He glanced down at my finger hooked through his belt loop, his jaw ticking with thought. After a moment, he said, “You’ll take it all off. Whenever I ask you to.”
Elation zipped through me, and he must have noticed because his voice took an edge. “And I’m still beating the shit out of him.”
I nodded with hesitation. Not an ideal situation for Ryan, but I knew this was much better than death and I wasn’t going to push my luck. “What about my papà?”
“I’ll talk to him.”
“How do I know you aren’t lying?”
“Guess you’ll have to trust me.”
Maybe it was stupid, but I did trust him—on this matter, anyway. My finger slipped from his belt loop, and a huge weight released from my shoulders. Maybe I was taking my sister’s situation personally, or maybe I thought righting this wrong would erase mine. It wouldn’t, but at least Adriana didn’t have to live with the heartbreak and regret.
Nico grabbed his drink and leaned against the opposite counter, taking a sip of whiskey like he was settling in at a strip club. Though his expression appeared as if he were standing in line at a grocery store checkout.
Now, fear rushed like an icy river beneath the surface of my skin. My breath came out in shallow pants as I reached for the hem of my t-shirt. With an erratic beat of my heart, my shirt hit the floor. The quiet noise of fabric on hardwood sounded loud and suggestive as the still kitchen air met my bare midsection. My breasts pressed against the fabric of my bra, tingling in expectation. Before I had a chance to think it through, I unclipped the back of my bra and dropped it to the floor.
A blush spread from my cheeks to my chest as his burning gaze caressed my bare breasts. The silence filled with the drum of my heartbeat.
His posture remained indifferent, but his eyes singed like paper around the edges. He ran his tongue across his teeth and flicked his gaze from me before taking a sip of whiskey. I didn’t know why, but I had the feeling he was trying to shake his attraction off. He didn’t want to want me. I didn’t know how I was supposed to take that, but for some reason a rush of confidence spread through me.
I had never undressed for a man before. The only one I’d been with had done it himself, but I should have known Nicolas Russo would demand I do it for him. I wanted to do it for him, whenever he wanted.
Grabbing the waistband of my shorts, I pushed them down my thighs, letting them drop to the floor. I sat there in only a hot pink thong while he stood across from me, in a button-up and tie.
His attention was now all mine and the thrill of it stole my breath.
Slowly, without taking his gaze off mine, he set his glass on the counter and walked the short steps to me.
“I haven’t finished,” I breathed, but he didn’t hear or didn’t care.
I shivered when he gripped my neck, sliding his hand upwards into my hair. His hold on my nape pulled my face to his, so close his breath touched my lips, warm with a hint of whiskey. Nerves vibrated deep down, because he was going to kiss me. But when he leaned in to brush his lips against mine, I turned my head.
He went still, his body tensing.
I avoided his gaze. “You can have anything you want, Nicolas. Anything . . . but that.”
There was only one way to protect myself in this situation. I couldn’t lose myself in this man, when I could already feel the pull of how easy it would be. I needed to maintain my autonomy, my distance. My heart didn’t need any more incentive to fall into his clutches. I knew I couldn’t keep sex from him, knew I wasn’t that strong, but I didn’t have to make love to him.
I couldn’t make love to him and then watch him do it with someone else. And I already knew he had no desire to remain faithful, from what he’d told me in the alley that night. I couldn’t share myself with someone so carelessly, so indifferently, especially now, after my past mistake. So I could only give him a part of me—the only one he would want—and hope I would survive.
I didn’t expect him to argue, or to even care about my refusal. Kissing was romantic in a way, and I couldn’t see him wanting to share that with me.
My hands still gripped the counter on either side of me, and when he glanced at my left, the one with the ring, his gaze turned black with contempt. I could taste his sudden animosity on my tongue. Anger wasn’t a reaction I’d expected from him, but I guessed telling this man he couldn’t have something was only a way to make him want it more.
“Spread your legs.” His command was cold, rough, and rattled the existing fear.
With an unsteady inhale, I complied.
His palms ran up my legs as I did so, his thumbs pressing into my inner thighs with a harshness that made my stomach tighten in an unexpected way. His rough hands felt so absolute against my soft skin.
Legs spread, cool air brushed my panties and I was suddenly aware of how wet they were. His gaze touched me there, warm and thrilling yet still tinged with anger.
He yanked me closer by the back of the neck until my bare breasts pressed against his chest. My breathing was erratic as he growled in my ear, “You’re so goddamn hot it pisses me off.” And then he nipped my neck, hard.
I yelped at the short pain, but it turned into a moan when his thumb pressed down on my clit through the fabric of my thong. His grip tightened in my hair, forcing my head back, and then he sucked a nipple into his mouth. A spark ignited in my lower stomach, the flame spreading through my body like wildfire.
He brushed his thumb over my clit, up and down, while holding a fistful of my hair so I couldn’t even look down. He groaned from deep in his chest and switched breasts, licking and then sucking with a slight scrape of teeth. An embarrassing sound escaped me, but I was so hot everywhere I didn’t care.
I leaned back on my hands, my hips starting to rock under his touch. His mouth was so hot as he licked and played with my full breasts, until I thought I would die from it. When his hands left me, protest screamed in my veins.
With a dark gaze that wasn’t entirely angry anymore, he fisted my thong at my hip and pulled it down my thighs, dropping it to the floor with the rest of my clothes.
I spread my legs once more, past the point of rational thought. His gaze fell between my thighs. He gave his head a shake, running a hand down his tie. “Fuck.” That’s all he said, before his arms wrapped around the backs of my thighs, he jerked me to the edge of the counter, and then his head lowered between them. I shuddered under the first hot, wet touch of his tongue. A deep rush of pleasure flooded me, a stronger wave rolling through me at every soft, slow lap he took from the entrance to my clit.
This dangerous man was being surprisingly gentle, reverent, in what he was doing. Something touched me in the chest.
However, he wasn’t that docile.
His arms held me so securely I couldn’t move my hips an inch, while he took his time licking me, like he was doing it for himself and not me.
“Oh, God,” I moaned, digging my hands into his thick hair, running my blunt nails against his scalp. I’d said this man’s name a handful of times since I’d met him, but I found it slipping from my lips when he swirled his tongue over my clit before sucking.
He tensed, and I realized too late he didn’t like it when I called him Nicolas.
“What’s my name?” he rasped before his tongue pushed into my entrance.
I made a throaty, porny noise I never knew I was capable of.
When I didn’t answer, his mouth left me, and his smoldering gaze found mine. His words were sharp. “What’s my name?”
“Nicolas,” I breathed.
His eyes flashed, and then a feeling of fullness came over me when he slipped one finger inside me. Pleasure ignited, the wick burning through my bloodstream. He held his finger still and I tried to rock, but his grip around one thigh was immovable.
“Name?” he pressed.
I shook my head, hating this game. I had “Nicolas” on the tip of my tongue, but when he pulled out his finger and then plunged two inside me hard, I
choked on it and it unwillingly came out as “Nico.”
A tremor went through me when his mouth found my clit, licking and sucking while his fingers moved in and out of me, again and again. He did it so leisurely, making deep noises of satisfaction every once in a while.
He was taking his time, slowing down when the pressure built, driving me mad until “Please,” escaped my lips. Then his fingers curled inside of me, the flame growing hotter.
When he slowed again, I shook my head in panic, my hands tugging at his hair. I didn’t know what I’d turned into, but all I found myself repeating was “Please,” over and over. He finally gave me what I wanted. His firm laps steady, he fingered me faster, harder, until there was nothing but deep, hot pressure.
His dark gaze found mine.
My last thought before the final please left my lips and the pressure exploded through my veins like an inferno was: He loves to be begged. The fire dissipated into a languid heat, spreading tingles throughout.
As I lay against the counter, slack, I pulsed around his fingers, and he only made out with my inner thigh and continued to slowly move them in and out until it stopped.
I let out a shaky breath, running my fingers through his hair, not ready to let it go. It was the only part of him I got to touch.
That was the first orgasm I’d ever had with a man, and I hated to admit it for my future health, but it was the most addictive thing I’d ever experienced.
When his hands ran up my thighs, nerves came to the surface.
Did he want me to reciprocate?
Or did he expect sex?
A shyness overcame me as I sat up, and I was sure, as he braced his hands on the counter and met my gaze, that he could see it all.
He’d yet to even shed his tie while I sat naked in front of him. After the heat settled, it all appeared so much more obscene.
“You’ll call me Nico from now on. No more of that Nicolas bullshit.”
I nodded hesitantly. All my pleases still echoed in the kitchen, his words cutting through them with an abrasive knife.
I didn’t know what I expected then, but I knew it wasn’t for him to turn his back on me, leave the house, and then shut the door behind him.
I exhaled, falling against the countertop.
Merda.
I was in over my head.
“I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best.”
—Walt Whitman
THE TICKING OF THE CLOCK brought my gaze to it as I slipped off the island. I’d been engaged to Nico for only one hour, yet I already felt turned inside out, as if he’d stolen a few of my layers and I’d never get them back. I knew I made the right decision not to give him every piece of me. If I did, the inevitable would happen, and I’d be nothing but dust beneath his feet while he ruled New York’s underworld.
I traced the rim of his whiskey glass, the air-conditioning cool against my bare skin. I leaned on the counter and sipped the liquor, hoping it would numb the abrasive feeling of his scruff against my neck, hoping it would make his clean, male scent disappear from my nose. It didn’t.
When the sound of the garage door opening met my ears, I glanced toward the noise. I wondered if he would leave me here alone, but when I didn’t hear any engines starting, I imagined he was only working on his cars.
I tossed back the rest of the warm whiskey and set the glass on the counter, but before I could walk away, my eyes caught on some paperwork. Hesitation flooded me, but I took a step forward and grabbed the top paper between two fingers.
I stared at my fiancé’s private bank account information, my heart beating with confliction. Vacillation at the wrongness of my intentions. Yet, I felt the hope of absolution, no matter how small it might be.
This life I was born into might be dark, but it was transparent. The Cosa Nostra was only a candid version of the Outside’s politician smiles. I knew this world, knew its darkness, knew its light. And I knew that I was good, but sometimes even the good has its shadows.
Before I could think more about it, I pulled open cupboard drawer after drawer, searching for a pen and paper. When I found them, I copied the information down and slipped it into the bottom of my duffel bag.
You can only sink or swim.
You can’t swim in the underworld, but I’d always heard drowning was the best way to go.
After dressing, I took a tour of the home. I found three bedrooms upstairs and dropped my bag on the queen-sized bed of one that had to be a spare. Cream walls, white duvet and furniture. It was understated elegance, and I knew Nico hadn’t been the one to decorate it.
A bay window with a seat below took up the far wall and looked over the backyard and garage. My fingers touched the glass as my gaze found Nico whose head was beneath the hood of one of his cars in the drive. Only his side profile was visible, but my heart thumped to an uneven beat. He wore a white t-shirt, his button-up and tie lying in a pile on one of the lawn chairs.
I wondered who did his laundry. He said he had a cook, but it was close to lunchtime and no one had arrived yet. I really didn’t know how to cook. It was a travesty for an Italian woman, I knew, but I partly blamed it on my mamma for never teaching me. She was a perfectionist in the kitchen and would slap our hands if we took one misstep, so it had always been easier to stay out of her way.
Heading out of my new bedroom, I stopped in front of the master. With gray walls and mahogany furniture, it had a masculine touch. The large bed was unmade, and dress shirts and ties lay over the back of a chair, some fallen to the floor. It looked like a messy king lived in here. I had an impulse to clean it, but I quelled it and moved on. I didn’t know how he would feel about me going through his things and I didn’t want to. I might have to live with him, but this was an arrangement—not a real marriage.
However, when I thought of my other options, I couldn’t help but feel relief from Oscar Perez’s death. I could guarantee that if I were sent to his home for the day, I wouldn’t have been lying languid on his counter from an orgasm I didn’t have to reciprocate. My skin crawled at the thought of him touching me.
I would kiss whoever killed him.
When I opened the fridge, I was relieved to see some pre-made meals I only had to pop in the oven. There were handwritten notes on the top of each saying what they were in a feminine scrawl. So, he did have a cook. I was going to feel like less of a woman if I had to have some other woman make my meals now that I was getting married. I guessed I would have to put learning how to cook on my to-do list, though it wasn’t as if that was exactly full.
I put a casserole in the oven and then searched the house for a phone.
As I stood at the island and pulled my hair into a ponytail, my brows knitting from the unsuccessful search, the back door opened. My pulse slowed.
Nico stepped inside, his gaze running from the floor to me. God, that plain white t-shirt would be the death of me. Grease stained his arms and hands and he was sweaty to a hot degree. I finished tying my hair up, and then dropped my clammy hands to my sides.
He eyed me as he passed a couple feet away, like it was a natural thing for me to be in his home, but he wasn’t sure whether he liked it. I had the distinct feeling he didn’t and suddenly felt unwanted and out of place. It seemed as though his presence occupied the whole kitchen and there was no room for me.
I stood there, watching his back as he grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it from the faucet. His dark hair was mussed, brushing his collar, and I grew warm remembering I’d had my hands in it not an hour ago.
“I thought we talked about that staring thing.” His voice was deep, slithering down my spine with a rough caress. He emptied his glass in one drink without turning around.
“We didn’t talk about anything.” My response was quiet. “You talked and just assumed I was listening.”
“You were listening,” was all he said, bracing his hands on the edge of the sink.
A heaviness filled the air and my lungs. Uncertain.
Suggestive. Each silent second was the tick of a bomb soon to detonate. This weight in my chest, this thrill beneath my skin that thrummed when he was near, wouldn’t be good for me. He didn’t even want me here. All my reservations about this engagement came to the surface.
I shifted. “Can we talk?”
“About what?” There was a tightness to his shoulders I couldn’t miss.
“About . . . us?”
“Is that a question, or do you have something to say?”
“I have something to say.”
He finally turned around, crossed his arms, and leaned against the counter.
“Go ahead, then.”
I swallowed. “I’m sure my papà would forget the marriage contract if you asked him to.”
His eyes sparked with dark amusement. “I’m sure he would.”
I paused, not expecting his response. I’d believed my papà had been the one to pressure Nico into this marriage—that his anger was for another reason entirely. I just hadn’t known how to start the conversation any other way.
“So . . . have him do it.”
“Now, why would I do that?” he drawled, though his voice was edged with something not-nice.
My brows pulled together. “Why wouldn’t you?”
His gaze turned to ice. “Good question.”
I knew I’d walked myself into that and sort of deserved it, but I still bristled from his insinuation. If this was how all of our conversations were going to go, I would go insane before we even got married.
I hesitated, not understanding any of this. “We won’t do well together,” was what came out, when I wanted to say: You’re the only man I’ve met who could do me permanent damage.
“You seemed agreeable enough to me earlier.” His expression had kitchen island and naked written all over it.
I couldn’t stop the heat from rushing to my cheeks at his crass reminder, but also because I was quickly losing control of this conversation and growing more flustered by the minute. “That’s different and you know it. If that’s what this is about . . . you don’t have to marry me for it.” It made me sound easy—especially with what he knew of my past—but I didn’t care. “We made a deal,” I said quietly, remembering my promise to take my clothes off whenever he asked. “And I’ll uphold it.”
The Sweetest Oblivion Page 19
