by Jessica Ashe
I used to collapse down in my chair drenched in sweat after just fifteen minutes of standing and trying to walk. Now I can hobble about for an hour and still be reluctant to sit back down.
“I’m not using the wheelchair tonight, doc,” I insist.
“Tanner, you’re not even strong enough to walk out of here unaided. You need the chair still. I’m sorry, I know it’s frustrating, but you’re going to need it for a few more months.”
“I can cope with just the crutches. I really don’t want the chair tonight.”
“What’s so special about tonight?”
“Big date night. It’s the anniversary of my first date with Elena.”
“I should have known a woman was involved. Men are stubborn by nature, and even more so when a skirt is involved.”
“Are all therapists as direct as you?”
“Nope. And not all therapists could handle working with you. Anyway, I’m just talking from experience. I swear, some men only go through with their therapy because they refuse to look weak in front of a woman.”
“Elena’s my motivation.”
Elena has been so strong this last year. The doctors expected me to make a quick recovery, but after an MRI, they discovered that the nerve damage was much worse than they thought. I even got the ‘you’ll probably never walk again’ speech.
Fuck that.
I’m not having Elena push me around for the rest of my life. However, I do want her around for the rest of my life. Hopefully I’ll lock that down tonight.
“Elena is an incredible woman,” my therapist says. “She doesn’t care that you’re in a wheelchair. She just wants to see you get better. She definitely won’t want to see you fall over and collapse on the floor.”
Collapsing is a very real risk. After two risky operations, the doctors managed to fix the nerve damage, but by that time the muscles in my right leg were seriously atrophied. I can feel my leg, but sometimes it might as well be wooden for all the good it does when I’m walking. Every now and again, I forget there’s no strength to it, and that’s when I’m liable to fall down.
I’m not used to feeling this pathetic, and I don’t intend to let it last much longer.
“I’ll make you a deal, doc,” I propose. “If I can walk across the room completely unaided, then you let me go out tonight with just the crutches.”
“That’s thirty feet. You won’t make it.”
“So we have a deal?”
“All right. We have a deal. Never tell my boss about this.”
I place my crutches against the rail, and step forward. I’m going to do this for Elena. When she answers my question tonight, I want her to know I won’t be in a wheelchair forever. I’m going to get back to my old self soon.
Here goes nothing.
* * *
I wheel myself up the ramp that leads into the gun range. They had it built especially for me.
I had planned to be here early, but after falling over in my therapy session, I barely made it on time. Fortunately, Elena texted me to tell me she’s running late. I can still put my plan into motion.
I pass the box to Dave and he gets everything set up.
Is a year too early for this?
I’ve asked myself that countless times in the last three months. I know that statistically it’s a little on the early side, but we’ve been through so much already I reckon we can handle it.
Elena’s put up with so much crap from me. Being confined to a wheelchair gets to me at times, and I’m not always the happiest person to be around. Most of the time though, I’m the happiest guy in the world. You don’t have to be one of my genius doctors to figure out why.
“Sorry I’m late,” Elena says, leaning down and kissing me on the lips. “Work stuff.”
Elena took a few months off work after the incident. She ended up telling her boss everything, and assumed she’d be let go permanently. Apparently Elena is far too talented to be dropped that easily. Arlene kept the information to herself, and insisted Elena come back as soon as she was ready. Her talents are now being utilized for white-collar crime which allows me to sleep a little easier at night.
We head over to our lane, except instead of the usual handguns we shoot with, a rifle is lying in wait for us.
“Is this a sniper rifle?” Elena asks. “I didn’t know you liked using these.”
“I don’t really, but I fancy something different this time. Give it a go.”
“It’s massive. I’m not sure I can hold it.”
“You’ve never had any trouble handling—”
“Don’t finish that sentence.”
Elena picks up the gun and I show her how to hold it. The gun isn’t loaded. I don’t need her to fire a round; I just want her to look down the scope.
“Aim at the target right at the back,” I instruct. “Go for the heart.”
“I much prefer aiming at circular targets instead of these human shaped ones.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re probably going to miss by a mile anyway.”
“Challenge accepted.”
I watch Elena closely as she looks down the scope and moves the gun around slowly. When you’re aiming at something so far away, even the tiniest movement makes a big difference. With a gun like this, she should be laying on her front with the gun propped up on a tripod. That’s how Alec used to do it. Like I said, I don’t need her to fire the thing.
“Am I aiming for that little circle?” Elena asks uncertainly.
“What circle?”
“I don’t know. There appears to be something over the heart. Something shiny.”
“Use the scope to zoom in closer.”
It takes a while for Elena to adjust the zoom, but judging by the look on her face I think she’s managed it.
“That’s a ring,” she says quietly, her eye still up against the scope. “A ring with what looks like a big diamond on top.”
“It’s yours if you want it. It comes with a few conditions though.”
Elena lowers the gun and places it down on the shelf. “What kind of conditions?”
“Nothing major. Just the minor detail of spending the rest of your life with me. We’d probably do one of those ceremony things as well, if you feel like it.”
“I do like a nice ceremony occasionally.”
This is the point where I’m hoping she wraps her arms around me, kisses me, starts crying, or some combination of all three. Instead, she hands me the gun.
“Make the shot, and I’ll marry you.”
“What shot?” I ask.
“Shoot through the ring.”
“Deal.”
I grab one of the bullets and slide it into the chamber. I used to train with these many years ago, although I never used them in the field. That was Alec’s job. I don’t remember my heart beating quite so violently in training. It’s hard to hold the damn thing still, let alone aim the scope over the tiny ring.
Deep breath in.
Hold it.
“Wait,” Elena yells, just as I’m about to fire. “I wasn’t being serious. No offense, but you’re not that good a shot, and I don’t want you damaging the ring. I’m going to wear that for the rest of my life; I’d rather it not be dented.”
“So—”
“Of course I’ll marry you. I’ve been hinting enough the last three months.”
Elena bends down, and I hug her tightly, kissing her cheeks and lips until people stop staring at us.
I press the button to bring the target towards us with the ring attached.
“I didn’t notice you hinting about any proposal?”
“I kept going on about how happy I was that Arlene got engaged to her girlfriend and how nice it must be to plan a wedding. I made you watch Say Yes to the Dress, even though I hate it. And then I told you a story about a load of wedding rings being stolen from a jewelry shop.”
“Oh yeah, I remember you saying how beautiful the rings were, and how they deserved to be worn by a woman in love.”
&n
bsp; “I didn’t think I was being subtle.”
“Too subtle for me. Just to be clear, this isn’t one of the stolen rings.”
“Yeah I know. I made the story up.”
Elena slides the ring on and it fits, which I owe to Sadie who managed to get Elena’s ring size without her knowing.
“I’m not going to be in this wheelchair for much longer,” I say. “Just a few more months, then I’ll be back to my best.”
“For the hundredth time, Tanner, I don’t care. I’d marry you even if you had to stay in that wheelchair for the rest of your life, and I know you’d do the same for me.”
“Without a doubt. Still, it will be nice to get back to normal. There are a few things I’ve been looking forward to doing standing up.”
“Peeing?”
I laugh. “No, that’s not what I had in mind.”
We kiss again, before cutting the date short and heading back home.
Our first anniversary ended up much like the first date. It takes more than being confined to a wheelchair to stop me doing what I do best with the woman I love.
Epilogue
Elena - Eighteen Months Later
“You’re doing really well, sweetie,” Tanner says reassuringly.
It doesn’t seem long ago Tanner was the one lying in a hospital bed while I squeezed his hand hoping everything was going to be okay. Now it’s the other way around.
We don’t need to worry this time though. Everything’s going to be just fine. Floaty, dreamy, and just fine.
“This doesn’t hurt anywhere near as much as some people make out,” I say happily. “I’m not sure I even needed all those drugs.”
“Really? Because you screamed ‘get me some fucking drugs’ at the top of your voice, and you’ve left fingernail marks in my hand after squeezing it so tightly.”
“Did I? Doesn’t sound like me. I’m actually quite enjoying this.”
“You said ‘we’re never having another child.’”
“Ignore me. That was before the drugs. Now I really don’t think it’s all that—”
“Another contraction’s on its way,” says a man between my legs who is not Tanner.
“Squeeze my hand if you need to,” Tanner says.
“I’ll be fine. I just have to push, and it will pop out. Nice and easy.”
“Okay, Elena,” the other man says. “Push.”
I push, and I scream. I push again, and I scream even louder.
“More drugs,” I yell. “Fuck. Tanner Rockwell, get me more drugs right now or you’re never coming near me again.”
I scream and scream and scream until it’s over.
Then it’s someone else’s turn to scream.
* * *
Tanner carries little Alec Daron Rockwell into the house we now share. Sadie moved into Tanner’s old place with Daron so it all worked out rather well.
After feeding Alec, we try putting him down to sleep, but he hasn’t settled in his new bed yet. The car seat, on the other hand, he will happily sleep in.
Tanner puts his arm around me on the sofa as we lie there in silence watching our baby sleep in his seat. They grow so quickly. He’s only four days old, and I can already see the difference.
Somehow I pushed that out of my body. I’ve no idea how, and I don’t remember much of it. Tanner said I stayed calm and collected the entire way through. That sounds like me.
“I’m going to go into work tomorrow,” I tell Tanner.
“No you’re fucking not. You have maternity leave, and you’re going to use it. I want you to relax while I look after your every need. You did that for me long enough.”
“I’m not going to the station to work. I just want to use the gym. Time to get rid of the pregnancy weight.”
“You have plenty of time to worry about that. Anyway, I quite like all the soft, squishy bits.”
Tanner pokes my belly, but quickly turns his attention to my engorged breasts. This is one part of my new body I wish I could keep. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but my breasts look fucking fantastic right now. Big and firm, just like I’ve always wanted. Mind you, I could do without the leakage.
“I wouldn’t squeeze them too tightly if I were you.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to mess with Alec’s food supply.”
“By the way, my doctor reckons I’ll be okay for sex in a week or so. Just thought I’d mention it.”
“Don’t put any pressure on yourself. There’s no rush—it will happen when it happens.”
“Aren’t you the nice supportive one?”
“I do try.”
“The doctor also started his response by saying ‘as I’ve already told your husband twenty times.’”
“He’s exaggerating,” Tanner insists. “More like ten.”
It’s weird to think of it now, but Alec wasn’t planned. Once Tanner got signed off as fully recovered, we set about making up for lost time. I took the pill like normal and never missed one, but when you have sex as often as we did for six months, the odds aren’t in your favor.
“He’s adorable, isn’t he?” Tanner says. “I just want to go over there and blow in his face, and put my finger in his hand.”
“We should let him sleep. We’ll regret it later if we don’t.”
“Do we have to?”
“Oh, screw it. I do love that trick he does with a finger.”
And that’s how we learned the first lesson of parenthood—never wake a sleeping baby. The lessons come thick and fast, but we manage. And thrive.
* * *
Less than a year later, and I’m breaking the pregnancy news to Sadie again.
“I’m so happy for you,” she screams, hugging me tightly. “Okay, if it’s a girl, you have to give it the middle name Sadie. Daron’s been driving me crazy with how proud he is of Alec Daron Rockwell.”
“I reckon I can swing that. Will you be returning the favor one day?”
Sadie winks and shows me the pregnancy testing box inside her purse. “Might be sooner rather than later.”
I bite my lip in excitement. “Don’t tell Tanner or Daron that I told you first,” I whisper to Sadie. “We’re going to make a joint announcement, so act surprised.”
“I heard that,” Tanner calls out, as he walks into the living room carrying Alec in his arms. “You just can’t keep a secret, can you?”
“Leave off, Tanner,” Daron says, bringing in the food. “You told me last night.”
Tanner shoots Daron an evil look, but he ignores it.
“I guess we’ll just have to skip the big announcement then,” I say. “It’s not like I could do a proper toast anyway.”
“Actually, Daron and I have an announcement,” Tanner says.
“Are you two having a baby?” Sadie asks.
“We do have a new thing to look after,” Tanner replies. “We’ve bought the bar.”
“How?” I ask, knowing full well we don’t have the money for that. Tanner’s medical treatment was mainly covered by a Veteran’s group, but we don’t have much else lying around.
“I got one of those small business loans for veterans,” Tanner said. “Very generous terms. The bar needs a bit of a makeover, but I reckon there’s a profit to be made.”
That might be an understatement. Hard Times has grown in popularity on an almost daily basis since Jay and his cronies stopped hanging out there. Sadie takes her rich lawyer friends there now, and even my colleagues turn up occasionally.
“Well done,” I whisper to Tanner over dinner. “I’m very proud of you.”
“We both know I couldn’t have done this without you. And I wouldn’t have wanted to. I love you, Mrs. Rockwell.”
“I love you too, Mr. Rockwell.”
Alec’s cries break out over the baby monitor. Tanner stands up to get him, but I make him sit back down. Tanner’s worked so hard since the shooting. He deserves this success and he deserves to celebrate it. Besides, it’s not like I can drink right now.
I head u
pstairs to tell Alec all about the little baby brother or sister he’s soon going to have to play with. Then I tell him the story of how he got his name, and show him Daddy’s war medal.
Tanner still keeps it hidden. He eventually told me the full story, but only once. It’s… incredible. You think real life isn’t like the movies, but sometimes… sometimes it’s even more extreme.
Tanner won’t talk about it anymore. He says that happened in another life. A life when he was Felton Hirsch. He doesn’t want to go back to that name. He fell in love with me as Tanner Rockwell, so that’s who he is now.
Tanner won’t talk about his old life, but I’m going to make damn sure Alec knows his Daddy’s a hero.
“This is Daddy’s war medal,” I say softly. Alec reaches out to touch it. “Your Daddy got this by being very brave and saving lots of people’s lives. You’re going to be a big brave boy too, but Daddy hopes you never get one of these. Daddy got his medal when he got sent out on a routine patrol. He was with his friend Alec Costa and five other soldiers. Daddy saw the glint of light reflected from a sniper scope, but by then it was already—”
I look down and see Alec asleep in my arms. I slip the medal back in its box, and tuck Alec back into his bed.
“Perhaps that’s a story for another day. When you’re older.”
I kiss him on the head and go back downstairs to eat dinner with the most incredible man in the world.
THE END
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Picture Perfect
Chapter One
