Janae’s chestnut eyes seemed to convey compassion without judgment, but I couldn’t know for certain. “Take care of yourself.”
“Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure.” That wasn’t necessarily true, but I didn’t want Janae to even suspect just how bad this all was.
I went straight home. No dinner for me. Instead, I poured a glass of red wine, took a long bath, and let myself cry one last time before drifting off to sleep.
The worst part?
The bed smelled like Ryan.
* * *
Clichés are clichés because they’re a truth we all agree on, so we repeat it. Share it. Believe it. Time heals all wounds was one I’d heard my whole life and I’d found it to be true over and over. Wounds from loves lost, bullies, and the passing of furry friends didn’t continue to bleed daily. Instead, they scarred over, eventually leaving me with the memory and a smidgen of emotion. And I knew I’d feel the same way about Ryan.
Eventually.
And, as the days flew by, I regained my emotional strength. What had made it worse was not just feeling like Ryan and I had connected but then the very real possibility of losing my career. I still didn’t understand why I’d been so drawn to the man but, day after day, it got a little easier and I felt more like myself each passing day.
Ryan who?
Oh…it was so easy.
Until I saw him again.
I’d been going over some of my notes when I heard someone at the desk talking to Janae. We had people in and out all day long, but I recognized that low quiet voice and I couldn’t stop myself from looking up. I rolled my chair just a bit so I could see through the doorway, confirming it was Ryan. Even from behind, there was no mistaking that sleeve tattoo, those rock-hard muscles, that…
What the hell was wrong with me?
I heard Janae ask him to take a seat, so I immediately looked down at my desk, sliding the file over to where I now sat, acting like I was working on something, just in case Ryan’s eyes drifted my way. My behavior now was no better than it had been before—but, at least, with my partner handling the case, I couldn’t do any more damage.
Peeking back at my computer screen, I inched my chair back to its proper place so as not to be obvious. Using my peripheral vision, though, I was pretty sure Ryan was glancing toward my office, but I could not make eye contact. On top of that, I had to make sure I appeared calm and in my own world. Good act, but that was all it was. My hand was shaking, giving away my fraught nerves. At least I was the only one to witness it.
And I was anxious as hell, because some stupid part of me was contemplating talking to him again.
Dumb.
Fortunately, my partner saved me from myself when he fetched Ryan from the lobby. “Come on back, Mr. Craig. I’ve only got a minute—I have a telephone meeting soon.”
The little devil on my shoulder was skillful in his seduction, and I rationalized with myself that I needed to get something to drink out of the break room. This time, Janae saved me, ringing my desk. “Mrs. Howard is on line one. She needs to ask you some questions that are out of my scope.”
“Okay.” At least that would make for billable time. And the call grew long as my answers to the client just led to more questions, so I was still on the line when I saw Adam escort Ryan back to the lobby. When I caught a glimpse, I forced my eyes down to the notepad on my desk and made sure I was taking notes from my phone call. Once more, though, my peripheral vision wasn’t focused on that paper, and I caught a glimpse of what looked like Ryan walking toward my doorway. As I continued listening to Mrs. Howard’s next question, I felt my heart thudding against my breastbone. I lowered my head, willing myself to concentrate on the phone but, after several seconds, I just couldn’t resist. At that point, though, I didn’t sense Ryan near my door so I allowed my eyes to lift just a bit to see the two men standing in the lobby talking. After another minute, Adam walked closer to the outer door with Ryan, moving them out of my line of sight.
When I at last answered all of Mrs. Howard’s questions, I took a deep breath. Should I go to the break room as I’d initially planned, acting as casual as possible? Could I even sneak in a quick greeting? I shook my head, wondering why I was still being so damned stupid, when I saw Adam walking back to his office. My eyes then shot to my window where I spied Ryan walking to his truck in the middle of the parking lot.
After he drove off, I questioned if I’d imagined him almost entering my office. I marched to Adam’s office without thinking. If he’d already started his phone conference, I’d leave, but I thought he might have a couple of minutes before.
When I entered my partner’s office, he didn’t even give me a chance to speak. Adam’s brown eyes narrowed as if he were preparing to interrogate a witness. “What do you see in that guy?”
His question took me off guard. “What do you mean?”
“He’s fine at asking questions, but the guy barely talks. And when he does, you have to strain to hear what he’s saying.” Adam shuffled some case files aside on his desk. “He’s a bonehead. I guess I just don’t get what the fascination is.”
His words bordered on offensive, but I had no right to play defense at the moment. So I gave him a non-answer. “Adam, I really wouldn’t expect you to understand. You’re not a woman.”
“Yeah, yeah. You like to remind me of that fact every so often—and I’m okay with it.” He shrugged. “But I still don’t get it.”
His words made me question my infatuation, but I’d already been down that road with myself. There were some things I just couldn’t explain but, at the core, Ryan Craig was a sweet, gentle soul wrapped in a strong, masculine package. That he seemed to be a hard nut to crack made him all the more appealing to me.
But I knew Adam wouldn’t want to hear any of that.
“So what did he want?”
“He called yesterday and left a message, and I just hadn’t had a chance to call him back. He was wanting to know if the results were in yet, and they’re not. Mom and baby just had their DNA samples taken a couple days ago. She’s been dragging her feet.”
Goddammit. I really wanted to ask if Ryan had asked about me. That would once again be crossing a line that was etched in stone, though, and I’d already pushed it once before. Hell, I was pushing it now. So I nodded and stood. “Did you need something else?”
Shaking my head, I made a beeline for my office.
But seeing Ryan that morning had made all those fucking emotions come bubbling to the surface once more. I’d been doing pretty well getting him out of my head and heart—or so I’d thought—but just having him near me again flipped something on inside me. He was like a magnet, and he was pulling on my heart.
I was back at square one again.
Well, not quite. I wasn’t on the verge of tears anymore. So there was that.
But something stupid deep inside me stirred again, needing to tell Ryan exactly how I felt. And, once I did that, I believed I’d be able to finally, once and for all, let it go. So I convinced myself that, deep down, Ryan wanted to talk to me. Otherwise, why would he have paused, considering coming through my door?
I would call him. Just once.
I started to look up his number in our database before remembering that I knew it already. I’d memorized it a long time ago. The question was if I should call him from the office number or my own personal cell. If I called from the office, there was a better chance that he’d answer it—and less chance of incriminating myself. But any calls I made on the office phone were tracked and logged digitally, mainly for billing purposes, but those records could always be subpoenaed.
Fuck it.
I wanted to say what I had to say to Ryan, and then I would let it go. For good. I knew a psychologist would have a heyday with how much I rationalized my behavior, enabling the addict inside, but I just needed this one last time. Then I could move on.
I wanted closure.
I took a deep breath, my fingers lightly brushing the hands
et of my phone. Janae’s voice in my doorway made me jump.
“Is it okay if I head to lunch now?”
Forcing my muscles to relax, I looked up at our assistant in the doorway. “Yeah, that’d be fine.”
“Adam’s still on the phone. Are you okay with keeping an eye on the front?”
“Sure. No problem.”
In fact, having Janae gone for a while would make it a lot easier to make this phone call. She couldn’t be a witness to the crime if she was at lunch. And, with Adam preoccupied, I would never have a better chance.
As soon as Janae drove off in her little car, I picked up the handset. My fingers trembled as they pushed the buttons on the phone, and I let out another long breath, trying to calm myself.
Turned out I needn’t have worried, because the call went straight to voicemail.
I almost hung up the phone—but hearing his voice on the greeting made me pause. Just a few brief words were all I needed to remind me of everything I liked about him—and the beep happened before my brain could fully engage. My mouth took advantage of the lapse and just started gushing.
“Ryan, this is Samantha. When I saw you here at the office today, I knew I just needed to get some things off my chest. If you don’t want to hear it, you can just delete this message and get on with your day.
“I didn’t conveniently remember the rules I’m bound to just so I could get rid of you. From the beginning, I felt this strange connection to you that I wanted to explore—and that feeling hasn’t gone away just because I’ve removed myself from your legal equation.” I shook my head. Focus, Paulson. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. And if you feel like you can trust me, I’d like to see you again when all this is over.” Hang up already. The more I talked, the stupider I sounded. But one more thing. “Anyway, um, I guess the ball’s in your court. I understand if you don’t want to see me again. I just…wanted you to know that I really am concerned about ruining my career, but I didn’t want things to be this way. I didn’t want to hurt you. I really like you, Ryan.” Hang up! “I guess that’s it. Good luck with your case.”
I slammed the phone down, just in time to hear the phone ring in the reception area. Pressing a button to pull the call to my phone, I finally immersed myself in work, and that kept me from overanalyzing the call that I shouldn’t have made.
It most definitely kept me from feeling sorry for myself.
Chapter Twelve
Ryan opened my office door, peeking his head through the space before letting himself in all the way. I opened my mouth to say something but he pressed his finger to his lips to shush me. Seeing him confused me but filled me with joy.
What was he doing here right now?
Closing the door behind him, he walked over to my desk. Then he took me by the hands and pulled me up from my chair until I stood in front of him. I was speechless. Looking in his eyes, probing, I wondered what he had to say, wondered what the hell he was doing here.
In spite of everything that had transpired up to this point, he was still most welcome here, and I wasn’t complaining about his impromptu visit. He was sexy as ever and just being near him made my blood race through my veins.
As his arms wrapped around my waist, he began kissing my neck—right in the sweet spot that aroused me the most. Then he pulled back and began unbuttoning my blouse slowly, oh, so slowly. I ached for him to move faster.
But he insisted on taking his time, tantalizing all my senses. I wanted to say something, but every time his eyes met mine, they urged me to say nothing for now. Smiling, he unfastened each little button that held my blouse together.
With the last one undone, he ran his fingers behind the back of my blouse, urging me close again. Pressed up against his body, I could feel him underneath his jeans, hard and ready to fill me up.
Exactly what I wanted.
Sliding his hands underneath the front of my blouse, he started moving them up from my stomach, brushing past my breasts, causing me to quiver with anticipation simply from the soft caress I’d felt through the fabric of my bra. When his hands stopped at my shoulders, he then guided my blouse off and down my back. The fabric brushing my skin caused a shiver to run through my body.
At last, his lips met mine, his confident tongue finding the warm confines of my mouth, telling me in his own quiet way that everything was okay between us.
But then my goddamn alarm clock went off.
Reluctantly, I let it pull me out of a deep sleep, a reminder that everything between Ryan and me was most definitely not okay. But it was Monday morning, time to go back to the office where I could distract myself while doing what I loved.
As my mind drifted off while my fingers scrubbed shampoo into my hair, I wondered why the hell my subconscious felt the need to torture me. After all, Ryan hadn’t called back. He wasn’t going to call. And I had to be okay with that. He and I were a one-night thing, but he had business to conduct with my office and I needed to stay out of the way and feel a little gratitude that my license to practice law hadn’t been stripped from me.
Life was settling back to normal—and I had to let that happen.
Fortunately, it was a typical busy Monday, and it kept my brain occupied and challenged. Adam popped into my office a few minutes after returning from lunch. “Thought you’d want to know. Your boy’s not the dad.”
He’d caught me off guard. “What?”
“Ryan Craig. Remember that guy?” I half smiled, shaking my head. “Paternity test proved conclusively that there is zero percent chance he’s the father of the child.”
I was happy for Ryan. Then again, I’d never asked him if he’d wanted to be the child’s father. Maybe this would be sad news for him. I didn’t think so, though. I thought I remembered a vibe from him that he wanted to move on with his life but that he’d do the right thing by the baby if he turned out to be the father.
But his case didn’t belong to me anymore.
And I needed to act like it. “That’s great.”
“Anyway, I’m going out on the town tonight for a few drinks with a bunch of attorneys we hardly ever see. Wondered if you wanted to come.”
I didn’t have to give it much thought. I needed to put myself back out there, find some hot guy to fuck my brains out until Ryan Craig was nothing but a distant memory. “Okay. Sounds great.”
“We’re going to that new night club on the north end of town.”
“That place that was Winchester’s failed attempt at an arena?”
Adam winked. “That’s the one.”
“What time?”
“Quittin’ time. We all figured we’d get there around six or seven.”
I couldn’t help but arch an eyebrow. “You do know it’s Monday…”
“Yeah, and I got nothing pressing on my calendar till tomorrow afternoon. And no boss breathing down my neck, my friend. Wasn’t that the whole idea of you and me, our own place?”
I laughed. “Okay, okay. I don’t know how late I’ll stay, but I’ll definitely come have a beer or two.”
Little had I known that making a plan like that would make the afternoon drag. It was barely three o’clock when I got up from my desk, rolling my neck and stretching my arms before heading to the break room for a little caffeine. I had a little more paperwork to finish before I headed out the door, but my motivation had been waning. I hoped a five-minute diversion away from my desk would help me focus.
I hadn’t expected my partner to have the same problem.
Adam sat at the table in the break room, and I walked over to the fridge to pull out a cold drink. Reclining in the metal chair, he drank from a bottle of water while glancing out the small window at the concrete wall behind our building.
“Adam Solano. Is this, what, your third break ever since we moved in this building?”
He laughed. “Fourth. But who’s counting?” He sat up straighter in the chair, and I expected him to head back to his office, having sufficiently guilted him into it, even though I’d just been teas
ing. But he had other plans. “Samantha T, I’m sure glad you decided to come tonight.”
I felt my eyes widen, and I was glad my head was in the fridge. As my fingers wrapped around a can of Diet Dr. Pepper, I considered my partner’s possible motives.
When was the last time he’d ever called me Samantha T? At least a year or two. In fact, I was pretty sure he’d stopped calling me that after we’d broken up. He’d teased me for so long about my insistence of using my middle initial when representing myself as a lawyer. How many times had he told me he wasn’t sure if the T stood for Tough or Trouble?
Why did I have a sinking feeling that Adam was trying to rekindle our old flame?
Maybe it was my imagination, but I’d gotten this sort of vibe from him right before I’d tackled Ryan. Had that been why I’d made a move on the alluring Mr. Craig? No, I’d been gunning for him anyway, although Adam’s behavior might have made me pursue Ryan harder. Yet another realization I had to face about myself.
Just in case Adam wasn’t going there and it was all in my head, I asked a safe question as I closed the door to the refrigerator. “So who all’s coming?”
“Um…a few guys from the DA’s office, some folks from Brown and Associates, Nolan Price…”
“Quite a few, sounds like.”
“Yeah.” He looked down at the bottle in his hand. “But I’m really glad you’re coming.”
Those vibes weren’t letting up, so I mumbled another safe response. “Yeah. Me, too. Sounds like fun.”
When he looked up at me, it reminded me of how dark his eyes would get when we were making love—and I considered it for just a second. But then I remembered how our breakup had almost meant the end of our partnership and, worse, our friendship. I didn’t think the business we’d built from the ground up could stand it a second time.
“Have you ever thought…about giving it another try?”
Oh, man. There were times I hated being right. Deep down, I cared about Adam very much and I still found him quite attractive—but our time had passed, and we were better friends than lovers. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Adam.”
Love and Lust (Small Town Secrets Book 2) Page 10
