His cheeks flushing with anger and his glare darted out the window. So odd, this behavior.
Now he was up and pacing. My eyes caught on how his pajama pants and t-shirt were slightly loose on his body, which was thinner than before his illness. I made a mental note to say something to Chef about it. Now that he was eating again, he’d need to up his caloric intake.
“What’s this all about? What’s going on? Come on. If you can’t talk to me about it, who the hell else are you going to talk about it with?”
“I haven’t lost my mind.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I wanted you to have a day that’s all your own, where your every wish is granted and you feel special—like a princess.”
I bit my lip. Having never entertained a girly princess fetish, nor worshipped the Disney princesses, I’d been a different type of girl. My aspirations had tended toward Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman instead or, if a princess at all, Princess Leia, rebel leader. Maybe Xena, Warrior Princess. But his words were so damn sweet that I caught my breath.
I swallowed the big lump in my throat. Getting up, I came around the bed and held my hands up to cradle his face. “That’s so sweet—” He jerked his head up and away, turning his back on me. I studied his hunched shoulders, his stiff posture.
“Adam, you’re going Napster on this wedding.” I referred to the infamous Silicon Valley billionaire who had been publically ridiculed for spending approximately twenty million dollars on his over-the-top “old forest” Tolkien-esque wedding among the redwoods in Northern California.
Adam scowled. “Give me a break.”
“You’re launching particles into the atmosphere, you’re…having God knows what else done. I have been reading the emails, despite what you think. Chefs and bakers flown in on private planes. You don’t even fly on a private plane when you can avoid it. Have you calculated the carbon footprint alone from all this?” I threw my hands open wide, a pleading gesture, shaking my head. “This isn’t you. This isn’t us. Shouldn’t the wedding be about who we are as people? As a couple? As the new family we are about to form?”
He continued to stare out the window, hands on his hips. At times like these, I knew that provoking him was akin to poking as sharp stick at a grouchy bear. It was usually best to leave him alone and let him contemplate. Adam was, after all, a ruminator. And he was getting pissed off about my constructive criticism. Okay, maybe it wasn’t as constructive as it could have been.
But damn it, I couldn’t let this stand. It was my wedding, too.
“You and I and this new entity of us is more important than a party. And I get that you are bored out of your skull right now without work—”
“Bored?” he snapped, jerking his head around toward me. “You think I’m doing this because I’m bored?”
I bit my lip. Yeah, the bear wasn’t liking that sharp stick much. “Well, you work so damn much all the time, I’d guess you have no idea what to do with your time now that you can’t. So you’re channeling all your energy into this.”
He turned to me, shoulders tightening. Now he looked downright pissed. “Don’t do that.”
“What? Blame your compulsive work habit? Why not? I’ve only been refraining from saying anything because I figured your body did it for me this time.” I gestured to him in his pajamas, as if to signal his illness, the onset of his mono and the part his tendency to overwork and undersleep played in that.
“Okay, now you’re pissing me off.”
“If the truth pisses you off, then so be it. I’m not going to skirt around the issue. This time, your body shut it down. But what happens when you start feeling better? You’re going to return to your frenetic pace again. We both work hard, and up until recently, we were able to make it work. But it was getting fucking ridiculous toward the end.” I paused only to suck in enough air to continue the tirade. “You weren’t even sleeping in bed with me. I mean, I’m willing to take second fiddle to work sometimes, but—”
Before I could finish, he turned away from me and stalked out of the room, fists closed at his sides.
I trotted after him. “Adam, where are you going? I was talking—”
“Leaving before I say something I’m going to regret.”
“Like what?”
He ground between clenched teeth, “If I say it, then I’ll regret it, which was why I was leaving the room.”
“Stop right there.” And he did—so abruptly that I almost collided into his solid back. He stood still as a statue without turning to face me.
I talked to his wide shoulder blades, his stiff spine. “I’m trying really hard not to be a nag but…damn. Shit gets old when my soon-to-be husband is consistently choosing work over me. I’d like to come first—even if only sometimes.”
His head dropped forward, and he palmed his forehead. “You have no fucking idea how I’ve chosen. What I’ve had to fend off for us. If you did, you wouldn’t say that.”
I drew away. “Sorry, but I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that.”
His open hand darted out and smacked the wall. It wasn’t a violent outburst, but it was loud, and I jumped. He turned to me, and that vein in his forehead was protruding in such a way as to create a whole new mountain range across his features. Yeah, he was pissed. I’d poked too hard.
I blinked, and he froze when he noted my startled reaction. We stood like that for one minute, two, staring at each other in wonderment and shock at what had just happened. We hadn’t argued like this in a long, long time.
Suddenly, I shook my head, as if waking myself up from a bad dream. “What is this? Why are we fighting like this? What is this really about?”
Seemingly exhausted, he hung his head, shoulders slumped. That same hand with which he’d hit the wall now braced him against it.
Taking a deep breath and releasing it, he looked up with guarded eyes. Like he had shields up, phasers set to kill.
I swallowed hard and steeled myself for his answer.
Chapter 13
Adam
I had no idea how to answer her. Not in any way that wasn’t going to dig me in deeper than I already was.
“This conversation is over,” I muttered, turning on my heel into my office and hoping she wouldn’t follow. Of course, I knew better, but I’d expended every ounce of energy I had for the day—and it wasn’t even nine a.m. yet. Sinking into my chair with a long sigh, I glanced at her through the doorway.
I’d left a stunned fiancée standing out in the hall, staring at me in wonder. After a long moment, I finally spoke, “You can leave and we can cool this down and talk later. Or we can talk now, but I’m warning you that I’m still pretty pissed off.” I wasn’t about to admit that I had to sit down or I would have fallen over, but likely, my exhaustion showed anyway.
She slowly entered, giving me a once-over with an aspiring doctor’s eye.
“I agree that we probably shouldn’t continue that argument. But I have to know, and it really can’t wait. What did you mean by that?”
My eyes avoided hers, and I rubbed my forehead, trying to think my way around the subject. This was the last thing I wanted to discuss with her—especially now. Especially after all the vulnerability and insecurity she’d revealed to me last night.
And her words. I’m not ready for your world.
She had no idea what “my world” was demanding of me—and of her. What I’d been trying to protect her from. And the mere thought of holding that back any longer was making me want to fold up in my chair.
“What did I mean by what?” I asked stalling.
She sank into the seat on the other side of the desk, opposite me, a frown creasing her forehead. Even when I was irritated with her and she was obviously annoyed with me, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on.
My throat tightened so that I could barely swallow the emotion that rose up. And suddenly, a flash of memory—that moment last night when she’d told me she couldn’t do this. That cold fear chilled my veins. I dreaded that
she’d say it again, or worse—act on it. My chest tightened as I remembered those warm tears I’d wiped from her big brown eyes when she’d cried into my t-shirt.
Her voice was quiet when she spoke. “You said that I had no idea about your choices and something about having to fend things off for us. What does that mean? There’s obviously something going on that you aren’t telling me.”
I rubbed my forehead, staring out the window. The bright sunshine glinted off the water of the back bay, and even in the chilly late fall weather, boats bustled toward the harbor and the ocean.
“Adam…please tell me.”
Unsure how long I’d sat staring out that window while she waited for my answer, I was yanked back into the present by her plea. She was leaning forward, both palms pressed flat to the desk, eyes wide with concern.
I took in a deep breath and then let it go. Tell her? Or blow it off and risk another confrontation? Let her have her way with the wedding and keep the prenup issue hush-hush?
A new headache threatened, blossoming behind my eyes, my temples. I didn’t want to think about it. With my eyes closed, I muttered, “It’s not a big deal. A small conflict I ran into with the board of directors. It will resolve itself.”
Her brows came down in a frown, her eyes still glued to me and a very plain I smell bullshit expression all over her face. “A…conflict? With the whole board or only with Jordan?”
I stiffened at the mention of the name, and her eyes flashed as if she’d hit on something she’d been searching for. “It is something to do with Jordan, isn’t it? I’ve been trying to find out what. I should have asked you weeks ago.”
I blinked.
“Or maybe I should ask him?”
My jaw clenched so tight that it ached. I spoke to her through clenched teeth. “Don’t you dare talk to that bastard.”
Her jaw dropped. “Uh. What?” Was she shocked that I’d forbidden her from speaking to my former best friend? Or was she shocked at the general animosity in my voice? My fist clenched at my side as I realized that in my weakness I’d let loose more than I’d planned.
“What the hell is going on? He’s your best friend.”
“Nope. Best friends are supposed to have your back.”
“And he doesn’t?” She let out a breath and slumped in her chair, staring at me like I was an alien species brought to Area 51 for examination. “Enough of this. Tell me what the hell is going on, or I’ll pick up the phone and call him and air our dirty laundry. You should know better than to keep important secrets from me.”
I laid my head against my chair, eyes darting up at the ceiling. She was right. It was way past the time for keeping any more secrets.
“Jordan wouldn’t stand behind me versus the BOD when they were pressuring me to do something I didn’t want to do. So yeah, I’m pissed at him.”
Silence from her end then the drumming of fingernails against the desktop. I tilted my head at an angle to get a glimpse of her, hoping the answer would satisfy her, while knowing it probably wouldn’t. She was watching me like a hawk.
“And what was the issue? Does the board want you to sell more shares in the company or something?”
“No.”
She hesitated longer. More drumming. I knew the determined expression on her face. She was on the scent of something and wasn’t about to give up. Exhaustion gripped me, and all I could think of was how much I wanted to go to bed and lie down and sleep for a week rather than discuss all this with her. My body might force me to give in before I could think about any other options. Shit.
“You might as well tell me what it is. I’m not going to let you go to bed till you do.”
My eyes closed. “Cruel woman.”
She bit her lip. “Adam…”
“All right, all right. The BOD is pressuring me to sign a prenuptial agreement.”
“Okay, and…?”
My eyes popped open again, and my gaze found hers. She was staring at me with that expectant look on her face, resting on her elbows against the desk, her fingers laced in front of her. Her reaction was completely bewildering—as if I’d told her I needed to zip down to the grocery store to get a carton of milk.
“And…that’s it. Jordan sided with the board instead of helping me fight it. And they were getting ugly about it.”
“Like—how ugly?”
“Like threatening to remove me as CEO…”
She blinked. “But—why wouldn’t you want a prenup?”
I rubbed the tense muscles in my neck. This was a puzzling reaction that I hadn’t anticipated.
She waited while I wondered and tried to think my way through the brain fog. My body may have been wanting to shut down and go to sleep, but my brain was now skipping along as fast as it possibly could. Which right now, admittedly, was suboptimal brain speed.
“Because I don’t want to be forced to sign something about my personal life. And I don’t want to force you to sign to prove to the world that you aren’t a gold digger.”
Her brow scrunched. “You mean…to prove to you that I’m not a gold digger, right?”
I shifted in my seat. “I don’t think—”
She held up her hand. “Calm down. I know you don’t think that. But you assumed I’d think this was an excuse in order to get me to sign. Hence all the cloak and dagger, the hiding it from me.”
“Emilia—”
“I’m hard-pressed to understand your need to jeopardize your career because you don’t want to hurt my feelings.”
I blinked, now completely confused. “Shouldn’t I be worried about your feelings?”
Half of her mouth quirked up in an ironic smile. “Yes, of course, but this is business. I understand that. I’m a big girl.”
I gave my head a weak shake. “I know you are.”
“And do you know that you have a ferocious instinct to overprotect?” She raised her eyebrows, as if daring me to disagree. Which, in truth, I couldn’t. “And while it can be endearing—and so much of what I love about you—sometimes it goes too far. You go too far.”
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the desk, and opened my mouth to protest.
She stopped me with a curt chopping motion. “The BOD wants to protect the company in case something happens. You should be happy about that. They see the prenup as a way to protect your assets, and it’s true that you would profit from it.”
“I don’t want to benefit from something if it comes at your expense.”
The corner of her mouth twitched, as if she wanted to smile, but couldn’t. Then she nodded slowly. “I could profit from it as well, don’t you see?”
I licked my bottom lip, considering, waiting for her to continue before I’d concede or reject her point.
“A prenup can protect me, too. In lots of ways.” She began counting on her fingers. “First, it eliminates any doubts you might have about my intentions.”
“I have none.”
She shrugged. “But if you—or anyone else—did, they’d be eliminated. Second, suppose there were ever a problem with us…like my Botox backfiring and you wanting trade me in for wife 2.0 or something.” I rolled my eyes, and she laughed. “But seriously, when a marriage breaks up, it’s usually very ugly. There are hurt feelings, threats, and broken promises. And there can be a lot of hate. A prenup saves us making any spur-of-the-moment decisions motivated by anger or revenge or whatever. It’s a contract that a bride and groom hammered out when they were calm, rational, excited about the future and in love.”
I frowned. “In a perfect world, it works like that, but ours isn’t a perfect world.”
“We can be fair to ourselves now. Talk it through and make the agreements we both can live with. It will likely never need to be applied. But…it’s kind of like insurance.”
Jordan’s argument, brought up to me again. By the person I loved most in the world. I blinked.
“You’re holding three fingers up in front of you—was there a third point?”
She sm
iled. “Yup. A prenup would remind both of us why we are really together.”
I mirrored her smile. “Oh? And why is that?”
“Love, baby.”
I swallowed, suddenly aching to pull her into my arms.
“You okay?”
I nodded, still staring. “I’m a bit in awe.”
“Of what?”
“Of you. You are…” I couldn’t even get it out. The word sank in my throat as I choked up. My throat clogged with sudden emotion.
She seemed to pick up on it immediately, getting up from her chair and moving to sit on the desk, facing me. She leaned forward so that her long hair brushed against my chest. “I am…what?”
I reached out, pulling her against me, into my lap. “You’re amazing, incredible…” My voice died out, and I fought to suck in more air. “You literally take my breath away.”
Her mouth curved into a grin, and she bumped my shoulder with hers. “All those compliments without sex? Wow, I really must be all that.”
I nibbled at her collarbone. She sighed, the warm air splaying across my cheeks. “You are all that. I shouldn’t have coddled you. Stupid me, for forgetting how strong you are and not trusting you more.”
She chuckled. “You’ll learn, young padawan. I have faith in you.” She slipped her head onto my shoulder. “So are we going to do this, then? This prenup?”
I hesitated, feeling that wall inside me come up again. The resistance came so naturally, without conscious thought. That same resentment burned. “I have a big problem with the board of directors telling me what I can do with my life—and forcing me to sign a paper that has nothing to do with them.”
She reached up and traced my earlobe with her finger. In spite of my preoccupation, the touch sizzled down every nerve ending in my body, right down to my gut, where that fire for her always smoldered.
“With regards to your share in the company, it does have to do with them. They want to protect the company. And they are watching out for everyone who relies on you. All your employees, the stock holders. If anyone ever sabotaged the company, it would be all of their livelihoods, too. A lot of people depend on that genius brain of yours to keep them employed.”
Worth Any Cost: (Adam & Mia #4) (Gaming The System Book 6) Page 15
