by Cari Hislop
“You shouldn’t be so trusting child. If your mother hears you’ve been keeping a rake-hell company you’ll be eating bread and water until you wed.”
Her eyes finally pulled away from the red stone and up into the shadows hiding his face. “Have you really raked through hell?”
“Yes.”
“Does hell stink as bad as they say?”
“Worse!” Did the child lack common sense? She should have run away, but her two small hands were still cradling his as if it were some sort of valuable object. The soft trusting touch was filling him with warmth, as if sunlight was pouring into his hand and flowing up his arm into his heart. For the first time in years he felt human.
“You don’t seem very dangerous to me, not like Squire Woodston. He makes my skin crawl. Mother thinks he’s wonderful because he has a pretty face and an aunt who’s some titled lady. I can’t imagine you kicking a dog. You don’t kick your dogs do you?”
“I’ve never had a dog.”
“Really? Neither have I. When I have my own house I shall have a cat.”
“I thought you wanted babies.”
“I can have babies and a cat. Are you married?”
“No. I’m unfit company for young ladies; if you were older I’d try to kiss you.”
“Would you?” She sounded more flattered than frightened. “I know I’m plain, but I do have good teeth.” She opened her mouth wide to reveal gleaming pearls of white. “Would you really kiss me if I were older?”
“I would; one day you’ll be a lovely woman.”
“In case you’re blind; you’re making me blush.” Geoffrey’s amused laughter died as the child smiled and stared in shock at the transformation. He impulsively pulled her hands to his lips and lightly kissed one. He let go as she jerked her hands away and stuck them behind her. She remained beside his chair as he bent over and untied one of his garters. “It isn’t green, but you’ll get your dinner.”
The small hands reverently took the offered ribbon. “What a lovely pale blue. Are you sure…?”
“Yes! Now leave!” The words were harsh and full of anger. Her eyes went wide as if he’d shot her through the heart. “I’m not paying a fortune for privacy so I can be plagued by children.”
The girl remained next to his chair looking hurt and strangely disappointed. “Will I see you in the morning?”
“No! Take the ribbon and go.”
“But what if we were to meet someday; would you kiss me?”
The question conjured up tempting thoughts. Her parents would probably sell the child’s guardianship for the right price. Having a dependent would give him someone to spend his money on; someone to think about other than himself. He could send the girl to his mother until the child was old enough to be his wife. She’d be safe and she’d never go hungry again. She’d have everything her heart desired, but she’d feel obligated to marry him even if she didn’t want to. The ugly part of him whispered it didn’t matter; she’d be content with her lot. He had to make her go away before he gave into temptation. “Leave!” His throat burned as he roared out the word and the angel fled.
His thoughts returned to the garden as the angel flung her arms around his neck and gazed up at him with an adoring smile that made the blood pound through his veins. He pulled her close and gulped down a lungful of air, “Sunshine of my heart…”
Chapter 20
“I thought I’d lost you forever.” Geoffrey felt blue skies and fluffy clouds fill up his insides as she rubbed her cheek over his chest. “I’ve missed you. Well? Haven’t you missed me a little?” Pulling her close he claimed her smiling lips and was overwhelmed by a wave of pleasure. His blood flowing in torrents through his veins made him ache with longing; the woman he loved was in his arms and she wanted him. He was in heaven. Encouraged by her long kiss he allowed his hands to admire tempting curves. When the kiss ended he removed his lips to her neck. Feeling her shiver increased the pressure. With his blood thundering in his ears, his hands expertly searched for warm flesh hidden under smooth linen.
“What are you doing? Geoffrey let go of my skirt. I wanted a kiss not a tumble. Geoffrey, stop!” Her words were mere noises he assumed to be encouragment. He pulled her closer and moaned his mutual longing in her ear. “Stop sucking on my earlobe…no, don’t kiss me there…”
Geoffrey was trying to decide how to lower her onto the grass without removing his lips from her skin when pain erupted in his left foot making him roar in pain. One moment he was in heaven, the next he was shoved away with his blood at a boil. Standing alone he stared in shock as she took several steps back and eyed him with suspicion. “Why did you stomp on my foot? Am I going to spend eternity being taunted with kisses and then left to rot without hope of relief? This is my hell isn’t it?”
“I wanted you to kiss me…” Geoffrey watched her chest heave in and out with growing disappointment as he struggled to resist dragging her back into his arms. “…not ravish me. You’re not the old Geoffrey are you?”
Thunder and lightning suddenly wrecked havoc inside Geoffrey’s skull as mental blue skies were enveloped in rain clouds. He scowled in anger at her disappointed tone. “What do you mean the old Geoffrey?”
“You’re the one who can’t remember…”
“Pardon me Madam for having my head bashed in. Next time I’ll prearrange with the ruffians to break my legs.”
“I miss my friend!”
“I’m right here…with a sore foot and other aching parts.” He cautiously limped towards her and reached out to caress her arm. “I need to hold you. I won’t hurt you.”
She pulled her arm away and took another step backwards. “You’re treating me as if I were nothing more than a handy skirt. I’m your friend, not your whore.”
Geoffrey glared down at her upturned face as he felt his chest constrict from the blow of her words. “That’s unfair! You flung yourself into my arms. What did you expect from a man who craves all of you?”
“I thought you’d kiss me and hold me in your arms like a gentleman…like before.” Geoffrey stood frozen with horror as his angel sobbed into her hands. He’d made his angel cry again. Fighting the impulse to turn and limp as far away as he could into the distance, he faced further rejection by lightly caressing her hair.
“How many times do I have to tell you I’m the same man? I give you my word as a gentleman I won’t do anything, but hold you. You love me…you love being in my arms.”
“I won’t be used as any man’s jade. Not even in my dreams.”
“If I thought you a jade I’d never have asked you to marry me.”
“You can’t treat me like a cheap slut and not expect me to think you’d treat your wife the same.”
“I beg your pardon for misunderstanding your intentions, but you can’t blame me for caressing you when you threw yourself into my arms. You make me feel things I’ve never felt. I love you!”
“Wanting to bed a woman doesn’t mean you love her. It means you find her desirable. It’s a good thing I’m leaving London. It’ll give you time to see that wanting me in your bed will fade as soon as you meet a more desirable object.”
Her voice cracked on the last two words as Geoffrey’s misery and anger slowly deflated into utter dejection. “You’re leaving? When? For how long?”
“Tomorrow morning…for my country estate. I hope to return next spring.”
“But you can’t go…I couldn’t bear it. It’s hard enough being separated from you by a mile. Don’t leave. I’ll stay away. I’ll do anything…”
His companion looked up at him with a pained expression. “My reputation is in tatters. I can’t walk through the park or shop without unpleasant comments. I don’t feel safe and you…”
Geoffrey reached out to touch her face; the desire to protect her was so blinding he forgot he was dead. “You could marry me and…”
“Geoffrey, we discussed this…”
“Let me finish!” It was an imperious command. “We could marry�
��” Geoffrey closed his eyes and grimaced. Open, his eyes were filled with resolve, “…and if after several months or a year or however long you choose. If you still don’t wish to share my bed or be my Duchess I could sue for an annulment on grounds of…impotence.” Saying the word made him shudder with horror. “I could at least repay you for saving my life.”
“You might not find another woman who’d marry you.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Geoffrey, I could never marry you with such a contingent…”
“Truly?”
“No, but I can’t marry you.”
“Is that your final answer? Is my angel determined to refuse me? Am I never to know your love?”
Geoffrey’s heart filled with hope as his angel reached up and touched his cheek. “Of course it isn’t.”
Catching hold of her fingers he pulled them to his lips. “Would you have accepted an offer of marriage if I was the other Geoffrey?”
She hesitated before looking him in the eyes. “Yes.”
Geoffrey tightened his hold on her hand as he was emotionally pulled between delight, sadness, anger and jealousy. He had to show her that she could trust him like before or she’d never change her mind. He raised her hand to his lips and closed his eyes as he pressed it to his cheek. He reluctantly let go of her hand and boldly reached out and tucked a stray lock of long white hair behind her left ear as silence filled the garden. It was several minutes before Geoffrey could think of something to say as she stared up at him with sad eyes. “Do you remember staying at an inn about twelve years ago and a gentleman giving you a pale blue ribbon?”
Sad eyes transformed into the smile that beamed sunlight into his heart. She was smiling at him not the other Geoffrey. “Of course I remember, you were my knight in pale blue velvet.”
“Is that what you called me?” He returned her smile feeling uncomfortably youthful. “You were my angel. When you smiled you knocked the wind from my lungs. You were the loveliest creature I’d ever seen. You still are.”
The smile inexplicably wavered as her eyes filled with tears. “And you’re still making me blush.”
Geoffrey’s silent laughter seemed to echo through the garden causing the birds to sing louder as the wind rustled the willow. “Forgive me for being a thoughtless tyrant.” Geoffrey slowly reached out and caressed her cheek. She didn’t pull away. “I was angry and hurt that you didn’t want me. I don’t know how you can think I’m kind…”
“Sometimes the smallest acts of kindness mean the most. That night you gave me a ribbon, you didn’t just ensure I was allowed dinner, you saved my life. Married to Charles, almost every day I wanted to walk out into the garden and sample every poisonous plant I could find, anything to avoid another hour with that hateful man, but I’d take out your ribbon and remember that there was kindness in the world and I’d choose to endure another day in the hope…”
“Then why won’t you marry me?”
“My head says you’re just another hardened rake hungry for love, but my heart…”
“Your angelic heart?”
“My foolish heart insists that you’re the same kind man I fell in love with at twelve.” Geoffrey held his breath as she pressed her cheek against his chest. He slowly inched his arms around her shoulders and sighed in relief as the storm cloud in his chest started to clear leaving blue skies. “I want to be your wife. I want to take care of you and make sure you eat three good meals a day. I want to have your children, but I’m terrified I might be wrong about you. I can’t marry another Charles Spencer. He was… The marriage bed was…” Geoffrey’s arms tightened as she sobbed into his shirt. “He demanded that I love him, but there was no goodness in him. There was nothing to love. He said since he’d paid twenty-thousand pounds to own me he’d get his monies worth, that I’d service his needs like twenty-thousand whores. He degraded me; forced me to pleasure him in front of the servants. If I refused he’d beat me until I begged him to let me do what he wanted. I didn’t know I could hate anyone until…him. I won’t suffer it again. I won’t! When you kissed me and threw that coin you made me feel I was back there…the property of a devil.”
“Charles Spencer is lucky he’s dead. If he wasn’t…I’d make him wish he were, the bastard. The things I’d make him do… I’m sorry I kissed you and threw that coin. I was jealous that you love the me I can’t remember. I’ve never been loved. I hate myself for what I did. My father was right, I am a worm.”
“You’re not a worm, you’ve had your head bashed in. You’ve forgotten how kind and good you can be and I haven’t been very patient.”
“I’m almost never kind Sunshine. Even Howard says I’m a rude thoughtless tyrant. I can’t take back what I did; I wish someone would hit me on the head so I could forget it. Why the devil can’t I forget the bad things and remember the good things? All I have is a box of letters and the knowledge that I’ve lost the woman I love.”
“You haven’t lost me. Show me you’re the Geoffrey I love.”
“How? Who is he? I don’t know where I’d start.”
“You already have.”
“How?”
“Let go of the anger and be yourself. Why did you give me a ribbon so I could eat my dinner?”
“Because I knew what it felt like to be hungry; to be starved by people who are supposed to love and cherish you. That night at the inn, I wanted to make you my ward and take you away. I wanted to put you somewhere safe until you were old enough to become my duchess. When I yelled at you to leave I thought I was protecting you from a fate worse than death. I should have rescued you when I had the chance. I should have known another devil would try to buy you. Curse me to hell! How could anyone hurt you? How could I hurt you? Forgive me…I beg you.”
“Oh Geoffrey…”
She was fading as if finished haunting the garden. Geoffrey tried to hold her, but she evaporated like morning dew in the heat of the mid-day sun. “Angel!” His arms were empty as he roared with fury at the sky. There was no answer, except the cheerful chirping of the birds. He was in hell after all.
Chapter 21
Geoffrey’s wet bleary eyes opened to find the early morning sunlight streaming in through open curtains onto his pillow. He groaned at the pain somewhere in his skull and the bitter taste of laudanum clinging to his tongue. Turning onto his back he stared at the white ceiling as it slowly penetrated his fuzzy brain that he wasn’t dead. “Howarrrrd!” His voice bounced off the walls and ricocheted off his pain filled skull. There was a long wait before the slow shuffling footsteps stopped beside his bed.
“You rang my Lord?”
“I’m alive!”
“Yes Your Grace. Shall I order a bath?”
“A bath?” The thought of being able to enjoy such a simple sensation seemed astounding. “Yes…I want a bath…a hot bath…and I’ll have sweet bread pudding for breakfast…and Howard tell Hawkings to double your pay and um…thank you.”
“Thank you Your Grace.” The old man closed the door behind him with raised eyebrows. There was hope yet for the Devil’s Corpse.
