Work went by as it had many times before. I poured drinks, Jasmine complained, Max gave me the concerned fatherly look before heading home, Old Gray and Cole talked for hours. It was home to me and I loved all of it, even Jasmine’s constant complaining. Jake and Camille left earlier than normal, but only because they made up. Meaning they left to go “make up.” She always said makeup sex was the best. I couldn’t really argue with that. Everyone eventually shuffled out the door by the time last call came. Cole helped me clean up and we headed home.
Bed. Oh, how I missed you all day. I flopped onto it, hugging it. Classes were finally over and almost all of the stress from it was over as well—other than that one thing: the showcase that was tomorrow. I just hoped I could get some version of a good night’s rest to prepare myself for the epic disaster my teacher had convinced me into. I decided to rest my eyes for a minute.
I rolled over, feeling the prick of grass against my face. I sat up; excitedly searching for Cole, I found nothing but a field that went for miles. No Cole and no woods. I searched confusedly. It felt so familiar but unlike anything I have yet seen. Then I felt him. I stood quickly, turning around to find my attacker. I felt him smirk with anticipation for another fight. I steadied myself, waiting for his attack. He slowly reached for his hood and removed it from his face. I stood frozen, wishing it was the face I drew on my walls. It was Cole.
I shot out of bed so quickly I rammed straight into a wall. I was covered in a clammy sweat and Cole again was nowhere to be found. Is it possible? No, it was just a dream, I tried to convince myself. My heart felt as if it was shattering into a million tiny pieces. I slid down the wall, crying in a heartbroken terror. My eyes felt extremely heavy; I tried to hold them open.
I flew out of bed. Just as I almost ran into the wall for the second time, I felt Cole’s hands wrap around my waist, stopping me mid-air. He stared at me in horror as the tears continued to pour out of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to shake off the nightmare. Please let me actually be awake this time. I was beyond done with trying to sleep. He pet my hair and held me close, consoling me into at least a small fraction of a state of calm. This was not how I wanted to start this day off. I let him rock me, covering me with his blanket of protection. I felt it glide across me with promises of safety. Just like when I’d sip chamomile tea, I felt myself relax, knowing this time I was actually awake and he was here. I let the feeling wash over me like rain and began to feel more like myself.
CHAPTER 9
I walked into the showcase with my nerves biting at my feet. I looked around for my teacher, who was politely yelling at another student to speed up finishing the beverage and h’ordeuvres table. The doors officially opened in only five short minutes. Her eyes met mine and she quickly shuffled over to me in the tallest heels I’d ever seen in person. They made her look more like a model than an educator.
“I was beginning to worry you weren’t going to make it,” she said.
“Sorry. Rough couple of days.” It was an understatement, to say the least.
“I tagged all of your work as I did to the other two students who were chosen to showcase their work. Help yourself to refreshments. I’m going to go open the doors to the public,” she said as she scurried off.
You can do this Alice. Just breathe. I started to settle my breath as I felt his arm wrap around my waist. I was so nervous he actually snuck up on me.
“Don’t be mad,” he said as he flashed his perfect smile.
“Cole, what do you mean?”
“I told Camille about the showcase, and she told everyone else.” He turned me toward the door as a flood of people entered the now cramped space. Max came in talking to Camille with Jake straggling behind her, clutched to her hand. “Try to enjoy tonight. Everyone here loves you.” His words sent my brain into a frenzy as my heart and soul tried to calm it down, knowing this long before it was said out loud.
“Everyone?” I challenged.
“Yes, Alice. I love you.” He brushed my hair from my face, catching a tear before the room noticed.
I love you too. I felt like a coward. Camille ran at me like a teenage girl meeting her favorite rock singer, almost knocking me to the ground with a hug. I felt my shield push back, keeping me standing.
“I’m so proud of you!” she squeaked. Max hugged me while attempting to hold back the water in his eyes. He patted my head with a sigh.
“I’m proud of you, kiddo, as if you were my own blood.” It was nice to think of him as my dad, not really ever having one before.
“Thanks, Max,” I said.
“Alright. We will let you relax and we’ll all take a look at your work,” Jake said, throwing in a wink that actually relieved me more than annoyed me. Camille and Max followed behind him as he left.
Cole wrapped one arm into mine as if we were at a ball, with his other arm extended in a “Lead the way” sort of fashion. We approached my first piece and I started truly regretting telling Cole about this showcase and even agreeing to do it. I waited for panic, for anything. He let go of my hand and stood extremely close the canvas, studying it as if he was buying some fancy piece of art at a gallery. He turned to me with furrowed brows.
“I look amazing. Look at that jawline,” he teased. I punched him in the shoulder and he pulled me in close to him. “Seriously, Alice. This is amazing. It looks exactly as…you described.” He corrected himself in the presence of the public. We both shuttered a little at the more recent memory of this place. We continued walking like cattle, looking at the rest of my collection. I saw Camille pointing excitedly at a canvas with her similarities, where she was smirking at a charcoal version of me blushing while handing a pencil to a boy in a classroom scene. Luckily we were together and I didn’t have to feel like an obsessive stalker. We passed several more canvases with the same everyday life feel.
“I’m buying this one for the bar,” Max said. It was the bar counter with our regulars and Max and I smiling behind the counter. I laughed and nodded. Everyone stopped in front of a slightly larger canvas. I tried to pull Cole backward but he forced me onward. It was me. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen. I barely remembered even drawing it. I was curled up in a corner, water pouring over me. I had my knees locked in my arms. No clothing but bruises and cuts covering me from head to toe, my hair covering the rest of me. I felt Cole’s heart breaking. I grabbed his hand tightly, attempting to reassure him I was okay now. His eyes began to tear up but he quickly locked it away.
“This is one of my favorites. I’ve personally always found painting healing,” Tina whispered in my ear before disappearing back into the crowd.
I pulled Cole onward, leaving the rest of my family and strangers to linger in front of it. We approached my final piece and I heard him gasp. I recoiled in response behind him. He pulled me back in front of it, staring longingly into my eyes with hope to heal all my pain and keep me safe from whatever it was that awaited us. I looked back up at a version of myself I knew I never would be. We stepped back, letting others take a glance at it. I heard whispers about how glorious and dark the angel in the painting was, hovering in pain above the dammed and chosen. Emotions on her sleeve, like her mother, I heard in an un-recognizable voice in my head. I scanned the room as my heart almost beat out of my chest. Cole heard him too—I could see it on his face. We circled each other protectively, trying not to stir attention as we searched the faces.
That’s when I saw him: a tall beautiful man with similar features to my own. Is it possible? My Fallen father? If I ever could have imagined what an angel fallen from grace looked like, it would never had compared. He was taller than most of the people there. He was stunning to look at, perfect even. He wore his misery on him like a weighted jacket; it saddened me how ugly it was on him. He turned, looking at me and then at Cole. Camille jumped in front of me. I pushed her aside and looked back to where he was. Nothing. He vanished as quickly as he appeared. I felt Cole’s shield pulling me toward him, turning me around
. I let it, in defeat.
“You okay honey?” Camille asked.
“Yes, sorry. So what do you think?”
“It was dark,” she answered.
“You are extremely talented, Alice,” Max said with sad eyes. I could tell everyone was still a little traumatized from the image of me covered in bruises. I hid under Cole’s arm for strength and comfort.
“It’s just art, you guys,” I tried to reassure them.
“I think we should go have a drink and celebrate,” Jake said. Of course he did. I just wanted to figure out if that was my father and if it was, what he was doing here now. He’d had my whole life to appear and he chose this moment. I felt the rage start to bubble under my skin. Just as quickly, I felt Cole run his hand across my arm; it felt as if he had dumped ice water on my anger. I was so lucky to have him, even though sometimes I wasn’t sure I could even really trust him.
“I think we have to stay awhile. Rain check?” Cole asked.
“For you two, sure,” Max interjected. I smiled as they headed to the refreshments before making their escape. I lipped the words “Thank you” as Cole kissed my forehead. We waited long enough for them to make it out of the parking lot…just long enough for Tina to introduce me to a creepy angelic man from a prestigious art school. Then we made our own escape home.
CHAPTER 10
I hadn’t been able to sleep the last few nights. The fear of Cole as the attacker kept me from resting my eyes. I watched him sleep to pass the time. I wondered how we could be considered abominations in God’s eyes. How we could be unlovable to him just by being born with fathers that should not have been able to produce us.
His face was so soft and graceful when he dreamed. He obviously hadn’t been sharing the same dreams as me. As hard as I fought actual sleep, now in my exhausted waking state, my nightmares taunted me, poking at me from the shadows dancing on the walls. All I could think of was the look on Cole’s face when he recognized my attacker and my dream where he was the attacker. I rolled over to the alarm clock I never used. Four A.M. I sat up anxiously, knowing I was moments from either losing my grip on reality or passing out from exhaustion. Even worse, maybe both. As hard as I struggled to keep my eyelids open, eventually the weight of them won and I gave in and shut them.
I felt the sun burning against my eyelids like fire. Then they slightly cooled as Cole kissed them softly. I looked to see him sitting next to me in our little field of gold.
“I was beginning to think you were never going to sleep. It’s been days,” he said with such concern. I tried to smile but I knew my worry was dripping off of me like sweat on a hot summer day. Neither was appealing or pleasant.
“Have you been waiting for me?”
“All my life,” he answered with a smile.
“You know what I mean, Cole.”
“I know you, and I know at some point you are going to demand we talk about all this. I think it’s safer to talk about it here.” I could see the worry on his face now too. I also knew he knew more than he had led me to believe. I loved him but I needed to know what was going on. I sat up and prepared myself for our first “talk.” “My father is a fallen angel. His given name is Kokabiel.”
“We read about him, right? He taught man about constellations or something like that.”
“Yes. He named me, which was dangerous for us both. When I met him, he explained what he could to me without putting me in more danger than I was already in simply for existing. My last name was Corvus, after his favorite constellation, meaning ‘crow.’ He said the dark birds reminded him of his own past with their large, black wingspan; and their cry was the saddest sound he had ever heard. He told me about you and that I needed to protect you. He didn’t tell me how.”
“Wait. You knew what I was before you met me?” I was furious.
“I knew I had to tell you everything when your father showed up at your showcase. Please give me the chance to tell you.” I knew he could feel the heat from my skin as the rage grew stronger. I tried to nod but my silence allowed him to continue regardless. I needed to know the truth. I needed to know everything. “His name is Penemue. Your mother’s name was Marie, but that’s all I know about her. The tricky thing, Alice, is your grandfather was a fallen angel as well. His name is Sariel. This has never happened before us, to have so much angel blood running through us.” He watched for my reaction but I gave nothing. “It basically means that you are mostly angel…an angel who was born with a human soul. The moment the bounty hunter attacked you, he had to know you were different. He will report back to God’s angels and they will come for us. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
“Bounty hunter? You knew him, didn’t you?”
“I knew of him and the face you drew, yes, I recognized him. He’s my great–grandfather, a fallen trying to redeem himself by killing the last of the nephilim. He failed that day. You are just as strong as they are.”
“Your great-grandfather tried to kill me? This is impossible. This is a dream, Cole. This isn’t actually happening.”
“Alice, please listen to what I’m telling you. We all have been trying to protect you, but they know where we all are now. Once they get word that someone like you exists, they all will come down to destroy you and all the remaining nephilim. You remember what happens in the book after that?”
“Judgment Day, and our fathers get thrown into the abyss. Yes I know, Cole. What I don’t understand is if you were sent to protect me, why are you sleeping in my bed?”
“I fell in love with you.” Hurt smacked across his face. I sat still and took a deep breath at an actual attempt to slow if not stop time in the dreaming state we run away to. I started to run through every moment like a movie in my head since I’d met him. I thought about how he was always lingering nearby but never spoke to me. Here I thought he liked me. Stupid girl. Now I was infuriated more so than I was before this conversation started.
“Why didn’t you protect me when your great-grandfather tried to kill me? Protecting yourself? Then you demanded I tell you what happened for what reason? You needed to know if it was hell on Earth. Did you even care about me? Do you know my father and grandfather?” I knew it hurt him but how could he not know this was killing me? I was a responsibility he was given, one he failed at.
“I didn’t think they would send a bounty hunter into a fallen angel haven.”
“I don’t even know you.”
“Now you are just picking a fight with me.” The sky turned gray. He was right. I couldn’t control my emotions any longer and he was the only target in sight. I was fine before I met him. Before I knew what love was, or what I thought it was. Once again, here I was, faced with love that was filled with lies.
“I wish I never met you.” I watched it cut him through to his core. I felt his soul weep.
“Don’t say that. Please.” He stared at me for a moment and then it came: the look everyone gets when they realize I’m not worth loving. “I can go if you wish.”
“I do.” I didn’t. I just needed a little space. I needed to actually sleep. No thoughts; just darkness. I sat coldly, watching a tear stream down his face. That’s exactly what he gave me.
CHAPTER 11
I opened my eyes and looked instantly at my alarm clock. Six a.m. No aroma of coffee or breakfast filling my house. No sandy beaches or ocean waves either. I felt as if a part of my soul cut itself out of me and ran away. I guess it was more like I cut it out and told it to go. I covered my head with my pillow and tried to fight back the tears. Honestly, what was the point? I could hear the rain hitting my window. It made sense; the weather would be as miserable as I felt. I could barely drag myself out of bed. How could it be possible I was strong enough to stand against an angel when I could barely pull myself to my feet? I’m more than I was and still less than you need me to be. I heard it echo as if the words lingered and waited for me to awake. I knew it was more of a plea but it cut right through my soul as if it was his intention.
&
nbsp; I dragged myself from my bed to my front door. I stared out into the rain, searching for the sound of his heartbeat. I hated not being able to feel him around me. I walked out to feel the grass under my bare feet, to feel the Earth clutch to me, to need me. Maybe the rain could wash away a sliver of this pain. I inhaled deeply, ignoring the fight from my lungs as the rain crashed down my throat. Then I held my breath and watched the rain for as far as I could see come to a complete halt. There was such beauty in an impossible moment like that. I wish I could have enjoyed it. I exhaled and felt the rain attack my skin once again. I sighed and retreated back to my home, back to my house. The word “home” had lost its meaning to me in such a short amount of time. I felt the thunder under my feet with each step I took toward my door. Lightning crashed above me with uneasy precision, lighting up the gloominess around me.
I stopped as my feet hit the porch and turned back toward the darkness. It wasn’t thunder at all. I stared at the nothingness, knowing I was not alone. Was it my attacker? No…I didn’t feel his excitement of a fight to come. I felt something odd. Something trying to calm me into submission like a warm blanket, similar to Cole’s shield. I stepped back onto the grass, right on top of this imaginary blanket of false calm. Lightning fiercely crashed and I inhaled. The rain halted again as did the lit sky. There you are. He was taller than I had expected, taller than anyone I had ever seen. They’ve started to come for me. His wings flexed behind him. I could feel something similar to an unconditional love almost emanating from him. It was mostly masked by the hatred he had for my existence. This was it. This was the day I was going to die.
“What are you waiting for?” I dared. Nothing. He just stood there like a statue you might find at an over-embellished church. My breath was steady as if some part of me knew this day would come and was already prepared for it. I almost wanted him to end my suffering. Not like this. I was going to fight even though my heart was weighed down from the rain and I already felt defeated. God didn’t have to love me, but against his will, I did exist and he let that happen. I wasn’t allowing anyone to sweep this mistake under a rug without a fight.
Finding Alice (Alice Clark Series) Page 7
