them walking back. I’d talked Tiffany into taking the cab.
I stuck my hands in my pockets and meandered down the sidewalk, breathing in the cold air of New York as I strolled. There were plenty of cabs out on the strip, so I decided to go for a little walk before retiring for the night. There was something amazing about love and the smell of the city around you. I hadn’t ever been in that situation before, and it was almost intoxicating. I now was starting to see New York City’s obsession with love and dating. It was almost like a drug. I walked along the sidewalk watching other couples, whether they were together forever or just met each other, stumble out of bars and clubs. Some held hands, some made out every three steps, while others argued in the shadows, the troubles at home seeping out into their public lives.
Tiffany was an amazing girl, someone I now could not even think about not having in my life. It was no longer a question of whether we were going to miss her at my parents or not. It was now a question of when the right time would be to bring her out to the family. I needed to talk to her, knowing this was a joint decision. After seeing her face when Jordan walked off, I knew she wasn’t thinking about anyone other than me. I couldn’t be happier about that.
Chapter 14
Tiffany
The birds chirped incessantly outside my window, but I didn’t want to open my eyes, knowing I had drunk way too much the night before and was destined for a hangover. Slowly, I cracked one eye open, quickly shutting it at the pounding it let into my head. I pulled the blankets over my head and laid inside my cocoon, feeling the warmth of my own body heat seeping through me. I laid there for several minutes with my head on the pillow, thinking about Jason and how he had acted at the bar. He was warm, loving, and I could tell he wanted to be able to show just how attracted he was to me. Hell, I’m not a fan of PDA, but last night, all I’d wanted to do was feel his arms around me and kiss him in public. I guess you always want what you can’t have, and with Jordan across the room for most of the night, there had been nothing I could really do. I was still shocked at how much I did not care about Jordan. Nothing he did was affecting me at all, even the fact that he had been hitting on the redheaded slut in the corner and ended up leaving with her. Anyone else in my position would have run out crying, but it seriously did not bother me at all, especially with Jason sitting right there, his hand secretly on my thigh. There were definitely a few times there that I thought about taking him in the bathroom and having him fuck me in a stall.
However, I wasn’t really the bathroom type of gal, and I was trying to keep things under wraps, so I kept my fantasy to myself, knowing if I told him, it would have just been false hopes for him. It was one thing to bang on an empty floor under renovation. It was another thing altogether to screw someone in the bathroom of a dirty New York City bar. I had to draw the line somewhere, and last night, it was with that. At the end of the night, after getting Mona safely in the cab, I couldn’t help but be completely smitten when he grabbed my face and planted one on me. It felt so good to be kissed like that, by him, in the middle of the city. I knew we would still need to hide things for a little while, but allowing ourselves that one moment really made me even more excited for what our future had in store. I wanted to make things official with Jason, but I also wanted to keep things moving slower than they seemed to be going. The biggest problem was that we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, which kind of defeated the purpose of taking things slowly.
I listened carefully, hearing Mona in the kitchen. She had stayed the night at my place since I lived close to the bar. Every time she stayed over, she would wake up in the morning and make breakfast, no matter how hungover she was. She always said it was because she was hungry, but I knew part of it was because she really did care about me and wanted to say thank you. Most of the time, even when I was wasted, I had to look out for Mona. I guess it was a fair trade-off since she was the best giver of advice that I had ever met. I could tell her anything, and she would tell it to me straight. That was how I knew she loved me. She didn’t just agree with everything I had to say because I was her friend. She agreed with some th
ings, but others, she didn’t cut me any slack on.
I pulled myself from the bed and wrapped a knit sweater around my shoulders, feeling the chill in the air. It was about time to start using the heat in the apartment to keep it warm. I shuffled out to the kitchen, feeling like complete hell, and sat down at the breakfast bar. Mona’s hair was a mess, and she turned around, poured me a glass of orange juice, put a cup of coffee in front of me, and slapped two aspirin down on the bar. She cracked a pained smile and nodded her head, telling me she felt just as bad, if not worse than I did. I guess when we’d been at the bar, she’d been drinking faster than I had, my mind constantly being torn from my drink to wherever Jason’s hands were secretly touching me. Come to think of it, I was pretty sure she was drinking two for my every one, and I hadn’t really noticed since I constantly had the straw in my mouth. It was a way to control the butterflies floating around in my chest. I’d had to do something to distract myself, or I might have jumped him right there in the middle of the bar.
I sipped my coffee and closed my eyes, letting the aroma float up through my nose and into my brain. I seriously wondered what I ever did without coffee. Mona put down a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me, and I winced at the thought of eating anything.
“Eat,” she warned. “Promise it will make you feel better.”
I sighed like a child and brought the fork to my mouth. Once they were in my mouth, I instantly realized just how damn hungry I was in the first place. I smiled and shook my head, thinking about how, again, every piece of advice Mona gave me was helpful. I wanted to tell her the rest of the story with Jason since she already knew I had seen him out and about several times. She’d been the one to convince me to call him and ask him to lunch, but I was nervous at what her reaction would be.
“So,” she said sitting down next to me. “What’s up with you and brother number two?”
“Ha,” I chuckled at the thought of that as Jason’s title. “I don’t know. I guess I really like the guy. A lot.”
“I knew it.” She smiled. “But . . .”
“But what?” I rolled my eyes. “There is always a but with you.”
“Well, life isn’t black and white, sweetie,” she said with sass. “I just know this is a very tricky situation, and you have to remember that sometimes blood is thicker than water. I just want you to be careful.”
“I know,” I said with a sigh. “It just feels so good to look at Jordan and feel nothing. I mean it did not bother me one bit to see him walk off with that redhead. It was like I was watching someone I didn't even know.”
“And I am so glad.” She smiled. “That should tell you something about your real feelings toward him. I just want you to be careful. We’ve all heard about the rebound. I know you care about Jason, but when we get out of serious relationships, we can be blind to the things we normally wouldn’t be blind to. I’m not saying Jason is a bad guy. I’m just saying it's very complicated, and you need to take your time going into it. You might find out a lot of people are hurt by this relationship.”
“I understand,” I said, really taking what she said to heart.
“Good,” she said. “Now, eat your eggs and relax. We had one hell of a night last night. It was fun, but I feel like I was hit by a truck.”
“Me, too,” I said, biting into a strip of bacon. “At least you didn’t go home with that creepy guy at the bar last night.”
“Oh, my God.” She laughed. “Mr. Plaid-Shirt-and-Matching-Socks? My drunk goggles were on high alert last night. I am positive I would have come out of his apartment this morning as a brand new lampshade. That dude was crazy weird. I wouldn’t have cared if you lived in New Jersey, I was determined to get to your house and not to his.”
“I do have to say he was persistent.” I laughed.
“Yeah,” she scoffed. “Looking for his next victim to show his comic book figurine collection to.”
“You could have been the next cosplay girl at the Star Trek convention,” I replied.
“God, could you imagine me in that scenario?” She laughed loudly. “I would totally have been wasted, stumbling across the stage in purple body makeup and fake ears.”
“It would have been amazing.” I giggled.
“Ahh, yes, so much for lost chances,” she said sarcastically.
We talked at length about the evening, the crazy dude at the bar, and the kiss that she apparently didn’t miss, even though she had been completely wasted. We touched a little more on Jason before we both made our way back to the beds in my room and the spare room and collapsed. She fell asleep almost instantly, but I laid there awake thinking about Jason and what Mona had said to me. I knew she was right, but it was so hard to admit since it felt so good to have him wrapped up in my life. At first, I’d thought it was just the familiarity of the family, having him around just like I did when I’d been married to Jordan. As things progressed, I knew that wasn’t true. I knew it was more than that, and life seemed totally different when he and I were with each other. When we were alone, I didn’t even think of him as a Banks. I thought of him as Jason, the incredibly sweet man who I couldn’t keep my hands off of. After the initial attraction had been satiated with hot sex, then had come the rush of emotions I hadn’t expected at all. I hadn’t even imagined I could fall for him in any way, shape, or form.
I turned over and looked at my phone as it began to ring, smiling at Jason’s number popping up on the screen. I cleared my throat and pressed the button, excited to hear from him. I tried to keep Mona’s words present in my mind as I answered.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said, obviously wide awake.
“Hey there,” I said sleepily.
“I won’t keep you long,” he said. “I know you guys are probably hung over, but I wanted to see if you wanted to go to dinner at my parent's house tomorrow evening.”
“Oh,” I said, Mona’s words echoing through my head. “I think that may be too much too soon.”
“Okay,” he said with hesitation. “No problem. I’ll talk to you later.”
“All right,” I replied, getting the impression he might be upset with me turning him down.
We got off the phone, and I laid there, thinking about my choice. I tried texting him a couple of times, feeling bad about possibly hurting his feelings, but he didn’t answer me back. As soon as Mona had gotten up, I raced out to talk to her. She listened carefully as I explained what happened, telling her I thought she was right about everything, and I was trying to take it slowly. She smiled at me and rubbed my back, trying to make me feel better.
“All I have to say, sweetie, like I said before, is you just need to be careful,” she whispered.
She was right. I had gotten so wrapped up in the romance of it all that I couldn’t help but want to jump headfirst into everything. I needed to slow down and take my time, even if it affected us. Still, knowing that I had possibly hurt his feelings left me feeling slightly off. Being careful was proving to be much harder than it seemed.
Chapter 15
Jason
It was Monday, and I was sitting at my desk staring at my computer screen. Work was the last place I wanted to be that day, but I really didn’t have any choice. I needed to be functioning and awake, ready to take on the challenges of the day. Instead, I was sitting there thinking about Friday night, Saturday morning, and Tiffany. Everything had seemed so perfect, and after that kiss, I’d thought for sure she would be ready to come out to the family that we were together. After she told me it was all too much too soon, I had sunk down into my thoughts and hadn’t even texted her back yet. There were several times I picked up my phone and stared at the messages, knowing I didn’t want to leave her hanging, but my pride was hurt, and I couldn’t seem to gather my thoughts well enough to get the words out. I probably wrote out ten different messages over the course of two days and never sent any of them. I was hurt and worried at the same time, something that was more than a bit confusing.
I knew it was probably hurt
ful to her that I had bailed like that. I had worked so hard to protect her from getting hurt that I felt terrible about blowing her off, but I needed time to think about everything. I guess I had gotten ahead of myself in my thoughts with us and my family. I ended up not even going to dinner, telling everyone that I wasn’t feeling well. When Tiffany said she didn’t want to go with me, I couldn’t help feeling rejected, having tried so hard to make her feel comfortable and loved. It crossed my mind that it could have something to do with Jordan and how he’d picked up a girl at the bar that night. She hadn’t responded in any way and had even told me about her revelation about their relationship, but I couldn’t help thinking maybe her lack of reaction had been my wishful thinking. I never thought I would be in a relationship with a girl where I was worried she could be thinking about my brother. I was starting to understand how tricky something like this could be. It wasn’t just about how other people viewed our relationship. It was also about how we viewed each other in the situation. As much as I didn’t want to find out she was thinking about Jordan, she probably, equally, didn’t want me to worry about it. I hadn’t really given a lot of thought about how all of this could affect us on the inside. Not everything was peaches and roses in this situation, and eventually, we would have to face that head-on.
