by Hunter, Lola
IV
The next day was my day off so I joined my friend Jen to attend the monthly sing-along of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Being the committed theatre geeks that we were, I was dressed as Janet in a tank top, petticoat and blonde wig and Jen came as Eddie, which wasn’t too far off her usual sexy dike attired consisting jeans, boots, a baggy tank top and leather vest.
As we waited patiently at the back of the long line, my phone vibrated from my bra and it sent shivers down my spine. My general arousal had yet to dissipate.
It was a text from Astrid:
‘Queen of Worst Timing. Guess who’s already back for his free drinks?’
‘Already? Did he just get there?’
‘Yep, with no Red Head to be seen. Just a few guy friends and I totally get why you like him now. He’s kinda adorable. You should come.’
‘I can’t, I’m at Rocky Horror.’
‘Oh, screw that. You’ve seen it like a thousand times. Get. Over. Here.’
Jen peeked over my shoulder to read what we were typing. I couldn’t help but feel bad bailing. I just needed a way to tell her.
“Go, you moron,” she said, slapping me in the back of the head. Well, that made life a whole lot easier.
“What?”
“Go, I’m not alone. Yumi and the others up there anyway. I’ll go watch it with them. Who the hell is it though?” She nudged me and I felt nervous.
“It’s Rafe Williams, he came in the other day and I almost died.”
“No fucking way, like from that Landmark show and shit? He’s at your club? That dude seems so chill. Go. I’m fine, I love you.” She shook my shoulders then gave me a big hug. “Oh, wait, wait, wait.” She pushed me back behind a corner and started removing her vest and tank top.
“What are you doing?”
“You’re gonna go pull a dude in 50s undergarments?” I shook my head while she removed my wig and replaced her costume on me. Her tank top sat just long enough on me to pass as a dress and the vest gave it a bit more of an edge. “Shoes,” she said. I slipped off my kitten heels and swapped them with her motorcycle boots.
“Some costume, JJ,” I laughed to her, feeling guilty about what she was left wearing. But she had balls. I know she wouldn’t care.
“Fuck off. I look amaze. Now, go have fun.” God, I love my friends.
I found Astrid showing off her bartender flair by spinning bottles and glasses behind the bar with Mike and the other barmaid, Ree. Pulling up a stool, I surveyed the room trying to find Rafe while my fingers busied themselves by ripping a napkin into little pieces. I heard a glass pound down on the bar in front of me.
“Liquid courage, babe,” said Astrid and I swigged it back quickly. The whiskey burned my throat and I gagged a little bit. “Nice outfit. You’ve gone full Hollywood on us, hey Kentucky?”
“Fuck off,” I told her, gesturing me to fill another small shot for me that I necked back too. My face warmed almost instantly, not from the alcohol, but rather from the site of Rafe coming out of the bathroom hallway.
“One sec,” Astrid said, noticing my attention was elsewhere.. She jogged over and from the other end of the bar and shouted, “Rafe!”
He looked to her and smiled with that smile so wide, gentle and warm that it could make a baby melt. My heartbeat pounded through my ears. Maybe he had a thing for Astrid and not me. She was cute, black and flirtatious in a way I only dreamed to be. While I had a brief window of opportunity before showtime, I reached over and poured one more quick shot.
“Hey! That’s outta your paycheck,” Mike shouted at my middle finger that I had flipped up in self-defense.
“Rafe, Ellie. Ellie…Rafe.” There he stood, smiling above me and leaving me choking on my own saliva. He shook my hand without breaking his direct, although unsettling, eye contact. It seemed so strange to see him right in front of me in the flesh. He looked even better in person.
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” his deep voice told me.
“You too,” I replied as calmly as possible, trying to ignore all of the things he’s done to me in my mind.
He sat up on a stool next to me and rested his elbow on the bar. I could see his muscles tightening against his white business shirt and his strong forearms protruded out from the rolled up sleeves. Was I the only girl who had a thing for strong forearms? He dressed so well it made me sick.
“What do you want?” Astrid asked him. He turned his head to me.
“What are you having?”
“Whiskey…and maybe some dry this time,” I said shaking my glass of ice at Astrid. She made us both two drinks and continued serving the other customers.
“You work here then?” Rafe said.
“Mm-hmm.”
“That’s cool. It’s a pretty cool scene, got lots of great reviews so far.”
“Yeah, can’t complain, I guess. We’re all friends and Mike’s a pretty alright boss. He started the place.”
“Nice, nice.” His bright eyes look at me and squint from a smile on his face. I swoon so badly that I almost fall from my stool. “So, you from around here originally?”
“No, Kentucky. But, did the cliche thing and came here to pursue acting like an idiot.”
“Well, hello. Fellow token idiot right here.”
“Oh, sorry. I totally didn’t mean it like that. You’ve actually got a career though. Whereas me, I’ve been in a infomercial for a mop and had the role of ‘Fat Girl in Car’ in a made-for-TV movie.” He laughed at me.
“That’s something. Regardless, w’re both idiots for the risk we’re taking. I’ve worked my ass off auditioning for years and all I’ve got to show for it is an, albeit adorable, set of fangirls and a few residual paychecks each month. Not exactly living the dream but, we do it anyway right?” He raised his glass and I clinked mine on his.
“Well, you’re talented and that’s why I’m one of those fangirls. I’m obsessed with Landmark, I can’t believe it was cancelled.”
“Oh, thank you. Well, we love the art, right? So it’s worth it to put up with the bullshit if it means living your passion…” His gaze locked on mine again. “Excuse me if this is super forward but you’re eyes are gorgeous.” I answered with an undeniable blush and awkward giggle.
“Thanks. Well, if it’s any consolation your smile makes me melt.” Holy shit, I said that out loud. I cupped my hand over my mouth quickly and tried to look anywhere but him. “How awkward. Fuck. Sorry.”
“No, don’t be embarrassed. Thank you. I’m glad it has that effect on you.” He placed a hand on my back, still smiling at me which just made it worse. Then his hand started caressing me slightly. “Hey, you wanna come sit with us?”
“Y—Yeah, sure.”
I followed him to his table in the audience, inwardly scolding myself for saying what I said. Your smile makes me melt? Idiot.
“Guys, this is Ellie. Ellie, guys.” They all said hi to me, somewhat indifferently, as I scrubbed my palms with more hand sanitizer behind my back. He dragged a chair out for me and pushed it in when I sat down— A true gentleman.
We sat there watching the next few acts come up and do their set but I wasn’t paying attention to them. I was too busy trying to stare out of my peripherals to watch Rafe. Every time that he glanced at me, or over my way at least, my throat would drop to my toes. Astrid sporadically approached to bring us new drinks and I’d have to tell her to pinch me each time to prove to me this was real.
Suddenly, there was a hand on my bare thigh. Rafe’s touch had me skittish and I peered up at him.
“You nervous about something? Your leg hasn’t stopped bouncing this whole time,” he said, leaning into my ear.
Oh, shit.
“A bad habit I’ve got. Sorry.”
“Quit apologizing, everything’s cool.” He withdrew his hand though I yearned for him to keep it there. “You wanna go outside for a bit and get some air?”
He stood up and offered me his hand that I accepted a little too eagerly.
He led me through the tables and past the bar where Astrid flapped her tongue between her index and middle fingers at me. I flipped her the bird and walked outside with him. Again, I was thinking it was a practical joke. Surely Astrid had told him to put on an act for me tonight so I wasn’t completely buying his charm just yet.
“Well, well, well.” Hunter was suddenly in front of me, hugging me and I smelt copious amounts of hard liquor on his breath. “Who’s your friend?” Rafe released my hand from his and stood a few steps back. Hunter ogled Rafe who reached out a hand to shake.
“Victor,” Rafe said. I stood there confused.
“Victor. Well, Victor, you think I can steal your friend here?” He placed his arm on my shoulders possessively and I noticed Rafe’s jaw clenching.
“Um, yeah actually. We just came out for some air then we’re heading back in.”
“Oh, you all good with that?” Hunter looked down at me. “Because I’m pretty sure the other night you were pretty into me right? So, my suggestion is that we carry on from where we left off.”
He nuzzled my hair, inhaled and forced his palm sideways between my legs. “You smell delicious,” he told me but I quickly barged him off.
“What the fuck, Hunter?” I said. Rafe had supported my shoulders between his hands and was directing me backward. “You’re fucking drunk. Go home before you embarrass yourself.”
“Embarrass myself? Embarrass myself.” He laughed and it disgusted me the way he was acting. “That’s funny. I’m pretty sure I’m absolutely not making a scene. I’m speaking very normally, very calmly. All I’m asking for is one more night with you.”
Winston, our security guard, noticed the rising conflict and stomped over immediately.
“Time to move on, buddy,” he said to Hunter who was staring me directly in the eye, thug he was barely sober enough to hold a straight line. So, why did a part of me want to leave with him? Was I that insecure?
“Yo, Gunner.” Winston whistled to get Gunner’s attention. He turned around from his group and sulked his way over.
“Always the bridesmaid, never the bride,” Gunner said, looking at Rafe’s arms on me. He tugged Hunter’s wrist and wandered off with him in tow.
“I’m so sorry,” I said to Rafe.
“It’s all good. Alcohol does funny things to people.”
“Hey, why’d you say your name was Victor though?”
“Um, long story. I’ll tell it to you sometime.” He stared into my eyes. “Hey, you wanna go someplace else?”
A few hours later, we were stumbling through Rafe’s front door, laughing hysterically. His friends were behind us along with a few girls they’d manage to snag for the evening who were the usual LA girl: Skinny, giggly, and cute but luckily I was too drunk to feel insecure beside them. Rafe flicked on the lights and walked into the kitchen.
“You having fun, babe?” He glanced up to see me nodding and I noticed him become lost in my eyes again. I loved having something that could drive him as mad as his smile did me. “I’m having loads of fun with you.”
“What is this?” I said, moving closer to him.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you can have your pick of any girl so…Why choose me?”
“Because you’re beautiful and funny and endearing and I want to spend time with you.” His response was stoic, almost as though he were offended I even question his decision.
“Yeah but those other girls, they’re what you should be bringing home.”
Instead of carrying on pandering to my insecurities, Rafe asked me one simply question: “Can I kiss you?” Before I could gather a response he held my face in his hands, bit his lip then pressed his mouth against mine, taking a sharp inhale through his nose.
I savored each fleeting second of that special kiss. His hands massaged their way down my body and we pressed into each other and I didn’t want to pull away. I knew passion was building in him as it was with me but I wanted to wait with him. I stopped the kiss and bowed my head to the open neck of his shirt as his perfect amount of chest hair lightly grazed my face. He hugged me tightly into him and I watched his deep outward breath.
“You’re beautiful, Ellie. Don’t believe anything otherwise.”
Following a small kiss on the head, he took my hand gently and led my melting self out to the rowdy group in the living room who were busy either playing boardgames or making out. Rafe sat down on the sofa and patted at the spot beside him. His arm was on my lower back and he drew my body closer to his, rubbing softly on my hip.
It’s real, Ellie, it’s okay, I had to repeat to myself.
The longer we sat, the further his head lowered closer to me. I heard him inhale.
“What the fuck is that perfume you’re wearing, it’s smells amazing.” I sniffed at my hair then caught the smell on the vest.
“Oh, it’s my friends vest. I don’t know what it is.”
“Fuck, it’s…Wow.” He inhaled again, a little closer this time, leaving a small kiss on my neck and I reeled. His hand then moved some of my hair over my shoulder so he could get better access. “You want a beer or wine or something?” he whispered. He stood up, much to my dismay leaving my hands shaking.
“Um, could I please get a water?”
I felt the vibration of a text come through on my phone:
‘I’m sorry for being a dick. Please come over tonight.’
It was from Hunter though I couldn’t recall ever giving him my number. He’s either creepy enough to go hunting for it or I was too drunk the other night.
“Everything okay?” Rafe asked handing me the water bottle.
“Yeah, yeah. Everything’s…Perfect.”
I woke up the next morning drooling on Rafe’s chest with both of us, unfortunately, fully clothed. The others had left hours ago and the TV was quietly playing a morning talk show. I creeped on Rafe for a while who lay fast asleep, snoring gently and mouth slightly agape. He looked so peaceful there and I took a mental snapshot of this moment because it may be the last I ever see of him. We may not have fucked, but damn the boy left my heart in such scrumptious pieces and made me feel so good. I stood up slowly, trying to come to terms with where I was. It seemed I had awoken into someone else’s reality and I didn’t deserve to stay there.
I tiptoed my way through the mess of empty beer bottles and snack packets and out the door to call Astrid and explain everything that happened.
Wandering down his driveway, it was hard to wipe the satisfied smile off my face. Not even my throbbing hangover could bring me down today. The sun burned down and I’m sure I appeared to be doing a classic walk of shame. But I wasn’t. I wielded the power of my excellent self-control even in front of someone who had me lose it at the mere sight of his smile.
I removed my phone from my pocket and called Astrid.
“Hey girl. How was last night?”
“I—I’m just leaving his place now. But we didn’t do anything.”
“What? Why not?” she said excitedly.
“It didn’t feel right. He’s like…A real gentleman, it’s weird.”
“Fuck that. Get it, girl.”
“Another time. If it’s meant to be, he’ll find me again.”
“You get his number?”
“Fuck. No. But I know where he lives.”
“What are you gonna do? Send him a letter? Go get his number.”
“He’s asleep, I don’t want to wake him.”
“Oh, that’s cute but don’t be an idiot. Go back.”
Taking a deep breath, I swiveled on my heel to make my way back to the door only to hear it squeak open before I was even halfway back up the driveway. The Universe didn’t even allow me the time to build up the courage to knock on his door again.
“You forget something?” he asked, standing there stretching in the doorway. I swallowed down a nervous lump in my throat, loving how adorable he looked all puffy and sleepy like that.
My phone vibrated. Hunter again:
‘Sorry for last night. I drank too much. Let me make it up to.’
“Ellie?” Rafe said.
“Sorry. Uh…Yes.” I swallowed down hard, ready to simply tell him goodbye and this was all a mistake and he was drunk last night and brought home the wrong girl but I did it anyway. “Your phone number,” I blurted out. “I—I want your phone number.”
Oh my God, stop smiling at me.
“What are you up to tonight?” he said, walking over and taking my phone from my still quivering hands that hadn’t been still since last night.
“I got work at the bar again.” He started typing.
“When’s your next night off?”
“Um, Thursday.”
“OK. I’ll text you and take you out somewhere nice. I had loads of fun last night.” He leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek.
V
Five days had passed and I hadn’t heard a peep from Rafe about anything let alone our planned date. It hurt me to not even receive a ‘Hey, how are you?’ Ever since I met him, he’s most all I think about even going as far as to make up fake conversations with him in my head. The dream guy I used to fantasize about turned out to be just as soft, intelligent and kind in person. I really hoped he was who I thought which meant not the type to blow people off without warning.
“You can’t ignore me if I know where you work.” I was thrown out of my pity party and scoffed at the last voice to soothe me in this time of need.
“What can I get you, Hunter?” I avoided eye contact with him, hoping it would keep my mind off what he could do to me.
“A date. One date then I’ll leave you alone forever if you don’t have fun. We can do it after your shift later so you can get it over with. I won’t get you drunk…and I won’t drink.”
“Or smoke.”
“Okay, or smoke.” He licked his lips causing my dirty mind to connect the action to our moment in the car and my hormone levels raced. “Ellie. Please.” Maybe it could be the closure I, or my vagina, needed but I hated the thought of being with him if Rafe was still interested. “Coffee, babe. It’s just coffee.”
