“Smoking again?” Cole asked. His voice was mouthwatering. Or maybe it was his lips that were, since I was staring at them while the last word escaped. I let a smile out even though I tried to keep it caged. I knew it pained him.
“I’ve been a little stressed lately. Look, I am really sorry about everything.”
“I know you are. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. You look terrible. Bounty hunter again?”
“You mean your great-grandfather? I wish. This was a worst case scenario event. I should have never asked you to leave. I miss you.”
“Alice, I missed you too but maybe this is for the best. Maybe us together will only complicate things, make us more vulnerable. I don’t know…cloud our judgment or something.” It hurt to have him turn me away just like that, as if we meant nothing and it was easy for him. Staring into his eyes, being so close to him and yet so far from my reach, I felt our souls grasping for each other. No, this was not better for us.
“You can’t honestly think that. I almost let that angel kill me. Without you, I just feel empty.”
“Wait, what? An angel attacked you? You mean a Fallen?” he shouted. I could feel his blood boiling under his skin. Now he was the one with rage and I was the one looking back, begging for forgiveness. My legs felt as heavy as my heart. I clutched my car, trying to stand in front of him, my body fighting me every step of the way.
“Not a Fallen. They know about me, and they came for me. I know you want to talk about this but I don’t. Paul found me after you asked him to check on me, so I know you still give a damn about me. After being beaten for a second time for my existence, I was alone, which is fine. My whole life has been like that. I called for you and you never came and I know I deserved that. After having my shoulder dislocated, several bones broken, wounds that Paul stitched, more bruises than I’ve ever seen in my entire life, the one thing that hurt the most was my heart breaking into a million worthless pieces because you were gone.”
“You asked me to!” he yelled.
“I made a mistake! I love you! Why can’t you see that?” The words steamrolled out with force and passion. As soon as they did, I wanted to take them back. I had never said that out loud before. I couldn’t handle the rejection I sensed was coming. I felt as if my lungs were shutting down on me as I tried to breathe. I watched his face change; the anger settled down and shock formed across his cheeks.
“You what?”
“You heard me. Look, I know I’m probably going to die and right now, I have nothing else to live for. I guess I just need you to know.” He stood there staring at my battered body. I felt ugly and embarrassed. My legs started to give way and as I felt myself crashing down to the pavement, he caught me. I felt his ocean of relief wash over me and the pain subside completely. He brushed my hair from my face, staring into my eyes as if he was asking my soul a question. I watched him study me and then he kissed me as if he had been waiting his whole life to kiss me in that exact moment.
“I love you too,” he said through a wide grin.
We smiled as he pulled me in tightly, leaning us into the car for one more epic kiss. No matter what had happened over the last few days, surviving it was worth this moment a thousand times over. Maybe together we could survive this, as ludicrous as I knew that was. If we did make it, I would at least have lived, loved and been loved in return. And that’s all that’s really worth living for.
I felt a part of Cole wrapped around me as I mixed another drink for Old Gray. Everything hurt but he lessened it to an extent I could tolerate, even with a smile on my face. Paul sat in a back corner like a bouncer, attempting to ignore Camille’s constant questions about what happened to me. Better him than me, though. Last call came and I felt my nerves skyrocket as my brain started to wonder if another angel would come to finish me off tonight, if Cole would be coming home with me, and if Paul planned to continue crashing at my house. It seemed the more I knew, the more questions I had and the more confused I was. I used to think the idea of God alone was confusing.
I was in the middle of handing Camille her screwdriver when this disgusting excitement shot through me. I watched the glass slip through my fingers and crash to the floor into a hundred pieces. He’s here. Cole jumped over the counter in front of me protectively and I, the one stronger than him, cowered behind him. The stench of the nephilim blood soaked into his clothes made me almost crawl over Cole to get the first swing, though. Paul, now behind me, calmly put his hand on my shoulder to stop me.
“Well this is a family event, I see.” Cole’s great-grandfather sneered.
“Jake, take Camille home,” Paul ordered. Jake grabbed Camille’s hand and they left. At least she wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire. Jasmine finished her drink and glared at the men surrounding me as she made her over-exaggerated exit. Now no innocent bystanders would get hurt. I had a feeling Max would maybe have to make an insurance claim in the morning.
“Relax. Penemue. I’m not here for you.”
“Unfortunately for you, I don’t care who you are here for. You need to leave.” Paul’s voice was so gentle yet so fierce, unlike Cole’s great-grandfather, who sounded like he had been smoking a pack a day for centuries. I stepped out from behind the bar into a more open area. I may have been making myself an easy target but I felt caged behind the counter. Cole was beside me, Paul in front, blocking me from being attacked.
“Is there another bounty hunter in town? She looks terrible. You know, Penemue, they might consider letting you come home if you help.”
“Is that what they told you? You are more gullible than I thought,” Paul laughed.
“What about you, Sariel?” the bounty hunter tried another.
Sariel? That was my grandfather’s name. I turned to find Old Gray still sitting at the bar. Does everyone insist on lying to me? I tried to relax but not even Cole’s touch could calm my emotions. This moment was carefully thought out. I turned as I saw Cole’s great-grandfather come straight for Cole with a dagger slowly gliding out of his sleeve. I took a deep breath, bringing everything to a complete stillness. I reached my arm out in front of me while my other arm pulled Cole behind me. I exhaled and close-lined the bounty hunter. I turned to Sariel. “We will talk about this later. I think I have dealt with enough this week.” I turned back to the bounty hunter. “And you. Get the fuck out of my bar. If one of God’s angels can’t kill me, you most definitely cannot.”
He scurried to his feet while attempting to catch his breath and rushed out the door. Cole turned to me, thankful and it seemed a little sad, as well. He reached for my hand. Oh, how I missed the electricity when we touched.
“Well done. I didn’t think you had it in you, especially in your condition,” Paul said with an odd fatherly tone to his voice.
“I found something to live for,” I said.
“You mean you weren’t fighting back against the angel?” Paul asked, exchanging off-guard glances with Old Gray. I smiled at him before pulling Cole in for a kiss. If I got to taste his lips after every fight, it would be worth it and still not enough.
Take me home? I loved the idea of my voice in his head. Of course, I did tend to forget in present company it was not as exclusive as it once was. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in tightly.
I thought you would never ask, I heard him say.
CHAPTER 13
In my condition I should have been resting, but what was the fun in that? I started the shower and threw my clothes at Cole from the bathroom. I turned the lights off and jumped in, letting the water soak into my bones as he climbed in after me. His hand glided across my stomach as he twisted me toward him. If I closed my eyes, it felt like we were standing under a waterfall. I could smell it all over him. I was wrapped around him when he pulled my face closely to his and bit my lower lip. I laughed as I grabbed two handfuls of his hair, pulling him in for a kiss. This was worth living for.
I awoke to the smell of coffee beans and the sound of bacon sizzling. I was sorer
than I ever imagined possible but it didn’t seem to bother me much at all. I threw on Cole’s black t-shirt and my PJ shorts and headed toward the delicious smells. I peeked into the kitchen to find my boyfriend and my father cooking breakfast. How could God not love any of us? Wasn’t this one of the greatest gifts of humanity? Wasn’t this one of those moments people take for granted?
“Morning,” I smiled and sat down at my kitchen table.
“Good morning. How are you feeling today Alice?” Paul asked. Cole set my mug down in front of me and kissed the top of my head. I instantly beamed with happiness.
“Great,” I let out a light chuckle in Cole’s direction. “I’m still really sore but other than that, I’m actually great this morning.”
“Glad to hear. Cole here says breakfast is a rule in this house.” He raised his eyebrow as if it were a question.
“Yes, he did make that rule.”
“You haven’t argued once yet,” Cole said, flashing his irresistible smile. “Nice shirt,” he added, causing me to immediately blush.
My lighthearted mood shifted slightly when I felt the weight of sadness on Paul’s heart. Can we just have a few hours, just a few moments, to enjoy each other’s company before we have to deal with what’s coming? Paul turned to me, calculating his response and then nodded, giving me this one request. I needed this, to just forget about the past and live in this beautiful moment. We sat around my table in my once-eerie house eating breakfast and talking about nothing relevant with mouths full, obviously showing the lack of motherly figures in all our lives. Even our moments of silence felt so home to me; it felt like this was life I was supposed to lead.
After everything I had been through, I decided to let some frustration go in the best way I knew how. I stared at a blank canvas, attempting to let out some of my locked up emotions. The last few months had felt like an emotional roller coaster of absolute chaos. I’d been using Paul’s special angel cream and it was nothing shy of miraculous. My bone breaks had healed and no longer ached when I’d push them. My bruises faded in mere days and my wounds were nothing more than scars.
I was sure I had been staring at that canvas for hours, watching Cole and Paul interact in my peripheral vision. I could feel the tension between them and they knew it, so it didn’t last long before they calmed themselves down in an attempt to keep me from being concerned. I was past concerned; I was more in an eerie state of calm, knowing that panic was hiding in the darkness just around the corner waiting to strike. Their escalating tension was making it impossible for me to release my caged emotions onto this lonely canvas. I slammed my charcoal down in abandonment. “What was my mother like?” I heard myself say.
“I don’t think this is the right time for that,” Paul said.
“When is the right time exactly? Since I am basically counting down the days until the angels come back to kill me because of my existence.”
“Cole, would you mind giving us a moment?” Paul’s voice asked, but his tone was demanding. Cole got up from where they were seated and walked toward the front door.
“No. He stays.”
“Alice I don’t think this is a conversation to have publicly.”
“Cole is not the public. He is more family to me than anyone ever has been in my life and he stays.” I knew I was taking a jab at him but I had to in order to prove my point.
Cole sat down next to me, shrugging to Paul. I knew Paul didn’t like to show his softer side, the side us humans had rubbed off on him. It wasn’t even that I wanted Cole to hear what he had to say; it was that in that moment, I needed him there for me. I needed to be able to squeeze his hand if it hurt to hear Paul’s words, and I was sure it was going to hurt like hell.
“She was a remarkable woman. You look a lot like her. She was taller though and she was always smiling. She loved to paint. Her name was Marie.”
“Did you love her?” I felt the sting in his heart as the words settled in him.
“Very much so. She reminded me why we fell from grace in the first place.” His face softened and he looked as if he might begin to cry. Seconds later, his face firmed and he regained control of his emotions. He knew well I felt them all, especially as he talked about my mother. I could feel his wall coming back up. I knew it was more because Cole was in the room than anything else.
“Did you love me at all? Did you see me when I was born?” I was hesitant but knew this was my only opportunity to ask.
“We had planned long before you were born to create someone who had more Fallen DNA than human. We were trying to create a fallen with a soul, in a sense, to save us or to save our children. And yes, I loved you the second I saw you. I hated myself for what I had done to you and your mother. Damning your souls…” His voice weighed with guilt. Cole excused himself quietly from the room, eyes locked on mine as he exited with reassurance that I could do this on my own and if not, he was nearby. I also knew that he was close enough to hear every word still.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, Alice. You have every right. It is the human thing to do and you are in fact human.”
“What you need me to do?” I knew there was no going back to my life before and I honestly didn’t want to.
“We need to strategize a plan. They will be coming for you and if we plan carefully, we may at least be able to fight this battle on our terms.” I sat studying his face, looking for flaws and an entry into his thoughts. I was sure they had a plan for this battle before I ever existed, not that he planned to tell me. This time, there was no flaw in his defenses; he was aware of my ability and would smokescreen any possible entry into his thoughts. I nodded in acceptance for now and excused myself from the conversation.
I headed to my room to find some comfort in Cole’s arms. I walked in to see him sitting on our bed on my laptop. He smiled and set it aside, patting the space on the bed next to him. I climbed into his arms, letting all he was consume me. We had to survive this.
I walked into the bar with a new sense of worth. I gave Max a much deserved hug as he headed home for the night. I went into the shift in a fairly good mood. I waited until Jasmine, Jake, Camille, and the random patrons headed home to talk to Old Gray. I did my usual walk through cleaning up after the drunks of the day, waiting for the meeting my father called for to begin. I walked up to the empty bar stool next to Old Gray while Cole and Paul moved chairs and tables to accommodate our future visitors.
“I couldn’t tell you anything Alice. All I could do was watch over you. If I involved myself, they would’ve found you much sooner,” he said.
“I understand why you weren’t able to tell me who I was or what was coming for me. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t tell me after I was attacked. You had to know what or who attacked me.” I was furious at him. He needed to know he had not yet earned my trust back and that it wasn’t going to be easy either.
“I know you don’t want to hear this but your existence is not supposed to be possible. I didn’t want to get attached to you in any way, knowing you could and most likely would be killed. I do regret that now and against my will, I have grown quite fond of you. I’ve watched you struggle and I knew you could handle it on your own. Don’t let our kind fool you, Alice. We are not good or honorable. We just want to exist; we want to go home to a place we can never enter. You are the only thing keeping us from our final punishment. I do care for you deeply and I will do all I can to protect you, but I do so with my own purpose. I refuse to lie to you about that. You deserve more.”
I nodded, excusing myself from the truth that had just slapped me across the face. I knew he was right and though they may have all cared for me, even loved me, my existence and their protection of me was for their own survival. I snuck out the back past a few strange and breathtaking men who were obviously fallen angels, with their perfect skin and beaming eyes. They glanced at me as they passed me into the bar. I quickly ran over to Cole’s car, wishing my own was here with my not-so-secret
cigarette stash. I checked his glove box—knowing it would be empty—only to find an unopened pack of cigarettes and a lighter with a note saying Just breathe. I love you. I felt myself smiling down to the tips of my toes.
I lit one, leaning against Cole’s car and watched car after car pull into the parking lot. Some were beat up muscle cars; some looked like they just drove off the dealership lot. I watched people walking in from the street as if they just appeared there. Each one took a moment to glance at me before entering the bar. I could feel their mixed emotions, fear crawling over them like insects. I saw Jake pull back into the bar, shaking hands with someone he apparently knew. I waited until the last of them entered and came in behind them, locking the door.
The meeting had not started yet but Old Gray and Paul were starting to calm the room down to begin. A man with dark, wavy hair and a gorgeous jawline glided in front of me before I fully entered the room. He looked me up and down, studying me and wrinkling his forehead similar to the way Cole did. “Mr. Corvus?” I asked. He let out a chuckle as I scanned the room for Cole, who was already winding his way through the crowd toward us.
“Hello, Alice. My name is Kokabiel, but yes—I suppose I am Mr. Corvus.” His smile was as infectious as Cole’s; I could see where he got it from. “Cole, I was just introducing myself to your girlfriend.” His eyes looked as displeased as all the others did.
“And now you have.” He took my hand and led me toward Paul.
“Nice to meet you,” I said as I slipped backward through the crowd.
I took a seat in the corner at the nearest table to Paul and Old Gray. Cole sat next to me, blocking me protectively from the room filled with fallen angels. Relax, Cole. I tightened the grip on his hand under the table. He tried to smile but his nerves leaked through. Paul began the meeting and I studied the crowd for reactions as he told them the day had come for their battle against the angels, against those they once considered their brothers and sisters. I felt the uneasiness in the room like thick smog in my lungs.
Finding Alice (Alice Clark Series) Page 9
